ingratitude

Philippines
December 14, 2010 8:47am CST
This was an experience of long ago but one which burned me. Even Charred me. I used to receive gifts from relatives. One aunt particularly who would give us souvenirs and other gifts from her travels abroad. I thought at the time this was a gesture of love and concern for us--my mom and myself and our family. Until such time when we had to deal with our properties (not big really)when my mom passed away and they started counting all that were given to us. This crushed me...not so much the counting but the realization that the generosities shown were actually not out of love and concern but for something in return. And what a return to ask...my hereditary right. I actually said that if they have told me that they expected something in return, I would have refused their generosities. We ended not talking for years. But since that time, I try to avoid receiving gifts that are given when there is no occasion at all. As I said I got burned. How about you? Did something of this kind happen to you? How did you feel?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Hatley (154540)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Dec 10
hi figurative me I dont think I have ever been in quite that situation but it is very sad when people who should care for us are just using us to get something when the time comes.I worked for years out of a nurses's registry and was sent to special this really sweet lady who was dying in spite of all the chemo she had. once her family got word that she could die any time they of them with the family lawyer just camped outside her room on borrowed chairs like ghouls. they had the never to come into the room and ask their dying mother a nd aunt what she had left to them.Her doctor came in and made them not come into her room. I had to keep telling them she was unconscious and could not talk to them so leave her alone. One of the nurses along with two burly orderly came over to them and told them to go home as she might linger for several days. they were going to stay and the two orderlies escorted them out of the hall ,down stairs and out to their cars. I had never forgotten that. such greed. none were seemingly sad at all just greedy.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (154540)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Dec 10
oh oh typos should be they had the nerve to come into the room and ask their dying mother and aunt what she had left to them. also once her family got word she could die at any time three of them with the family lawyer just camped outside her room on borrowed chairlike ghouls. they had the nerve to come into the room and ask..,.,,
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@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
oh my, hatley, that is so horrible. you are right, they are greedy.
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
But the family is despicable, hatley. And to ask the mother on her deathbed for what she left them is the limit. Somehow your story makes mine a little less horrific. Sometimes we ask how such people could exist but they do. Somehow you have helped me remove my thoughts from my own predicament although I do feel for the dying mother, although this happened from the past. Thanks for your response and your sharing, hatley.
@jumesbond (109)
• Turks And Caicos Islands
15 Dec 10
I feel that way a lot of the time. When people give me gifts, I'm not sure if they are doing it because they care about me or because they are trying to claim something. It does make me uncomfortable when I receive gifts for that reason.
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
It always does, jumesbond. For me, too.
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
That was so low! something like this did happen to me, well, I'm not sure if you responded to the post I made about my aunt wanting to control my choices in my marriage partner, but that aunt was a very doting aunt when I was just a child, and she gave me jewelries and money while I was growing up, then when I started dating she acts as if it's her choice who I date because I she gives me material things...tsk, tsk, tsk... I didn't get burned though for I have other people who are genuinely generous to me because they love me...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
It could really be frustrating to be at the receiving end of such a behavior. I am glad it didn't affect you much. But my experience with my aunt was so horrible and disgusting it made me wary of gifts. As they say "beware of kings bearing gifts." Thanks for your response, marapplestiffy.
@louievill (15768)
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
I'm so sorry something like that happens to families just because of material wealth, anyway I hope you told them straight at their faces when they were accounting (during the partition of properties)that those were gifts! And a gift is a gift. Anyway if you were not able to fix the issue between yourselves and it reached a point where both parties would file a law suite, those gifts would have no bearing nor will it hold water in a court of law. Glad to say I have not experienced anything like that yet
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
Hi louievill. Honestly, it never entered my mind that those gifts are gifts as you said. I should have I suppose. I can still use that coz we are entering into another potential tussle. I sincerely hope it won't. But thanks a lot...this is something I could use.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
that's sad. gifts are gifts and should never be mistaken as bribes or a sort of blackmail. what makes it worst is she's a relative and (correct me if i'm wrong, figurativeme) she had an underlying motive all the while she was giving you gifts. if it was me, i'd definitely feel very bad and emotionally manipulated about the whole thing. i hope your aunt has a change of heart and respects your rights to your family inheritance. my personal experience has a different twist to it, but it also involved relatives and family inheritance. it somehow resulted in the same thing as your not talking to your aunt for years. someone close to me also had a similar experience, but in her case she had to bow down to her relatives' wishes since all odds were stacked against her. hopefully in your case, though, everything will turn out well. good luck!
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
You are quite right about "emotionally manipulated" zapatee. That was what I felt and the more heartbreaking it is to realize this. I cried a lot at the time over this fact. Thanks for your response zapatee and for the thought. It means a lot.
1 person likes this
@zapatee (477)
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
you are welcome, figurativeme. i really feel for you. in my family's case, though, it was my mother who shed gallons of tears after we learned what our relatives did. i just kept quiet. i was still young then, but the experience somehow left me with plenty of clear ideas about how some people can be when money/material wealth is already at stake.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
14 Dec 10
how horrible! i really can't understand why to give gifts if someone is going to fight for bigger things, what a small person so sorry for you i have tons of relatives like this
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
It was horrible. And I hate to say this of my own relative but I did lose my respect for her. Too bad we can't choose relatives. Thanks for your response katie.