what do you do when you are jealous?

@markleob (1902)
Philippines
November 5, 2010 3:32am CST
i am a kind of jealous person. i dont know. whenever i saw the EX bfs of my gf i am so jealous and i dont want her to look at him. sometimes, i read her ex BFs texts and again, i am jealous. i dont want her to communicate with them. she keeps changing her number but i dont know why her ex bfs still know her cellular number. have you been jealous? what did you do?
5 people like this
31 responses
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
7 Nov 10
Gez your girlfriend Ex is like stoker, how he keep know your girl number after she change it. I think he making friend with one of your girlfriend friend or family so he got updated every time she change number. I thing you don't need to jealous because she is your girl know and its obvious she choose you over his EX. By jealous you just show your insecurities.
@nangisha (3496)
• Indonesia
8 Nov 10
I think if you love her you just need to be there when she need you most. Hear what she says, just become good listener and praise her for every thing she did. Like saying you look beautiful today or give her flower as surprise.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
yeah but i am not the kind of showy man. i dont know why.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
i just hope you are right... but i love her so much...
@Vixxen (19)
• Netherlands
5 Nov 10
My goodness, don't we have a room of amatuers!! I personally think jealousy is stupidity. Jealousy derives from lack of communication btwn couples and not fully trusting ur partner and nothing infuriates me more than bf's/gf's who spy on each other's phones. Thats completely silly!! If you love and trust your partner fully, and they are aware of your trust then there is no need to be jealous as jealousy is childish, immature and just plain stupid. All my friends are guys, and when I met my man I told him that and he accepted it and he trusts me fully thats why he doesnt go nuts if one of my guy friends call me. Same as me, if his girl pals call him, I have no prblem with it at all because I know he wont run off with one of them or do something stupid because we're both open and honest with one another.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
hello? friends are different from EX.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
for me talking him is a DISRESPECT to me and to our relationship as well.
@Vixxen (19)
• Netherlands
6 Nov 10
It doesnt matter if its an Ex or anyone else... u being jealous means u dont respect and trust your partner enough for her to be able to handle her ex. Ask yourself this question... why am I being jealous of her ex? is it because u think she may dump you and go to him? what give u those ideas? answer is simple... INSECURITY!!! So grow up and give ur girlfriend some space.. if she sees that ur jealous then guess what? you will have contributed for her to go more to him than you. Be a man, love your woman and trust her because at the end of the day you don't own her so she does have the right to be friends with an Ex and if you cant handle that then you really shouldnt be in a relationship.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
7 Nov 10
If you trust her you should have no reason to be jealous. Has she given you any reason? I too would question why they keep getting her number.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
8 Nov 10
It really would not make sence for her to change the number paying for that service. Then just turn around and issue it out to the one she says she is trying to keep it from either. Its also really rude for someone else to give somebodys number out. Id try to get down to the root of how he is getting the number. If she is still trying to talk to him id think she is not really done with him. Personally i would not want to continue talking with a ex.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
yeah. that makes me wonder also.. how come he knew her number.. kinda irritating.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
Well, first of all jealousy is not good if this is over. It's not bad if the jealous is a kind of showing love. But the jealous always is not a kind of showing it is a kind of selfish... What I did was just hiding when I felt jealous. I don't reveal it and not showing it...
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
12 Nov 10
You right, my friend. It's better to say what we feel but say in good place. It's not good to way with argument because that is not showing up love but a selfish behavior
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
i guess it is better to say what you feel than just keep it inside. once you open it up, you give freedom to yourself.
@Memnon (2170)
7 Nov 10
I'm not a jealous person, but then I have no reason to be. I must admit that, in the past, when I found that there was more than texting going on I ended the relationship. Short of changing telephone number I guess that there is always the likelihood of continued contact, so I suppose that it depends upon the degree. I think that you would be right to voice concern if it became an issue for you, but, similarly, running through her phone messages shows that you might distrust her.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
hahaist.. i just wish i could control this jealousy of mine.
@Memnon (2170)
8 Nov 10
ometimes I think that having to bite one's tongue puts it in check.
@luna1980 (53)
• Thailand
11 Nov 10
Well, if about your stories about your gf...if me, i will really jealous too. (So, please feel better that you are not different ) But when I feel jealous I always trying to away from my bf, do some thing else and will not interesting on him for while, like a not call, not talking much like before or go out with friends more often than before. For me if I broke up with some one, I will not contact him any more, specially if I already have new bf!
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
yeah.. but i guess it would be better if you talk him about it. in our case now, we really talk it over and i am so happy now that everything works fine.
