question for all girls in LDR

@hushi22 (4940)
November 22, 2010 3:09am CST
what if your bf says on chat, "it's better to see you as a friend than a lover. that will hurt me less for missing you so much," how would you react?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@chuyins123 (2118)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
"it's better to see you as a friend than a lover." -- if you dwell on this statement then it would surely hurt. Why not a loveR? it would make you think really "why"? You were lovers because you find each other to be more than just friends but now he's saying "it's better to see as a friend?" hmmmm, that hurts. But don't stop there, don't dwell there because the statement didn't end there. "that will hurt me less for missing you so much" -- that's sweet dear, not all men would actually say that, even on chat. He means to say, that he direly needs to see you, and thinking that you are his lover, it hurts him the most, seeing you again, thinking at the back of his head, that you are not gonna stick together that time, that you will again be separated by distance. That thought maybe what hurts him the most. Yet, the whole point of the statement is that "he misses you so much, and he can't find ways to prevent being hurt every time you'd separate after seeing each other again." I personally feel the same way too "every time I see my girlfriend, I all the more miss her." So don't worry about it dear, the statement is sweet, and you should smile at it! God bless you and your relationship dear!
@hushi22 (4940)
22 Nov 10
i think it is really a different view from a man pal. i understood that he missed me so much, but he could've at least rephrased it to a less offensive one. hmmmm... i also miss him, but to the point of saying that i consider him as a friend is painful even to me as the speaker and maybe to him. well, i dont know. i guess we are still two different individuals and some characters from us are still considered stranger for each other. im just really upset after i heard that. maybe others could somehow say they consider me as a lover and not as a friend, but to hear it coming from my bf is really painful no matter how many times he misses me. but thanks for the explanation pal. =)
1 person likes this
@nikramos (701)
• Philippines
22 Nov 10
that will hurt him less? what, seeing me as a friend instead of his gf? wth! i miss my bf so much but i dont think i can actually tell him that. everyone who's in an LDR has to understand that missing each other is one of the worst things that should be dealt with while in this type of relationship. either deal with it and do something to lessen the missing him part or just say it straight that you want out already. to a girl thats how his words would mean. if thats not what he actually meant then he might want to rephrase his words as they totally mean a negative thing. i could get really upset if i were told that.
1 person likes this
@hushi22 (4940)
22 Nov 10
yeah, i felt this way pal. hmmmm...i just tried to divert my attention, but i know i understand what he really meant. however, it still hurts. ahhhh...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Nov 10
The reaction would depends to every person. I would just smile if my bf would say that to me and find it rather sweet. Coz I believe what he meant is he wish you are just a friend and not in love with you because it hurts him to miss you that much. But he can't do about it coz he is sooooo in love with you. Cheer up! He doesn't mean to hurt you. He is trying to say he cares for you that much that it hurts him to see you but can't be with you.
@hushi22 (4940)
29 Nov 10
yeah. i understand that. however my immediate reaction was upset. silly me! =) thanks pal. =)
• Canada
23 Nov 10
I am not a very trusting person, by nature. If I was in a LDR with someone that told me they would rather view me as a "friend" so they wouldn't be "hurt" at being apart, I'd tend to question whether they were trying to justify still looking for someone else while being with me. It's true that LDRs are very hard... they are not impossible and some of us manage it successfully... but it takes a lot of dedication and trust and, above all, love for each other to make it work. I don't think I'd want my partner to consider me a friend (or even use the term) if I felt nothing but love for him. I guess I'd be questioning his commitment to me and to the LDR.