I need help. My feelings are SCREWED UP!!!

Singapore
January 2, 2011 11:39pm CST
Hi Mylotters, good day. I'm not feeling that good emotionally. Alright, how should I start it, hmm. Ok, there's this girl, who's 12 year old by the way. Every Sunday, I go for badminton trainings and this girl also attends the training session with some others including me. The both of us aren't that close and she only talked to me once and that's all. Everytime I saw her, I feel quite attracted, slightly. To me, she's adorable and has a nice personality. Up till this point, maybe you can guess what's actually happening to me, but, I'm having mixed feelings and feeling very confused right now, in fact these few days. It started last year, December 29th onwards. The thing is this, everytime I went home after training, I'll forget about her but one night, SHE APPEARED IN MY DREAM!!! I don't know why, but in my dream, I was crying and hugging her too!!! I really don't know why this happened. I wasn't thinking of her all the time but she suddenly appeared in my dream?!! Don't know what this means but after I had that dream, I kept thinking about her and from then, I developed a sudden interest in her. I think I found her blog and I also found her picture which she had taken with a friend, which was about her being interviewed after her tournament. The minute I saw her picture, I calmed down but the next day, I had the urge to see her picture again. I think I like this girl and I'm 18 by the way. But the problem is, I can't confess and I can't love her because, SHE'S TOO YOUNG FOR THAT!!! Plus the fact that I may have to wait for a few years for her to mature. Oh my god, that's confusing me a lot. Her face keeps appearing in my mind every second. It's pretty affecting me a lot, really. I like her but I can't tell her as she's still a kid!!! ARGH, this type of pain! Well, maybe I should just leave it to fate. If any day, I'm out at work and if I see her on the streets and she's still single, provided, I'll go all out! But now, it's just too torturing for me Somebody help?!! Thanks!
3 people like this
12 responses
theSids
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
Hi JudgeIronFist, That is the best thing that can happen to anyone on the planet - Love. So it is already a great start of 2011 for you. But hey, there are two other words so very close to this - infatuation and crush. Give it some time... sit back and think what is it in reality? Love or Crush or infatuation! Quite difficult at the moment but first be sure for yourself. If the results are positive... you still have to wait as you too mention (and so realize) - she's still a kid. As of now, you can start out with friendship and see how you both get on together. That is the first logical step that I can suggest.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Yes, but it's the thing that I'm thinking of right now. It's kind of weird that this sort of thing is happening to me, even my friend was surprised by this. I don't know how to approach her to request to be her friend, argh.
vutum6887
@vutum6887 (118)
• India
3 Jan 11
Nothing to be surprised at all. Such things happen all the time. Good of you to have opened up and share it.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Thanks. If I didn't open up, I guess I would be mad right now.
Patsie Hatley
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Jan 11
hi judgeironfist yes right now six years is a huge gap and you are not wrong in your feelings but your common sense tells you shes just a kid and you are close to being mature. just wait a few years and if you still feel the same way you can woo her. Say she is 17 and you are 23 the difference is not bad anymore.For now you must just be her friend and as soon as she matures a bit you can tell her how you feel if you still feel that way.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Yea definitely. But I have to leave it to fate, to see whether I can really meet her or not. But I even have a problem to ask her to be my friend
theSids
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
3 Jan 11
@judgeIronFist: Here is what you can do to start out with friendship with her - "I go for badminton trainings and this girl also attends the training session"... Great, Invite her to be your partner on the doubles games - I am sure during training they would also have some sessions where you would play doubles or mixed doubles and that should give you the right place to start off with friendship.
1 person likes this
vutum6887
@vutum6887 (118)
• India
3 Jan 11
An excellent and mature advice, Hatley. As for judgeironfist...why don't you approach her casually without being too self-conscious? Do not be over anxious but just friendly.
bounce58
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
I think you're just infatuated. I know that the feeling might be overwhelming for now, but I think it'll pass. I don't want to rain in your parade, but give it some time. Or better yet, try meeting some other girls more your age. I'm sure that as soon as you find someone within your age range, you'd realize that this feelings for the 12-year old was just a mere crush.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
6 Jan 11
I think so. In fact, I think the feeling is slowly going off now.
jennyze
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 11
Well, they say girls mature fast. So, you may only have to wait for two years or so. You are young, too. So, you can afford to wait and see if your feelings will be the same after two or three years. Just focus on getting a success in you life, then you can give her good living when you are with her.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Definitely, thanks! But the first thing now is for me to be her friend first, just that I don't know how to approach her.
jennyze
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
3 Jan 11
You have the same training, just be a friend and senior for her.
sweetmary86
@sweetmary86 (822)
• Philippines
4 Jan 11
i think its just a crush, an admiration or simply an infatuation. or hypnotic effect cuz u always see her. 6years gap isnt that bad. some have even 20yrs gap but right now shes still very young you have to wait for her to turn 16. but maybe that time your attention will be diverted to someone else.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
4 Jan 11
Definitely. I think it's an infatuation, most probably. Infatuation plus sudden crush, and a crush on a kid at that?!? I don't know man. Feeling up and down, like the bearish stocks......
