What if your new girl borrowed money from you?

@zenki08 (700)
Philippines
January 27, 2011 7:17am CST
Hi I have a new girlfriend, we have only been together for less than a month. I know her situation she's a little hard up on money right now coz she does not have a job. She asked if she could borrow money. She said she would use it for her business. I am a little bit reluctant but at the same time I want to help her. I am in a very awkward situation because I do want to help but I'm thinking it's a bit too early to ask money from me. What do you think?
23 responses
@Marmot (595)
• United States
27 Jan 11
That a very difficult question. I think it is too early for her to ask money from you too. If you give her money, might you will never have them back. But if you don't give her money, it seems you are a miser and don't care her very much. I think you can choose this way. You can give her a small amount money to help her with her business. If she can do well, then you can give her more.
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
Hello marmot. I agree with you. its up to him and it is a matter of choice and which one. If. I were in that situation and my girlfriend need my help of course I won't hesitate to lend her.
@Marmot (595)
• United States
27 Jan 11
If I meet the same situation, I will lent her too because we are both students now, it can not be too much money. But there is conman out there, if I am a rich man and my girlfriend ask for a lot of money just after a small while relationship, I will probably doubt about her motivation at the first time.
@jwfarrimond (4474)
27 Jan 11
I think that you're right - it's much to early for you to be trusting her with your money. After all, you hardly know the girl and I think that if she wants to borrow money "for her business" then she should go to the bank. If the bank won't lend her money, then you probably should not do either. Of course, it's up to you if you do lend to her or not, but if you do, then don't lend her money that you can't afford to lose - regard it as "mad money" - money that you can afford to write off. And if she comes back asking for another loan without having repaid the first one, then you should absolutely refuse.
@zenki08 (700)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
I think it would be rather impossible for her to borrow money from the bank because from the info that I have she has no degree of any sort. Because here in our country it'd gonna be hard to borrow money from the bank without a collateral or a stable job which unfortunately she does not have.
27 Jan 11
Thats banks all over - they'll not lend anybody monney unless they can show that they don't actually need the money!
@careguarden (5674)
• Philippines
27 Jan 11
Hello Zenkie08..It's up to you if you really want to help your girlfriend without thinking the days you've been together. and if you really eager to help her, you never felt that way. for me, the time, days of being together is not important as long as you love her, you help her.
@zenki08 (700)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
well said thank you!
@Austee (132)
7 Feb 11
Yes, it is too early to ask a girl for money from you. If I am on her situation, I would feel shy to borrow from my new bf. And I would not allow my bf to give me money, unless we are married and I need money for our daily budget. But in some cases, if there's really a financial problem or someone in our family is so sick and needs money, then perhaps I will borrow money. Its awkward but I have no choice but to borrow just for my family to get well. But in your case, your gf asked for money for business? Its different thing. I can't borrow from my new bf just to suffice my business. Its not emergency at all.
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
30 Jan 11
Loan only what you can afford to lose.
@deemple (164)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Hi zenki,it sounds odd to me.try to know her more and i guess it's too early to trust someone in a way.i'm sorry,but i think you have to think things over.
28 Jan 11
i think ts too early to ask for money. you have only been together for a month. it would be different if you had been together alot longer and you knew where you stood with each other
@nqbest (36)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
don't lend and see her response first,anyway the money she is borrowing is not urgent and direly needed.
@jagjit273 (1740)
• India
28 Jan 11
Hmmm thats a critical situation.be careful buddy. Lets hope for the best. Good Luck
@margeryann (1853)
• United States
28 Jan 11
I wouldn't lend her money .She doesn't have a job so she isn't going to pay you back. I have a hard time lending money to people even when they have a job since a lot of people have good intentions on paying back and then they have a hard time doing it.Most of the time when people want to borrow something it usually means they want something giving to them. Me usually when I need something I go without until I get the money on my own by saving my change and not spending change on nothing. I'm afraid to ask to borrow money from someone because I might have a hard time paying it back. If I'm having a hard time saving up for it then I'm going to have a hard time paying it back to someone.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
28 Jan 11
No. The reason you are in an awkward situation is because you have not determined to not lend money to people before hand. The correct answer is "No". Say something like "sorry I don't lend money". Or put all your money in the bank, and say "Sorry I don't have the money on me right now". Or "I just can't afford to lend money at the moment." (which is every moment, but don't tell her that. The reason you do not lend money is because it changes the relationship. Every time she sees you, she will not see a friend, but a money lender. She'll think about how she owes you money every time you come around. It will ruin your relationship. Don't do it. Bad plan. Now if you wish to give her a gift, that's different. Gifts do not change the relationship, but make it stronger. But you make it clear and direct, that this is a gift, and that she owes you nothing.
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
It is too early to lend her money especially if it involves really big amount of money. Knowing the girl's background and since you've mentioned that you have met through common friends why don't you ask some more info from them about your girl? Just make sure you explain to her properly why you're not providing her such help thus she might get the whole idea wrong. Offer her other alternatives too. If she broke up with you, well you know the reason why she's sticking with you.
@Chriz24 (66)
• South Africa
28 Jan 11
Well Zenki it all depends on how much. If it's a sizeable amount why doesnt she go to the bank and ask for a loan. if it is for her business the bank shoulnt have a problem with lending it to her. Also do you trust this girl or could she be trying to scam you. I suggest to draw up an informal contract that states your names and ID numbers with the amount specified and have her sign it in front of a witness. seems a bit akward but you wont regret it.
@sublime03 (1811)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
If you have only gone out for less than a month then I suggest to go with what you feel. Do not lend the money if you do not feel at ease doing so. Though I understand your eagerness to help but no girl will actually borrow money from their boyfriends unless they are out to you know. It is not that I am saying she is but like for me, I never borrowed not unless the guy offers other than that I wouldn't do it. So be careful is all I am saying.
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
zenki08 i think you should think twice in lending your new girlfriend of money,you haven't known her for a long time..hell some people out there have relationships spanning for how many years yet they were still swindled of money by their partners! So really you should think these out. I know many people would say that love should prevail and you should trust the one you love...duhh let's be practical.......I'm sorry for being mean but isn't it a bit early to ask someone you love with money I'm sorry but that's what i think......But if you really really would like lend her money maybe a small amount would suffice. ^_^
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Well, I think that you should think twice about that, I mean yes she is your new gf but money matters is a different thing. but as you said that she doesn't have a job well you can help her but that depends if you trust her enough. Good luck and hope you make decision that you think is best for both of you.
@rage35 (344)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Hello zenki! I understand what you feel. We have the same scenario wherein my girlfriend also borrows money from me. I am also reluctant of lending her the money she wants because where in a long distance relationship right now and were not seeing each other for a couple of months. I decided that I will lend her the money since I want to help her in her needs. But to my surprise, she pays the money she borrowed from me and since then, every time she ask money from me. I am not hesitating anymore in giving the money to her. Trust is really important in this kind of situation.
@domenyag (1273)
• Philippines
28 Jan 11
Well if you do not let her borrow money she might get upset. As long as you have the cash then let her borrow it provided you have a time frame that she will pay you back. Money is still money. So ask her when she will pay you back.
@djbtol (5498)
• United States
28 Jan 11
If she borrowed your money, then you have the right to know about her financial situation. Then you can assess if the borrowed money truly helped her or really did not help. If you like her and care for her, then you will want to find ways to help her. Part of getting to know her is understanding her ability to manage money. In the meantime, you will also learn about yourself.
• Canada
27 Jan 11
I think your right, it is alittle to early in your relationship to be asking for money. She should go to her family or close friends.