Which one comes first, to forgive or to forget?

@creyos (276)
Indonesia
December 8, 2010 12:21am CST
It's difficult to let go someone who made mistake on you. Everyone told it's better to forgive and you will forget it afterall. But everyone also said just forget it, and move on, once you get into new life, you will forgive it and don't give a mind at all. I think about this but find it pretty strange, as to forget will take time to heal and I'm sure it's not just 1-2 days. And to forgive is not as easy as people said, we need a very big heart and not everyone have it. So which one should the people do to forgive first or to forget?
4 people like this
38 responses
• United States
8 Dec 10
To be honest I am one who can easily forgive but not forget. My opinion really is that in order for people to forget they must first forgive. See not forgiving means you never forget. It is like a lingering Nat that will nag you for years to come if not forever. Reason I find forgiving comes easier is that I can accept that a person is honest truthful and forthcoming with the truth. So I can forgive as we must judge people by how they correct their mistakes. I do not forget, see it will linger in my mind and I will not hold it over their head until dooms day I just want to be cautious with the person.
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
24 Dec 10
I have rule of thumbs in this forgive and forget business. I say, you can forget the things that doesnt need forgiveness but you can never forget things you have to forgive. Say your kid cousin got into your room, ran around and played hard that most of your stuff got destroyed. You would just easily forget the event after a few days. You would skip the forgiveness part and go straight to forgetting. However, the kinds of events that needs forgiveness but is actually hard to forgive are the ones that you should never forget. Like a cheating boyfriend. It's going to be hard to forgive him, but given time you might. But you should never let yourself forget/ignore what he has done. Not forgetting, means you wont be stupid enough to repeat it again. However, there is that point when after you forgave, you have totally completely forgot about the incident and maybe even the person. It's a rare occasion but does happen. So to answer your question, forgiving should come first.^_^
• United States
11 Dec 10
Ones unwillingness to forgive is harder on them than the one they refuse to forgive. Holding a grudge is never constructive. All unforgiveness does is cause hurt feelings and health problems for the one festering bad feelings. Forgive and after you've forgiven, forget the offense.
• China
11 Dec 10
Hello,in my opinion,I think that forgive comes first.Only if you forgive it then you can forget it.It will be nice when you forgive someone who made mistake on you.And you will find everything is better than before. Forgive,and then forget.Made your life better.
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
11 Dec 10
Hi creyos!. I think forgiveness come first than forget because I find its quite impossible to forget as long you still meet the person. Forgiving them make every thing much easier to handle. I personally think forgiving is much better for our soul than to the one who make mistake to us. Have a nice day!.
• India
10 Dec 10
If you forgive and forget, the one whome you forgave will also be relaxed that you do not have bad feelings for him/her. If you just try to forget, would be difficult. I would forgive and than forget. Thank You for sharing.
@RachelleNH (1408)
• United States
9 Dec 10
I think they both happen at the same time..maybe you have to forgive though in order to forget..so in that case-forgiveness occurs and forgetting can also happen at that same time. Sometimes though-you can never forget-depending on how bad the situation is and the pain it caused you. There have been things I've forgiven and forgotten but then there have been some cases where I'v forgiven but never really forgotten (they were pretty bad events)
@aeiou78 (3457)
• Malaysia
9 Dec 10
In my mind, after I forgive someone then only I can forget. If I cannot forgive him or her, he or she will always in my mind. Unforgiving someone does not mean I shall revenge. Of course, my heart is still considering as a BiG heart.
9 Dec 10
Is there really such a thing as forgive and forget? maybe we could forget things that are not considered big deals such as a name of a person or a name of a place but if you were hurt then I don't think you will forget but I think the proper word is moving on. When we move on it really doesn't mean that we forget but instead we choose to let it go, learn from it. In short we move on.
• Philippines
9 Dec 10
For me if you sincerely forgive the one who hurt you then automatically you will forget the things he done to you. As long you forgive without regrets you can easily forget and move on to a new life. Just try to forgive without regret and I'm sure life will be easier.