• Thailand
11 Nov 10
Yeah, I will talk because he will asking me what wrong why I have changed my habit from him :) I acted like that because if he care for me, he will ask me :) then I will start to talk and also it is good for me to leave that emotion for a while before talking about it because I will have been thinking about it when I am alone from him. My bad that I just never want to talk first if I am not so sure what is going on between him and his ex gf :) What ever, I am divorced ;p and not ready for any more love for while. Glad with you that every thing now work great :) Keep your life beautiful with her, not often we will find some one can be truly love and happy with :)
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
7 Nov 10
I am a Scorpio and they are very passionate and caring people. They are also very jealous. When I was younger (just turned 59 today)i saw green BIG TIME!! Now I still feel it but I am less apt to react now days. I think it subsides with age as self esteem takes over and such. It sounds like your gf still wants to stay in contact with her ex bfs. It could be very innocent and they just still have a friendship and it could be something else. I would just ask her about it. If she acts weird then you know something is up. Jealousy can run some people off so I would be careful. Don't jump to conclusions. Be tactful in talking to her and not accusitory until you know the facts.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Nov 10
I hope so too. It isn't productive and conducive to a good and lasting relationship.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
yeah.. i hope it will subside as i grow old .. thanks for the pieces of advice.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
6 Nov 10
Hey mark! I kind of know how you feel. My bf won't let me near his cell phone. And sometimes when it rings and I'm there and he let's it go to voicemail and I ask him who it is, he tells me it's "non-ya" meaning-"none of my business" and that really makes me angry!I know that his ex-gfs call him and he has other "friends" that are females and I don't like it, but what can I do? We've been together for 3 years now! We will be living together 3 years in January! I just try to deal with it, but like I said I don't like it!
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
yeah..it is kinda irritating. anyway, i am not jealous if i know her friends but talking about her ex just burst my jealousy out.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
8 Nov 10
I am not a particularly jealous person; I’ve been married for fourteen years and I trust my husband very much and he has never given me reason to feel jealous. I believe that extreme jealousy can be very damaging because it makes the other person feel trapped and controlled. I would be careful of excessive suspicion because people have lost their beloved due to the green eyed monster!
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
yeah. you are right. there are a lot of relationships even families broken because of jealousy. i am trying to control myself right now. but i am more happy since my girlfriend told and assured me not to worry since i am very much secured.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
8 Nov 10
First, the root of Jealousy is thinking you have a right to something, that is not yours. Your girl friend is not 'yours'. She has chosen to be with you, and can chose otherwise. You do not demand gifts, nor do you have a right to a gift. Her love and friendship, is a gift to you, not a right or a demand. So the first thing is you understand your position. She's not yours. You do not own her, nor control her, nor have any right whatsoever to her, except that she offers herself as a gift. A gift you can lose the right to at any time. However.... having said that, your feelings about her ex boy friend are real, and valid. Not one thing I said above, makes her interactions with a former boy friend, any less real or painful. If I were you, I would say exactly that to her. Tell her very specifically that her talking and chatting with her ex, hurts you. And then she has a choice. Does she continue to do things that hurt you, or does she give up an old boyfriend for the one she really cares about now. Then, you find out what she really is like. If she refuses to give up her old boyfriend, then that tells you what she really thinks of you. Or if she does give him up, then you go from there. For me, if my girlfriend refused to give up her old boyfriend for me, then I'd move on. She clearly isn't ready for a real relationship, or she is still in love with the prior guy. In either case, I'm wasting my time.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
thanks for your pieces of advice. i like it.
@simonelee (2715)
• China
6 Nov 10
Definitely jealous with my partner's ex's. I don't like them to communicate with her nor exchange hi and hello though we formally meet and become good friends. The thought of they have history and they've been together makes me so insecure and paranoid on how they take care each other before. When there name mentioned i feel sudden change of my mood, i want to burst! Though i am the longest relationship she had i am still insecure of their past. No matter how my partner love me the anger are still there, maybe in time it will fade but for now i can't avoid to be jealous.
@simonelee (2715)
• China
7 Nov 10
I do understand you cause i feel the same thing. It is hard to accept everything especially you love your partner so much. You accepted your partner being her but not the fact of being with them. That's what i believe. I hate the fact that they were together and how they hurt my partner before i came to her life. I just don't understand why tings happened which she don't deserve to be with them. If only i could turn back time i will make sure she has no ex's.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
there. i am sure you also understand my situation. yeah, i dont like her to communicate him knowing they have history.
