How to fix a broken friendship?

Philippines
November 21, 2010 2:34am CST
I used to have a guy bestfriend,and we were very close since our high school days,until a year ago he opened up his feelings for me. He was still in love with me. We were bestfriends for 14 years. He did told me he liked me more than bestfriends when we were in college,but I told him that it will better for us if we remain friends. And so we remained good friends and both of us had our own life. Until last year,wherein he confessed that he still liked me more than friends. I didn't want to ruin his family,so again I rejected his feelings for me. But from the time he left the country,he doesn't treat me the same way he did before,until he stopped sending me messages and answering my messages to him. So I thought maybe it will be better if we give ourselves some distance.Maybe I hurt him,but it was for everybody's good. Now,we somehow chat but not like before. I miss his friendship,I miss him being my bestfriend. What should I do?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
I think you should just give him some space. He already has a family and maybe his absence will help him prioritize them and no longer you. Just wait for the right moment for you guys to meet up and reconcile.
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
That's what I'm doing now. Ignoring him too the way he does to me. :(
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
I know you're hurting, but that's the biggest part of the whole process. Good luck and stay beautiful.
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
maybe after two to three decades(joke) I know when men are in love, memories don't always ends up in memories, because to some men (like me) when they remember it, the heart also remember the feeling. unless he found a way to be more happy than he never felt before, am sure when that happens he will treat you as bestfriend that time.
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Maybe you should just go for it and see what happens, especially if you are both single now...you never know what may happen...
• United States
14 Dec 10
ooppss..didn't mean to post that before I was finished with it. I was going to say that I was in a similar situation once. I was crazy about this friend of mine, and I told her about my feelings for her, but she told me the same thing you told him. Over time, I told her several times how I felt for her, but she would never give things between us a chance to be more than a friendship. After some time, I quit going around her as much, and eventually I lost contact with her altogether, because it was really hard for me to see her knowing that I loved her, but that I couldn't be with her. We recently reconnected via facebook, but we both have VERY different lives now, and I am married now. I live in another state now, and we rarely even message each other. I remember the feelings I had for her, and we have even talked about that online since we became friends on facebook, but I am now OK with the fact that we didn't end up together. I don't really know how she feels about me these days, but I guess it is irrelevant now...
@jugsjugs (13045)
21 Nov 10
I think that if he is not the same towards you, as well as not sending messages to you,in return you should do what they have done leave them alone and see if they contact you.Perhaps there are other things going on in the persons life right now that they are dealing with so best just wait and let them get in touch with you rather than you keep on trying.
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
Hi jugsjugs! Actually it's been months since the last time I tried to reach him. A common friend of ours told me that my bestfriend was so ashame of me that he can't talk to me. He choose to stay away from me. And it was okay with me,even before he had talked to our friend about that,I've already forgiven him and faced the fact that we might not be the same as before. As I have said,I just miss our friendship.. :(
• Indonesia
21 Nov 10
I don't think there is much think you can do except saying "sorry"
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
Hi david! You think I should apologize to him?
• United States
21 Nov 10
He was closer to you when he liked you and had a small glimmer of hope that maybe he could be with you. Maybe you should quit rejecting him and let him have that little hope he had and maybe he will be there more. Have you ever thought of you and him being together because you want to and not worry about family? I think if you give him a chance you may see a completely new side to him you have never seen before and have a chance to learn from this experience. what is the worst that could happen anyway? If you really don't want to be with him though just tell him how you feel and He will understand if he is your friend. There is no wrong decision, follow your feelings and whichever decision you make will be the right one.
• Philippines
21 Nov 10
I was afraid that I may ruin their family if I'll accept his feelings for me. I mean,we've been very close friends,and I know that he love his child so much. I wouldn't want hurt his child. I did a mistake before which had ruin a family because of love,I don't want to do the same mistake again and hurt a child's feelings again. I did liked my bestfriend,but I could take to hurt a man than to hurt a child's feelings. I told him that,and I knew he understand me. It's just that everytime I see him online at Facebook,he ignores me. And it's a bit hurting. I'm getting used to it though I miss our chats,the things we used to do. :( . Thanks adamgray for sharing..
• India
23 Nov 10
well dear my lotter your felling is good here.generally friends are naturally have good mind set to grow their friendship. but his friend circle may be upset his mind that may cause to break your friendship.so try to understood his feelings and backup from his mentally upset mind. this is my simple suggestion only
• Portugal
22 Nov 10
i guess that he decided to be a bit away from you bcs since few years he loved you^^ and im sure that he was waiting you to feel the same way for him. it didnt happen so he decided to talk less with you for their feelings start to decrease. i understand him bcs for sure he wants to be loved too. and while he continued being your best friend and talk with you everytime would be impossible for him to move on. so he found that way to move on and forgot his big feelings for you. im sure that he cares to be your friend and thats why he talks with you still. let it be like this for awhile. im sure that when his love feelings for you disappear he can be your best friend again but for now understand his side. you would act the same way. and he didnt stop talking with you just things had to change for him to move on. but when he forget the love he has for you then he can be your best friend again cheer up and understand him^^