Is It Wrong To Want New Things?

@Janey1966 (24126)
Carlisle, England
November 9, 2010 3:59pm CST
I resort to dreaming about stuff I want..all the time. I read about stuff I want..all the time and I watch programmes about stuff I want..all the time. The problem is; we haven't the money to acquire all this stuff I want and the only thing hubby wants is a new telly, he's not bothered about anything else, I'm quite sure of that. So is it wrong for me to think like this? Should I just "make do" and not even think about it? At the other end of the spectrum, my Mum's friend at work (her hubby has a good job that pays very well) is "desperate" for another coat or jacket. Apparently, she has loads of jackets and coats and Mum couldn't help asking her why she so desperately needs another one. "I want to get one that isn't black" was her response. So, she hasn't got a black coat or jacket already in her wardrobe? I bet she has you know. I'm not greedy like her; I just want this house to look nice. Is that such a bad thing? I could do with some of the luck that lady had on "The Wheels of Fortune." Awesome!
5 people like this
17 responses
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
10 Nov 10
When I was your age, I still wanted "stuff", and I had a pretty decent job, so I'd just go out and buy it. Last year, I completed a home inventory, I'd started in the 70's. After looking at that inventory, I knew I had too much "stuff" for one person. Now I'm retired and in my 60's and I'm unloading "stuff". "Stuff" just seems to be like a noose around one's neck. I've been selling "stuff", giving "stuff" away...and I still have too much "stuff". Now, other things are just way more important. I'm betting something like that may happen to you too. But is it wrong to want things? No. I just think, later, you'll find it doesn't matter. I bet your home is beautiful just the way it is...filled with love...not necessarily the pictures on the wall.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Don't get me wrong, it's not stuff like cushions, curtains and rugs that are important to me..it's things like a new fire (ours is broken) and a more energy-efficient boiler/heating system that will save on bills. Yes, we have central heating but it may not be enough if the winter becomes as cold as the last one. Once the above is sorted then I shall start thinking about other stuff. But I promise you that I won't accumulate too much as this house would collapse under the weight..and I don't want to be a hoarder of stuff like the in-laws! Hubby wants a telly and that's fine but it's frustrating that the fire has packed up at the same time..as we can't have both.
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
10 Nov 10
A new boiler/heating system isn't "stuff"...it's real important "things". Good luck with the telly and the heating system...
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
12 Nov 10
Thank you. With all the hours hubby has been putting in lately, surely he must be saving up for something!
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
One thing I learned from a book titled "The Secret" is that the universe is abundant. Meaning it has unlimited resources. It's a good thing that you want what you want. Focus on that if you really want them because if you do so, all of your actions will be directed to that thought. As to feeling good about wanting those stuff, you have all the right to do so! You deserve it! No one should feel bad about wanting something especially when what they want makes them feel good (of course, there are also limitations to these). Be positive! Feel good about yourself, fill yourself with positivity and it will show and attract positivity from other people as well. Have a nice day!
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
You will do well as a newcomer my friend, welcome to MyLot! I'm wearing my bright red top today so I'm feeling more positive already.
• Philippines
11 Nov 10
Thank you for welcoming me! I'm really having fun here that sometimes I forget that you could also earn at the same time! I can't wait to post my own discussions and topics! See you around and I bet you pulled that outfit quite well! Have a positive day! :)
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
12 Nov 10
I know what you mean about forgetting you're earning as it's so great to be here, isn't it? I like your name too as it goes with your friendly personality.
@RawBill1 (8541)
• Gold Coast, Australia
14 Nov 10
There are lots of things that I want too and have wanted for a long time, but have not been able to afford. (one day) I think it is normal for us to desire things that we do not have. This is why it is so easy for most of us to fall into the debt trap. We see something that we want and it is too easy to just pull out the credit card and pay for it. We think, it's OK, I will pay it off the credit card next week, but then something else comes along that needs paying more urgently and the debt gets forgotten about. We then get stuck just managing the interest payments on the debt and cannot get out of the hole that we have dug for ourselves....just because we wanted something new!
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
14 Nov 10
Well I can honestly say that - once I paid off my credit card recently I have not resorted to using it again. With Christmas coming it will take A LOT of willpower not to use it but I am determined to keep my account a nil balance. I know I should cut the card in two and throw it away but once it's gone it's gone and it's harder actually getting a credit card now..so it will gain dust in my purse instead.
@RawBill1 (8541)
• Gold Coast, Australia
15 Nov 10
I still have a lot of credit card debt, every time we get on top of it, things seem to crop up. That sometimes happens when you are self employed. One trick that you can do if you want to keep the card, but not use it, is to put it in a container full of water and put it at the back of your freezer. It will always be there for emergencies, but you will not have it with you for those impulsive shopping sprees!