Sanitary
@Sanitary (3968)
• Singapore
5 Jan 11
U are in love with her. I can understand what u are going through and it's normal. It's also due to u are seeing her so often over a period of time, and somewhere feelings is created from the interaction. Things would have been fine if she didn't talk to u at all. It can be inflatuation and the feelings would be gone soon when u are not seeing her that often.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
6 Jan 11
Oh no, you shocked me. Argh, in love with a 12-year-old, that's too crazy of me already. Oh my god. Should I just be friends with her? Maybe I should, then see whether the same feelings are there or not.
1 person likes this
p3halliwel2005
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
awww... Well she is indeed too young for you and shouldn't be exposed to such feelings at an early age. I believe this is infatuation and I guess you should just make ways to keep yourself busy so you'd be able to forget about her. Try attending a different day on your badminton session so that you won't be able to see her and don't look at her blogs. Avoid it as much as you can. It may be torture at first but I believe you will find someone at your age sooner or later. I hope I helped in any way.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
4 Jan 11
Ok thanks. But I think I want to be her friend first, see if I have any feelings after that.
maean_19
@maean_19 (4655)
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
Hi Judgeironfist! Hmmm! First of all, you are infatuated with this young girl. Take some time to pass and we'll see. She is too young to be wooed. Not this time. Besides, your feelings may change when you try to see and meet other women within your age range. If the feeling does not change even after 5 years, then I guess that feeling is for real. Cheer up my dear!
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Oh I do hope so. It's been troubling me for days now and I can't seem to get her off my mind. I don't even know if she likes me or not and I don't know how to approach her for MSN and any other thing.
zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
4 Jan 11
I think you should just shift your feelings for her and look at her as a 'sister' since she is still too young to enter the world of 'romeo and juliet'. Neutralize your feelings as it is only a puppy love that you are experiencing.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
4 Jan 11
I agree. Maybe I should wait for some years first and let fate decide for itself.
sid556
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
3 Jan 11
Hi Judge, It's not that your feelings are wrong at all. Some girls mature earlier than others and it's common for girls to be more mature than guys. Still the age gap at your ages is huge...too huge....illegally huge! It would never work. She needs time to grow and experience all the things teens do....dating, breaking up, hanging with friends....learning who she is. By the time she is 18 you will be 24....doesn't seem like such a gap now does it? I would suggest you avoid this girl like the plague right now. Date others and carry on with your life. She is a child still. If when she is older, your paths cross and the feelings are mutual then maybe something can come of it. As a parent, if you made advances toward my little 12 yr old , I'd be all over you. I 'd be all over you just knowing that you are checking her out. You are 18...an adult so it is your responsibility to back off. You know she is too young right now. Nothing but trouble can come from you doing anything other than that at this point.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
4 Jan 11
Like what others said, it could be just infatuation. I also know it's very wrong and it's not that good to expose her to love at her age!!! I'll let fate decide for itself. As time goes by and if I see her on the streets again and provided she's still single, I'll go for it.
veejay19
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
3 Jan 11
Hello my friend, you seem to have the disease,lovearia.You are trying to deny it but you have fallen in love with her.Since as you say that she is too young,which she is anyway at 12 years, and you too are young at 18,just 6 years older, the best thing is to make friends with her without getting emotional.Meet her as often as you can without forcing yourself on her and see how she reacts.If she cooperates and wants to be friends with you carry your friendship forward but don`t profess your love otherwise she may get frightened and run away from you.At the moment it is puppy love for you.Maybe as yu become good friends the feelings that you are going through now will gradually disappear and will be replaced with that of genuine friendship.If she, as she grows older, starts taking a real interest in you then you too can move forward and then if the feeling of love has grown then you can tell her what you feel.By the time she reaches 18 you will be 24 so both will be matured. don`t rush into any relationship but take it easy and calmly.You never know, she might really fall in love with you.However the best thing now is to be simply friends and nothing else.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
I also don't know my feelings too. You're right, it's puppy love. I think it's getting quite serious here, even my friend was shocked upon hearing that I had this problem. Maybe I should just let time heal all wounds.
braimer23
@braimer23 (108)
• Philippines
3 Jan 11
well, dude you love her already, and i think theres nothing wrong about your feelings, the only thing there that makes wrong was the girl, which is shes not yet matured about everything especially in love, im pretty sure that if you will tell your feelings she might not understand, i think you should find more, but if that feelings will not fade, then if you want just wait for her, but its not a guarantee that she will also love you if she is in the right age, so i suggest that you should stop thinking of here in order to forget your feelings towards her.
JudgeIronFist
@JudgeIronFist (2472)
• Singapore
3 Jan 11
Ok, I'm trying very very hard to forget about her. Most of the time, age gap differences in love may not work that well, but I don't know. If fate really puts her and me together, I'll go for it, seriously. But as people always say, time heals all wounds. If I try not to think about her for a long, time, I'll forget about it.