Have you ever had a friend act mad at you and you didn't know why?

@JenInTN (27565)
United States
December 4, 2010 4:14pm CST
I figured I would ask my friends here if they have ever experienced this because I have a friend that is acting very strange. I am thinking that maybe it is her mood or maybe I said something to offend her but I can not for the life of me think of what it might have been. I do know that since she has been married her whole life has changed and if that is the case then all I can hope for is happiness and well being to her and hers. I just can't understand why she would suddenly act...well...cold..I guess is the best word for it. So have you ever had a friend that changed towards you so much and you didn't understand why? Have you ever had someone that acted as though they were upset with you, but you couldn't think of thing that you might have done to make them angry? What did you do about it?
11 people like this
29 responses
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Dec 10
I just asked her. Sometimes they get upset with us, know it is immature or probably not realistic and so they don't say anything but act weird. Or it could be a situation where their boyfriend made some comment about me and they took it wrong and thought he had the hots for me. That was a good one. She was jealous. Who knows what she is weired out about. I would just ask her.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I did ask her if everything was ok and she just answered yes..everythings fine...I'm thinking ok...well...she's still acting odd and I thought at first it was just a newlywed thing but it has been several months now. She has actually alienated alot of people since her marriage. I hope that it's not something terrible. I have been close to her for twelve years now and I have only met her husband twice. Some of her other friends have never even laid eyes on the guy...really odd...hmmmm....anyway..thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (111378)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Dec 10
My third husband was a power addict. He had me under his thumb for quite a while. I alienated myself from several good friends and family because of him. I see alot of red flags here. If I was a close friend I would keep my eye on the situation. She may want to say something but can't.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Dec 10
It seems odd to me too. I have had a pretty nasty ex or two in my time and I am worried. She has seemed so happy up until recently. I may try to make my way around her a little bit more for a while. She mat cuss me out if she is mad at me but she can get away with that once or twice..LOL...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
My ex, during her period, is like this almost all the time. Although I saw how she controlled herself in getting angry without any reason, it just couldn't be helped at all. She would just burst out on me without warning and then I'd apologize for something I didn't do.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
That time can bring out the devil in some women..hang in there and thanks for the response.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
Damn right it does. I guess I understand women now a bit.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 10
My dearest friend one time would not answer my calls and or return a text for no absolute reason. So after trying for some time I decided to give it time as I simply could not understand why. We did not live in the same state so it would not have easy to go and see her. It broke my heart as I really did nothing wrong, then it turned out that she misunderstood a situation that someone occurred which had nothing to do with me. After some time I blocked my number as it was really bugging me as most people who knew us thought we born tied to the hips. It turns out she was angry and she finally realized it had nothing to do with me, but she could not face me to apologize. I believe this made me angry with her. Although we are amicable our friendship really is over as I can't help but remember how we were suppose to be good friends and she not have the courage to apologize and or at least say something about the fact she thought I had something to do with the matter.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
That's terrible. It's rough when we are the brunt of someone's anger and we haven't done anything wrong. It's a shame how things play out sometimes and we think that something like that is the least of our worries. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Hi Jen~ I believe you have mentioned this particular friend before awhile ago and that you were worried about here "change in attitude" then. This was quite awhile ago, if I'm remembering correctly and this is the same friend. You said it happened right after she got married too. And asking her didn't get you anywhere? Am I right so far? I don't know what to tell you except at this point if I'm wrong ignore my entire response and laugh!lol But, I don't think I am because I pay attention to what you say. I would say if you and a few more of her friends could get together to confront her (yeah, like an interventtion) (aka gang up) I would try at this point.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Heyya Opal...this time it wasn't me..lol..I looked back and the only discussion I have started about my friends was one in which she was liking bad boys and going a bit...well....wild. That was before she got married though and has settled doen quite a bit since then..lol..anyway...I did ask her if she was ok and she said she was but she has still acted very oddly. I don't know if it's me or a situation but whatever it is it's very noticable. Wish you were here to corner her with me..lol..we'd find out what was up with her..lol...thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@cryox92 (170)
• Macedonia
5 Dec 10
