Is it wrong to keep my dreams/goals/career a secret from my parents?
December 11, 2010 5:44pm CST
For as long as I can remember, I've never been confident in my intellectual abilities. I've always been fearful of putting in my best effort because if I failed despite my best efforts, in my mind, it would be a verification of my lack of intelligence. While I had always been inconsistent with studies (as I would completely neglect to spend time on some of subjects at times), I would surprisingly attain very pleasing marks on many occasions. Regardless of my strong insecurities, deep inside, I had always believed that "I could be anyone I wanted to be". Throughout my years at high school, my parents endeavoured to instill the view that whatever I had in mind for my future was not within my grasp. Although they had never revealed this belief in a blatant manner, through their subtle advice, the message was clear. In their eyes, I was incapable of undertaking more complex subjects such as chemistry and mathematics. They had accepted that I was "limited" with great ease. I am currently attempting to complete my dream course and surprisingly, I am doing very well. I still resent my parents for giving up on me so easily. Is it immoral to keep my parents out of the loop?
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13 Dec 10
My parents (my father rather) told me to take nursing although I want to take up I.T. But they insist, even bad-mouthing my course-of-choice. I tried nursing and eventually gave it up because I do not like it. Now, whenever they try to complain because I have low grades, I simply tell them that its their fault because they made me choose a career I didn't want.
12 Dec 10
I think it is up to you,just depend on what you think.As for me,i am dreaming to be a successful businessman,but my mother always wants me to be a officer and work for the goverment for the high stadu and certain income.But i really don't like it,so i was regreted to tell my mother about my dream and goal.So it is up to you.
12 Dec 10
hmm. I think they should be the first to know everything about you and your dreams/aspirations. And, I guess it won't help you if you just keep living in the shadows of what your parents think about you. Sure, it hurts a lot if in case your parents don't believe or trust in the skills and/or abilities that you have, but that shouldn't be a hindrance for you. You go out there and achieve your goals, no other person can do that, except you. :)
12 Dec 10
Some people would like to keep their dreams as secrete while others often share this with as many people they can . The advantage in sharing is that you will always recieve more feedback and input from others which would really be helpful . On the other hand,there are few risks involved in this case 1) Some people would demotivate you 2) Fear of shame and embarrasement in case of failure . In your case , i wont advise you to share your thoughts with as many people (as point 1 and 2 might be applicable for you) But i would certainly prefer that you share this with your parents .I have seen lot of similar cases where parenst want their children to do profesional degrss while the child prefr to be artist/sports person . Most of these children initially kept the dream as a secrets . It was a big surprise for them later when they founs that their parents were really supporting (once parents clearly understood that there is a dream) Hence i would recommend that you speak openly with your parents . I am sure you will be surprised with the response from them. I feel that your parents now think that you dont have a specific goal.
12 Dec 10
I understand how you feel. Years ago, I wanted to pursue a degree in chemical engineering, but my mom just told me that it was a course for males. I believed her and studied biology instead. Then I changed into another course. I am not certain where I was going. Looking back, I am in deep regret. Do not make the same mistake. I think there is no reason for you not to tell them since you are saying that you are doing quite well. You can probably make a hypothetical situation and just evaluate how they react. If, in the end, you become successful in your chosen path I am believe they will be happy for you. If you believe you can prosper in what you are doing now, by all means, go for it! You will reap your rewards someday.
12 Dec 10
Well if that's the case, maybe talking to them may help. Actually, telling parents about your goals and dreams in life will help you realize it too and you'll become more aware. I know where you are coming from and your results have indeed proved it. But if you want to wait until you've graduated, then start planning on your future path. Keep it from your parents if you fear that they become pessimists again. But parents should be the ones who encourage their children instead of paving the route for them, which is not good. I like how you said that "I could be anyone I wanted to be". This really proves that you have sufficient belief in yourself and I believe that you will make it someday too So, in the meantime, work even harder, prove to your parents that you can do it so that it'll change their opinion of yours. ~Good luck~
12 Dec 10
you know.. we're both in the same situation. my parents never had confidence in me and my powers, they think i have no ambition, and yet i have big dreams and i definetely plan on pursuing them. until i've reached my goal, i won't tell them, cause they'll think i'm bluffing. but when they'll see that i finally became someone, their surprise will be better. i'm not sure that not telling them is a good advice, but if they don't think you're able to do it, you should prove them wrong not with words, but facts it's just my oppinion..
• United States
12 Dec 10
No, I don't think that is immoral keep that secret from your parents. Without further slap you down, you should make it yourself, and let them know that you are not that weak, and you are invincible at every single way. Don't give up, some day, your parents would "wow" you.
12 Dec 10
In my opinion, i think it is not wrong because each individual has their own privacy and by not sharing your dream to them does not make you less of a person. Some people are private that they don't want to share their dreams first because some wants to surprise everyone if they already achieved that kind of goal. I have tried that a lot. When I have felt hatred and all I can't even draw anymore and that made my family sad and wanted me to draw again. There are lots of time that I was scared in painting again and let them see that I don't want it anymore but they didn't know that i keep on practicing alone and when i finished my masterpiece, that is the time i told them about my intention. I lied to them in order for them not to expect too much and not to be hurt when i fail that is the only reason why I keep it.