'She-Who-Must-Be Obeyed' arrives tomorrow evening
By cynthiann
@cynthiann (18602)
Jamaica
December 13, 2010 8:08pm CST
This is my eldest sister - nearly ten years older than I am. The controller. Divorced - no children- just me and I am now in my 60's. Okay. I know what it says about me. But apart from being an alcofrolic she does have mega heart problems.
So you cannot say anything really in response as if you do then she clutches her heart and as she was advised not to travel then what can I do? I do not want to be responsible if anything happens to her whilst she is in my care.
So I prepared a Shepherd's pie for dinner tomorrow, thinking that this is one meal she will not see me preparing without saying that I am doing it all wrong.
I do not know how I managed to work and raise four children then looking after the twins for 18 months. Plus I was so happily married,. How did I do this without her around all of the time?
I do love her so very much but she is not a nice happy drunk but a mean one who does not remember the nasty things what she said when she is sober.
I honestly do care for her and am terrified that she will get sick whilst with me for the next 5 weeks.
Do you have anyone in your family that you love but cannot live with for a long time? Well, to me, five weeks is a long time
I do not know how I managed to work and raise four children then looking after the twins for 18 months. Plus I was so happily married,. How did I do this without her around all of the time?
I do love her so very much but she is not a nice happy drunk but a mean one who does not remember the nasty things what she said when she is sober.
I honestly do care for her and am terrified that she will get sick whilst with me for the next 5 weeks.
Do you have anyone in your family that you love but cannot live with for a long time? Well, to me, five weeks is a long time7 people like this
17 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
14 Dec 10
I know you love her but OMG I'd have to slap her silly for pulling that "clutching her heart" thing if I tried to say anything she didn't want to hear. That just highly irritates me! I am not as sweet as you are.. I'd probably stand there and say "Well, if you want to have a heart attack, it's your life, but I'm not going to sit around and allow you to act like a b*tch to me in my own home!"
Do I have someone I love but can't live with for a long time? Yeah.. my husband and kids! 
They make me insane.. too bad I don't have a choice.. hubby won't let me leave him and the kids are too young to move out. 
They make me insane.. too bad I don't have a choice.. hubby won't let me leave him and the kids are too young to move out. 1 person likes this
@kodukodu84 (1569)
• Malaysia
14 Dec 10
My elder sister is also the same. I love seeing her for the first time after long time being away from each other but she will starts annoying and irritating me after sometimes because her attitudes never changed and I always dislike her temper. I don't like hearing someone always shouting and being angry at home and blaming everyone for anything wrong happened. She is impatience and wants everyone to do things for her all the time. Good luck and have a nice day
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
So you have the same problem too? It is awful isn't it? Thank you fir your best wishes. I am going to try and be patient
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Dec 10
No blood relatives like that, but a few who are related by marriage. Thankfully nobody who is going to stay with me for 5 weeks. Hang in there...
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
I am seriously going to the doctor who called me elderly and will demand some valium. I will take it or grind up some and put it in her OJ. She is going to a wedding. Why not book in for 2 nights? . She is loaded with money but so cheap that we have to pick her up from Mo'Bay tomorrow and then Wednesday she will be at my house just sorting out her stuff etc and going to my GD's play in the evening. And then Thursday afternoon she has to be taken back to Mo'Bay and picked up again Sunday as she is to be back for my GD's birthday. I did warn her that she will be alone for some days as Rachel is busy in Kingston and Stefan does not like her too much. Jo called from Qatar and said how sorry e was to miss her visitAt least she gets his room so does not have to sleep in my bed. Thank \god for small mercies or in this case a big one
At least she gets his room so does not have to sleep in my bed. Thank \god for small mercies or in this case a big one1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Dec 10
Gosh are you sure that you can't arrange for half her visit to be in Qatar?
