What is the REAL reason why husbands commit adultery?

Philippines
January 26, 2011 10:50pm CST
No my husband has not committed it yet, but I just want to know the reason so that if I can prevent it, I will. Honestly, I do not know why husbands look at other women, when they know very well that they are already married. How come they can still stay I love you to their wives, when they are being unfaithful, just by looking at other girls. Okay, I will ask a much simpler question. What is it that makes husband look at other girls, for example at a mall, when they are actually with their wives? Its a simpler question because just by mere looking at other girls, imply that the husband has the potential to go astray. Men I need your opinion on this issue, as we women are really at a loss whenever we feel we were betrayed by you. We DON'T KNOW the REAL reason. Please enlighten us on this.
4 people like this
13 responses
@zenki08 (700)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
for me the answer to your question is simple if your talking of adultery. It is simply because some men are not happy and satisfied. why is this? I have to speak for myself here, but before I do I want to clear out that I am not married but I am in a relationship. Am I happy? Not so much. but I'm still loyal. But because I'm not that happy I tend to flirt sometimes, I am looking for something that I'm not getting from my relationship. Often times when people don't get it from someone they love they unconciously search for what is lacking. Mind you this also happens to women this case is not isolated to the male gender.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
27 Jan 11
Why don't you tell your partner what it is you want? Wouldn't it be better to fix what is wrong rather than cheat on your g/f or break up with her? She cannot read your mind you know. Try and find ways to change things to the way you want them by making her feel special and important and loved. She is probably disappointed in some way with you too....communication is the key. Work on any problems you have together and you will both win in the end.
1 person likes this
@ally12 (1202)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
What is the REAL reason why husbands commit adultery? the real reason is men cant be settled and contented with one wife. Some common reasons Ive heard and read from cheating husbands were their wives already neglected to take care of their appearance, they became chubby and not so sexy at all. Some would say their wives dont have time with them and just focus on their kids or were busy from her job, household chores and stuff like that. And many more lame reasons the husbands could think.. But were all those reasons enough to betray and cheat on their wives?i dont think so. Both husbands and wives were not born perfect so any complains and marital problems should be settled first inside their household and not outside of their homes.. otherwise I should propose to let men marry 5 wives at the same time. 1st wife- For the bedroom 2nd wife- For the kitchen 3rd wife- To bear children 4th wife- To display at parties And 5th wife- To take care of his household chores and finances
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jan 11
id like to be the 1st wife then. lol
1 person likes this
@ally12 (1202)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Me too haha. Thats why i put it on the top. Because i think it is the most pleasurable responsibilty of a wife has.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Haha ally12 you made me laugh. Probably that's why muslims are allowed to have four wives. No offense to muslims here.
@dfollin (24146)
• United States
28 Jan 11
Both the men and women who cheat because they do not believe in a true christian based marriage,or any marriage based on honesty and faithfulness.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Yup! I mostly agree! Putting God in the center of our marriage will withstand any storm that might come our way.
@SimpleBB (1329)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
All I can say is that..We don't have control in everything. Every married couple wants to have a perfect relationship, but always remember that nothing is perfect. We may not able to make a perfect relationship, but always try to have atleast a good one. In your case, I know it's normal to have that fear. But as I always say to couples, always have C-A-R-E into a relationship. C-ommunication A-appreciation and Acceptance R-espect E-ndearment Don't let him feel that you don't trust him. Everything can be settle through open communication. Maybe he's looking to some people around, that's normal, you're husband just an appreciative person. Accept this attitude of him, learn how to communicate things like this to him without him feeling that you distrust him. Respect his weakness and ideals, as well as him to you, and most of all..Always let endearment be with you both. If you trust each other, you would have a strong marriage and it will last long, maybe not that perfect but it will be in your hands to have good relationship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Thanks SimpleBB. Love your avatar, how'd you do that? Anyway, thanks for the advice. As much as possible I try to open the communications with my husbands. I am lucky that he is kind and patient. But of course, no one is exempt from being tempted to cheat. Even if our husbands are kind, they are still human and is possible to cheat. Cliche as it may seem, but putting God at the center of any relationship will minimize misunderstanding. Thanks SimpleBB!
