They're all in it for the money...

Hi dawn, Maybe he is right, they doing it for the money, but he shouldnt have said it in fromt of Dearra, if its helping her, he should have kept his mouth shut, children rather talk with someone outside of the family as they are neutral and she listens to them, tell him to butt out, lol! Tamara

I have talked to counselors and therapist over the years. I felt like some of them were out to get only the money from me and nothing else! I know I need to see someone again because I have alot issues to deal with that I put on the back burner! I know this is getting away from your discussion somewhat! Anyway R was trying to be helpful but in the long road he isn't and is probaly confused Dearra! I have heard that comment before "They are only in it for the money"! For alot of things! Not everyone is and I wish people would stop doing that!

Did you post a discussion about telling the kids? I missed it if you did. That was an insensitive thing for R to say but I think it will continue...even if he was able to fix things he's left it a tad too late. Is he/are you moving out soon? Hard on everyone if you continue to stay together...way too much strain and stress mate.

Men! I used to have stomaches when I was young for the same reasons. I would have really bad cramps and such awful stomach aches I couldn't walk.(Pepperment tea is very soothing for tummy aches) I feel her pain! Nerves are so touchy! (Had to add that to lighten it up a little.) At least you see the good in his comment. And really people are only human. I can think of so many times I said something and wished I could take it back. Don't we all do that at one time or another?

Seems he never heard of being subtle, Dawn.

I wouldn't be tooooo hard on him... Yes, he should have thought before he spoke, but we all do it -- say stupid things, say the wrong things at the wrong time, etc. Hopefully, Dearra's counselor can help again this time. Sounds like she's got a lot on her plate to deal with, but with a counselor she trusts (and a Mom like you), she'll be okay.

That was so wrong of him to say to her. I do believe there some that are just after the money, but it was uncalled for if she was helping her, it should be worth it.

He would have had a right to say if the Person had not helped her in the past, as she had helped Dearra I would say that no one has a right to say this about this particular Counselor Like you say it is more likely the fact that he can't help her I hope Dearra got on ok

if dearra likes the counselors,and it helps her,that's all that matters. my mom's had a few that..i don't know what their agenda was exactly,but they gave her more problems it seemed..but that's not the same in all cases.probably just a bad apple.

well maybe shes heard it enough to know that thats just how he is. sounds like hes a real penny pincher like my dad was. i knew it and he always made comments like that about doctors etc. but it didnt change my mind cause i knew it was his opinion on every thing i still loved him dearly till time forever. maybe just see if she realizes thats just how dad is. the way he was raised to believe.

It sounds like something my father would say! He refuses to go to doctors too because he feels they are all out to rip him off…As adults we all ignore his ravings and know better but for a kid who is seeing a counsellor, she does not need to hear a comment like that. I hope he has apologised for his words and that Dearra has not been put off going to see her counsellor. No matter what dad’s reasons were he should not have said what he said…

Dearra seems to be in a delicate situation so to be told that about someone who she feels is helping her would naturally cause some uneasy feelings on her. The old dad should learn how to hold his tongue before saying anything. He is very inconsiderate to the feelings of the girl. He is of no help at all.

I am happy to hear that the statement he made, made her upset. As this to me is a sign that she realized there are issues and she has someone helping her with them. Most people in life that say They are all in it for the money, are people who will never admit they have issues. To an extent we all have issues and there is nothing wrong with seeking help at times. No one but me accepted that my son had something wrong. His father and all his family kept saying that he was being a kid and would outgrow, I knew better Dawn. My son was found to have OCD, and can I tell you without medication of any kind, the psychologist and me of course my son is functioning very well and graduated college last year with 4.0 GPA... So was it the money, Nope it was two people who believed in him and saw him through a very difficult time in his life. Was it expensive, YES, would I do it again, YES, would not have any other way.

I think you are right on the target with your last remark. Most men feel helpless when they aren't in control of the situation and they feel like it is slipping away or not being handled according to them. I personally don't think he meant it in a bad way, it sounds more like to me as if he is in a disperate situation, he see's Dearra's going through these hard times in her life and he can't do anything to make her feel better. No matter what he does isn't good enough. But at the same, knowing that she is in a vulnerable state, he shouldn't have blurred it out that way, it's not like if it's the first time she's gone to this counselor and if it makes her feel better why not let her continue to do so. He shouldn't feel helpless, he should be greatful in a way because atleast someone is helping her though these hard times, and both of you are faciliting this counselor for her, so in a way you are both helping her out. It's just a man thing, my husband sometimes does the same thing, in different ocassions.

I would be really mad too! Ugh, what was he thinking ?!? My son was seeing a counselor (I'm looking for a new one right now) and when I told his birth father he was sort of the same way. He doesn't believe in going to counselors, psychologist, ect, however after he saw the results, he thanked me for taking our son!

WEll I do hope councelor helps her and every thing comes out ok. No he shouldnt have said it right then for he has probably said it many times. before but this time she paid attentoin to what dad said. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

hi dawn oh myG your husband reminds me of my dad. He was always going on about you cannot trust people amd they are all in it for the money. My mom had taught me to always use the golden rule do unto others as you would have them do unto you. His version do unto others before they can do unto you and take advantage of you. He was always so grim watch out do not let people take advantage of you. most are up to no good.my but he was tough to live around. Dearra seems like a very bright young lady. I have known others like your husband that really did not trust many people and were always going on about all in it for the money blah blah blah. I had to go to my dear grandpa mynoms dad for good My grandad was only five years older than my dear old dad. I was not close to my dad from age 8 when he molested me while my mom was ill in the hospital, just once but I was afraid of him every after. I did not tell my mom as she thought him next to God;his dad I learned was a very devout chaplain in the white house during the C ivil war.My dad was a hypocrite sopouting religion while he had an affair with another woman and also wanting my mom to take two illegitimate teen girls into our home from the woman who was the fiancee of his son my half brother. anyway poor Dearra I feel for her with that teeth pulling.wow, hugs from hatley [

Hey dawny~ Sorry to hear about the tough stuff you're going through and that your soon to be dumb azz ex doesn't think before he speaks! It isn't about him, it's about Dearra and it should be about her and he should keep his negative thoughts to himself, for once. I know how difficult this must be, but someone, (you) has to be the grownup! Sorry hon~

Geesh! What a guy. If they were all in it for the money, she would be pumped with meds and would not be helped. If they only wanted money, they would not see her to talk with her, just see her long enough to write a script that does who knows what to her and not care about the side affects she would be having. Potassium. Did I mention that before? Perhaps she needs an extra dose. Potassium controls our muscles, and that includes nervousness. I need to take extra potassium, even though my blood tests consistently show I do not have a deficiency. If I do not take it, I am very anxious. I take just one a day with my multi vitamin. if I do not take it for several days, I feel a bad difference. More depressed, anxious, lazy. I hope they can find the reason she is suffering so. That is not a good thing for someone so young to have to deal with. It has to be something physical rather than emotional with her. Unless she has PTSD and I doubt that.

Hi, Dawn! I think that the reaction of Dearra is a good sign. We often make and say stupid things and our kids should learn to protect themselves. You are lucky to have found this good counselor. I needed to find one for my daughter but most of them ask too much money and provide too little help in exchange. Maybe the father needs a counseling too :)) You may suggest him to go accompany his daughter.