• Mexico
5 Nov 10
Hi markleob: When I'm jealous, first I think if there's a good reason to be that way. If not I simply try to ignore it but if there's something that make me feel insecure about my relationship, like in your case, where there's a good reason to feel jealous I would talk to her and I would express my feelings. You can control your girlfriend so you have to trust in her. If she really loves you she won't do anything to hurt you I think but you need to understand that, the only thing you can do is to express how you feel to her and to trust on her and on her criteria. Thanks for sharing with us this problem. Have a nice day. ALVARO
• United States
5 Nov 10
everyone gets jealous if they say they dont then thier liars.I agree with you when you end a realtionship then its done and over with.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
@starsailover: yeah glad we almost have the same jealousy stories.. yeah, i talked with her about it so we could fix it then. @rubyred19: you are definitely right. others are so stupid to pretent they arent jealous but deep inside they are.
@freymind (1351)
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
i am also a jealous person. but i think i've already controlled it now and tried to be confident and trustful to my partner.. he's a real charmer and he doesn't know that many girls even gays adore him so much.. but i just shrug it as long as he's honest and tells me everything... but the worst that i did i guess was to confront the girls... that's it.. i just sent them messages to keep their distance since its not gonna be good for them as well as our relationship.. i make sure that they know he's already taken and i'm not gonna sit here and wait for them to bait him.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
wow, i reallly appreciate the things you did in the name of love. i am sure your boyfriend is so happy to know that you really love him that BIG.
@beeh13u (1038)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
Me too. When my ex and I were still together, he has a lot of textmates. I got angry with him because he was so sweet with them compared to how he treats me. I got angry with him. That's one of the reasons he broke up with me. So sad. That's why, tell her deeply that you don't feel comfortable that her Ex is texting her. Tell her that before you'll end up like me.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
yeah, it is really hard on my part. we had experienced the same situation. yeah as of now,i am telling her i dont like her to communicate with her ex.. i get the cellular phone and delete her bf's number.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
delete her ex bf's number rather.. hehe sorry for it.
@pogi253 (1586)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
It is one thing to be well informed that jealousy is bad for a relationship and for self-development, it is another to not yield to it. Jealousy is a widely misunderstood feeling, many believe it to be negative and think it ruins lives and relations. Jealousy can be deal with easily through acknowledgement, confrontation, and reinforcement.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
yeah but i guess jealousy once confronted and solved between the two of you, it could add sweetness to the relationship.
6 Nov 10
i have and i have hit out before. This is not the answer. It is always best to communicate, it is hard being jealous and it can cause problems, you mainly need to trust your partner. If she is getting texts then is it her giving them the number? If not then try and ask her to find out who is doing this, if she has changed her number a few times then it has to be one of the people she trusts with her new number. Also i would have a word with the ex's. Ask them why they are texting her, you may not always like what you find out though as it may be your partner staying in contact with them.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
you are right. it is really hard to be jealous but through proper communication, we could solve this kind of emotion.
@toniganzon (72317)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
I was never jealous in this particular situation. From the beginning of my relationship with my husband now, I told him I don't want to be lied to and I don't want any secrets between us. I'm not bothered if his ex would communicate with him as long as I knew about it. I want to keep that trust between us because it is the best foundation in a relationship. If that bothers you a lot why don't you ask your girlfriend. Tell her how you feel but don't argue or fight with her. Be honest and she will be too.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
i am always honest to her. it is just i dont want her to communicate with her ex. for me communicating with her ex is a DISRESPECT to me and to our relationship.
@johney264 (544)
• China
6 Nov 10
As a man I am sure i am jealous? especially the some as you for my loving girl. I don't want my loveing girl together with others and play with others and smile alot with others. I hate My loving girl with another boy go on the street and speak some whisper that make me jealous and want go to die. but when Iove a girl she will try her best to make me feel jealous and this may be let her feel good. so I leaning to keep myself calm and try not to be jealous too much. that kind of feeling really to be bad.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
we really are on the same track john..i am also jealous every time i saw my girl talking to any boy unless i knew the boy.
• India
6 Nov 10
you are not jealous.This is possesiveness towards your love.I also will feel the same in case i was you.
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
yeah, maybe i am just too possessive. but i guess i was just jealous and for me it is just normal to feel such in case your gf communicates her ex.
6 Nov 10
When im jealous i kick myself in the face and then poke myself in the eye with my big toe . It really helps me calm down :D
@markleob (1902)
• Philippines
6 Nov 10
kick yourself in the face? how could you do that? hehehe