A Question Of Responsibility
January 18, 2011 11:49pm CST
Imagine you're married to a smoker who tells you his vices (cigarettes, alcohol, caffeine, whatever!) are not your responsibility. Imagine for a second, that out of the goodness of your heart, you offer to pick up a pack of smokes for someone because you're going to the store anyway. Being a human, you FORGET to get the smokes. You don't forget things that often, but once in a while something slips your mind. You come home, remember that you forgot the smokes, and your loving hubby says it's OK, that he has enough for tomorrow. Later in the evening, that same hubby runs up the street to pick up a couple of subs at Quiznos. Upon arriving home, he realizes he lost the cigarettes, but tells you it's not your problem. Fast forward to just before bed when Hubby wants a smoke, and starts b!tching (no, not just complaining, but b!tching!!!) at you because none of this would have happened if YOU hadn't forgotten the smokes. That's EXACTLY what happened here tonight. I told him that none of this would have happened if he had not LOST the cigarettes, and with all due respect, we would not be in this mess if he didn't start smoking PERIOD. OK I didn't say that last part, but you can bet I was thinking it. He's very good about paying me back for every single pack of cigarettes, but like all humans, I do forget things. So I forgot to pick up a pack of cigarettes. It happens sometimes. Atleast I've never lost the same pair of glasses three times in one week. But to b!tch about the cigarettes like this, and make it my responsibility that he doesn't have any, after he lost a pack? I think I'm going to take him literally, and refuse to be responsible for cigarettes PERIOD! What do you think? :) That means no more cigarettes until February 1st when he gets paid, and he can get them himself!!!
5 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 11
I think that is a good idea but man will he get cranky. I remember when my husband quit chewing snuff. He was so cranky, I was tempted to put some in his food just so he would be easier to get along with. LOL Good luck with Walker.
2 people like this
19 Jan 11
Connie, I'm so GLAD you saw this. Actually I'm REALLY glad you saw this. I also posted it on Gather, and the folks over there, all say the same. Maybe I should have handed him The Book Of Mormon, when he got that way. :) Oh, why didn't I think of that? Good for your husband for quitting snuff. Good for him!!!! As for the crankiness of withdrawl, I am not going to allow placating him to become my responsibility. I'm not going to put that shoe on the other foot either, and that's why I make dang sure to be as independent as possible. I'm so glad I decided to live on my own for half a decade before getting married. :) Please take a look at the comments on the discussion I posted on Gather, you'll see lots of great responses from people, and a great conversation that got started. Again, thanks for popping in here. :) I just responded to your discussion about the bears. Good to see you on here, and wish you were on here more often.
1 person likes this
19 Jan 11
smoking is a real problem and not only on partnership but most especially on your health. i never like a man who smoke especially for a partner, and since your man told you its not your responsibility i guess its high time to teach him to practice what he preach. if he doesn't want to stop smoking he have to be careful to always make sure that he has enough for him to last a day and don't ever try to b!tch or fuss over not having a stick for the night.
• United States
18 Feb 11
i think you're right.married or not,i'm not paying for other people's habits. especially if they're b*tchy toward me. if he did some chores or something and i had the money i might consider helping them out,but not if they're gonna act like i just owe it to them somehow.
20 Jan 11
Normally, you don't think about buying cigs because you don't smoke. It was an honest mistake that you forgot them. The reason he was nasty was probably because he with in nicotine withdrawl....which is still not excuse to act this way. I think after this flare-up, yes, he should be responsible for buying his own cigs. He will just have to budget so that he has enough money until the end of the month to buy them. Big deal.
19 Jan 11
I think he'll just get more cranky if you do that. I'm a smoker myself and whenever I ran out of it I easily get irritated and bored and I don't know why..I guess maybe you can just by pass what happen for tonight just so it will not grow into a fight and big misunderstanding ... I'm a forgetful being! I always run to the store to get something and then realize that I forgot to buy it when I get home and go back to the store again to get it..That's me everyday that is why my bf gets mad at me all the time when I ask him to get something from me if he happens to drive to a grocery store then ask him again to buy something, to think the store is too far to go back and forth ...