How can I trust others when I can't even trust my own?

Philippines
December 3, 2010 12:21am CST
Im so disappointed. A reliable source just disclosed to me how my brother is making stories out of me. Not only him but also my mother. Well, I wasn't surprised but when you actually hear it, it hurts a lot. My mother is a type of person who enjoys seeing people fight because of her or because of an issue she made up or made a big deal about. I love my mother so dearly but I also know her so well that I feel sad when I think that she is doing those things to me. I know she doesn't have bad intentions,I'm her daughter, I am a mother myself, whatever her reasons are, it doesn't matter because it all boils down to me getting hurt and misunderstood. Probably she finds it entertaining, but I am not a child anymore, I am a married woman and she still do it. Ever since I was a child, my mother used to start a topic like about my sister, and of course just for the sake of the conversation I sometimes voice out my opinions. Not knowing that she tells my sister about my opinions and sometimes is the trigger of what I got used to atmosphere at home a "cold war". And sad because my mother seems to enjoy it. That was a typical atmosphere at home, she always makes issues and yields arguments out of it. They are sometimes nonsense that is why sometimes I can't believe we fought over a non sense thing. It's like she's adding up to the flame. Just recently, I spoke with my brother's ex and she told me what exactly my brother told to her about me. Now everything makes sense. The indifference towards me and the feeling of uneasiness when I am around now all makes sense. I was wondering why she and her relatives have some kind of uneasiness towards me, its like they think I am plastic or something, I have strong instincts and I was right all along. It's because of my own family. It's really sad but It's been like this since I was a child, now Im thinking If I really should go home for Christmas..
3 people like this
6 responses
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
3 Dec 10
I think you should not go home for Christmas this time and you should tell them "I can;t go to Christmas dinner this year,". I feel that your family does not like you that much. And this will be a test to find out. If they say something like okay, or sound indifferent or say "so that's how you feel about us" then you know your family does not like you that much, but if they cry a lot, and feel sad that you cannot make it, your fears that they hate or dislike you are mainly in your head and then you can go to the Christmas dinner but make it sure that if they say something bad about anyone including you, you will get up and leave and they can keep their Christmas presents. Now you have to have a legitimate excuse. Do you know anyone who asked you to spend Christmas with them, but you said, "Sorry but I am spending it with my mother," and then decide to do so, or if a relative asks you to spend Christmas but you could not go because of your mother, do it this time. Otherwise it will not work and you will not have a legitimate excuse unless you have the flu and you really should have the flu.
• Philippines
11 Dec 10
Thanks I appreciate it
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
11 Dec 10
You;re welcome and hope that helps. I hop;e things work out for you and that you and your family get all the issues straightened out and your family likes you better.
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
We have the same situation back at home as yours. But not with my mom but rather with my dad. Men are supposed to be more silent and easily backs off about gossips because it's not their thing. My dad seems to be very quiet but don't get deceived, he's much much more to that. He easily speaks about family issues to his friends that should only be within the corners of our home or merely within ourselves to protect each other's feelings and privacy. A family should be protecting each other and I believe that is the top role of parents. That is not a good habit at all and neither does it give any good impression. It's very disheartening especially from one of the members of the family. it does not show signs of love but rather a disfunctioning relationship that worsens everything. =(
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
I totally agree there are things that need not to be told to others especially if it will affect one of your family members but that is no the case at home. Parents indeed need to promote and maintain harmony in the family not start it.. But well, no one's perfect and we all have to deal with this sad truth...
@mhypie03 (684)
• Philippines
6 Dec 10
A sad truth in time they will come to realize. My only worry is when? Hope it's not too late for them to see it. Hope all is well with you. Stay positive and happy. Surround yourself with people who loves you most. =)
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
Well, we all have our own family issues. Yours is just one of them, and it is not that easy when members of the family just don't understand or agree with each other. I guess nothing is perfect in this world. We just have to carry our own crosses, so don't despair. It is all a part of living.
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
Yeah.. you're right. Thank you..
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 10
Hi, DOn't be sad..what ever other people said..don't bother that much.Since your brother and your mother like to gossip around and talk something bad about you,then don;t bother them so much.BE yourself. And you have to trust yourself and have confidence on yourself,then only other people will have confidence on you. As you said earlier, they are still your family member and just pay them a visit this coming christmas...a way to respect them. But try not to talk much with them. Talk to them whenever necessary.
• Philippines
3 Dec 10
Yeah I guess so.. Sometimes I always ask myself why my family is as complicated as mine. I am sometimes jealous of other people's family because it may not be perfect but you can the moral support and the bonding is there.. But yeah you're right I guess I should visit them.
• India
4 Dec 10
Its all a matter of time. You should go home this time for Christmas and speak to her. May be the reason she is not aware thats hurting you. Please go and speak to her and tell her what all you feel.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
3 Dec 10
You can only trust in what people give you to trust. Just because you have problems being able to trust one person does not mean you can't trust anyone. Every relationship is different and so is the level of trust you share with them.