Telling our friend the truth

United States
January 2, 2011 4:10pm CST
When a friend ask you a question about themselves, such as, do you think I am over weight? Should we be honest and tell them that they are, if that is the case? I find that it is hard to tell my friend things that might be hurtful for her/him to hear. But, I do think being honest is a sign of a good friend. Friends should be able to tell another friend anything, even if it is something your friend doesn't really want to hear. I don't understand why a friend would ask such a question if they don't want to know the truth. What would you do if you were asked a question by your friend that might hurt their feelings if you were to tell them the truth?
11 responses
• Poland
3 Jan 11
I think that friend should be honest, even if it's hurtful, being honest is a sign of a good friend. At the beggining some poeple don't want to know the true, when they find out about it, they are angry, but it's just a matter of time, even if your friend would reject you, a real friend should tell the true always.
• United States
4 Jan 11
I agree honesty is the right thing to do. Saying it in a nice way and try not to hurt her feelings is probably the best way to handle this situation. She did ask so she does deserve to hear the truth. Have a good day :)
• China
3 Jan 11
I think this is a good and meaningful topic. Everyone will meet this kind of situation. In my opinion, I should definitely say the truth when my friends ask me some questions which negative answers will hurt them. Maybe the key point of the problem is not the true answer, but the manner of the answer.Asking this problem to us means at least two things.One is that they see us as good friends, and they are willing to know our viewpoint to their anxiety.The other is that the problems trouble them, and they hope we can to some extent relax them .As good friends, if we can image the feeling of us in the same case, we can understand them better, and, maybe, can tackle this question.It is not so easy as it looks.I think it needs skills to solve this.Frankly speaking, I also lack the technique of speaking ,and many times I have hurted my friends just because of bad answers.If I were you, and a good friend asked me whether he/she was over weight, I may say: I think you are very healthy, and I hope I can be as healthy as you are.If you can do some exercises, I guess you would certainly be more healthy and have a beautiful shape.I hope you can.
• United States
4 Jan 11
Very good insight you have given for this situation. Good advice and very well thought out answers. I do believe this situation needs to be approached in a very careful way so she isn't hurt by any comments made. Have a Good Day:)
@bird123 (10501)
• United States
2 Jan 11
Simply. Check with what medicine or the doctors consider overweight. Do it with your friend. You might just find yourself overweight as well. Could lose weight together. That's always easier with a friend. If you really care for your friend, don't they deserve the truth??
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
3 Jan 11
Great answer :) And I think I'll use that if I ever get asked that question. :) Sometimes though someone might not fit ideally into the weight chart...for instance, someone that is very lean can weigh more than someone that has more fat tissue, because they have more muscle.
@millertime (1398)
• United States
2 Jan 11
For me it would probably depend on whether the friend was male or female and how sensitive they are. If it's a female and especially if she's someone who's feelings are easily hurt, I would probably hedge a little. If it's one of the guys, I would have no hesitation to tell him like it is without holding back, especially if it's only about being overweight. Then again, most guys wouldn't even ask that question...
• United States
2 Jan 11
It is so true that the gender may be a factor in how we answer the question. Women are more sensitive then men are. I also agree with you that most guys probably wouldn't ask a question like that.
2 Jan 11
I would definately tell them the truth as i would want to know the truth if i asked oviously there are kinder ways toput certain things example:do i look fat in this?answer:i will be honest with you it just isnt right for your sahpe you need something a bitless figure hugging.because the person who says do i look fat wont feel better with you saying yes as you know and theyknow they are overweight maybe so respond with a positive offer to help them find something it will boost there confidence and improve your friendship but saying that it also depends what you class as a friend i always say the amount of true friends you make in a lifetime you can count on one hand
• United States
2 Jan 11
Yes, I agree with you that we need to answer our friends in a honest but kind way. True friends are hard to come by these days and I know it would be a shame to lose a friend because of a comment that they didn't want to hear.
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
Good Day! Its a bit hard to your friend about themselves especially if its not true. We must be honest, its for themselves too. We should tell the truth to them in a nice way.
@magenn (78)
3 Jan 11
As a friend since he/she asked you if he/she is overweight, you have to tell her/him the truth as long as you know. Then if you are not so sure just tell him/her i dont know. Being a true friend you have to be open to each other. "you asked" and "you answer" and vice versa and if you think that your friend is not so open to accept comments and you know you just offended them then avoid it. We know our friend if he/she is open. We know their strength and weaknesses especially if she/he is our long time friend.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
3 Jan 11
I think the friend is probably looking more for encouragement than anything else. Obviously the friend is overweight or they wouldn't be asking the question. I think, maybe the friend wants to know...like how much overweight do I look? I know I am overweight off my build and my height, so I don't need to ask. But yes, you are right to be honest. Some friends can carry a lot of weight and look just fine, as they could be packing a lot of muscle. Yes, though honesty is as the best always the best policy.
@Valene82 (89)
• United States
2 Jan 11
You may have to try to read between the lines and figure out what your friend really needs to hear at that moment. Even though they may ask you a question like that, maybe they are just looking for some encouragement and not an honest answer. But if you answer honestly, do it in the most helpful and constructive way possible so that you help them and don't hurt them with the truth.
• United States
2 Jan 11
Absolutely Honesty is the best policy. If you start spinning a web of lies you'll eventually trap yourself. It may not always be easy, but if people don't want to hear the truth they won't ask you for your opinion anymore.
@PDBME2 (1023)
• United States
2 Jan 11
I guess another factor in the whole thing would be what is your idea of the truth or not. I am not a person who views people by their outer appearance but their heart so if they asked if they were ugly or fat I doubt I'd see them like that. I have told friends in a very kind way things that they had to change. It goes right over their head and they really don't want to hear the truth or maybe I'm too subtle in telling the truth.