They're all in it for the money...

@dawnald (84124)
Shingle Springs, California
January 12, 2011 12:06pm CST
Dearra's anxiety has flared up again. This time it doesn't seem to be one specific thing at school, it's more a combination of things, the sick cat, my relationship with her father, having to have teeth pulled, etc. So to make a long story short, I got her back on her stomach meds and back in to see her counselor. She likes her counselor because the woman has helped her in the past, and she genuinely seems to care. Yesterday before her appointment, dear old dad told her that he thought that counselors are all in it for the money. She was offended that he would say that about somebody who was helping her. The "all in it for the money" thing came from his parents. I've heard that kind of comment from both of them many times before. But dadgum it did he really need to say that to Dearra right before her appointment? Personally I think it's because he wants to be the one to fix the problem and he's feeling helpless, but still.
6 people like this
25 responses
12 Jan 11
Hi dawn, Maybe he is right, they doing it for the money, but he shouldnt have said it in fromt of Dearra, if its helping her, he should have kept his mouth shut, children rather talk with someone outside of the family as they are neutral and she listens to them, tell him to butt out, lol! Tamara
2 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
yeah and he'll come back with "I can't do anything right"...
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
12 Jan 11
I have talked to counselors and therapist over the years. I felt like some of them were out to get only the money from me and nothing else! I know I need to see someone again because I have alot issues to deal with that I put on the back burner! I know this is getting away from your discussion somewhat! Anyway R was trying to be helpful but in the long road he isn't and is probaly confused Dearra! I have heard that comment before "They are only in it for the money"! For alot of things! Not everyone is and I wish people would stop doing that!
2 people like this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
It's like every profession. Sure some people are in it just for money and don't give a crap about their patients, but my daughter is really comfortable with this woman, and she really helped her a lot last year...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
16 Jan 11
Did you post a discussion about telling the kids? I missed it if you did. That was an insensitive thing for R to say but I think it will continue...even if he was able to fix things he's left it a tad too late. Is he/are you moving out soon? Hard on everyone if you continue to stay together...way too much strain and stress mate.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Jan 11
I'm so worried about Dearra right now, I haven't pushed him at all about the other thing... No, I don't think you missed a discussion. I haven't posted all that much lately.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 11
yeah but first I have to get Dearra to go to school sigh...
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@MsTickle (24752)
• Australia
19 Jan 11
Try to find out what she thinks she is achieving by not going to school. Try and point out the positives of attending and the long term negative consequences of not going. mGive her a time limit like, say, 2 more days then it's back to school. There's no future for her if she stays at home. Poor little soul, this seems to be so hard for her when she should be really happy.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111660)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jan 11
Men! I used to have stomaches when I was young for the same reasons. I would have really bad cramps and such awful stomach aches I couldn't walk.(Pepperment tea is very soothing for tummy aches) I feel her pain! Nerves are so touchy! (Had to add that to lighten it up a little.) At least you see the good in his comment. And really people are only human. I can think of so many times I said something and wished I could take it back. Don't we all do that at one time or another?
@celticeagle (111660)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jan 11
It is soothing.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
My mom always recommended unsweetened black tea for settling your stomach. I'll try the peppermint sometime too and see how that works...
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (111660)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Jan 11
Unsweetened black tea can actually be harsh. Tea has more caffiene in it than coffee, especially black. Peppermint doesn't have any in it that I know of. If you have mint in your garden all the better.
1 person likes this
@hofferp (4739)
• United States
12 Jan 11
I wouldn't be tooooo hard on him... Yes, he should have thought before he spoke, but we all do it -- say stupid things, say the wrong things at the wrong time, etc. Hopefully, Dearra's counselor can help again this time. Sounds like she's got a lot on her plate to deal with, but with a counselor she trusts (and a Mom like you), she'll be okay.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
I didn't whack him. Actually, Dearra is pretty good at speaking up for herself when he says stupid things like that.
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@hofferp (4739)
• United States
12 Jan 11
Betting that you can give some pretty good "looks", he probably wished you had whacked him.
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@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
Only he doesn't have a clue why he's getting the look, and he just proceeds a la Richard anyway...
