When do you stop fighting stuff and just let it be?

United States
November 7, 2010 5:33pm CST
My daughter and I are doing so well and I thank a lot of you here for that. But,one person stands out to me right now. I forgot who it was who said it. But,you know who you are.... Thanks by the way.. I was told you have to learn to pick your battles. I did not really understand this until this situation came about. My daughter and a friend of mine son started dating. I was pissed to the core at first. But,then I realized I can fight with them and they can go behind my back and hide it. Or I can leave it alone and let them be. Well they are doing good and he is helping her with things everyday. Like cleaning up her room,and getting her home work done early. She is staying in the house everyday. leaving with him to go some where and come right back in. He has her calming down in many ways. And did I mention she is passing all her tests in school??? Well I thank you for all the wonderful help with my daughter. The house feels strange with us not arguing and fighting each other. I was stressed because of him being 22 and her being 16. But,a very wise person told me age in nothing but a number. I had to fight the struggle but,I am so glad it is working out. I can't stop her from seeing him and it would break my hear to see her sneaking out in the cold to be around him. So again I thank you friends for supporting my daughter and I with all our issues.
1 person likes this
7 responses
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
7 Nov 10
Hmmmm! This reminds me of some close friends of ours! She was 15 and he was 20. They met fell in love, got married when she was 17. She graduated from high school with flying colors, gave birth to two beautiful girls and they just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. Their children just graduated from college and so did she! That doesn't happen often but level headed people some from all age groups! You go girl! Enjoy!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 10
That is wonderful to hear. I hope they have many more happy days. thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 10
My dad was always a calm man, and my mom was more high strung. Now as a mother I can understand the feeling. But I remember a time when my mother and I fought all the time and my dad sat me and her down and gave us both the advice of picking our battles. He was a wise and wonderful man, and learning to do that improved our relationship a LOT. It was hard for my mom, I know it was, and for me also as a teen to know when to trust that mom knew best and when I needed to really explain my position on things. In time we developed a level of mutual respect by really considering all sides before making anything into an argument. I think that it is wonderful that you are not arguing with your daughter as much and that she is doing so well now! I hope I can find a sense of balance when my girls get older and we face these situations. Hopefully what I was taught when I was younger will help me to do that, but somehow as a mom, I think it's going to be very hard to remember at times. :-)
1 person likes this
@hushi22 (4940)
8 Nov 10
wow that is so nice to hear. he seems to bring out the best from her. i understand it isnt easy for parents to be in this situation. it seems like you are a cool parent. =) hope your thanks reach the friend you are talking about.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 10
As parents we have to do as much as we can to assure we are doing as much as possible to assure we are doing what is best for our child. We as parents do not come with manuals so it is always a pleasure to seek out advice which may or may not help out but at least we are not jumping to snappy decisions. How wonderful gifts that your daughter and you are cordially getting along. This today is an absolute great accomplishment as our kids today have so many interests and do not see us like friends but enemies when we do not meet eye to eye. So have fun too, venture out a bit, which you are and be happy.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
10 Nov 10
Well, you are more than welcome for the help that we provide you with. I really think that is one of the things that is the best about being a member of mylot, I find that the vast majority of the people that are on here are very supportive. In fact, these last few month have been very difficult for my family and there are a lot of times that I've felt like I don't think that I would be able to get through if it wasn't for the support that I've gotten from other members of this site.
@vangie26 (449)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
Good that the situation is like that. But as parent, don't forget to remind her of the things that should not be out of the limits. Though the age of him is at the marrying age already, remind him that your daughter is still young. But i can see that since you are showing your trust to them, they are being responsible ...and that's a good sign of maturity for both.
• Philippines
8 Nov 10
It's really great to have people around you, willing to support you and offer you a shoulder to cry on. You are one lucky person in the world. It is nice to know that some people overcome the hardships through others who have unselfishly shared their points of view. Just hang on and be there for your daughter when she stumble. You're there to be a shoulder to cry on, ears to listen to her. I would always want my mom to "stop fighting stuff" and just "let me be". I feel like I don't succeed in my discernment in life because she is always in contrast of everything I do. I wish my mom would someday let go. Good Luck to you and your daughter.