My love for my Kids........

@celticeagle (117158)
Boise, Idaho
December 14, 2010 6:10pm CST
translates into alot of who I am. I am a caregiver. I know my kids shortcomings and I am here to be their good will ambassadors and their spokesman in many ways. And so, as in the CHristmas story, it came to pass that I wanted so badly to see the expression on my grandson's face when he opened his Ninetendo DSL Limited Edition and so I gave it to him early with the rules that he was to put it up in his room at night on the charger, not to take it to school or to anyones house without permission. So what does he do Monday morning but take it to school.(Yes, his mother is at fault here. I have told her if she has trouble managing him to wake me in the future.) He proceeds to get mad when it is taken from him by the principal(school rules state no toys or games) and then he knocks a little girl down and she hits her head, may have a concussion. I am beside myself with real anger that this happened and stressed over what is to come. My grandson seems to have a real anger problem and a twisted way of looking at any outcome from that anger. If you don't give him what he wants he says this gives him the right to be mean and be angry and lash out. He just doesn't get it! Any ideas? It has been explained to him a gazillion times. You great moms out there-it is so hurtful to me to love a child so much and yet have to be so authoriatarian and strict with him. I know it is how it has to be but still difficult. I look at other kids and their families and I am jealous of their normalcy. He is in a program at school, has a PSR worker and is seeing a counselor. I must say I am alittle afraid for his future if he doesn't change his way of thinking. I am sad and feel I probably shouldn't have given him the Nintendo early but I was in full Grandma mode. Any ideas or input?
5 people like this
9 responses
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Dec 10
Well he broke the rules, so I hope it gets taken away for a while. Not sure how bad this anger problem is, but maybe he needs some counseling on how to handle himself? Some pushing and so on is normal for children though.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Dec 10
He is seeing a counselor now and has had a PSR worker for a couple of years now. His anger problem is really bad. Very serious. He has hit, scratched, bruised, etc. his mom and we are going to be calling the police if this continues. If he did to me I would have cold cocked him. He knows better than to treat me that way. His mom lets him get away with alot. She is getting alittle better but needs to do alot more. SHe is the one that let him take the game to school and it is against the rules. She is a loon.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Dec 10
It's sad, but if the parents don't start getting firm when they are little, it can turn into a nightmare when they are older.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
15 Dec 10
Oh Celtic, the anger thing is really difficult to deal with. I have a daughter that had some real anger issues. She could be so sweet and so funny. Her quick wit was something we all envied. She had so many wonderful qualities and made friends easily. Then there was this dark side to her whenever something set her off and it could be any little thing...watch out! walls got kicked, objects thrown and the verbal abuse was horrible. She used to get me so worked up that I literally would get sick. Key is not to buy into it and react in anger as well as that only makes them feel justified in their anger. I found that the less I reacted to her outbursts, the more remorse she felt. She once threw my toaster out the window and broke it in a fit of rage. I just sat there. When she was all done, I calmly told her that she now owed me a new toaster. It sounds as if you are doing all you can for him. Don't be kicking yourself for giving him the gift. Knowing that you love him despite his issues is important to him. My daughter is now 24 and has outgrown the temper fits. Your grandson will too. Councelling will help find other ways to deal with his anger. Good luck, Celtic!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec 10
Thanks Dear! If his mother would learn to use child psychology like I have tried to teach her over and over then alot of this would end. He knows if he continues the tantrum long enough mom will give him whatever. She just doesn't get the concept. And I have told her time and time again that there is going to come a time when he his towering over her in a corner he has backed her into sometime and he is saying: " And you won't let me do what?" She is doing better but has a long way to go yet. She should never have let him take that to school in the first place. I told her in the future she needs to wake me up if she is having trouble making him mind her.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
16 Dec 10
She definatly is adding to his problem by giving in to him and letting him do what she should know is not right. I will say that I never once gave in to my daughter's temper fits. If there was a chance that I might have changed my mind on something she wanted, well she blew it with throwing a fit and it did not happen. I told her over and over that I was open to talk and negotiate but the minute she started acting out then it was a done deal....there was no negotiating.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
15 Dec 10
First of all..you know that those parents and children that present themselves as "normal" have their own fish to fry...no one is perfect and those that seem so..well..they usually just have more to hide. His actions..well..you know he has to pay for those and that is part of his learning...soo...you have to support with maybe...I told you....not a great thing to do but he knows you did. Mom could have stopped it..but ultimatley he made the choice..so..where do you go from here??? I would ask him why..that you trusted him. I would put him on the spot...he did make the choice. His friends would do the same..no slack. Peer pressure is strong right? So be a peer. If need be..act as though you were trusting and did him a favor..and he shafted you. Which is what happened. They are people too. They are young but they come to an age where they understannd how things work. Nothing wrong with Grandma mode..awesome gift...he just needs to understand that you are helpng him with your advice.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Dec 10
I agree. I did trust him and his mother. They both sort of let me down. We will be talking to the counselor about this at the end of the month. His PSR worker has helped us with some options. I think him letting me down trust wise is something I will use.
