Telling someone that he/she is not right.

@deserve40 (1607)
India
December 14, 2010 8:53am CST
Many times we find that the people around us are not doing the right thing. However, we generally ignore such things unless the same is being done by someone we do care for. If our friend or relative or loved one is doing wrong thing we feel like telling him/her that he/she is not doing right thing and we may tend to tell him/her what the correct thing is...! However, most of the times it does not look good if you straight way jump into and tell what you feel on the face of the person in plain words. But at the same time it is our moral duty to tell such things in such a way tht the person does not feel hurt and also the message is clear and straight. How do you suggest we should do this task?
1 person likes this
8 responses
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
It is really hard to tell point blank a mistake a friend does in doing something. But a gentle talk in a tactful way does come in handy. with a smile and gentle words, one can correct a friend. That is, if it's a friend who happens to do it not a stranger.it will be rude to correct a stranger.
@wonga94 (218)
• Singapore
15 Dec 10
Hi deserve40! For me, i would not tell them they are doing the wrong thing unless they are someone who is close to you and is willing to accept it. Let's face it, people all hate someone who is straightforward because they can't accept the truth about themselves and they rather keep on lying to themselves about how their weakness does not affect them. There's this lady at my part-time job who constantly corrects people's mistakes. Everyone hates her and loves talking behind her back. She somewhat deserves it cause she loves poking her nose into other people's business.
• Philippines
15 Dec 10
Hello deserve40, Each of us has a moral obligation to our love ones as well as the people who are direct unto us like closed friends and neighbors. I you feel you are the perfect one to tell whatever wrong doings he/she has done then do it politely in lower tone in a right perfect time. Good timing in correcting others mistake is essential especially if that mistake is crucial. On the other hand, there are also mistakes that no need to utter whichever is right. You may just do and show the right one. Being an example of right doings is like telling them the right things. Just be a good model in the family. Realization will come after committing the wrong one. Good luck!!
@foofermen (503)
14 Dec 10
People always say that sugar coating your words is bad but I disagree completely. Sweetening your words makes them easier to swallow and makes people more receptive to your ideas. If you are respectful and polite, pointing out a wrong should be no problem. If the person insists on being wrong, they obviously need to learn for themselves. If it is someone online, it is as simple as finding a link to a credible source, pointing out the truth. In conclusion, I almost always tell people the truth. If they don't like it, I am always very good at patching things up. Just stay polite, cooperative, constructive, and respectful.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
14 Dec 10
I think we should be direct and to the point. Explain why it's wrong, so they understand and then tell them how it should be done. No, making them guess why it's wrong or letting them figure out for themselves. The question reminds me of the show "Everybody Loves Raymond." Frank was painting Raymond's house yellow. Well, Raymond didn't like it. Frank's feelings were hurt, but he never told Raymond why he thought yellow was the best color. He just expected Raymond to listen to him and do what he said without explanation. Well, later in the show it was explained that Frank was painting the house o make it "pop" or "stand out" to be noticed. Once Raymond knew why...he was finally in agreement.
@Suggar (3612)
• Bulgaria
14 Dec 10
Hello deserve, i was thinking about that yesterday, when i wanted to say something to someone, but didn't do it. And yes, i agree that usually we don't tell the truths to the others, because we don't want to hurt them - that's my situations, i bet nearly all of us are saving to the others the way they can hurt them. I'm that kind of person, who would first try to show what he feels, not to tell it directly. I don't want to offend someone, this is why i try to be more clear with the way i act. As yesterday, i was so mad that a friend is staying so long time at home, that we can't have lunch and diner calm, we have to serve to him always. Yesterday i didn't serve food. I waited him to finish the visitation and then i made sandwiches for me and my boyfriend. Today it will be the same. This friend of us will come, i'll cook but don't plan to serve food before he goes. If he is smart enough, he will understand that we got limited amount of food and we don't know how long we will be with that food. If he doesn't catch my thought i'll be direct with him and will tell him what i think, because if the person is insolent enough to bother us even if he knows that we are in a hard situation, he deserve to be hurt. I don't like insolent people. This is why i am trying to show my opinion with using some old experience, with old stories about wrong stuff i've seen in other people. The last step is to tell the person what's wrong. It may hurt, but if the person doesn't understand my hints, it mean that he doesn't deserve to be a friend. I'm little cruel with my friends and never pick such friends, who would act insolent and without tolerance for me.
@kodukodu84 (1576)
• Malaysia
14 Dec 10
Well I believe we could always tell the truth in a different way with different person. We don't always have to be serious when telling such thing to someone, because we could do it in a friendly way, and that when we are ready to be answered back. We should not tell the truth but not ready to take the talking back from the other person. We also need to look at the mood of the person at the time I guess. Have a nice day
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
14 Dec 10
You can tell to anybody one truth based on your formal, respectful, freindly and with love talking. From your side you must tell such right thing in order to free you from something guilty feeling because one saying said "the truth will set you free"... see you around