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
13 Jan 11
Seems he never heard of being subtle, Dawn.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
Maybe he heard of it, but he sure doesn't practice it.
@saphrina (31740)
• South Africa
14 Jan 11
I'll send him learning cards then.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
13 Jan 11
Dearra seems to be in a delicate situation so to be told that about someone who she feels is helping her would naturally cause some uneasy feelings on her. The old dad should learn how to hold his tongue before saying anything. He is very inconsiderate to the feelings of the girl. He is of no help at all.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
He just doesn't understand, but I do think he is trying to...
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@celticeagle (111660)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Jan 11
It has an interesting flavor doesn't it? There is also one I get at the Health food store that is 'Market' something. It is naturally sweeter than most and has a good flavor to it. Been a while since I've gotten and can't recall actual name.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 11
I think you are right on the target with your last remark. Most men feel helpless when they aren't in control of the situation and they feel like it is slipping away or not being handled according to them. I personally don't think he meant it in a bad way, it sounds more like to me as if he is in a disperate situation, he see's Dearra's going through these hard times in her life and he can't do anything to make her feel better. No matter what he does isn't good enough. But at the same, knowing that she is in a vulnerable state, he shouldn't have blurred it out that way, it's not like if it's the first time she's gone to this counselor and if it makes her feel better why not let her continue to do so. He shouldn't feel helpless, he should be greatful in a way because atleast someone is helping her though these hard times, and both of you are faciliting this counselor for her, so in a way you are both helping her out. It's just a man thing, my husband sometimes does the same thing, in different ocassions.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
Yeah, kind of a clueless bull in a china shop kind of a man thing. But at least she knows why it bothered her, and what she thinks about it, and it doesn't influence her wanting to continue the counseling...
• United States
14 Jan 11
That's a good thing, I hope she continues with her counseling, if that is what soothes and helps her through the hardship, then she shouldn't give it up.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 11
I am happy to hear that the statement he made, made her upset. As this to me is a sign that she realized there are issues and she has someone helping her with them. Most people in life that say They are all in it for the money, are people who will never admit they have issues. To an extent we all have issues and there is nothing wrong with seeking help at times. No one but me accepted that my son had something wrong. His father and all his family kept saying that he was being a kid and would outgrow, I knew better Dawn. My son was found to have OCD, and can I tell you without medication of any kind, the psychologist and me of course my son is functioning very well and graduated college last year with 4.0 GPA... So was it the money, Nope it was two people who believed in him and saw him through a very difficult time in his life. Was it expensive, YES, would I do it again, YES, would not have any other way.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
His comment was annoying and not helpful at all, but I know the counselor is helping Dearra and SHE knows she is being helped by her. So I just talk it up to typical Richard ignorant talk, and roll my eyes and "whatever"...
• United States
12 Jan 11
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
17 Jan 11
It sounds like something my father would say! He refuses to go to doctors too because he feels they are all out to rip him off…As adults we all ignore his ravings and know better but for a kid who is seeing a counsellor, she does not need to hear a comment like that. I hope he has apologised for his words and that Dearra has not been put off going to see her counsellor. No matter what dad’s reasons were he should not have said what he said…
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Jan 11
If she said something to him at the time he might have apologized, but most likely he doesn't even remember that he said it.
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@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
15 Jan 11
He would have had a right to say if the Person had not helped her in the past, as she had helped Dearra I would say that no one has a right to say this about this particular Counselor Like you say it is more likely the fact that he can't help her I hope Dearra got on ok
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@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
16 Jan 11
She hasn't made it to school yet... :-(
• United States
14 Jan 11
if dearra likes the counselors,and it helps her,that's all that matters. my mom's had a few that..i don't know what their agenda was exactly,but they gave her more problems it seemed..but that's not the same in all cases.probably just a bad apple.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jan 11
The first couple of marriage counselors were idiots... It's just like any profession really, there are good ones and bad ones. But Dearra is comfortable with her counselor, so heck with her dad's stupid remarks...