@GardenGerty (96657)
• Marion, Kansas
15 Dec 10
It is easy to look backwards and see what should have been done. It would have been "safer" to wait until he was on school break to give it to him. Second to that would have been to have had him give it to you when he went to bed at night. My great niece lived with me for a while, and she had all kinds of behavior and anger issues. Her Mother would not use the same rules I used, and would not allow any medications either. She has some labels, has had help all the way through school, and is just now, at almost 18, beginning to control her anger, but still not all of the time. My son had a step son with similar issues. Again, parents do not consistently enforce rules. Kids cannot learn to manage themselves if their parents do not lead.
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Dec 10
Yes, but I had no idea his mother would fall short like she did or would have had it in my room. And if my daughter lets him get away with things like this she is going to have more and more problems. I just don't need the stress.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
15 Dec 10
bLESS YOUR HEART & YOUR GRANDSONS. I'm so sorry he has this problem. How old is he? I hope he can get some help w/this. I agree his mom had to know he was carrying it to school. I hope he can get it back but if he did it would be put up from him till he learned to follow the rules u told him about. I know about the love u have for a grandson but i want mine to behave & i know u do to. I hope things get better for all of u.GOOD LUCK!!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Dec 10
He is eight years old and in the second grade. yes, his mom knew about him taking the toy to school. He would go get on the bus unless she let him take the toy. He has this power over her. SHe is getting better but not near good enough. Thanks.
@bunnybon7 (35516)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Dec 10
iam so sorry for you and him girl. i wonder what makes him so angry? does his mom just leave him have his way? maybe he feels pressured being the only male in the house kind of like the man of the house. then again if its not that it may be a suggestion that he should be more responsible since he is kind of the only male? dont know. you need to find a better counselor maybe.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec 10
He just started with a counselor. He has been seeing a PSR worker here at home for the past couple of years. BUt even she is frustrated and felt a counselor would be a good addition. He is on medication. The problem lies with his mom. SHe is bi-polar and is mentally alittle on the slow side. SHe won't be authoratative with him. SHe is getting better but she doesn't always use good judgement and I can't be around 24/7. If he whines and throws a fit long enough she lets him do whatever. Her letting him take the Nintendo to school really irritates me because he was told not to and she and I discussed it before the thing was ever brought into the home. Ugh! Thanks for your input.
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
15 Dec 10
Kids often interpret our willingness to give as never having to hear a "No"! They get possessive about a new gift and will try and spend all the time with it. Breaking rules is a natural progression. We the adults often driven by love have trouble saying "No" even if we want to. We need to learn doing that. Kids need to know that we mean what we say. It is a kid's nature to explore the boundaries of their freedom. Once they know this there will be no major reaction to a denial. A good way to know and accept social boundaries are stories. Kids love stories. Good and moral stories from scriptures help. We have to give them a perception of real life through these stories. Your Grandson will be okay! Just guide him through the formative years.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec 10
I hope so. With a mother who has a real problem making him tow the line it is very difficult. That is one reason I live here with her. SHe is bi-polar and is alittle slow. It can be very frustrating. Having her let him take that to school really irritates me. I keep telling her that at some point down the road he is going to be six foot four towering over her and saying:"You aren't going to let me do what?"
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Dec 10
hi celticeagle oh that is so distressing I am wondering if perhaps he has some emotional or mental problems that should be looked at by a child mental worker, the anger could be a sign of autism and the twisted way he has of looking at the outcome of the anger.He sounds like a child with more problems than perhaps just being a little spoiled. How old is he as that might help to figure it out? I am so sorry he reacted that way.that overreaction at school does worry me too as kids with autism can really get furious. I have not had it in my own family but saw it with a friend who had a son who would just explode and tear into another child and he was diagnosed with autism .I hope someone can figure out whats going on in his young mind and help him back to normalcy.I know how devastating this must be for you as you love hime to pieces of course. hope things get better. hugs from hatleyl
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec 10
His problem is that his mother lets him do stuff and get away with things because she doesn't want to or can't be authorative with him. SHe has a real problem with have any kind of scene with him and be appropriate with him when there is one. He does have mental problems. Anger and attachment disorder because of his history with his dad. His mom lets him get away with things and he knows if he throws a fit long enough she will let him do whatever. I will ask his meds doctor and his counselor about the possibility of autism. We have him all kinds of help and he is on meds so hopefully we can get to the bottom of this. I am so glad he sees a PSR worker and now has a counselor and is on meds at a young age. Trying to nip it in the bud if at all possible. Thank you for your input.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
15 Dec 10
one thing when ya get it back put it up yourself for 2 weeks and tell him if it happens again it wil be taken away longer nd a hand on the butty might not hurt! open hand is allowed!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117158)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Dec 10
I am thinking along these same exact lines. And he is whining big time too cause he wants it back so bad. He just doesn't get it!