Oh No He Didn't!!!!

United States
October 28, 2010 12:11am CST
I was at my boyfriend's house earlier and he has a habit of referring to me by nicknames of endearment and I love it. So when he called me 'beautiful' I told him how much I love that he says things like that in a conversation in place of my name. Well his son was in a snot of a mood (he usually is and I put up with it nicely)and he snapped "That's what he called his last girlfriend, and the one before that too!" I was pissed, but waited till my boyfriend and I got some time alone to tell him that I didn't appreciate his son saying that. It's not that I care that he has had other girlfriends before me. It's not that he called them the things he calls me. It's just that it's not nice that it be rubbed in my face by either him or his son. I don't tell him about the boyfriends I called 'stud muffin' or what have you. Our relationship is about us and the only boyfriends I mention at all are the ones I had a child by. And the only ex I need to really know a lot about is the mother of his child. The rest are just incidentals that don't pertain to us at all. Anyhow, if it was your child, or your significant others child that pulled this crap. How would you have handled the situation?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
28 Oct 10
First of all my children have been taught better. If they did anything malicious like that they would get a spanking and be grounded. Plus they would have to apologize to the person they offended. I have also been known to make them put in writing why they did such a thing and why they know it's not right to do such things and how they will react next time the situation arises again or anything like it. I do not tolerate a child or even an adult being hateful to another person. Respect is taught by all.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Oct 10
You should teach parenting classes.
• United States
28 Oct 10
oh Lord hun. I just do what I think is right and fair and I thought they have people with training do those classes.
• United States
29 Oct 10
Thank your for your insight. And trust me those people that teach parenting classes don't know what's up. I've been through parenting classes. And I about choked at the hilarity of it all. I think you are right on. There are only a few occasions I've EVER tolerated my oldest daughter to be disrespectful and it was only if I felt that her actions were preceded with with someone else being more disrespectful to her. I think we should all reserve the right to defend ourselves if need be. I wasn't raised with that little out and my younger siblings weren't taught any respect. I have spent years trapped by their childish games and disrespecting control. But even with an understood out. A simple 'I'm sorry' should always come out. Like I say... you don't have to mean it, but you do have to say it like you mean it.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
28 Oct 10
Hi Dismalgrin, His son sounds like rude little brat. If any of my kids were to treat any of my friends rudely then they would be hearing about it from me. I don't care what they think of the person, I just would not tolerate them being rude. I think this kids dad should have spoken up and put him in his place. How old is this kid?
• United States
29 Oct 10
His son is 11... and my boyfriend said he did talk to him. I was hoping for an apology though. I would have made my daughter do so. And she wouldn't even dare say something like that to someone who has only been kind to her.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
29 Oct 10
I'll tell you what, my daughter would have been doing some apologizing also but I don't think she would ever ever do talk to someone that I have in our home like that to begin with. I have dated men that she did not particularly care for and she will tell me how she feels in private but she has never once treated them with disrespect. 11 yrs old...dad should be all over this because it will only get worse if he doesn't straighten him out now.
@ockiec (7)
• South Africa
28 Oct 10
I was brought up with a strict code of honor and respect for your elders. Sadly that is something that is almost completely absent in today's general upbringing. If I were your boyfriend I would have sent my son to his room to wait for me while I cooled off (as I would have been very angry at him for being so mean to you). When I had cooled off I would have gone and spoken to him about what he did wrong and then he would have gotten a hiding to bring the lesson home...
• United States
29 Oct 10
I know he got talked to. But he didn't get any real talking to for it. He got grounded the time he decided to wipe his snotty nose on me. But, this seemed worse to me. The child has gotten away with a lot because his dad and grandmother feel sorry for him that his mom ran out on him when he was four. But, if he is acting like this at 11 I can already tell you what it's going to be like when he is a teenager.
• South Africa
29 Oct 10
Exactly!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
9 Nov 10
If it were my child that behaved in this kind of way, there would be absolutely no way that I would put up with it. I know that I use the same kinds of nicknames for different people in my life, but I don't think that it is necessarily something that either of my children need to go telling other people about. That said, if it was my child, I also would have ended up having them grounded for acting in a way that was out of line.
• United States
9 Nov 10
Yes, this child has been grounded a lot lately. He has taken to hitting me. And it's not like he is hitting me to hurt me... it's more like he is hitting me to get my attention, but then my boyfriend catches him doing it and grounds him. I asked my boyfriend why his son is doing this and he that he honestly thinks his son has a crush on me... I hope that my boyfriend sets him straight real soon on just who I'm dating, I don't think I can't take very much more of this.
