What's your pressure now?

@youless (86446)
Guangzhou, China
December 21, 2010 9:19pm CST
This year my son starts to go to grade 1 in the primary school. Every night we have to check his homework and then sign names. We have to go over the lessons with him. It seems that we also have to study it. Sometimes the teacher is not pleased yet. I think I am already a nice mom, but sometimes I can't even control myself and blame my son if he does the homework slowly. I know that we shouldn't pay attention to the scores only, but it is easy to say than done. My son's study has become to my pressure now. I hope he can have a good habit of study and we shall be happy.
3 people like this
16 responses
@mrblur94 (57)
• Singapore
22 Dec 10
its completely normal. when your son enters secondary school,(im just assuming that you follow the British education system because i do) the pressure will slowly be passed to your son. until then, you have the responsibility to build a strong educational foundation for him. when he enters secondary school, you have to explain to him that his education is now his own responsibility as parents cannot decide the future of their children. the next step is care. students under stress need lots and lots of love from parents. your responsibility now is to shower him with as much love as you can. when the transition finally settles, you can sit back and be proud of what a beautiful thing a son is. hope this helps.
2 people like this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
Sadly we are under the Chinese education system which is famous for its study pressure
1 person likes this
• Singapore
22 Dec 10
i see. then i am afraid what you have to do is just try to get used to the pressure and turn it into a chance to bond with your son. good luck.
2 people like this
@spencari (265)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 10
every human gifted with every problems and each contain pressure to solve, like me i must earn so much money every month and should be targeted if i miss i wont get money to fulfill my need (we agree if we must spend our money to survive right?..) that's one of my pressure, but i enjoy with it, make me think how to pass my target and its make creative how to get it.... related to your discussion above i think the biggest problem is not how he can pass his score and able to do his homework but how he able to learn responsibility for his live.. just try to let him do his own homework and give a reward for it and after he get a good mark also. each kids have unique character and talent maybe he have his own talent that make him enjoy to do it but you have not see it... a person who able pass his score, does not guarantee he able to get future live better contrary someone who able take his responsibility in his live
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
I don't really like to give my son reward all the time because I am afraid it will spoil him. I will give him some gifts when it is necessary.
@spencari (265)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 10
reward not always give an expensive stuff, give him your lovely smile and praise is the priceless reward... you know the better one (two thumbs up for good mom) :)
1 person likes this
• China
23 Dec 10
Well,childen are always like their parents to be pround of them,so what spencari said is really good--lovely smile and praise are enough sometimes.:)
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
22 Dec 10
Hi youless, Well this is all fiasco in the name of educating our children. The scenario is not better here though. Unless the parents guide the child through all the blaming staff would come upon you. I wonder where our education is leading the now generation. Were not we good too with the traditional type of education
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
Lately I watched a movie comes from your country, it is called Three Idiots. It is a great movie I can see that the Indian and Chinese education system is similar, but perhaps Chinese students suffer much more pressure.
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
22 Dec 10
So people watch Hindi movies too? Great. And that film was real face lifter what our education system is all like.
1 person likes this
@whateva (786)
• India
22 Dec 10
hehe even though i'm an indian, that is the only movie i liked and kinda properly watched :p
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12095)
• India
14 Jan 11
I can totally relate to what you said. Even though I'm a 'cool' mom and don't focus too much on grades and scores, I tend to go a little overboard when a teacher puts pressure on my child (this despite the fact that I was a teacher myself...but I never put that kind of pressure on my little students and always assured the parents that would pressurize that the child will pick up at their own pace and what they need is encouragement and not pressure). My older son would get great marks at school,....but if the teacher told me that he could do better, I tended to focus more the next time even when I told myself and my son that doing his best was the main thing. Now we don't have that problem since we are homeschooling :)
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
17 Jan 11
Here homeschooling is not allowed. I mean all the children should go to school.
@SViswan (12095)
• India
17 Jan 11
It's the same case in India too. It's not as organized in the western countries and recently a Right to Education bill has come into action. But since the number of homeschoolers is very small comparitively, the minister has said it is legal to do so unlike some people who do not send the children to school to make them work as labour.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
22 Dec 10
youless, Being a parent myself, I can assure you that I had been in your shoes before. I know the pressure and concern but let's not forget that we must be objective with our children. We need to be looking into encouraging and motivating them to both like their homework and make their best efforts in their studies. Children may be slow but let's not forget that they are very easily distracted. We just need to give them the necessary breaks and deserving rewards. Just be on the lookout for their problem areas and work through it. If you need professional advice, don't hesitate and seek it. Try to arrest the problem early. In my position, I have to admit that I do not spend enough time with my children due to my nature of work where it takes me away from them most of the time. So, how they are today - I just have to give credit to my wife and mother of my 3 children. However, I must say that due to my wife - the distance between my children and me were never far, and I find it enriching to read her journals with them. Also, she would make me read about child psychology and parenting books where I have to ask that you do this as well. Our children will never be fully protected by the harsh realities and environment around. So, we should always read and prepare ourselves ahead of them by at least 2 steps - where they will feel encouraged to open up with us than the other way round.