It happens to me all the time, especially with my girlfriend. We would be walking down the park, holding hands than all of a sudden she stops talking to me :D . The really annoying thing is, she never tells me what she's mad about. Fortunately I've gotten used to it and i don't pay attention to her "moments of anger" anymore.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
LOL...that can be confusing. Does she seem to be ok after a while or does it last more than a couple of hours? I do understand that some people can be a bit moody but my friend really hasn't been that way before now. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
4 Dec 10
HI JENN, I have had that happen alot over the years.It drives me nuts for people to do that. If i have made someone mad i'd alot rather they tell me that to act so cold. I think that's very immature. If someone p.o me i sure want them to know about it, lol. I hate to lose friends but i think once they get their tail in the air about something there's not much u can do to change the way they act. I don't know if it's the right way to be but if someone makes me mad or hurts my feelings i have a tendacy to just leave them alone.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I hate it too Jo. I am very open with the people that are close to me and I suppose I expect that in return. I guess that's not so realistic though. I don't know what she has her tail in the air about. Maybe she will come around. I'm not one to chase someone around though so I guess I'll let it be and see if she finally gets up the nerve to just say what is on her mind. I'm thinking that something might be going on in her new marriage. I thought it was just the newlywed thing but I'm thinking it's bigger than that now. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I know it's happened to me, but I can't think of a specific instance, so I can't tell you what I did. But, I think I would have asked her what's bothering her. Was there something I could do to help. If her marriage is going badly, even though she's a friend, she may be reluctant to talk about it. She might think you and others might judge her, so she's clamming up. Then, again, there could be something completely different. Maybe she's received bad news about her health, about a member of her family, etc. and thinks this is something that should remain amongst family. The only thing you can do is ask...and I would. But be prepared to get, "none of your business", "you did xxxx"... Then go from there.
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I do wonder if it is the marriage thing. She has been very withdrawn since the wedding. I just figured it was the newlywed thing though. I am a ptivate person as well so I could inderstand if it were any of those things. I have went to her and asked her if everything was ok and she says it is. Guess she will come to me when she is ready. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 10
Hello, jen. I have my experience too with a friend who got mad at me thag i don't know the reason. And then after confronting her, she told me that I didn't say Hi. At that time, I was busy rushing because it's hard to get home with you only commute and I think I heard someone calling my name but failed to face in that direction. It was a little funny actually. But I asked for her forgiveness and explained my situation at that time. She was a little sensitive at that time because of a problem and I am one of her friends who usually listen to her whenever she encounters a problem. And she's a good friend too so we patched things up right away. =) )
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
I'm glad to hear that you and your friend have patched things up. I have actually asked her if everything was ok and she says yes it's fine but she just isn't the same. Odd. I hope everything is going ok with her. We are both very busy women and don't have alot of time to "hang out" but we have always known each other would be there when or if we needed. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
4 Dec 10
Hi JenIn They are not a good Friend if they can not be open with you I can have moods not as often as I used because of my Illness specially when I am not well but I always say to my Friends ....look I am going through a tough time right now so if I am being cold or strange it is not you..... they know that and will bear with me If one of my Friends has done something to upset me I will tell them in a gentle way, like I expect them to tell me if I have done or said anything wrong Your Friend needs to loose her attitude and speak is all I can say I have had so called Friends like that in the past and just came away from them as I could not handle it
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Dec 10
Heyya gabs! It would be nice for her just to say...hey..going through a rough time..don't want to talk about...whatever. I would give her the same respect. I have actually told her before that I was in a nasty mood that day because I didn't want her to think my mood was directed at her. I have been there for her for a longtime...whenever she needed a shoulder she could come and know that whatever she said would stay between us and that I would be honest with her. I don't know what her deal is. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
• India
5 Dec 10
My life experience -I had a friend for whom I was ready to do anything. Infact she was my colleague at Office. But once I left that company, she stopped calling me, she never even responded when I had been to my ex-office. Now she is married but she did not even call her for her marriage. I really dont know what did I do to her and why she does not want to speak to me. I have never been harsh to her neither I hurted her anytime. Its more than 3 years now and she never called me till now. She has even my number from her mobile.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
That's strange that she would just stop after you left the company. That's also a very lontime. Maybe she got a new cell and lost your number. I would maybe give her a call sometime just to see. That's just me though. If you do..let us know what you find out.