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
Well she is going somewhere in February but as yet hasn't said where I think that I hd better warn my DIL
I think that I hd better warn my DIL
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Dec 10
this reminds me so much of how my mother was. I sure don't envy u having her there for the next 5 weeks. There is no way i could have been w/mother for 5 weeks the way she acted. Cynthi, she may have a bad heart but that act is just an act she pulls on u becauce she knows it scares u. Drunks are very manipulative & u should have her number by now. It doesn't have anything to do w/your love for her, she's using that to get her way. I would not put up w/anyone for 5 weeks that treated me the way she does u. Put on your big girl panties & don't let her treat u that way ever again!!!!!!!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
14 Dec 10
That is one of my favorite expressions, can't believe i haven't used it w/u before, lol. She should listen to the doctors & stay at home!! That just shows she is a hardhead. U really don't need the worry & stress her visit causes u.She'll probably outlive u, i hope not. I admit i don't have any patience when it comes to people who act like that especially w/the drinking involved.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
15 Dec 10
Se arrived sober so that was good. Stefan drove me to airport and stayed the night and that was good to, She was okay last night - pretty much exhausted. Slept in Jo's room. Thank God not in my bed yet but she will do so at some time when the kids come
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
I have never heard that expression of putting on my big girl pantiesIt just about sums up everything. I will try but she really is in a bad way and should not travel. Her blood has to be checked constantly as she is on warfarin and I have to register her with a cardiologist as she arrives. She has to bring a medical history with her too. I am scared something will happen whilst she is on my watch
It just about sums up everything. I will try but she really is in a bad way and should not travel. Her blood has to be checked constantly as she is on warfarin and I have to register her with a cardiologist as she arrives. She has to bring a medical history with her too. I am scared something will happen whilst she is on my watch1 person likes this
@marguicha (215346)
• Chile
14 Dec 10
AS dawn said, noone that will stay with me for 5 weeks. In fact, at this time of my life (65) I can barely life with myself some days. I live very close to my mom and brother and would be hurting most of the time if I listened to what they say to me. I learned not to mind them and thus I can live nearby without much problem and be around for my mother when my brother is out of town.
I wouls advise not to pay attention to her, but accept with a smile all the things she says. That way you will be happier and will be able to have a grade of tolerance for her.
I would also advise you to hand over some tasks to her. If she tells you that something should be done in another way why don´t you answer sweetly that, as she surely does it much better, you would be SO happy if she did it and taught you how to do it right.
. I live very close to my mom and brother and would be hurting most of the time if I listened to what they say to me. I learned not to mind them and thus I can live nearby without much problem and be around for my mother when my brother is out of town.
I wouls advise not to pay attention to her, but accept with a smile all the things she says. That way you will be happier and will be able to have a grade of tolerance for her.
I would also advise you to hand over some tasks to her. If she tells you that something should be done in another way why don´t you answer sweetly that, as she surely does it much better, you would be SO happy if she did it and taught you how to do it right.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
I have fallen in love with you.
What a great idea - let her do it. When she is sober she is an excellent cook. She canbe 'Mummy's little helper' and help with the work until she takes to her bed with her heart problems. Bless you my child
What a great idea - let her do it. When she is sober she is an excellent cook. She canbe 'Mummy's little helper' and help with the work until she takes to her bed with her heart problems. Bless you my child
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
Well, I will be at work a lot and she will grumble or try to interfere. I manage an upscale villa in my part time job and the tourist season is on us so I will be rushing backwards and forwards to make sure all of their needs are met. But she will want to come and it will be hell to keep her from the guests. Thanks for the best wishes. I will just have to roll with it
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
15 Dec 10
No no muffins! Went to bed with both randy and water last night. When the children come she will have to be in my bed
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Five weeks is an eternity with someone like that. I do have someone in my family that is that way but this person does not drink at all and never has. Just a perfectionist and no one can do any thing to suit their thoughts or needs.
I feel for you, I do.
I hope nothing happens while she is with you, but if it does...you need to remember that it was not your fault that she brought this all on herself.
She drinks and that is not good for her. She abuses people in her life, that causes grief. She was told not to travel and she is anyway.
She chose to travel and be around another person when she knows how she is. I'm sure someone has told her this.
So if anything happens it's not on you.
Good luck in this 5 weeks. hugs...
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
15 Dec 10
yes, it is "her" will that she carry on and do as she wishes not your will.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
Oh you are so kind, thank you. I am scared that she will get sick or worse......But,as you rightly said- it is her own choice
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
There is something about older sisters who still boss their younger siblings around
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
14 Dec 10
cynthiann,
I don't suppose you can do anything else other than soaking it all up like a piece of sponge and be as many layered as an onion to all that drunk verbal bashing once she's on the binge.