@derek_a (10902)
9 Dec 10
I would say fogive. For how can you forgive something that you have forgotten.. Forgiveness will always alway a person to move on, but it is a very abstract experience, that a person cannot bring about by making it so. Each person has to focus on what needs forgiving and then just wait until he/she is ready for forgiveness to take place. One has to be willing of course, and there are some things that have happened in a person's life that are easier to forgive than others.. _Derek
• India
9 Dec 10
Welcome to mylot We are human beings, it is common to for us to do mistakes, that may hurt people, telling sorry is so formal, but that can never cure the hurt feeling, better we should be careful not to do mistakes.. I can never forget the persons who have hurted me.. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings LOL. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. . God bless you. Welcome always.
• Vietnam
9 Dec 10
In my opinion, we can forget something easily if it's really not important. But when we say forgive, it's really hard. Because we say forgive when someone do a wrong thing to us and it depends on the situation. when someone hurt me, i can forgive them and then I will forget what happens. So, i think forgive comes first.
@alottodo (3062)
• Australia
9 Dec 10
How bad is that! I just made a comment to your discussion and on signing in I lost my post! . NOW I Am very upset! but to answer your question? I Am ready to forgive [ always had done] but never forget! once bitten twice shy.
@sminut13 (1786)
• Singapore
9 Dec 10
i somehow agree with an earlier post that says forgiveness first, then forgetting and all. no matter how bad the situation, if it is a situation where you can forgive or forget, i think personally for me, forgiveness comes first and then forgetting as i too agree that to forget something, that thing would have to be out of our minds and heart and for that to happen, we need to be content with it, in other words, basically forgive everything. then our minds and heart would be satisfied and thus, we will forget with time. of course, to each his or her own opinions.
@sunnycool (12737)
• India
9 Dec 10
It depends on the person --- if it were a random one whom i knew for quiet a while then it would be pretty easy to give a d@mn else i would try to be patient and watch them as how meaner they can get.All i can say is too many misunderstandings would take a relationship NOWHERE!There would be a limit for one every thing ... beyond which there would be nothing left in my hands to explain or talk about.People who stand by me know that i do not hide stuff...if you got some problem with me revealing stuff on your face or being open (which i'm always) then you can go to hell coz this is ME...would be my answer for those who play around with people.great day.
• Philippines
9 Dec 10
The forget part, for me, is impossible. Even though I had already made an agreement with him or her, and forgive his or her faults towards me, I still can't forget it for the rest of my life. Of course, the way you react to that person would already change from cold to warm 'cause you have already forgiven that person. But, the thing he or she did, it's impossible to forget. I'm talking about me personally.
@karishna (86)
• Philippines
9 Dec 10
I've experienced before that someone made a mistake and keep on lying even though he/she is already busted. I tried forgetting about that person and it took me about a year not to show myself and even though we have the same peers, i usually don't show myself or attend any group outing because I'm still not ready to face him/her. and when the time comes that i thought that I already forgot this person, well who would have thought that in the end I forgave him/her instead. Too bad hat it took us more than a year to bring back our old friendship T_T.To make the long story short you cannot forget someone you cannot forgive so the process should be forgive in order to forget hahahha.. If you don't believe me, try to experience it. thanks for the topic
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
9 Dec 10
hi creyos, its hard to us to forgive someone in a short time, but we need to to forgive them, forgiveness is a better medicine to heal our heart and release angry feelings. you have to forgive first then afterward you gradually forget it.
• Philippines
8 Dec 10
forgiving and forgetting are two difficult actions to do by an agrieved person. depending on the gravity of the offense and how significant the offender is to the offended party, forgiving and forgetting are processed short term or long term. that is how i look at it. so if the one who made a mistake is a very significant person in my life and the mistake made is one that can be considered a mortal sin, then forgiving is really difficult and much more, forgetting. In my case, I could forgive but will never forget.