I am lost inside myself

United States
January 18, 2011 4:25pm CST
I feel like a very lost person at this time in my life. When I was younger I used to dream about becoming a writer. I used to write poetry and short stories. In the most recent years I have begun painting and drawing again. It was my main goal to continue doing something with the arts and turn it into a career, but I have lost my drive to do any of it. Like I'm just waiting around to die. Maybe it's a fear to be who I really am that scares me from being around people and pursuing my dream. I'm having an internal conflict over how I used to be and how I am now. In high school I was a straight A student and active in sports. Now I've become withdrawn and unbelievably boring. I almost feel like I become dumber as the days roll on. I am having trouble dealing with who I was and who I am now. I normally only share these thoughts with the pages of a book I hardly write in. But as I have determined that I hold no answers for myself I must look to my fellow mylotters for help. Any advice would be much appreciated.
9 responses
@CarlHalling (3629)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 11
I am sorry about how you feel right now. It's a shame you think of yourself as boring: because the evidence suggests you are not at all boring. You speak of writing poetry and short stories; you paint and draw. A former straight A student; active in sports. Withdrawn you may be; but nothing about you seems boring. It seems you are going through a critical time in your life; this may be making you feel "boring", when in fact you are absolutely not: you are just going through changes. My advice would be to start writing right away; don't worry if inspiration doesn't come. Write of how you feel; stories; poems. Writing is enormously cathartic: by writing, you may be able to expel some of the melancholy you are feeling. Give yourself that chance. If you believe in God, ask Him to guide you, and to take away feelings about yourself which are not true: you are not boring; that comes across clearly in your message: There is so much potential. I hope you come to realise it soon. Good luck!
2 people like this
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
Hi! That's a truly nice and supportive response you gave Carl. To see all that was positive and highlight them so dance4life may see them again as they were and carry on. This is one of those things that makes mylot interesting and attractive.
1 person likes this
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 11
Hi! Thanks so much, figurativeme, I was more than pleased to, I see so much that is positive in dance4life! Thanks again and bless you. Carl.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
I suppose when you start to lose who you are you also forget all that is good. Asking for advice has been the best thing for me. All these responses have helped me see the things I was blind or ignorant to. It has truly lifted my spirits. Thank you for all your support.
@smileonstar (4013)
• United States
19 Jan 11
Hi, sorry to hear all of these... first you need to figure out what and how make you become like this. you can make yourself a list... the easy one that make you want to do it (motivation) it is hard when you are in stress or depression... it is kind of what you are now. you need to go out and motivate yourself to do something you like and you dont have to care about ppl around you for now. Take one step at a time... if the issue getting bad then I suggest you to talk to someone about this... your life is still ahead of you but you just dont follow it. get up and do something about it... talk to your good friend, or someone that always be around with you to help. good luck
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
I think a list is a good idea. It will keep me on track and help me stay focused. I admit I am stressed and a little depressed, but I think that it will pass. All the advice I have received has given me hope. In the future when I'm feeling low I will be coming back to my lot to read these responses. It helps me believe in myself and encourage me to achieve my dream.
• China
19 Jan 11
You aren't utterly disheartened.If the sky falls,we shall catch larks.I admire your ambition,however if wishes were horses,beggars would ride.I hope you will get the better of the lost state.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
It's true I should do less wishing and more doing. Sitting around waiting for something to happen never accomplished anything.
@lizmik143 (138)
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
I have the same internal conflicts from time to time. But of course I cannot do things at the same time all at once. I know that there are opportunities for other things to happen in my life. Don't be afraid to pursue your dream. If you want to pursue your dream to impress someone, it is frustrating. But if you are doing it for yourself, fail or success, at least you know you have done your best and you are contented.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
You have a very good point. My friends and family are constantly asking me what am I doing to get my art out there. Or pushing me to get a move on. It's difficult for me to just pick up a brush or a pencil when they want me to. I need to feel it. The more they push me the more I fear failure and letting them down. I'm sure my family would support me either way, but it still weighs on my mind. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
• Philippines
19 Jan 11
You don't have to be afraid of who you are. Because if you do, you will not find what you've been looking for in life. You see, we have to take risk in every situation we are in. Try knowing yourself and accept what you have known. Talk about it with your close friends or with your family. Maybe you need time to reflect. Or maybe you are just stressed out about your life is turning. I have troubles with myself too especially how my life is going, but I always think of the goals I've written. If you really want to be a writer or a painter, you have to motivate yourself by learning yourself more.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
How do you get over the fear of who you are? The fear of not being excepted because of how people are judging you by your every move? While I was riding the train to work the other day I realized I purposely plan my transport to work with as little confrontation and difficulty as possible. I have always planned out the least amount of risk in anything I do. I suppose it makes things less stressful, but now I am unsure. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into everything.
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
19 Jan 11
The more you do: the more you can do. The less you do; the less you want to do. If there is any hope, you better get busy regardless. Art of any kind is about feeling. I heard an interview with Kenny Loggins. He said that people are all the same. The closer he writes to his true feelings; the better the music comes out. Remember, in your art your goal is to make them feel. Sounds like you are feeling plenty right now.Are you painting this?????? You are meant to make a difference in this world. There is no one in the universe exactly like you. So get with it. If it comes to the point you can't sell your paintings then give them away. Others will see then want to buy one for themselves.There is no time for crying. Let's get busy.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
Your advice reminds me of my older sister. I should be painting my feelings but my lack of space to set up my supplies depresses me. As you said the less I do it the less I want to do it. But you are right I should be using these feelings and expressing it through my artwork.
@Messyrax (147)
19 Jan 11
its good opening up to other people to solve a problem,,especially to people you dont know, this takes the weight off your chest. you certaninly know your dream and seem to love it,,but you are scared of the future,, you definitely got your brains intacked and you are still the bright guy you were in high school, just that you have switched interest from studies to other things which is very normal,, just believe in yourself and pursue your dream,,,if it doesnt work out the way you expected then its never too late to start all over again for now concentrate on arts and dont be scared
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
When I read this it sounded like you had more faith in me than myself. I should try to be more positive. Thank you for your encouragement.
• Canada
19 Jan 11
It sounds like you are reaching out and looking for someone to give you meaning in your life. This is worrying as only you can do that. Maybe the arts was something you thought you had a knack for, and have now realized that maybe you aren't as talented as you thought you were and are depressed with the fact you do not know what skills you actually have. My best advice is to get out into the world, and either go back to school to develop some skills to give you the self esteem you seem to desperately need. Or your other option is to get a job in something that is not difficult to excel at so you can receive the praise and acceptance you seem to desperately want. Again, I am just picking things out of the statement you provided and how you come across from that. Hopefully you can find something your good (which I'm sure there is) at so you can receive praise from others. Take care and think positive.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
I am rather good at drawing and painting but I feel like other people are better. It makes me feel like, "why should I bother?" because there are other people who have had the time and schooling to become better at it. I already have a job where I have excelled as far as I can go. It's not that I want praise, but a purpose to my life. It feels empty like I'm not doing anything worthwhile with my life. Thank you for your comment.
@trader22 (233)
• Jamaica
18 Jan 11
First you need to find self happiness by choosing to be happy. You need to ask the big questions, who are you, why are you here and what yours purpose. Ask God to guide you to the answers. Then find back the energy to do the things you like. Each day do something spontaneous. Then people will slowly gravitate towards you. Brush off everything that brings negativity around you.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 11
I very much like the idea of doing something spontaneous everyday. It sounds like a good way to try new and different things. I wish I could brush off the main negativity in my life, but unfortunately it's my job. I am trying to work on that though. Thank you for your advice.