Am I too stupid, or am I too soft?

United States
January 13, 2011 7:42pm CST
This friend of mine once help me when I need someone chaperoned while I was on a driving trip to Kentucky. I paid for everything for the while trip. He once asked me borrow $20 because he was out of money, and he promised me to pay me back for the very same week. Until now, he didn't pay me back a dime. This Monday, his truck was stuck at the roadside due to severe weather condition, we had snow storm. I drove him to work, and he explained that he will pay me that $20 once this co -worker of his pay him back that $60. I believe in him, since people should deserve a second chance. Today, he told me that he is totally out of money, and he just want to borrow another $10. Today is payday, he promised me again to pay me back once he got the money. I saw him without money and he was really hungry. I gave him that $10. I thought to myself, whether he is lying, or am I too stupid, too soft? What would you do?
2 people like this
12 responses
@SIMPLYD (78119)
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
I guess you should learn how to say no to your friend. ask him what's really his problem is, because he seemed to be constantly out of money. Tell him, that you too have obligations of your own so he has to know what his obligations are too. be honest with him since he is your friend.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Since he is out of money, and he is out of money to buy food, out of sympathy, I let him to borrow that $10. I gave him a second chance, and see how he going to repay me for that. Otherwise, I won't do it the second time.
@SIMPLYD (78119)
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
Yes that's right, there should be no second time for him anymore. If he wants to borrow money again, he should pay the first one first. Sometimes , we always have compassion for our friends. It's harder to say no to them if you know that you can afford to lend them . But they have to learn a lesson though.
@obe212003 (2302)
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
You have a kind heart.. how can you be stupid if your intention was to help? it will only be stupid if you would not tell him how you feel, right? There are limitations and if you have doubts, then i guess it would be best to talk it over with him.
• United States
14 Jan 11
Sometimes, it is hard to straightforward with a friend, you know. It seems that I am too uptight, or not trust him. Maybe he will pay me back when he got the money back. But, for a second chance to see what he is going to do about it. Otherwise, I just won't buy in his lie ever again.
@bird123 (10481)
• United States
15 Jan 11
No, you are not stupid. No one can know the situation better than you. Somehow I think you are making the right decision.
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
You are just being kind. Under the circumstances where your friend seems to be lacking of money to buy food and seeing him really hungry, you did the right thing, for now. However, do not let your friend abuse such kindness or you'll end up being the stupid one. What you can do is to talk to your friend in a subtle yet straight forward manner about his loan to you,and see what seems to be the problem why he is having trouble paying you. And ask him when can he truly pays for it. If he again promised yet failed to do so, then,I believe it is time for you to consider him as someone you can not trust.:( I hope you can settle this issue between you and your friend.
• India
14 Jan 11
We often can't say NO to something and that is our biggest problem. We have to learn to say No to something which we don't want to happen or don't want to do. For some of us the things become to difficult. With me when I was in my college days the things were just like this. I used to lend money to all my friends who used to fool me and used to laugh at me in my absence.But now I am a changed man the economic crisis has compelled me to do so. Now with the rising cost of things we can't think of lending money simply because we have to survive. Just think how difficult it is to earn $10 but to spend it that too if he is fooling you takes a minute. I may sound tough but we have to become practical to survive in this world now. Its from my experience I am saying.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
14 Jan 11
I don't think you should consider yourself to be stupid. I think you just have too kind of a heart for your own good. It's all right to be soft hearted, but don't let everyone walk all over you either.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
14 Jan 11
Hi King, I think you need to learn the art of say, "No, I'm pretty broke myself. In fact, I was going to look you up and ask if you by chance have the 20.00 you already owe me." Now he owes you 30.00. If it was a good friend, I may have done just as you have done but also reminded him that I really really need it to be paid back. If you fall for it again then I will have to say, King, that you are a sucker. Hope it all works out for you. Oh and I over-spent this week, could I borrow 25.00? I'll pay you back next week. ok? I'll PM you with my address. Thanks, pal.
14 Jan 11
well there's nothing wrong when you help someone in need, in fact it's better to give than to receive. Sometimes you should control of it because you might not know that you're softness might be abused. You're not that soft, in fact, you're friend is lucky to have friend like you at times when he was in need. I recommend that you talk to him about this, trust me it's the only answer to the problem because if I were in a scenario like yours, I will help yet I would like to know more and talk much out of it to him of cours.
• India
14 Jan 11
When you see someone hungry, you can offer him food. When you see someone helpless you offer him shelter. If you ever happen to see someone running naked in the streets of London, you give him clothes. But you shouldn't give money to anyone unless you can't help it. This man, your friend is not going to pay you back anytime soon. That's what I think. This is because it's not the money that's his problem. It's his habit of spending without thinking much that's causing all his troubles. Near the place where I live there are carpenters who work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and at the end of the week gets only $8. Some of them are married and have parents to look after. If you really want to help him, help him to get a better job.
@greygoo (798)
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
you're just too nice. i think your 'friend' is using you. if he can't pay 20, he more likely wouldn't be able to pay 30. maybe you should learn to say no. i have a friend who's somehow overly dependent on me. he always asks me to do stuff for him, and he's sometimes demanding even though he's the one who's asking for a favor. the last time i did something for him, i told him i wouldn't do the same thing for him again. he's my best friend alright, but i had to learn to say no so he could learn to act by himself.
@calpro (933)
• India
14 Jan 11
Hi Kingparker, You remind me of my friend, he is also like you with humanity and he is very generous like you. He helped me many times in my down time like what you did to your friend. Sometimes it happens with people to ask for help again and again. That does not mean they are lying. As you rightly said a second chance is to be given, and you gave him that so wait and see if he stands on his words. I really appreciate your concern towards his hunger. I respect hunger, hunger is the key to the development of mankind. I see your friend as genuine person, because he had explained his situation to you and promised again to repay back. But my sincere suggestion is never help the money which you cannot afford, I did so and landed penny less few years ago. But sill today I try to help people as much as I can. I don't see you as stupid, I see you as a humanitarian. Continue to help others without losing your ground. Wish your friend keeps up his word and Good luck to you. Happy Living Calpro
• Philippines
14 Jan 11
hi Kingparker, Your friend is lucky huh!it's not stupidity to lend a friend but of course you should look the other side if he is taking advantages of you or if he is telling the truth. I hope he will pay you soon it's not easy to earn money now a days. happy posting