tell your husband ugliness

@indahfth (11161)
Indonesia
January 26, 2011 7:40pm CST
I am often very disappointed with my husband. And sometimes makes me very depressed. I often complain about my disappointment in MyLot, or talked to my brother. I do not know if I'm doing this is true or not. According to religion, a wife must not tell her husband ugliness to others. What do you think? Did you ever tell your husband ugliness to others?
3 people like this
13 responses
• United States
27 Jan 11
indahfth we are so human and need to relieve stress sometimes and there is no problem because you simply want to vent a little. This is one of the reason that I enjoy myLot as we come on here and relieve some feelings where as you get some objective advice and or simply someone to speak to. I am not married but I live with my boyfriend for 5 full years and I for the first time am truly blessed. He is a wonderful man who treats me with total respect so thus far I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I understand that it is part of your religion to be private, but honey you need to release a little steam from time to time as not doing so you will become overly depressed and that will not be good for your health. I sincerely wish you the best and please remember we are here to discussion and never place judgment, ever.
• United States
27 Jan 11
Well indahfth, looks like hardworkinggurl said it all... I too need to vent, and I know that I can do that here whenever I need to and get the support I need..
• United States
27 Jan 11
So true carmelaniel, as I have come to really appreciate myLot as I find that a great many come here to vent and get a bit of hope. I especially am very sensitive to a great many, as at times they really feel as if they have no one to talk to.
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
Yes, you are both right. I also really need a vent, and I am also more likely to confide in MyLot. Because my sister lives far away, so I rarely met, making it difficult to vent. With the vent, I feel relieved, and got some suggestions.
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
Alloh SWT in surah Al Baqarah verse 187, tell us the parable which says : They are (wife) your garments and you are their garments. Alloh SWT compare the relation between husband and wife as clothing, subhanalloh, this gave us information that the equity between husband and wife. Not only wife that have to protect all kindness and ugliness of his husband (since the kindness of one to another is can be an ugliness for others), and also husband must do the same to his wife. Why Alloh SWT choose a clothes as the parable, lets we analyze: 1. Clothes beauty you, a husband and wife compliments each other, in this life and next. 2. Clothes are close to you, its protect your bare skin. Your spouse is close to you in that manner. 3. Clothes hide you. A husband and wife not suppose to discuss each other's their faults. 4. Clothes makes you comfort. You can describe by your own... :) Then, when you tell people about your husband ugliness, it just the same as you took off your clothes and get naked in front of people. Astagfirulloh... naudzubillah min dzalik...
1 person likes this
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
Yes. I really understand about this. I actually also do not want to, talk about my problems with others. But, if I save my own problems, I can be crazy. I also really understand that the problems we face, we have to deal with the patient, and always prayed to God. I've done everything, and try to always obey the religion, but I am not able to face alone.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
28 Jan 11
I never leave my house, to meet with the cleric. Perhaps, indeed I do not have to talk to anyone, and I must face alone, the problem I faced.
• Indonesia
28 Jan 11
Yes, we just human being, and need to solve our problems, that corret. But why you should tell your husband ugliness? There is so many way to have people opinion without to telling them that you have black mark in your chest, don't you? Innaloha ma ana.... and I quote a sentence from one ayah... "....innama al usri yousron, fa innama al yusri yusro..." there is always solutions side by side with the problem. Just take the right way to solve your problems, and if you can't facing the problem alone, you can go to ulama which knowledgeable in religion.
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
29 Jan 11
well here in mylot you can almost talk about anything and maybe that is your way getting other's opinion in a way that you can also learn from them. When it comes to your brother, then maybe you should tell him beforehand to make it a secret whatever you are confiding. Remember that the negative things that you said about your husband will bounce back to you coz u are one as married couple.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
29 Jan 11
Yes. I understand. I now promise to myself, to not tell to others.