• United States
5 Dec 10
I've had a freind do that towards me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong for almost a month. After a whole month went by I found out that she was upset because I guy that she liked liked me. I can't control other peoples actions! I didn't understand why she was mad at me for this. I thought it was completely ridiculous and that she was acting like a child.
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
We certainly can't control the way that other people feel. It was very childish that your friend was mad at you for that. Thanks for sharing.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Dec 10
My high school years were filled with these moments. so much time was spent chasing friends to find out what you did or said to make them mad at you. some of the silliest reasons would come about.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Your right. There are some very silly reasons that make people act the way they do. It would be so much easier if they would just come out and say it...lol..Thanks for responding.
@derek_a (10903)
5 Dec 10
Oh yes, I have had this happen a few times in my life. It is usually because I say something and it is misinterpreted as to mean something else, usually something nasty, which is never my intent at all. The most awkward people are thos who just act strange without saying why. I tend to speak my mind and expect my friends to do the same, but alas they don't. So I usually have to confront them and get them to tell me what's upsetting them, and then I can usualy clear up and misunderstandings which is all it is really. _Derek
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Heyya derek! It is sometimes hard to be the upfront person because people do sometimes tend to take it in ways that it is not meant. I have asked her if everything was ok and she says it is but something is still "up" with her. I guess she will come to me in time. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@zenkey23 (418)
• Philippines
5 Dec 10
yes i also experience a friend being angry or upset with me and i dont even know why:( my friend started to lie to me and started making fun of me:( but i think it is because of some people who influence my friend to be like that. i cant blame my friend`s attitude because she made it on her own will. but i miss those happy chit-chats we made on our lunch breaks:(
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Other people can be a huge influence but if your friend was able to be influenced like that...they aren't the type of person you need around you anyway. If I found out that my friend was just acting like that because of other people..it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all to rid myself of her. I hate that you have had that experience...you'll find you a real friend. Thanks for responding.
@gdesjardin (1938)
• United States
5 Dec 10
Hey Jen! Sorry you are having to go through this. I don't recall having a friend mad at me...at least not since I have been an adult. I am very confrontational (in a good, polite way), but I would ask the person if you did something to make them mad, or if you accidentally offended them. It would be difficult for me to know that someone is mad at me for something I know nothing about, and it would bug me...as I am sure it is bothering you. Good luck, and I hope you and your friend get things resolved. On a different note, what is up with all this cold weather in Tennessee?? We had snow flurries up on the mountain all day today...burrrrrrrrr!!!!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
6 Dec 10
It does bug me because I can't figure it out. I did ask her if everything was ok and she said it was so I left it at that. As far as the weather I am actually thankful that it has held off so long..the cold that is. It is usually cold by the end of September. I bet you are cold if you are in the mountains! We've had snow flurries yesturday and today and I am more in the valley..lol..thanks for responding and stay warm.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 10
Cold in September??? Oh gosh..no way! We usually can where shorts until the middle of October. I guess there must be a much bigger temperature difference between you and I. It does get a bit colder up here on the mountain, but usually not too bad, however we do get all the snow instead of down in the valley in Chattanooga.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
7 Dec 10
I am in the Gatlinburg area. Even the valleys here get cold around September..Lol...I have actually been pretty thankful that it has been so warm up until now. Take care.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 10
No I haven't . But then again I can and usually do read my friend's mood Before they even speak. If it is a online friend they Usually tell me they are pi$$ed off and then I ask why.That's my advice , ask her why. I'm 3 weeks late coming to this post. I hope things are better by now.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
24 Dec 10