@emarie (5453)
• United States
29 Oct 10
it really depends on the situation. how old is his son? i would always say to put yourself in the child's shoes. his father and mother aren't together and he keeps seeing all these girls coming and going. in my own opinion, if you're dating with a child, you shouldn't introduce your child to your partner unless it looks like it's serious. if i was in your position, i'd try to be very considerate of the child. i wouldn't be too intimate with my partner in front of the child or with the child around. if the child was younger, i'd ry to talk to them and ask them if his father calling me beautiful bothers him. and if it did, i'd ask my bf not to address me in that manner when around his child.
• United States
29 Oct 10
I do agree with what you say if his son were younger and if there really were a lot of girlfriends before me. And if he were being too intimate in front of his son. My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile now and we did wait for me to be involved in his son's life at all. We are very serious about each other. But, I do agree with your idea of putting myself in his son's shoes. It has helped me see that it's not about me that he got ticked at. It's not even about his dad loving me. He just doesn't have boundries and when he gets mad he takes it out on whoever he wants to take it out on. Me included.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
29 Oct 10
Being like that attitude of a child came from the upbringing of a parents this is according to what i have experienced and this is really true. It happened to my friends and here also family's siblings. First if that happened to me well i will give patients and i will tell this things to his father. Then next time i will not anything to happen again. Just a simple attitude manner.
• United States
29 Oct 10
I agree that his dad has let him get out of control. But also his grandma has. Everytime my boyfriend does step up and give him the punishment deserved the grandma trumps him and makes him take it back. He listens to her because he is so obsessed with older people are always right. But, he needs to learn that respect and doing everything they tell you to are two very different things.
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 10
That was a bit rude of him really. How old is he? I'm sure he must be old enough since he knew all this things about his father and even understood what that girlfriend is. I would have been very annoyed and pissed. But the best thing that I could and would do is show him no obvious feeling, that I do not actually care about those thing because what matters is the present. Good luck and have a nice day
• United States
29 Oct 10
Yes is was rude. He is 11. And he does know better, but he isn't taught better. He treats everyone in his family badly and he gets away with all of it unless he gets physical and then they ground him. He likes me... he likes his family... he just is a bad case of being on his way to being out of control
• United States
28 Oct 10
Oh no thats wasn't well manner at all that was rude of him did the boyfriend even say anything to the son i can't deal with kids like that in relationships i just wouldn't talk to the person any more if its not controlable.
• United States
29 Oct 10
He did talk to his son about it later. But, I'm with my boyfriend and not his son. And his son is getting older and it won't be long until he will be an adult. (If not in attitude. At least in age. Lol) But my boyfriend is a very respectful man to me. He just is too leniant with his son because he feels sorry for him.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
28 Oct 10
I would probably have something to your boyfriend's son that made him believe I didn't care what he called his other girlfriends. If the son knows this bothers you, he may continue. Some kids don't like their mom's or dad's having boyfriends or girlfriends. It just happens. How old is the son?
• United States
29 Oct 10
He is 11. Mike and I have been together for a year now. And honestly his son has always acted like he liked me... but that he just doesn't know how to respect adults in his like. He openly tells his Grandma to 'shut up' and he cusses out his dad a lot. He gets grounded a lot, but he just goes back to the same behavior when he is done being grounded. At the time I didn't say anything. I laughed a little (you know the laugh I'm talking about I'm sure.) He dad played it off that he likes nicknames and everyone has nicknames at first. But when we left the room I told Mike that it hurt my feelings and he said he would take care of it. Like I said, his son makes a lot of comments that make me think he really likes me. Like he will say that he wants me to be his mom or that we look like a family together. When he first met my daughter he started talking about sharing his video games with her and he does not share his video games easily. Then there are the times where he lashes out and says hurtful stuff to me... but he also does that to everyone around him. His Aunt and his older cousin have kind of backed away from taking him to spend the night anymore and it probably has a lot to do with that.
• Canada
28 Oct 10
I am more interested in how the father reacted to this. Easy to tell where the child is coming from. If the father is worth the trouble then I would suggest taking a sincere interest in the boys lfe. If it were me I might of quickly responded with something like," does it bother you that your dad as so many girl freinds". If indeed there are that many. The boy could of exagerated because he wanted to lash out for some reason. I would seek the why instead of taking it personal. It isn't always about us expecially when there is impressionable young people around that possibly are not having their needs met. You have a fantastic opportunity to make a difference here if you want to. Although I have to question if your boyfriend is worth it if his child is lashing out this way. Hard to know of course when we don't see or know everything. Something for you to think about!