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
You are quite right. Little children are easy to be distracted. I don't want to be like a guard to stand by him and watch him to do the homework. I hope he can do it by himself willingly.
• Singapore
22 Dec 10
youless, Just believe in your son and most of all yourself. It is going to take a lot of effort at your end and not forgetting time. So, patience is the essence here. Merry Christmas.
1 person likes this
@unique16 (1531)
• United States
4 Jan 11
hello youless, I remember those days and with two children about 3 years apart. Now they are over 18 years of age and I worry about college and the money being there for them to finish with all the cut backs in the United States and finish apying off my credit card because of the Christmas. Those are my pressures. Enjoy your time with while they are young innoncent and they beleive every word you tell them. Good Luck and Happy New year! Sincerely unique16
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
5 Jan 11
Yes, this can be a big pressure as the college fee is expensive.
• United States
1 Jan 11
Good study habits take time to learn. Even the habit of knowing how to complete home work can be a struggle for a very young person. Awhile back, I heard a very useful tip that might help your son complete his home work more quickly. Cover up the unfinished problems and only show one or two problems at a time. That way, he will only see those few problems and it will not seem like such an insurmountable task to complete a full page of home work (math) problems. That will help him focus on one problem at a time. This will help train his mind to handle the problem in front of him and not just looking forward to dread the many math problems ahead. Best wishes to your son. I am sure you are doing your very best as his loving mother. You seem to be very concerned and devoted to your child.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
1 Jan 11
I will try your method and I hope it will work for my child
@maezee (26613)
• United States
30 Dec 10
I can understand where that might be nerve-racking. I know that I would be. But I'm sure he will do fine. Good luck to you and him though! The pressure I feel is just the normal, financial pressure. Ha.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
30 Dec 10
Best wishes to you
@primeaque86 (7968)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
i heard same things like you do when your kids where going to school already, you were pressuRe for some reasons, excited, worried and something like that. anyway, somehow i am pressured by my schedule at work, and sometimes with the people around me. that is why i am trying to ignore it, the best thing to do is to enjoy life.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
I hope you can get on well with your colleagues and then it will be easier for you to finish your work.
22 Dec 10
Hi youless I'm afraid that i am not able to provide any experince of children's education,beacuse i don't have my child yet. But i have been a student.By the way,i was studying in china.The shortage of education in china are too much people, un-banlance education resource and un-appropriate education system etc,The competition is cruel in some provinces,as Shan Dong.IN MY OPNION you might show your son some reality sometimes,let him know why he must study,build a dream and make a plan.motive can give him a good attitude and habit of study. You should prepare a huge foundation for him when he grow up.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
I totally agree with you.
@whateva (786)
• India
22 Dec 10
to keep up with studies and mylot both :P well seriously i need to be independent badly. for that, i need to be successful. i also need to stay healthy and fit, while maintaining hairs, skin, figure and all sh*t. its hard to keep the balance between my necessities, plans and emotional relations( which is so necessary cous my parents get hurt when i'm not paying attention(well atleast i think that way .
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
Perhaps today there are many things make us worried.
@sy0712 (156)
• China
22 Dec 10
In life,every one of us more or less will exist a certain amount of pressure,some people's pressure come from learning,some people's pressure from work,also some people's pressure from family,for me,my pressure come from love.I am a 24-year-old single girl,actually for me,I have been longing for love,but do not know why,my Mr Right has never came,around the families and friends in succession,setting down,I panicked,began to feel the pressure,where is my Mr Right?
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
Just be patient, the best thing usually goes later. Your Mr.Right is probably on the way
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
22 Dec 10
My son this year is only 3 year old and I started to feel the pressure when he refuse to learn or show impatient when he come to learning. I do not know how will he progress when he really go to school, I think next year I am going to send him to the kindergarten to let him learn to mix with friend and learn some basic first. Hopefully he will gain interest from there.
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
I miss the time when my son was 3 years old. At least we had more freedom.
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
22 Dec 10
Imagine how long we have been here youless. It seems only like yesterday when you were talking about your baby son then and now he has grown to a big boy and starting real schooling. I quite understand how you feel as a mother to see the success of you son to ensure he excel in his studies. But don't pressure him too much in his studies as he will be stressed. Let him enjoy his schooling and guiding him all the way. I understand the chinese education system as my son was once in a chinese school too. They are very disciplined and make students memorize their text books by heart. But am happy with his early exposure in a disciplined chinese school as my son excelled in his studies and is now happily working as a professional in a foreign country.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
Perhaps today the school is much more crazy than before.
@stanley777 (7177)
• Philippines
22 Dec 10
Well, my pressure at the moment is earning money for my two daughters who are currently studying in college. Both of them are doing quite well, no failing grades so there isn't a problem in that. Only the finances is the problem..
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
You are lucky. Perhaps girls do better than girls when they study. If they are excellent, I think they can get the scholarship and therefore your pressure will be released.
@GardenGerty (89994)
• Marion, Kansas
22 Dec 10
At this age he probably needs help and encouragement to get used to doing his own work. A very good teacher explained to me when my son was in upper level classes that he needed to take ownership of his lessons and learn to be responsible for them himself.
1 person likes this
@youless (86446)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Dec 10
I hope my son's teachers can be so kind.