Update to my hubby rant

@Masihi (4228)
Canada
January 4, 2011 5:27pm CST
I took a couple of days from MyLot because sometimes I just feel like I need a break from yakking everyone's ears - or in this case - eyeballs - off. I'm in better spirits now, I think what spurred me to rant like that about my husband not being nice to me is because it was the Holiday Season, and always that's a really bad time for us as a family. Everything I said was true, it's just that it gets worse in the holidays, and when we're back into a comfortable routine, everyone's more relaxed. Problem is, that Hubby has a big mouth and just shoots it off not worryiing about consequences or anything. He likes to talk big, and make himself feel big, but underneath, he's generous (materially and time-wise) to our kids and me. I do know he loves me, but he can't express it because he doesn't know how to love. His family has always fought a lot when he was growing up, but his parents are still together. It's a complicated life he lived, and even though his mother was living at home, his grandmother took over raising Hubby and got really jealous over him, and spoiled him so rotten. :-( It was only since she passed away a few years ago that he started to get to know his mother, and his mother got to know our kids and me. I know I get so angry at times, but well, I was raised in foster home, and my biological family disowned me, and I know that I am going to remain married to Hubby at least until the kids move out, for sure. I hope divorce won't be necessary, I know some people can change for better. I'll trust in G-d...just glad the holidays are over, and things have settled down some. For all who responded, I read all your responses, but since there was so many, just wanted to thank you guys and provide an "update" of sorts.
3 people like this
6 responses
• Australia
4 Jan 11
Hi Masihi, I just wanted to let you know that holidays can be hard for everyone and sometimes you need to understand that and just let the badness flow past you and not affect you. I know it is hard to do but my boyfriend sounds like he may be like your hubby and he has no good memories of his christmases as a kid, so he don't like it now but I just ignore it all because I love chrissy and so do my kids and I won't let him ruin it for us with his bad moods. I ignore him when he is like that. I am glad to hear that you seem a bit happier now and maybe when chrissy rocks around again at the end of this year your hubby will be a bit better and get into the chrissy spirit.
2 people like this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
lol, he loves Christmas, and I'mMessianic Jewish, and don't care for it, but he makes me celebrate it anyway, and expects lots of gifts. I'm making an effort, though, lol
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (87842)
• Marion, Kansas
5 Jan 11
Do you then celebrate Hannukah? Are you able to integrate your beliefs.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
No, not yet, I don't even belong to a congregation, as I have to keep my personal beliefs to myself to keep peace. It would be nice, I can defintitely try to see what Hubby will say next year.
@mtrguanlao (5527)
• Philippines
5 Jan 11
My friend it's a relief to know that everything is ok with your hubby and family now. Every family encounters such problem and divorce is not the first solution. I know you will resolved it 'cause you are strong enough to handle it. Just always pray my friend! He is always there for you! Have a good day!
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
Thanks, I'm working on it, for sure.
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
In fact, it's one of my new years resolution, is to fix up my marriage
• Philippines
5 Jan 11
I will pray for you my friend! Put God first in your relationship and all will become well! Fixing it should be done by the two of you,not you alone so I just wish your hubby cooperates my friend.
• United States
5 Jan 11
Masihi- I am sorry that I missed your original thread about your holiday experiences. Having read through the other thread and this one I'm concerned. What appears to be occurring now, and this is my humble thoughts on it, is the abuse cycle. You are seeing to excuse his behavior and it is not excusable. No one has the right, regardless of how they are raised, to verbally abuse another person and that is what he was and has been doing. There is an old saying "a leopard can't change its spots" and there is truth to this where abusers are concerned. They don't just "change". It is easy for us to say "I will stay for the children", or "My husband will change", all the while taking abuse that is not right. If you need someone to speak with try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline, remember that abuse is not just "physical", abuse with words is also wrong. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
Actually, you responded to my last discussion 2 days ago, it was the one where I felt like giving up. But in my religion, Divorce and Remarriage is a sin, and I can't do that. He's not hitting, and if I do divorce, I won't be allowed to remarry again, which I am fine with it.but for the sake of the kids, I MUST STAY! It's extremely important for them to have Mom and Dad when they're growing up. I cannot emphasise that enough.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (87842)
• Marion, Kansas
5 Jan 11
If both parents are parenting, then it is important to have both involved. Both you and hubby suffer from a lack of parental teamwork. However, if either of you is deliberately hurting the other, with words or with actions, it is not good parenting. Holidays, and money stresses both can be very hard.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jan 11
Masihi, I am just glad t see you posting today, as I got really concerned with your last post. In fact this morning on my drive out of town I wondered if you were okay as you sounded so down. It is great to come here and vent some of your feelings but I also want to reiterate that the link I gave you can be helpful as sometimes we just need to talk directly with people face to face. Do take care of you and pray for stronger you as you sound like you have way too much these days on your hands. I wish you, your hubby and children lots of happiness, but I definitely would like to hear despite of marital, financial and personal issues that Masihi is looking our for herself. A stronger Masihi, makes for a happier person, and mommy as well.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
I may have sounded down, but I'm not a quitter, perhaps too tenacious for my own good. I really don't agree with today's ready divorcing and remarrying, and since we have been visited by children's aid, he has gotten better I really, don't want to give up, and yes, I'll visit that link tomorrow, (it's midnight now, and my butt's basically frozen from all the sitting) lol Thanks for the encouragement, us women can be stronger than we realise, for sure!
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
5 Jan 11
Oh Masihi, I hate to tell ya this but no marriage is a perfect marriage and there are loads of people out there that have been abused and neglected as children, me included. You are not alone! I'm glad things have settled down for you and your family.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
5 Jan 11
Thanks, I know, I just have to pick up my peices and walk on, and work harder. He has gotten better, but it's a long road ahead, I just don't like to give up, is all.
@Elixiress (3893)
5 Jan 11
The holiday season does bring out the worst in everyone and in every relationship, most people have this "perfect" idea of Christmas, you see the perfect family Christmas' on TV and in movies and we have the idea that Christmas and the holiday season in general should be happy, no arguments etc. However, the stress of cooking the food, buying presents people will like, buying and putting up decorations, making sure all your friends and family are not alone, will lead people to become stressful and usually we take it out on the people closest to us. If you are unhappy with your relationship, you shouldn't stay together just for the children, having been brought up in a home where my parents are together but cannot stand one another, I was the happiest the three weeks they broke up and lived apart when I was about twelve.