EVERYONE.. how do you make things better after cheating on your partner?

Philippines
November 3, 2010 12:05pm CST
Well, I can believe one can cheat on someone and regret it and want to be with that one and make things better because there is love even though he/she cheated. I also believe a relationship can survive after a betrayal.... and it does take a lot for both sides... i'd like to hear your ideas what can the one that cheated do to make it up and make things better and to build trust back?
7 responses
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
3 Nov 10
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
• United States
3 Nov 10
I don't believe that. For plenty of cheaters it's true, but I don't buy that it's true for every person who's ever cheated, guaranteed, no exceptions, period. I think there are people who can do something terrible and truly regret it and not repeat the action. Aren't there people in this world who've committed murder, regretted their actions, repented, and haven't killed anyone else? I think if there can be people who haven't kept killing forever once they've killed once, there have to be one or two rare specimens of cheaters who actually don't keep cheating because they've done it before.
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
yeah, i agree with angelwriter. i think that one deserves a second chance
@Angelwriter (1956)
• United States
3 Nov 10
Well, I've never been in a serious relationship, so all this is hypothetical on my part. First, the person has to be sorry for the right reasons. That they hurt and betrayed their partner. Being sorry for being caught or getting in trouble doesn't count. Then, they have to understand that their partner has been hurt and has a right to feel upset. Don't try to minimize it or tell them to get over it. Apologize, ask if their partner can forgive them in time, and realize that it might take time. Don't push, don't try to force the forgiveness. Let them take the lead. If they haven't shut the door on the relationship, ask what they need to get through it. If it's time, let them have that. I would say not to go overboard doing special things, because it's just a big reminder of why. Instead, just treat them with the respect that wasn't there when they cheated on them. Also, realize that a person might have to accept no for an answer as to whether the relationship can survive. And, most important, don't cheat again. As for the person who's been cheated on, I have only one thing I think is a good practice. If they've decided to forgive and try to make the relationship work, don't keep bringing up the cheating any time there's an argument or disagreement. Yes, it's a terrible thing they did but using it as a weapon doesn't do any good. It just keeps the bitter feelings, and a person might as well call the relationship quits in that case. If the subject is relevant, there may very well be a reason to bring it up, and of course, I think talking about it might be helpful. Just don't pull it out when it's not pertinent to the discussion.
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
i've been cheated, but i also confess that i've also cheated him. we are still okay for now yet if we're having problem, he would always bring up the past issue that we had.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
5 Nov 10
Examine why the cheat occured in the first place. Some people are just cheaters. They dont stop they just get more cleaver at how to cover their tracks. At least thats my past experience with them. However there may be the rare few who are really sorry for wht they did. I don not know how they can gain that trust back.I can never trust again after they cheated me.
@doormouse (4619)
3 Nov 10
i don't think you ever really get over being cheated on unless you end the relationship,but if the relationship survives this then it will always be at the back of their mind,regardless what the other does to try to make them forgive and forget,forgiving is one thing,forgeting is totally different,every time they are late home from work etc,tht thought will always go through your mind,is he/she or isn't he/she,nothing will change that
• United States
3 Nov 10
Oh not quite sure what anyone can actually do in my case after being cheated on, see I have this motto once and you are out. Plain and simple. See if I am not worthy to be valued and honored then neither would they have the pleasure of my sincerity later. This is not a threat to any partner I may have it is simply the walks of life I have lived and well let's just say it would have been easier to forgive if I was simply told by the get go that things are not working out and or they want someone else. But to be cheated on, oh no that is unforgivable as well they will always given the opportunity do it again. Sorry just being honest here.
@srjac0902 (1170)
• Italy
3 Nov 10
cheating the partner is a horrible crime. Even after being reconciled there will be the scars and feeling a sense of inferiority. If both are in accord then associating the life in prayer and charitable works can repair the damage
@r0nnieb0i (121)
• India
3 Nov 10
Lets be honest. It doesn't get better at all. Well, not in all of the cases. It only works out if your parter is willing to just overlook it. If at all there is any love left. All that you can do is be yourself, and pour your heart out. :)