Do you think this is fair?

United States
December 6, 2010 10:59pm CST
I've been married for 10 months and recently out I'm 2 months pregnant. My husband has 7 kids from 2 divorces. I know it's a lot but we love each other and decided to get married. This is my first baby and probably the last. We used to keep the 4 kids from his second marriage every weekend and the 3 kids from his first marriage once a month. The kids range from age 11 to 2 years old. I was handeling it fine but lately I have been sick so much and don't have the energy to care for them. My husband works a lot so usually I'm caring for them. I asked him to get them all just once a month. Well his second wife had a fit and said she didn't care if I was pregnant and that their kids were coming over every weekend or she was going to get an increase in child support. I don't know what to do. I'm always so tired and the doctor has me on meds because I get bad morning sickeness. What do you think can be done about this situation?
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
hi...its not really fair at all...did u try talking to your husband? if he really loves you and cares for you especially now that you are pregnant, then he will understand that you have to take care of your self more. those kids have their mothers and i think at they are no longer helpless at their age...they are not your responsibility at all...u cannot take the responsibility of your husband as a father to his kids from his previous failed marriages...about the additional support, that would be too much to ask especially that your also have your own needs and you are taking care of their kids 8 days a month, that is not easy...and thats a bluff...asking for additional support if you do not allow her kids to be in your home every weekend??? that calls for some legal procedures and it will cost her money...let her do that if she can afford...the best thing that you can do is to talk to your husband and fight for your right...you should not just follow your husbands decision if your rights and your health are at risk...your are his Wife, you are not the Nanny of his kids from ex - wives....i hope this helps....:)
8 Dec 10
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• Philippines
8 Dec 10
hello angelfantasy! it is true that your husband has a responsibility to his kids but it does not mean that you'll take the burden of it. That is totally unfair to you, to mind the kids for what, 8 days a month? with your present condition, it would not only endanger you but the kids as well, if you are not healthy enough to look out for them. It would be best if you would talk it out with your husband and explain the situation. Maybe you could come up with a half-way deal, wherein everybody would benefit. The ex-wife, cannot just demand that you take responsibility for her kids during every weekend just because you happen to marry her ex-husband. It would have been alright if the kids are older and can take care of themselves, but to care for children 2 to 11 years old? seven kids? and with your present condition? definitely unfair. Your husband should be informed about this situation and he does not have the right to impose his kids from his previous marriages on you, like that. He should understand that if he really loves you.
• China
7 Dec 10
I understand you about this.but i only say good luck to you.
@jornz87 (140)
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
there's only one i can say 'you are not a nanny. and even if you are a nanny whoever doctor shall say you will not carry that kids.they their own mother who supposedly will take care of them.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
hello angel, It's not easy to take care kids with your present situation. I hope the kids mom will understand about your situation. I couldn't just imagine how will you manage after you will give birth. It would be much harder then,handling kids with your newly born baby. You need to take care of yourself,for your health and your baby's safety. Taking care of kids is not easy,and you should not be stressed with your condition right now. Talk this matter with your husband...you need rest. Have a good day
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
7 Dec 10
You need to be healthy to have a healthy baby. That is a priority. Since the children are old enough, it would be better to explain your condition and get them to be helpful. Easier said than done but you could try!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 10
He did not come alone to your life but he is a man with excess baggage. You have known that much earlier before committing yourself to him. The burden you are facing with regard to his children should not become an issue now. But at your present condition, you should have a heart to heart talk with your husband and request for 'leave' in looking after the kids until you are over with the morning sickness. Maybe your husband could make an arrangement to have a helper to help out with the kids temporarily until your condition subside.
• Philippines
7 Dec 10
Cut off the 'coming over' thing for a while if you can't handle it. Focus on taking care of yourself and your baby or worst comes to worst, you might lose your baby.
7 Dec 10
I understand where you are coming from, but I also understand the other mom's dilemna. For one, you make a monthly budget, to have to feed your kids for an additional 2 days does increase that budget. Secondly, the children still need to spend time with their father. You don't want anyoen feeling that "your" baby is more important than his other children. Maybe work some thing out so that, while you are pregnant the children come for a shorter tiem in the day. They go home for bath and bed and they dont come as early in the mo rning. Maybe they come on different days when your husband is home? Blending families is tricky business. Good luck to you!