why can't he just tell me where he was?

Philippines
January 23, 2011 4:15am CST
this happened a few years ago. back when my hubby and i were still sweethearts. it was already 12 midnight and he still haven't called to say goodnight. i knew he was still out which is not a problem but i wanted to know where he was so that i wont worry. i texted him to ask. he replied saying "i will be home soon. just wait for my call." since he didn't say his location, i texted again after a few minutes. he replied saying "i'm on my way out. just wait." notice that he still didn't answer my question? so after a few more minutes i texted him a third time. this time instead of a reply, he called. he said he's at the billiard hall across their house and that he's playing and he's losing his concentration everytime his phone beeps. what i can't understand is: why didnt he just said so in the first place? he was able to compose 2 whole sentences on his first reply, but it would only take 2 words to tell me where he was.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
24 Jan 11
He was afraid that you would call and asked him to go home thus disturbing him more? Or he was busy with something or someone else that he does not want you to know. But in the end he has to tell you caused it disturbed him to always checking your text messages.
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
hhhhmmm... that is another possible angle... thanks jennyze...
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
I had this kind of 'problem' with my husband. But, I don't give take it as a big deal because I now realized that men sometimes are insensitive. Though they do intend to offend or make us worry but they do not think that this things are very important to us. I talked to him about this and I told him exactly how I felt about it. Yes, it was ok to be out with friends or with anybody but at least be sensitive enough to tell me where you are IF I AM ASKING YOU. He said he was worried, I might take it against him if he told me he was with friends and having a good time.. So there, I told him he was underestimating my capabilities to understand his needs and that he was judging my love for him the wrong way. He is paranoid. Now, whenever he is out and would text ,he'd say where he was. I'm not sure if it was true, though.LOL
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
thank you for your input, eurekafemme. its sad that sometimes men tend to over-look our feelings,right? though they don't mean to do it intentionally, it still kind of sad. i'm glad that you and your husband were able to talk it over and patch things up. that is the part that i like about arguments with my hubby. being able to talk it through, patch things up and learn from the experience to avoid it happening again. :)
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
Maybe he misunderstood the question. People sometimes confuse "where are you" with "how long before you get here". It's funny how people substitute the latter with the former. I personally find it annoying when people answer like that. Maybe they're thinking that we're anxious to see them that they're giving us a reply that their coming already? I dunno why people behave this way. Haha. Though, you should try to give him space. I know that this already happened a long time ago, and you probably aren't nagging him about where he is now.
• Philippines
24 Jan 11
Thanks for the insight, knicnax. You are so right. I don't like "beat-around-the-bush" answers too. It's annoying. But we learned from that experience. Now, I tend to be more lenient when he's out and he tends to inform me when he's going out. So its all well and good in the end. hahaha...
@thanks1961 (7046)
• India
23 Jan 11
This is the difference between the two thinkings. He didn't responded the way you think. If you were asked where are you, then you must have got a prompt answer. Also, he must know that the time and why the importances of the text. In one way your thinking is right and he could have where he is. Have you discussed the same topic later one? What was his response? Always when such occasions come up, you can tell the way of answer you expected and accordingly, he can change the manner of responding. However, I don't think there is any appropriation. From the experience with him, you must understand how the person he is. Thank-s
• Philippines
23 Jan 11
thank you thanks1961 for your insight. i'm sorry but there might be a good chance that this discussion might get deleted. it is the same as the "was i being a nag?" discussion. (kindly refer to my comment to princess8881) i suggest to comment on the other discussion as well... my sincerest apology...
• South Korea
23 Jan 11
hhmm I let my husband go home late... and even to hang out with his friends drink and party... there are times that they always call a hooker(well here in my country they usually go to kareoke and call a woman to be with them,as their dates) evverytime they will meet because the majority of his friends were all single... and I even told him that he can stay and talk to the girls.. as long as he will not have s3x with them... but he always call me..and he even wants me to be with the party.. well I tried once but I felt weird coz I am the only girl there..and I feel so bored they weve been married for almost 5years now.. its just that I think sometimes our husband should take a break to and let them have time with their friends.. just trust him... whatever happens he will be our partner forever... and just trust them as long as their are not abusing it.. and they can control thats so called hobby...
• Philippines
23 Jan 11
@ princess8811: thank you for your insight on both my discussions. (the other one being "was i being a nag?" kindly refer to my other discussion for more comment. @ admin: i'm sorry but this discussion is the same as my other discussion entitled "was i being a nag?" our electricity fluctuated while i was composing this and i thought that this didn't went through so i retyped this and changed the title to the other one as i thought that it was more appropriate for the context. kindly delete this one. thank you.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
24 Jan 11
He was afraid that you would call and asked him to go home thus disturbing him more? Or he was busy with something or someone else that he does not want you to know. But in the end he has to tell you caused it disturbed him to always checking your text messages.