I tend to look the other way when it comes to my elders - just as long as they do not betray their own principles or conscience. Other than that, I will be quite accommodating because to me, they are already at their prime and (touch wood) they can just leave any time without a hint or warning. When it is time, it will be time.
So, live and let live. I know where you are but just do not be afraid to do what you want to do. As for the control factor, I suppose it will be your prerogative although I would advocate to leave it outside the door here.
Take care and compliments of the season to all at home.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
14 Dec 10
Sounds like she will be over staying her welcome with that duration of a visit. *crossing my fingers* for you that she will be decent during her visit and that she will spend some time elsewhere than in your home during her visit. When SIL2 was up in '09 it was nothing but bickering and such between her and the IL's while they were up visiting for 6 weeks! SIL2 & her kids ended up living in a hotel for half of that time instead of @ the IL's.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
That sounds like a nightmare. Well I will be at work most of the time and she will spend a few days with friends in the city. I am trying to be positive but I know her all too well.
@gdesjardin (1918)
• United States
16 Dec 10
Five weeks??? Oh bless your heart! I would go crazy with ANY of my relatives staying for that long. My sister and I get along fine but more than 3 days were her and I would go nuts! Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but after 3-4 days...that would be it! I hope you can hang in there. Five weeks is a long time for anyone to visit.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
16 Dec 10
My grandmother was the person in my family that I dearly loved but I couldn't imagine living with for a long time. However, in the last months of her life I did learn to enjoy the time that we were able to spend together. She lived with us for most of my pregnancy with my son and she had the opportunity to meet him the day that we brought him home from the hospital, but she passed away later that week. Though I didn't think that I would be able to live with her, I also wouldn't trade that time with her for the world.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
14 Dec 10
It must be hard to have such a controlling relative. This can make the holidays quite a struggle. you can not change how members of your family conduct themselves. they have to live with the way they behave. All you can do is be yourself. that's all that should be expected of you.@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Dec 10
This is very sensible advice and I thank you. I know that I cannot change her but I am scared as she really is so very ill with heart problems
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
18 Dec 10
Yes I do. I can't really say who he is, so let's just call him, he-who-must-not-be-named. Although he is not as bad as Voldemort, he does get on my nerves all the time. But I can't do anything about it when he comes to visit. Which is sometimes over a few months.
In the next five weeks, don't forget to breath!
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
14 Dec 10
At work all of our older sisters are that way..we call it the oldest sister syndrome! Really. Mine was a total pain in the behinder until one day I let her have it....we didn't speak for a year...but since then she has treated me with respect. Of course I told her that anything she says negative about me I will expose her to the entire family as we are all sick of her....like if there is a plan...she changes it....recently we had our family Christmas...she is unable to have it at her house are there are way too many people for her small house..instead of giving up her turn...or I should say control...she announced it was her turn and she was having it at my brothers???? Just to say it was her turn?
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
16 Dec 10
OMG! Five weeks...My heart goes out to you dear friend...My mother is someone who I would never, ever live with...Ever! She is self-absorbed, controlling and critical with OCD tendencies! I am not kidding...My sister went on an eight week holiday to Italy with both my parents and I received constant texts from her stating how depressed she was fighting with my mother day in and day out; my sister is one of easiest people to get along with and she has many friends but our mother is just not one of them!
Your sister has probably arrived by now. I would be inclined to switch off from her and have no positive expectations so she will not disappoint and keep telling yourself that she will be leaving soon! Good luck!
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
15 Dec 10
Hiya CA.,
Wow that is something to handle then. You did well preparing Meals whilst she is not around. So she will just probably eat and not even bother to comment on them.
A bossy Sister, yes mine was a teeny weeny bit bossy too but now I wish she was here but she is not.
I can see you love her too perhaps try and do your best to make the most of it. Life is so short after all. In your case I would try my very best to make her feel welcome but not so welcome that she can keep going on at you all Day long. That certainly is no Christmas for anyone.
Wow that is something to handle then. You did well preparing Meals whilst she is not around. So she will just probably eat and not even bother to comment on them.
A bossy Sister, yes mine was a teeny weeny bit bossy too but now I wish she was here but she is not.
I can see you love her too perhaps try and do your best to make the most of it. Life is so short after all. In your case I would try my very best to make her feel welcome but not so welcome that she can keep going on at you all Day long. That certainly is no Christmas for anyone.