Should the husband bring most of the money in the family?

@yna410 (431)
Philippines
November 17, 2010 9:38am CST
Starting a family is truly difficult. Just imagine all the responsibilities that come along with it. The couple has their own roles in building the family of their dreams. It's important that they make sure they provide what their family needs, from physiologic needs like food, shelter, clothing to emotional needs like love, care, support, among others. It's also important that the couple is not only emotionally ready when they decide to get married, but also financially stable. Money is indeed essential in starting and sustaining a family. It's no doubt that we grew up in a society where the guy or the husband is viewed as the head of the family. With this title comes the responsibility of providing their family well. During the early times, the guy has the sole responsibility of finding a decent job and working hard to support the family's finances. Although parental roles have changed a lot as the years have passed, the concept of the husband being the good provider in the family remains to be a debate for some or most people. It would be different of course, for the single parents. There are certain situations where the wife is more successful than her husband and sometimes, it becomes an issue to the couple; it somehow hurts the husband's ego. Some people also has a negative perception about this scenario, particularly on the husband's capability of being the provider. However, there are also some situations where it is not really a big deal to the couples. How about you fellow mylotters, what is your view about this issue? Do you think that the husband should bring the most of the money in the family? For the guys, is it okay with you if it's not the case? =)
1 person likes this
14 responses
• Romania
19 Nov 10
It should definitely not matter who brings the family's money as long as there is a big, impressive wad of it each month because children are one of the few things that can compete with Thermite at burning money. The idea that the husband should be the only, or the main, bread earner is a very old part of our species, and it is obsolete. There is no more need for most women to take up the role of homemaker and full-time mother in the modern society. Women are perfectly capable of earning as much as men, and men are perfectly capable of caring for children as well as women (though I emphatically exclude myself from this assertion, I have a father who did this well enough and possibly other examples to give). It is up to each couple to figure out how they will share these duties, although the most harmonious approach seems to be to have both acting as both earner and caretaker, with either babysitters or parents working at different times of the day to have someone keeping an eye on the kids at all times (or nearly all). Our economy is unstable and the wider trend does not indicate that it will get any better, so having 2 earners is a very good idea. If for no other reason, then to have one cover the other's unemployed periods if they are cut from the job, or they feel compelled to leave. The value of this sort of security is huge, especially in the context where a young family, apart from its natural expenses, will also probably have payments on the house (or rent), car and furniture.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
20 Nov 10
True, we are experiencing economic problems and what better way to addressed it by the parents than to help out each other and both work. It would not be ideal if only one parent is working when the family is really experiencing financial crisis. They can probably find solutions on proper scheduling so that they can still fulfill their roles not just as a money provider but also as a loving father and mother. =)
1 person likes this
• Romania
20 Nov 10
My parents worked in shifts at the same place, but they arranged to work in different shifts so that we kids were virtually never home alone. Though we didn't appreciate it quite so much at the time, now I at least know the value of that. Especially considering that my siblings and myself were of a very perverse and potentially destructive disposition as children (and, for my self, arguably to this day) and we came pretty close to setting fire to the flat (literally) or getting ourselves killed on several occasions anyway. Thanks to Mom and Dad's stellar efforts, however, we are all still alive, out of prison and out of the gutter. In the end, the rest is up to each of us personally, so is that not enough?
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@hanni711 (243)
• Philippines
28 Nov 10
The husbands are always the head of the family because that's how GOD ordained it. The husbands are the ones to provide for their family but in cases where the wife is also working. There must be an agreement between the two who will be incharge of expenses especially if the wife is the one receiving a bigger salary. I think it's just a matter of agreement between the couple.
1 person likes this
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
28 Nov 10
Hi hanni711. I agree that this matter should be discussed by the couple. It's better to communicate about all issues rather than keep it to themselves especially when something affects the other even though he or she doesn't mean it. =)
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 10
I believe everything in a marriage should be equal partnership. No man or woman should have to have to bear the brunt of financial responsibility if they aren't comfortable. If it's a dynamic that works for that family, however, they should live exactly as they please. I think in these times, both spouses should work together to take care of the money and bring in revenue in order to provide for their family. Marriage is a partnership, so I feel that personally, if I was married, I would like for both of us to work and bring in money. It wouldn't matter if I made more, or if he made more. As long as we're working together and happy.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
19 Nov 10
Hi. I totally agree that marriage should be equal partnership. If both parents need to work to be able to give a good future for their children, then it should not be a problem between them. They should be grateful instead because they have each other to support their kids. =)
1 person likes this
@cicisnana (776)
• United States
18 Nov 10
I really don't see why it would matter...whoever has the better education and can bring in "the bacon" more power to them!
