Self Loathing Question?

Canada
January 6, 2011 5:20pm CST
I met someone who is totally self loathing? If so what are your thoughts on someone like that? How do they get to be that way? What can be done to help someone like that? Can they be help?
1 person likes this
3 responses
• United States
7 Jan 11
I do know a hand pick of women who self loath all day, every day for as long as I have known them. It gets really irritating sometimes as I see they simply like to be in this sort of situation. I try hard to simply listen and apply advice if I can, but they never listen. They simply want to loath all the time. I have tried pointing out the tidiness in their situations, but it seems that when the truth be told they stop calling for a while and then it is the same yo-yo effect.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (87574)
• Marion, Kansas
7 Jan 11
People only accept advice if it reinforces what they have already made up their mind to. Also, some negative behaviors are habits, just as positive ones are. I know some people that I just have to "accidentally" hang up on from time to time. It will bring me down, otherwise.
• United States
7 Jan 11
GG although I feel cruel from time to time, but I have to admit that when I see their number pop up on my cell I will not answer. As it really makes me feel really agitated and depressed to have to listen over and over. I guess I can answer sometimes but learn to say something like my battery is running out I have to let you go.
• Canada
14 Jan 11
I hear exactly what you are saying. I dont' think people like that realize the affect they have on the people they are calling. I know I feel pressure when I get calls from people like that. I use to feel bad for cutting the conversation short but now I just feel like I have no other choice. It is a survival thing as if I stay on the phone and listen for an hour or two; I am then warn out and useless to my family. It drains me and It think you are saying it drains you too. There was a time in my life that I would listen and be there at all cost; but now realize I can't do that as it is not in my best interest or my families. Plus I guess I am no good to the person on the phone if I am being dragged down with them.
• Canada
6 Jan 11
I think many people like that are suffering from depression. I personally do not believe they can be talked out of it. I think the best thing in that situation is for the person to do something they are good at -- which makes them realize that they can succeed at things and will raise their self-esteem. It can be tricky to pull a depressed person out of their spiral of negative thoughts, especially when they are so convinced of their own worthlessness that they refuse to try anything. Any way you can get them to participate in something they will have a success at (physical activity is best because it will release endorphins and combat the negativity) is good. If they will not do anything, tell them about a problem you have a seek advice. Praise them for their help and clear thinking, and try to raise the mood a little that way. Everyone is good at something!
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Jan 11
Great comment; you seem to have a handle on how to deal with a person like this. I sure do not. It feels like a up hill battle.
• Canada
15 Jan 11
My bipolar disorder gives me a unique perspective: sometimes I am a person like this, and other times I'm clearheaded enough to realize that my negative thoughts are inappropriate and unwarranted. I've also "counselled" my fair share of friends and coworkers through some very tough times.
@GardenGerty (87574)
• Marion, Kansas
7 Jan 11
I have met a few like that, even on here. You cannot talk them out of their opinion. The truth has to dawn on them from the inside. It can be linked to depression caused by a chemical imbalance, or it can be from how they are raised, or their experiences in the world. If they want to quit being that way, they can be helped and supported and encouraged to form the new habit of being kind to themselves, but it they do not want to change, your efforts will be useless.
• United States
7 Jan 11
You know I have come to realize that on here I have advised on so many levels here to later find the person still does not listen to the great many responses and it has become a vicious habit to loath, especially on here. All I can do is include them in my prayers and hope they some day realize the vicious cycle.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (87574)
• Marion, Kansas
7 Jan 11
They say you cannot break a bad habit, only replace it with a good one, and I try that in my own life.
• Canada
14 Jan 11
You are right my efforts do feel useless and that is why I have pulled back and now keep this person at a distance when it comes to having a lot of my time. How ever I am hoping that good will come out of this and this person will want to change. In the last few days I have started to see some changes in attitude so I am really hoping all that I and others have said will pull her through to the other side so she too can live a more positive life with positive people in her life.