@bunnybon7 (31006)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Jan 11
well maybe shes heard it enough to know that thats just how he is. sounds like hes a real penny pincher like my dad was. i knew it and he always made comments like that about doctors etc. but it didnt change my mind cause i knew it was his opinion on every thing i still loved him dearly till time forever. maybe just see if she realizes thats just how dad is. the way he was raised to believe.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
Penny pincher about some things, not others....
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
13 Jan 11
That was so wrong of him to say to her. I do believe there some that are just after the money, but it was uncalled for if she was helping her, it should be worth it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
open mouth, insert foot...
@rosegardens (3044)
• United States
13 Jan 11
Geesh! What a guy. If they were all in it for the money, she would be pumped with meds and would not be helped. If they only wanted money, they would not see her to talk with her, just see her long enough to write a script that does who knows what to her and not care about the side affects she would be having. Potassium. Did I mention that before? Perhaps she needs an extra dose. Potassium controls our muscles, and that includes nervousness. I need to take extra potassium, even though my blood tests consistently show I do not have a deficiency. If I do not take it, I am very anxious. I take just one a day with my multi vitamin. if I do not take it for several days, I feel a bad difference. More depressed, anxious, lazy. I hope they can find the reason she is suffering so. That is not a good thing for someone so young to have to deal with. It has to be something physical rather than emotional with her. Unless she has PTSD and I doubt that.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
Maybe you did mention it. I was so into running around and getting her stomach stable and everything that I totally forgot about that.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
13 Jan 11
WEll I do hope councelor helps her and every thing comes out ok. No he shouldnt have said it right then for he has probably said it many times. before but this time she paid attentoin to what dad said. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
This time it affected her directly, so you bet she paid attention!!!
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
13 Jan 11
Hi, Dawn! I think that the reaction of Dearra is a good sign. We often make and say stupid things and our kids should learn to protect themselves. You are lucky to have found this good counselor. I needed to find one for my daughter but most of them ask too much money and provide too little help in exchange. Maybe the father needs a counseling too :)) You may suggest him to go accompany his daughter.
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
He needs counseling for other reasons. :D But I did set up her next appointment at a time when he could go if he wants to.
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
13 Jan 11
Hey dawny~ Sorry to hear about the tough stuff you're going through and that your soon to be dumb azz ex doesn't think before he speaks! It isn't about him, it's about Dearra and it should be about her and he should keep his negative thoughts to himself, for once. I know how difficult this must be, but someone, (you) has to be the grownup! Sorry hon~
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
I told him that too. He was going on about how he would have gone to school even if he had to barf in a trash can, and I just busted in and told him it wasn't about him.
@Hatley (152231)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jan 11
hi dawn oh myG your husband reminds me of my dad. He was always going on about you cannot trust people amd they are all in it for the money. My mom had taught me to always use the golden rule do unto others as you would have them do unto you. His version do unto others before they can do unto you and take advantage of you. He was always so grim watch out do not let people take advantage of you. most are up to no good.my but he was tough to live around. Dearra seems like a very bright young lady. I have known others like your husband that really did not trust many people and were always going on about all in it for the money blah blah blah. I had to go to my dear grandpa mynoms dad for good My grandad was only five years older than my dear old dad. I was not close to my dad from age 8 when he molested me while my mom was ill in the hospital, just once but I was afraid of him every after. I did not tell my mom as she thought him next to God;his dad I learned was a very devout chaplain in the white house during the C ivil war.My dad was a hypocrite sopouting religion while he had an affair with another woman and also wanting my mom to take two illegitimate teen girls into our home from the woman who was the fiancee of his son my half brother. anyway poor Dearra I feel for her with that teeth pulling.wow, hugs from hatley [
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Jan 11
And thinking of her teeth, I still have to call that darn oral surgeon who never returned my call. And do I want to put oral surgery on her right now on top of everything else? no....
@sedel1027 (17868)
• United States
12 Jan 11
I would be really mad too! Ugh, what was he thinking ?!? My son was seeing a counselor (I'm looking for a new one right now) and when I told his birth father he was sort of the same way. He doesn't believe in going to counselors, psychologist, ect, however after he saw the results, he thanked me for taking our son!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84124)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Jan 11
I shall not hold my breath waiting for that!