@derek_a (10902)
10 Nov 10
I think as a society we are "trained" and programmed to want things. It starts at a very young age when we are first asked to "do our best" and we will grow up with a good job, more money etc. etc. etc. As a Zen practitioner, I have learned a lot about how unsettling it is to desire things. Buddha said on his enlightenment that the "source of all misery was desire". I think this is quite correct too. In Zen meditation, I focus my mind on my breathing and exclude other thoughts to the best of my abilities. Sometimes thoughts of plans come into my mind - that is a form of desire to change things from the way they are. In Zen we train our minds to connect with reality. And reality can be only this moment, this here and now - and it is then immediately gone. When we desire our mind is getting stuck usually in the past with things we have seen and desired. We now project this on to the future and teach our minds how to be dissatisfied with our lot here and now. As we keep doing this, we train ourselves even more in the art of discontment. Through practice of Zen meditation I have learned and am continuing to learn how to be here now, and there a strong sense of Self in this. A strong sense of contenment. But it takes a lifetime to really get centred and contented in true reality. I am not saying that owning nice things is wrong. What I am saying is that desiring them causes discomfort. And the amazing thing is that when I manage to stop all desire, those things I want just appear in my life, but the stoppage of such desire must be absolutely genuine. There is no forcing this state of mind. It just happens as a product of regular meditation. _Derek
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Wow, I admire you greatly Derek, for being able to focus on the here and now through meditation. Last night in bed I couldn't sleep..for two reasons...the moggy was washing herself on my pillow instead of curling up into a ball and I was worrying about my computer. Why? Because it was playing up and I stayed up until 2.45AM to try to fix it. All linked to my printer and a Firefox add-on. I couldn't even uninstall Firefox (at first) but managed it in the end but the annoying pop-up remained..that was the cause of all the trouble. I did uninstall the printer and reinstall it, which helped..a bit. Now then, today I was calmer, more relaxed and I have Firebox back, updated, more refined with fewer add-ons. Took no time at all and the pop-up has gone! Stressing last night didn't help me at all..and it never does. So I must learn to relax and be more like you..a "what will be will be" attitude is the way forward. I just wish hubby was recognised more at work for the tremendous effort he puts in day after day. 5.30am he set off for work today and I don't think he'll be back home until 6pm. Granted, he gets paid overtime but he NEEDS that for a sustainable wage. At least I've talked him out of the Christmas do. A fortune to get there and back and a fortune for the meal. Can do without that, thanks. I don't think it's fair that the Carlisle people should have to travel to Penrith (and the gaff isn't even near the bus or train station) for a night out. Why can't the Penrith mob come here for a change? So, Derek, it's boycotted, saving us £50 on two meals that will be rubbish anyway!
1 person likes this
• India
10 Nov 10
It is never wrong to want about new things. Our human minds are programmed in sucha way that we always keep looking for new things read as greener pastures. You must hv heard of the adage called Variety is the spice of life. So never ever have this thought in your mind that It is wrong to want new things.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Thank you. I may give the impression to others that I want loads of things...I don't..just a nice house that is more pleasant to live in. I certainly don't want loads of clothes. Can't see the point if I don't go anywhere lol.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
10 Nov 10
I think we all enjoy having new things. Sometimes we are financially unable to buy new things eery time we want them. i don't see anything wrong with wanting new things and trying your best to attain them.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
It's good to dream too isn't it? I can't wait until I do have the money to get decorators in, for example. They don't come cheap but will get it all done in double-quick time and I have it all planned what I want doing..in my head at least!