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
28 Jan 11
I think because he wants to prove his masculinity and that he can still attract girls. Man likes to show their superiority to cover his insecurity.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
True, or probably he has not outgrown things like that or the man was not ready when he entered marriage.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 11
• United States
27 Jan 11
every one is going to look at people. you know how when you watch a movies and girls are always like...dang.. he is so sexy. thats the same as looking at another guy technically. us women do it. and so will men. just because you look doesnt mean your going to go chasing after. and its not about being mature or not. my mom and dad will watch a movie together and mom will blab out how some actor dude is hot. she loves watching her "sexy man", but that doesnt mean she is not mature or she is going to up and leave and try to hit on some famous actor. cheating is one thing. looking is another.
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
27 Jan 11
"...because just by mere looking at other girls, imply that the husband has the potential to go astray." Sorry, that is a false premise Men and women may cheat for any number of different reasons all the best urban
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
27 Jan 11
maybe a man can explain it better but personally I'd say it's a lot about maturity a mature person appreciates and knows the difference between love, lust and like he will not marry you, or even lives with you, if he only likes and lusts you because those don't last for the same reason he won't let lust makes him cheat because he will feel guilty longer than the satisfaction from it (if there is any) of course then if you do not mind sharing life with him for other reasons than love then it's consentual, no strings attached, no hard feelings if he leaves
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 11
Aileen- I'll first state that my husband and I are involved in ethical non-monogamy. We both look at other people, as well as love other people together. There are times where if my husband does not notice a pretty woman I will point her out so he can enjoy the beauty that I have seen as well. He'll also point out when a man is admiring me so that I can enjoy noticing as well. Though, most of the time I work very hard on making sure that I am the one capturing a man's eyes intentionally causing them to look at me and not me at them. You see, both of us believe that not all men and women are monogamous. I would say that all couples need to speak about this before they enter into a relationship be it a friendship with benefits or a marriage. It is something that needs to be addressed at the start of the relationship. I find that the "affairs" are not truly a betrayl, but a lack of communication between the couple and the needs of each person. This goes on both sides. First, I've met those who claim to be open to ethical non-monogamy but find themselves so jealous that they cause the relationship to break up claiming "That person betrayed me". I've seen the opposite where one says they are monogamous but find they cannot live like that and seek out a relationship to the amazement of the other partner. I've seen people say they are open minded but when approached by a significant other about such a relationship, the partner storms off in a huff claiming "You don't really love me". In my own humble opinion the idea of "one person per person" is a religious doctrine, not a societal doctrine. Regardless of the type of relationship you have, you need to speak about these things with your spouse. To sit online and keep them to yourself is not fair to your partner. If your partner is committed to a monogamous relationship he will not stray period. However, there is nothing wrong with being visually pleased. It means very little to the looker to be honest, unless they are truly looking. And how nice is it for the one being looked at to know they have pleased another visually? This can be a huge self-esteem boost. Namaste-Anora
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
I think the answer is plain and simple, man loves to chase, to conquer and this boost their egos. Man do not have valid reasons to be unfaithful. Man just do it with the pretense that they are men and nothing is to be lost. Whew, men are just like this ever since the world begun!
1 person likes this
• China
27 Jan 11
because they always think those women they cannot get are the better.
1 person likes this
• United Arab Emirates
27 Jan 11
husband is a man and a man hardy found faithful...i think this is brief n short...though im an other man...lolz
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
30 Jan 11
I would suggest self reliance for security and finance if you are currently dependent on your husband. (of course you must have certain knowledge or perhaps in in certain position.) If you suspect your husband is committing adultery. Attempt to talk to him and understand what is he up to currently. He is a complete individual with a subconscious mind. Perhaps don't address the issue directly and do not let him know you suspect he is committing adultery. Observe him. All men are different like all women are different. Even if you know he has committed adultery... decide ..(you have a choice) whether you are comfortable with your current life or whether he mistreats you. A quote I once heard is "Have one eye opened and the other closed." It you are obsessed with your husband looking at other women talking to him while joking about it could help. But I wouldn't know what environment you are currently in so those suggested ideas above would be actions I might take.