I have recently found out that it wasn't me. She has been avoiding me because I would be more honest with her about her issues than she wants to hear right now. I am a friend and sometimes that means not saying what someone would like to hear. I am waiting to hear from her myself, but I had someone show me the newspaper and her name was in it. She has been arrested for DUI. I told the person that showed me that they had better not show it to another soul but I'm sure that a thousand people have read it by now.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Dec 10
Oh! She is avoiding the long , truthful talk! I'm the same way. If you want a friend to just agree with you and lie to you about something real serious , it isn't me! I hope she will come around.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
7 Dec 10
Hi Jen, I had a very good friend years ago that suddenly started acting that way. I just finally confronted her with it and refused to leave her apartment until she talked. We'd been friends since kindergarten and I just could not fathom any reason why she was suddenly avoiding me and acting distant. Well..it turned out that my husband had been hitting on her. I'm sure this isn't the case with your friend. From what you say, it sounds as if it has something to do with her being married. Maybe her husband is controlling? It's hard to say. If she were a really good friend and a friend that I valued the friendship then I would invite her to coffee and ask her and also let her know how much I missed her as a friend. It doesn't sound as if you've done anything wrong. You guys are friends...talk to her.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
8 Dec 10
Heyya sid...I can see how that situation would make things uncomfortable. Too be honest...I think it is something with her hubby. She had her wedding at a time and place that none of her friends or coworkers could attend but all his friends were able too. She was even a bit funny about showing anyone his photo. I think that she may be self consious of her choice....odd....I know...but I think thay might be it. Like she is afraid that people might talk bad about them or something...I just don't know though...she knows I wouldn't....I haven't chose my partner based on what others think and she knows that. I think there may be a lot going on with her and that might be why I can't pin point it. Thanks for sharing your story sid...wish me luck.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
8 Dec 10
It really does sound as if it is something with the hubby. Don't take it personal because it doesn't sound as if it is. Just be ready to be her friend when she needs one and from the sound of things...she is going to be needing one. Good luck, Jen! she's lucky to have you as a friend.
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
10 Dec 10
I raise my hand in guilt! I think I may have done this a few years back. There was this couple that were originally really good to my family. My only problem was they kept forcing their religion to us. One day, they did something that I thought really crossed the line. So, I acted mad around them. I think they did not know why. Yes, I know I was bad.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
12 Dec 10
Naughty naughty...lol..did they ever figure it out?
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
8 Dec 10
It happened to me once at work a few years ago.. A co-worker I used to get along quite well with suddenly stopped speaking to me and would not explain what the problem was which left me very puzzled! I trained her on the job and moved on to another position and she took over my job. I found out months later that she began acting strangely towards me because she presumed I was jealous of her taking over my job and that I was the one no longer speaking to her which was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard as I was enjoying my new position! I think she may have had her own issues because the situation made no sense. Sometimes people have their own hassles and we tend to think it is about us but it isn’t really; if the other person is not willing to discuss what the problem is there is not much you can do but leave that person to it and move on.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
8 Dec 10
Sometimes people do think the craziest things. I am going to invite her over and see if that breaks the ice but if she declines...well...I'll just let it be and leave the door open if she wants to talk. Thanks for the response Paula.
1 person likes this
@jujunme (2316)
• United States
8 Dec 10
I would simply ask her to tell you if perhaps you might have said something to offend her and why she's acting somewhat cold to you. if this is a close friend of yours , she should be able to discuss whatever is causing her to change her attitude toward you.Whenever i come in contact with someone close to me who seems to be acting somewhat distant,i feel the best thing to do is directly mention this to him or her and most of the time i find that it has nothing to do with me, but some personal problem they may be having at the time.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
8 Dec 10
I think that being direct is good advice. I have asked her if everything is ok but that may not be direct enough. I am considering inviting her over this weekend and maybe getting her into a comfortable atmosphere, it might help. Thanks for the response.