what are you thoughts about living together before marriage?

United States
December 29, 2010 4:43pm CST
What do you think of living together before marriage.. if you do everything as you are married..what good would that be or do?
2 people like this
11 responses
• United States
29 Dec 10
My thoughts is that I absolutely love it for the last five years and counting. if you do everything as you are married..what good would that be or do? Well we both were married once before to others and it did not last. So what my boyfriend and I have going is wonderful so will we marry some day.. Totally clueless as we are loving what we have right now and looking forward to many years to come.
• United States
29 Dec 10
Marriage is simply sealing what you already have together.. It's not the paper that makes a marriage anyway is it?
• United States
30 Dec 10
Not at all as my boyfriend and I live as one. We share everything as if we were married. I will not rule out the probability, I simply like what we have now.
• United States
29 Dec 10
I think it is a good ideal because that way you can see if you really can get along in life I lived with my husband 4 years before we got married and we have been together almost 9 years it will be 9 years on July 4th 2011. I really think it is good for everyone to do this before marriage because you can see what it is like to be together every day and night and you will know that he or she is really right for you. Have a goo day and I hope this helped you.
• United States
29 Dec 10
THat is nice that you found living together prior to marriage a good thing THanks for sharing. I am not really sure which is best..which is why I ask.
• United States
30 Dec 10
I think it is a wonderful thing to get to know someone way before marriage Well I just want to wish you luck as to whatever your descion may be and have a wonderful day!And Good Luck in your relationship once again!
@RL2006 (494)
• United States
31 Dec 10
littlefranciscan, I commented on your starting discussion, but seemingly I didn't know what I was doing, so I decided to try again. I answered on Gracee's comment and added your name, but decided to say I don't think it is good to live with someone before marriage, it is too easy for one or the other to leave then the other person is very, very, sad. lol
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 10
HI Ruby you can respond to others on the same forum.... I am glad you came out and answered again.:) I agree.. it's easier to be dropped when there is no marriage involved. Living together appears to be convenient for those who don't want to commit.
• Philippines
29 Dec 10
For me, I consider living together before marriage is an opportunity to know my partner first before taking responsibility because when you are already married, there is no turning back. It is not a hot rice when eat it and if it is hot you spit it out. So for me it is like getting to know each other first if we are fit for each other because living together is only way you will know.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 10
I believe most people see this to be so. I am neutral..as I have to see if I find myself in the situation and how I feel .. about the person .
@dodo19 (25623)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
29 Dec 10
I think that it depends on the couple. I think that it can be good for some, but it might not be for others. In some cases, there are more pros than cons, while for others, it's the opposite.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Dec 10
I agree .. for some it's good and for some it's not good.. Who is to determine this if not the individual couple?
@Graceekwenx (3167)
• Philippines
30 Dec 10
Hi littlefranciscan. I am a catholic and living in together would fry a couple in temptation zone. Whenever i see my sister and her husband though, there are many times that i wished that living together before marriage is necessary because here you will find the real identity of the person you intend to spend your forever with. Hers was not a good marriage because her husband has some psychological dilemmas that boomed through the years. She can actually file annulment on that ground; but for the sake of the kids, she needed to stay apart from the fact that she agreed to quit her AVP post to be a housemom (whadoyouknow, it was her husband who advised her to do so when she thought (before) that he is in a perfect pyschological state). But lo! Look at marital surprises! It was such a nightmare! In my humble opinion though, whether you live together before marriage or not to live together before marriage, it is of utmost importance to review the mental state of the one you intend to be with. And if one is aware of all the imperfections of the other, the next question is... Would he be ready to face the challenges of the near future? And yes, i would again reiterate that i am a catholic and as much as i am in favor of living together before marriage, i would have to be against it. Truly, we seal our fates with the choices we make.
@RL2006 (494)
• United States
31 Dec 10
Hi Littlefranciecan and also Gracee, I too agree with both of you in the line of living together with a guy or gal before marriage. It wasn't really supposed to be this way, as Gracee said, she thinks it is wrong to live together before marriage, and so do I. Little franciscan I wrote on your site where you started this, but seemingly I didn't know what I was doing and never saw my comment to your starting message, so you see I've got a lot to learn. lol
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 10
Hi Grace and ruby: No problem with where you answer here.. If you want to comment on other peoples response; that is great.. that's what makes a good discussion.
@maximax8 (27053)
30 Dec 10
My sister lived with a man and then she found that they were compatible. So they began to think that you got on well. He worked as a manager of a photo shop and she worked as a secretary. They lived in my sister's studio flat. Then my sister and he wanted to get married. So that is what they did and they had their honeymoon in Brighton. I don't think unless they had tried living together that my sister would have got married. Now they have been married for 14 years. They had a baby son so they moved to a three bedroom apartment. Along came their second baby son and then their baby daughter. His job moved so they moved into a five bedroom house in a new area. Then along came another baby girl. My friend's sister began dating a man when she was 15 years old. At 19 years old she became pregnant and they moved in together. Then she had a baby daughter. They went on to have a baby boy and then another baby girl. They live happily together and don't wish to get married. To them a marriage certificate is a piece of paper. These days it is common for couples to live together and some of these don't get married. A couple like this should make a will. I think that if not married splitting up is easier and less painful.
@youless (83554)
• Guangzhou, China
30 Dec 10
Today is different. It is not a big deal to live together before marriage. It has its own advantages. Such as the lover can see whether they can match each other. As you can't see each other's shortcomings when both of you are in love. Whereas if you live together, the real life will let you see more. So it will be a real challenge for you. I love China
@Fire10 (293)
• United States
30 Dec 10
Just adding my traditional point of view... As I recall from some studies I came upon... I understood that living together before getting married is more harmful to the future marriage than it is beneficial. Well, at least that is what the people doing the study had to surmise from the outcomes they had found. Yeah, I think the only thing they new for certain was that the divorce rate at that time was higher among people who had lived together before getting married. I don't know if this is the reason why, but the authors suggested that the attitudes are different. They roughly suggested that (at least some) people live together before marriage to see if the other person can make them happy - in a casual uncommitted way - which carries over into their marriage... when compared to people who supposedly come into marriage fully committed to make each other happy... I'm really not to sure if that is the the reason why they found different divorce rates. It sounds reasonable to me, but I don't know - so many other things to consider... I wouldn't put too much weight on their conclusions. so my advice: whatever anybody does in a relationship - don't do it half.... way :) and don't get in a serious relationship with a person when you are uncertain whether or not you can give the relationship your very best effort - or the relationship could be ruined from the beginning! :) Take care! Fire10
• United States
30 Dec 10
Personally, I think it depends on the couple and where they are in their lives. For the most part, marriage is an important commitment and shouldn't be treated lightly. But, living together or playing house isn't a substitute for being in a healthy, committed relationship. Too often people think that living together is a trial run for marriage. It's not, because there's always an escape hatch, one of them can just leave with little to no real consequence. Marriage is much riskier. There are real costs if one partner wants out. That pressure changes the dynamic. If one party doesn't want to take the risk, do they really want the relationship? That said, there does come a time in one's life where marriage, while important, isn't the end all be all. Specifically, older couples who were married before and are now getting together. For them, not getting married may be better in the long run. Financially, it would allow each party to keep their assets separate and maintain any benefits they may be receiving. In the end, every couple has to make the choice for themselves, but they also have to look realistically at why they're making the choice and not just rationalize it.
@pit33pit (534)
• Indonesia
30 Dec 10
I think if it wishes together why not, of course with all the risk. Action that we do after any marriage that can not be separated from commons interests and must always communicate with your partner.