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
30 Jan 11
i dont mean that you dont tell what's inside you coz it can really help letting it out but only to those person who can keep your secret and most trusted one so u will not be scared of spreading it around town.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 11
I understand your point. But I had promised, to myself, to face my own problems.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Jan 11
Are you talking about physical ugliness, or behavior? If he is behaving in a way that upsets you, there is no problem, in my opinion, with discussing it with your female friends. Every woman needs her "girlfriends" as a support system.
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Jan 11
I feel that way sometimes too.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
28 Jan 11
I talk about my husband's attitude and treatment towards me. Treatment of my husband often made me disappointed and always painful. So that makes me very depressed.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
27 Jan 11
I used to discuss things about my husband with friends and family. I think you need to respect your husband but you should be respected as well. If not it breaks the entire contract.
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Jan 11
I could tell how to go about it but you wouldn't go for it. Happy days!
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
I have great respect for my husband. I also do not intend to tell my husband ugliness. I just want to find a solution, so I'm not too depressed.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
29 Jan 11
hi indahfth, talking to your husband didnt make u all the more happy havent you? or are you able to talk to him without him getting angry or upset with the topic you present? i dont think so. your husband married you supposedly to make you happy. husbands protect wives but why is it that his attitude making you upset and inferior? yes solutions are there, but marriage is not one sided. both listens to ideas and works on the solution. your brother loves you and it is best that he knows what is happening to you. he can give advises but it is still you who is going to decide what is best for your relationship. ann
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
29 Jan 11
It is very difficult to talk to my husband, without making my husband angry. I prefer not to talk, rather than be scolded.
1 person likes this
@tigeraunt (6326)
• Philippines
29 Jan 11
i am really hoping that the ulama can help you out.. but am afraid he will be bias. women's rights seems to be unimportant to them.
@edigital (2709)
• United States
28 Jan 11
I am agree with your last sentences "According to religion, a wife must not tell her husband ugliness to others". As you are staying with your husband's house and eating his earning, so you cannot tell any outsider about his ugliness. Of course you can tell it to his family members who are guardian type members and inside your family who is guardian type members and can do some remedy about your problems. But if you tell it to outsider and same time you stay with your husband you cannot disclose any odd or ugly behavior of your husband. This will be wise and perfect work.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
27 Jan 11
I can't say I have never mentioned Hubbys faults, but unless I am very upset I don't do it. He is my best friend and you don't want to talk about your friends behind their backs.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 11
I do not intend to discuss my husband with friends and my younger brother. But, I want to find a solution, and listen to opinions of friends or my younger brother.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
30 Jan 11
It is a human need to have someone to confide in and it is a shame that you cannot do that with your husband who appears to be one of the causes of your unhappiness. In our culture communication between husband and wife is encouraged and if there is no friendship between a man and a woman it is difficult to sustain a healthy relationship. Your culture is different I know and I respect that. I would not feel bad for needing to talk your problems over with others; you are not doing to ‘ bad mouth’ your husband, you are simply sharing your concerns and asking for advice as you are not able to talk to your partner...
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 11
Yes. I mean, is to find a solution. However, this made me become very bad. I promise, will not talk about my husband. I will face, all that done to me. I hope, God always gives me strength.
1 person likes this
@sql_cell (1427)
• Indonesia
2 Feb 11
I am a husband, and I do not like, if my wife talk about my ugliness, to others. A husband and wife should keep the honor. The wife must respect her husband, as taught by religions.
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
2 Feb 11
Yes. I really understand that. Any husband would have objected.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 11
iam man and off course i had not husband...:)
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
1 Feb 11
Some day, if you become a husband, may be a good husband, and understand your wife.
@kirthy (383)
• India
27 Jan 11
actually, we are human. all we have good and bad. may yr husband can have opinion about you. its happen. take good things. love husband. handsome is not important. but character is vital. keep smile. be happy.
@jak2010 (1550)
• Papua New Guinea
27 Jan 11
I hope my does that, but I always think I am a handsome man so I am content myself.