1 person likes this
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
19 Nov 10
Some couples have issues about this. For me, I also don't think it should matter that much as long as they can provide for their family well. =)
1 person likes this
@oldchem1 (8145)
17 Nov 10
I think that the day of the man of the hpouse being the main bread winner is over and done with. There are so many women today who are far mare educated and qualified than a lot of men and are therefore earning a lot more money. There are also a lot of households were the wife goes out to work and the man is the 'house husband'as she can get a better job. One of my son in laws was attacked and badly injured at work and he couldn't go back to work. The family were years waiting for compensation and with three very young children my daughter had to go out to work to put food on the table. She now works full time and her husband stays at home and looks after the children and the housework. It works very well for them.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Yup, you're right. There are some families who have experienced problems that resulted in the change of parental roles. It doesn't really affect them so much and they continue to do great in supporting their families. They're pretty inspiring. =)
@oldchem1 (8145)
18 Nov 10
Actually my son in law is far better at cleaning the house than my daughter!! It's always spotless
• Romania
20 Nov 10
Too right. If it works well for them, especially. Not too long ago you would all have been condemned to abject poverty by his injury. I don't want to talk for other people but that doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Note that this doesn't always work, though. I am, for ex, selfish about my earnings and when it comes to housework and children... don't ask. Which is why I take the honorable way out and don't start any families. One other conception that we need to get rid of is that everyone must do everything in their power to have kids.
• Canada
29 Nov 10
I don't think it matters who brings the money home, as long as the money is being brought home. If it works for some families that the husband brings home the money, then fine, but in others it may work that the wife brings home the most money, or that both bring it home. I don't understand these husbands who feel it is a blow to their egos, if their wives make more than they do.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
1 Dec 10
HI. Yes, I also think it shouldn't matter. Parents should work as one. There's no room for insecurities or self-pity when the other brings home more money. =)
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
We have to accept the trend in the society where we're into. Though husband still remain the sole provider, still both husband and wife has their own unique responsibilities. Thus, couples now have to consider gender parity to meet family needs and to focus on family welfare. Besides, pride and insecurities as well won't do good to strengthening the relationship. Most couples now are open minded to accept especially when it is the family that is at stake.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
19 Nov 10
Hi SimpleBB. You're absolutely right. =)
@chowee (517)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Yes its the husband's responsibility to provide all your needs in the family as usual.. but now a days there are also mothers that prefer to work rather than to stay at home..so that is also a good idea because it will add income to the family.. But few of families has inverted style..instead of husband will work..the wife will be the one to work and the husband will stay at home and care for the kids that is if the husband is not a college grad ..so he will find hard to find a job.. But for me it depends also the family i mean the wife and husband.. happy mylotting..
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Thanks chowee. Yup, there are also cases wherein the husband is the one staying at home and doing the household chores while his wife works. There are times the wife even works abroad and the husband is left with their children. =)
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
18 Nov 10
Who is bringing more cash into family is not a big deal for me. I would not marry my husband for all that money matter, but I should know I really love him too. I would be grateful if my husband brings more money for our needs but I will be so much happier if I can earn just as much as he does so we can actually plan more holiday and eat better food and of course have a good house. Why do we think only men should provide more to the family when we all can work together as a team work. Have a nice day
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Hi kodukodu84. I agree, I would also be grateful when my future husband brings more money though I would also want to earn and help him with our finances. It's for our whole family anyway so it should not be a big deal for us. =)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Based on older traditions, yes, the husband, as the head of the family, should be the provider of all material needs of the family. Such is not the case in modern times. There is now a shared responsibility between husband and wife to provide for financial needs of the family. Women now are active members of the work force and they are as capable of earning like or even more than men. Thus, it doesn't matter now who brings the most money to family. What's important is that children are well provided for by their parents.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
I agree, women of today are now becoming more and more successful. It shouldn't be an issue if it's for the family's cause. =)
@rinfour (250)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
I think for a marriage to survive these tough times, biases and social misconceptions should be eliminated. It is time for the men to stop putting their egos first and start co-supporting their family with their spouse. I know for a fact that many men are ok with their wives working and earning a living, but they have issues when their wife earns more than them. But after some time, they have come to terms with it...I guess a period of adjustment is just required and an open mind. :)
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Hi. I agree, social misconceptions should be eliminated especially now that the world is facing economic problems. Maybe a period of adjustment is just what guys or husbands need to get used with the situation. =)
@hushi22 (4941)
18 Nov 10
this has been the traditional concept in our country, but my view is there must no competition. whoever does it better is okay. but both must surely be responsible for the family.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
I also agree with you that both parents should be responsible for their family. If they really need to work both just to support their family then it shouldn't be a big deal who brings more money at home. =)
• Philippines
17 Nov 10
It is just fine for me and I know that will not be a n issue with my husband if I fetch more dough than him. I know that in this generation, both should be working to meet both ends and if the husband does not agree with the idea of a woman working, then respect it, at least women do need to take care of her family and she can do more at home and still earn money.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
Yup, today, it's already common for both parents to work to be able to support their family. It's good to hear that it's not an issue with your husband. =)
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
17 Nov 10
The husband doesn't always have to be the one to bring the family the most money. the wife could do this as well. there are so many opportunities in the world for us. We should not assume one gender has to have a certain responsibility. When you are part of a family, it is important to pull the weight together.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
18 Nov 10
I also think so. When it comes to family, what's important is being able to meet their needs. It doesn't really matter who gets to be paid more. =)