10 Nov 10
The simple solution is to stop reading about stuff, stop watching about stuff and then you may not dream about stuff .... Seriously though there is nothing wrong with wanting stuff, it happens to me all the time especially when I look at members of my family who claim to be tight for money yet are having work done of their houses and still going on holiday. It get's to me when it can take me all year to be able to scrape up the money to buy something which isn't a neccesity. But here is an upshot of this and it's a small positive that can be found when you are in this circumstance. I would bet a percentage of those things you would like to make your home better are not essentials in fact some maybe a total waste of money which you would buy on the spur of the moment and then reside in a cupboard never used. So not having the money to spend does mean you don't waste it on non essentials. It's actually frightening where you can waste the money and as such I have what is called a 30 day list. If I see something or read about something that I would love and could possibly afford without major saving I write it on the list. Then 30 days later I revisit the list and a lot of things that I thought I wanted I end up scribbling off as they were just a spur of the moment desire. This list has certainly helped me save money on spur of the moment decisions like a different desk lamp (most recent addition), which I can use to put towards those bigger things I really do want.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
I'm definitely not as extravagant as I used to be. In fact, I'm not extravagant at all. Having said that, I got a real buzz out of spending just £25 on an awesome pair of boots in M&S recently as it's something I don't do anymore..spend money, so whenever I DO spend money, it's usually on something I need. The boots are cosy and keep my feet warm so that's a good enough reason to buy them. If I'd worked maybe I would've bought an expensive pair of Ugg boots instead? Probably. But I'd like to think I'd try the M&S ones on first without making a rash decision. I know what you mean about other people saying they're skint and they're not. My FIL's favourite subject is money. Apparently, he is counting the days until he retires next November (2 years early) and is losing out on his pension but will get "40 grand" as hubby told me. I really don't care how much he's "due" as I find it all extremely boring and their house should be a sodding palace with all the money sloshing around their bank accounts...and it isn't! You know what they say! Money can't buy you class!
@toniganzon (53557)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
It's not wrong to want something new. You're not being greedy at all. It's just that in life we tend to want something that can please us. This want can drive us to do things like earning and this is a good motivation. It's not wrong to want sometimes but it's wrong to want something too much. But in your situation, there's perfectly nothing wrong with that.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
When hubby moved into this house (about 11 years ago) I wasn't around so there was no need for him to do the place up..and why should he? It was his bachelor pad, somewhere to chill out after a hard day at work and that was it. When I came along in 2003 everything in his life changed - for the better, I hope! With that came added responsibility and it's always been his intention to keep the roof over our head, even though this house isn't the most modern in the world. The bills take priority and anything else is a bonus. The kitchen was paid for by generous donations at our wedding do and is the best room in the house, without doubt. It forms part of my inspiration and I do know that, one day, the rest of the house will be as modern as that wonderful kitchen I love so much. I cook in it every day and not everyone with a new kitchen can say that.
@vangie26 (449)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
It is not wrong to think or dream of those things. What would be wrong is when you insist on having those things yet you don't have money yet to buy. Don't get it,by all means.It is such a good feeling to have what you are dreaming when you work hard for it, right? But definitely, there's nothing wrong dreaming. That's even good because it shows that you have plans. :-) have a good day!
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
You are so right! I agree, it would be far worse if we'd taken out a loan to pay for stuff I want NOW rather than to save up, which - obviously takes longer but there is more satisfaction acquiring the stuff. Mum doesn't have a high-paying job but she has saved for years for things she needs. I have learned to be more like her; don't have everything now, save up for it, get it and enjoy it without having to worry about paying for it afterwards! I guess that when hubby finally has the money for our new telly it will be great because he's EARNED it and has something to show for all his efforts, as opposed to paying bills that are invisible!
@yanyanyow (329)
• Philippines
10 Nov 10
its not wrong to want new things but make it as an inspiration. strive harder, work harder so youll buy the things you want. but dont over react on buying stuffs just because you want them, think first if you also need them.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Yes, I have learned over the years (especially since I've been unemployed) to appreciate money a lot more and to only want things I really, really need. Unfortunately, the house being as it is..I need a lot of stuff! For example, the fire isn't working. We do have central heating but if it gets really cold in here (like last winter) we won't be able to use the fire as back-up. Hubby is saving up for a new telly but I'd prefer it if he'd save up for a new, more energy-efficient fire..but that's men for you!
@diamania (7037)
• Netherlands
10 Nov 10
According to Rhonda Byrne author of The Secret the law of attraction will put you in line with the stuff you want. Only condition is that you need to act as long you already have it and don't doubt getting it. It's like ordering from a catalog you know you're going to get it so what's the point of doubting that. Whether it works... I have no clue but I can tell you that every self-help guru out there tells you to be thankful for what you already have. It makes you value things more.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Oh I am thankful..thankful every day that I'm not homeless.
@GardenGerty (105192)
• United States
9 Nov 10
You are not wrong to dream about new things, but you may be setting yourself up for frustration. I know I am. I wish you could have some luck to get yourself all comfy. I do know that you have to have dreams, though, or you are going nowhere. So dream and learn, and perhaps your new job or whatever is waiting for you just around the corner.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Thank you so much. You are right, there's nothing wrong with dreaming. Day-dreaming is supposed to be good for the brain anyway lol. I don't ask for much..not really.
