A friend with regret

Australia
January 10, 2011 6:12pm CST
My Friend has just had a baby about four months ago. She is my age (19) and after talking to her a few weeks ago i noticed she was regreting her decision to keep her baby. She kept talking about how she recented her partner for being able to go out and party and still have fun while she is at home with the baby. I don't know what you all think but i'm sure thats not really fair. When I asked her why she decided to go through with having the baby, she said to me, 'I only did it because i thought that was what he wanted and that it would make us stronger as a couple.' To me that is not a good reason to keep a baby. I know that she loves her child, but why did she feel she had to keep it just to keep her man happy. When i decided to keep my baby it was because i wanted to and i was lucky that my partner was on the same page as me. What to do??? I guess all that a firend can do in this situation is to be there for her when she needs you and to be the shoulder she can cry on.
14 responses
• United States
13 Jan 11
"You HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD... by what U just said in that LAST LINE!lol Pray for your friend & her precious beautiful baby for GOD Almighty to watch over them and help the mother to the "GOOD" mother GOD is calling her to be. THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR THE FATHER AZZ TOO!!
@aprilsong (1886)
• China
12 Jan 11
Well,i think she is not clever enough.Using of the mean of having a baby to please man?Absolutely a bad ideal. First,she is still only 19,too young to take full responsibiliy for taking care of a baby.Second,i guess she is not married from your post.I think having a baby before marriage is a mistake.To have a baby,you need preparation, both financially but spiritally. She thinks she is doing things for her man,but has she considered the baby?What if she won't marry to that man later?What if she can't got enough money to raise the baby? Can she provides her kid a stable family and good education in the future?If she has not considered those things,she is a little selfish.
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
12 Jan 11
I pray that you don't get tired of talking to your friend. Talk to her and let her pour out her feelings to you. Be a listener to her woes and time to time, let her see the beauty of her decision to keep her baby. Don't sound like you're nagging her. Sometimes listening is enough to do something nice to your friend.
@ptower76 (1619)
• United States
12 Jan 11
There should only be one reason to keep a baby and that is that one love's the baby and wants to raise the child. As a friend that is what you should do. Be there for her. Facing the prospect of raising a child alone is daunting to anyone. But try to show her that she has the support of those people that love her and that she will experience one of the most rewarding events in nature. Child rearing, there is not many things in this world that can equal that.
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
11 Jan 11
It´s very brave for her to have had her baby. Life beneath babies may turn very rough. There´s a lot of work and responsability. I got 20 pounds more for six years. I had no help at all, from nobody. I cried because I thought life was struggling me. But what if life was struggling me... what about my three little angels??? Love can be so powerful!! When you see that cute tine little eyes, mouth, hands, feet... you just realize that a Baby really needs you. I had a friend who told me once: you´ll suffer a little, you see your children so little by now, you´ll have a lot of work . But you´ll see them rise up together, and time will come when you see just your grown-ups. I think you are a super cute friend! Your friend can switch with her parents some hands-free spare time. Not so often, though, but... life will be better in a while. Hugs and best regards, from México.
• United States
11 Jan 11
It is unfair that the man goes out and parties while the woman stays at home and takes care of the baby. I think it is great that she went through with the pregnancy and did not abort the baby however I feel she really is having dubts that she should put the baby up for adoption so the baby can live in a good home. It is unfair to keep the baby just so she can make her man happy. It is unfair to the man, your friend and especially the baby. Babies can feel things at a very young age and it can affect them throughout life. You are doing the right thing by being there for your friend and if possible maybe you could offer to babysit once in a while so your friend can go out and do things.
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
11 Jan 11
i'm so sorry to say this... but i am a person who is against abortion and to me, regardless what the reason is, she has to keep the baby... it is the consequences that she has to take and she should know it well before it happened... a baby is a gift from God and she should not regret at all for having the baby... if she is going to regret, why have one at the first place??? there are still so many women out there who are unable to have a baby and your friend is blessed with one... she should be really grateful for that... take care and have a nice day...
@Doujin (10)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Being the shoulder she can cry on is a great analogy. And it is probably the best you can do for. Knowing that there are supportive who truly care about you can be a huge boost during tough times.
11 Jan 11
I would say that it's never too late to consider adoption. That being said your friend is still in a very stressful time of new parent-hood. She loves her baby, but is possibly not ready for her life to change so dramatically. She needs to make sure that she is not just simply experiencing post-partum depression though. I would advise her to seek medical help and see if that can help her feel better. YOur role should just be to be there for her whenever possible. Maybe even offer to watch the child for her one night so she can go out with friends. Just so that she realizes that she can have at least part of that life again at times.
@bird123 (10381)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Isn't life much more than partying??? You tell your friend to hang in there. In time she will discover which really has the greater value.
@momof3kids (1903)
• Singapore
11 Jan 11
Tell her keeping the baby is the best thing that happened to her. She just has to be patient though. When she has taken good care of her child and that child grows up to love her back, that child is a gift. Never look back, look forward always. And when her child is grown up, she is still able to live her life with meaning. In my opinion anyone who does not appreciate his/her child is the one with the loss, the biggest loss.
@dorannmwin (36696)
• United States
11 Jan 11
You are a great person to be able to be there so that your friend has someone to talk to about what she is going through in her life right now. However, it also sounds like she needs to take the time to talk to her partner about the situation. I was a bit older when my daughter was born at 22 years old. However, my boyfriend at the time (now my husband) and I both knew that we wanted to be parents and that meant that we made all the changes in our lives that it took to be the most effective pair of parents that we could be.
• United States
11 Jan 11
You being there can help a lot. That said if she really continues to feel this way you can always bring up the choice of adoption. I know it is hard to even imagine but regrets can hurt far past the initial person and when it is a healthy baby there are many who will love the child. Other options are therapy as well as religion. Some times all a young woman needs is a little mental help. There could be an under lying reason to thinking a baby would help a relationship.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
11 Jan 11
Yes, you are right..."being there" and lending a shoulder probably doesn't seem like a lot to you right now, but that's probably what your friend needs the most of right now, and supporting her with any decision would also help. The world can be cruel, and it is even crueler when you feel like your going through it all alone. I am sure she doesn't really regret keeping her baby, she probably just feels over whelmed...like how will she provide for it, how will she be able to take care of it..you know, as a friend...offer to help as much as you can...ease the burden until she has everything thought through. Good luck to your friend and to you.