feels like i'm not capable of making him staistfied and happy...
December 30, 2010 2:20am CST
Have you ever felt this way in your relationship? I feel so sad that i feel like I'm not capable of making him happy that I wasn;t able to give him the same things that I gave from my previous partners... I guess e expected too much hearing my friends tell him that I was giving too much to my previous relationship financially but it happens that I'm not that stable at this moment as I am jobless and that the only source of income I have are the units for rent that I have which is not enough to carry all the needs at this time I'm applying for work and hopefully this year I'm able to to get a job so I can give hi the same things that I gave and done to the previous one...So he wont be jealous and wont nag at me and say I really don't love him like how I loved them since I was able to give them everything they want that I cant for him I feel so bad now..I guess I just need to vent..
2 people like this
30 Dec 10
Well this is site, in a relationship it is about caring for each other and not buying material stuff. I am not for buying stuff for my girl friends in the past, but it is not I am stingy, but it creates expectation. I think he should learn to deal with what you have to give and not what he wants to have.
30 Dec 10
i don't know if I'm wrong to feel this way, its just that I get sad and mad everytime he brings it out on a fight that maybe I don't really love him as much just because I cant give him or do the same thing I done before..Sometimes I just tell myself maybe I'm just mistaken, maybe I just misinterpreted his thoughts...but somehow its always the same feeling that I'm getting...unhappy and unsatisfied on his part because I can give him nothing...
3 Jan 11
U should not treat all of your relationships the same way. Everybody is different and so as their expectations to u, and the relationship. Sometimes, trying too hard can backfire on the relationship. Take it easy and slowly. IF he's trying to compare about how well u treated your ex bfs etc, i would say he's not worth it. Because have u ever compared yourself to all his ex gfs? Nobody would like to be treated the same, because deep inside us, we will feel like a substitute instead
• United States
1 Jan 11
TO HELL WITH THAT! There's a reason U GAVE FROM YOUR HEART LIKE THAT but,those previous partners were "moochers" and if this one acts like what you've stated above then HE'S A MOOCHER TOO! THE REAL QUESTION IS: "WHY U KEEP ATTRACTING THESE TYPES OF MEN THAT ARE BENEATH YOU?!" And to answer your question NO, b/c whatever I give/do whether more or less for my 2nd wife than i did for my deceased first wife ISN'T WHAT'S IMPORTANT the LOVE IS!
1 Jan 11
Hey cheer up! Don't get disappointed about those feeling, life is full of attachments if he loves you he will understand and he will not expect anything from you. And being a nagger is like insecurities that your boyfriend might felt.
• United States
30 Dec 10
If a relationship is based on material items that a partner can give the other, then that relationship is not evenly yolked. In other words, the giver is being used, in my opinion, by the other person, who will only be happy if his or her partner can financially support him/her. The giving partner have to determine whether this is the kind of relationship that they wish to be in, long-term. I can tell you, in my opinion, again, this is unhealthy. Partners, in a relationship should be on the same accord, that includes giving. Material items are nice, but emotional giving is much more satisfying. So, if one partner is sad because the other partner is selfish, there needs to be some kind of changes made. Come together as partner should or be happy apart. Good luck
30 Dec 10
hello angel! pardon me but when i first read the title of your post, something different came up to my head, lol. I misunderstand the meaning of your introduction. Anyway, love should not based on material things and if your partner truly loves you, he should not expect any material things from you, disregarding the fact that you have showered your previous partners with material gifts. i don't expect material gifts from my beau and he seldom give me one. and i don't give him either, except during special occasions..love is meant to be shared emotionally, not through what you can or can't give materially.
30 Dec 10
hey you don't have to feel bad about your relationship coz you cant provide for him financially anymore, stand up for yourself Ill tell you if a man truly loves a woman he will never count on you financially rather he will be the one who will help you to stand up and be a better person. If his not that kind of a man then dump him. LOVE yourself first and you will be happy :-)
30 Dec 10
All this money talk. If love was a sturdy constant, everything else, being variables, will not cause the relationship to waver. Shake perhaps, but certainly not topple. If this constant is altered, even if the variables were to remain the same, nothing will stay the same. Your naive and error perception complicates your void because you have not only lost a relationship, but probably this current one also which you have probably already grown accustomed to it. I see that, there are many emotional re-adjustment to make, which is leaving you terribly disoriented. Surely...as you had once left your 'safety shore' for this relationship, hoping to sail beyond the unchartered water to find glory in your hazardous, yet exciting journey in love. Perhaps it might seem so, until the wretched storm brought your ship down with one cruel squall. You might think that one incident is the reason for your destruction, but I can tell you it's merely the catalysis. In the first place, chances are, if your ship isn't well constructed to handle crisis, it would probably sink... given the circumstances. From a girlfriend, you have simultaneously played the role of a supportive provider. This is admirable, but if your man doesn't see from that point of view, eventually the relationship would have dwindle into some sort of bland soup because the intense focus on monetary aspects of life would have cast a blinding veil upon the relationship - robbing the relationship off mutual couple affection and love. Devotion is pegged towards the lifeline of providence and quality time is mixed with dollars, cents and materialistic pursuits. I just have to ask if you are commercializing your relationship. Because, if you are then let me say that when you commercialize a relationship - it will become inane and vacuous. IMO, your ex is indeed self absorbed - he has completely forgotten about the struggle you've had with him and I truly reckon that it's indeed his great lost to leave a good woman like yourself, who has, ironically, no qualms about sticking around, struggling in unison with a man and even providing for him through the bad times. You have already liberated yourself from the previous struggle and erroneous pursuit. You should accept the new lease, course through your vein and not let this unfortunate failure past bring you down, leaving you lost as if you are drifting on a log after your shipwreck. Keep determine resolution to restore yourself. You truly deserve the best but buying your way around isn't the right thing to do. Take care and have a great year ahead.
30 Dec 10
Why should you be the one supporting your partner? Men are supposed to be the provider. You have been the provider all along but in your present situation when you have barely enough to support yourself, you should talk to him and be frank about your present dilemma. You can't give from an empty bowl except your love for him. Men who nag at their partners when their material needs are not met are opportunists and they stay put in the relationship because they are able to do double cropping.