• United States
9 Nov 10
Not necessarily wrong, but definitely not making you any happier. The reason I think we should be content with what we have is because if we speed all our time wanting more than we'll just be miserable with what we have. Your Mom's friend probably thought that if she could just get a few more new things than she could be happy, but once those things were old they lost their sparkle and she started wanting new things again. It's a cycle. New things are nice, and maybe one day you can get your house to look like a dream house, but for the time being you should learn to be content.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
I am content, I just want to be more content lol. I do take what you are saying (and thank you) but at least I don't want new clothes every week. It's the house that needs money spending on it and it's that that will a lot of money to put right. I try not to think about it that often.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
9 Nov 10
You are perfectly normal. I always find things I would like to have for the house (and for me, sometimes), but we hardly ever have the money to get anything. We are on a fixed income, and can barely make ends meet, but we did manage to have a little this year by refinancing our home equity loan. The problem is, there is way too much we would like to do for the amount of money there is. We did buy a new washer and dryer, since our old ones were barely working, and we figure these will last as long as we need them. And, we replaced the tile in the kitchen. Hubby would love a new cooktop and frig, but that just can't be done. The only reason we have a flat screen TV is because it was a gift from our son. However, I did splurge on myself. I have been wearing the same winter coat for the last 15 years, and we figured it was about time for a new one. I found a beautiful leather coat on sale at 60% off, and I just couldn't resist. That is my Christmas present. I want to get hubby a new desk chair, and that will be his present, and we are done. Money is all gone.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
You are in a similar position to us my friend. Only hubby works so there isn't enough money for the stuff we want. I was a bit cruel a while back because I wanted the washer/dryer to break so John would have to buy a new one. A guy came round and fixed it! I'm actually glad about it now because it's like a new machine (we don't have to bang the door really hard to get it going) so a new one can most definitely wait! I've worn my winter jacket for about 4 or 5 years on the trot now. However, due to it not being quite as cold I've been wearing my leather biker-style jacket that I had only worn a couple of times until recently. Wearing it is like having a new one as it's not had an airing for ages. It was Mum's suggestion I wore it as she spotted it hung up when she came visiting. I was worried that it would be too small but it fits and I'm happy.
9 Nov 10
I'm afraid I am guilty of wanting nice things around me. but it is getting a bit out of hand. I am not in debt but I do have a lot of possessions. I love unusual handbags but I do rummage in boot fairs and charity shops and have got some really lovely bags. I love collecting fairies and dragons too , but my latest 'thing' is mermaids and dolphin ornaments in the bathroom. They have to be a bit out of the ordinary, but goodness me , I have so many ornaments, what with the dragons, fairies, cats of course, the list is endless and I cannot get rid of them. I have teddies given to me by my old ladies when i worked for age concern and I just cannot get rid of them for sentimental reasons!!I just had to buy a square red china dinner set, which is beautiful but just sits in the cupboard. I bought some lovely purple and cream curtains for my living room earlier this year,--- yep still in the wrappers. I had to laugh at your mums friend as I have so many black jackets and black trousers. One year I was desperate to get a white jacket and found a really lovely one, truly hardly worn and pristine white, in a charity shop for £3.00. but I have owned it for about 3 or 4 years and worn it twice. Just call me the hoarder. but like you I love my house to look nice !! if its possible buy your lovely things, but shop around. Look in charity shops, hit the boot fairs. It is possible to get some bargains.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
Wow, I thought I had a problem lol (only joking my friend). I got the discussion wrong and it was frustrating that my computer was playing up when I wanted to tell everyone..so I'll do it now. What I meant was, is that Kath (the woman in question) DOES have loads of coloured jackets..I got it the wrong way round lol. Can I have those curtains? They sound lovely!
• Philippines
9 Nov 10
It is wrong to watch too much on TV and read too much on magazines . Before I used to cut out pictures on the magazine and paste it on my notebook so that I can remember to buy that item. But I get frustrated because it was not happening quickly so I have skipped on reading commercial magazines and done on watching television. I think more of saving money and spending it wisely since we really needed to budget our expenses. To buy a new item or appliances is not on my menu yet, maybe if I am done with paying some dues. But I will still not going to be magnetized to buy some stuffs at home, it was really a burden actually, but I let it go already.
@Janey1966 (24126)
• Carlisle, England
10 Nov 10
I'm the same with the internet. I try not to go on sites where there's loads of things I want to purchase as I find it upsetting at times. I have to be in the right frame of mind to cope with it all..usually that's 99% of the time but now and again I get depressed, which isn't really helpful is it?
• United States
19 Dec 10
no,not if it's not an all the time/really doesn't need it thing. i'm usually the last in my family to get something new partially because i'm the only responsible one and pay actual bills first. but i get mad occasionally and want something new for me. like s*it without holes in it.