My boyfriend is 20 and I am 21,what do you think of girl older than the boy

January 30, 2011 10:19am CST
Many people say that the age, the height or any other things won't be a problem if you two really fall in love. But in this relationship, I am older than my boyfriend , also a little more mature than he does. In my opinion, he is just a boy, I want to leave him, but it seems that he is so into me. One time I told me to break up, he cried and became very dispereated. I just can't hurt him, he is such a good boy and did nothing wrong. But he is just not my type. one day he even ask me do I want to marry with him. Oh, god, What should I do?
4 people like this
45 responses
@amirev777 (2552)
• India
30 Jan 11
Hi Yeah what they is true that when you fall in love, nothing else matters, there have been cases where women have married men 7-8 years younger and their marriages have worked. Woman have married men much shorter than them and again they were happy in their relationship. but in your case you are just one year elder to your boyfriend, tat is hardly any age difference. You age difference cannot be considered as a valid reason for breaking up the relationship, but if you feel that he is not your type and not made for you then you can go ahead and break up, it will be tough, but sometimes you have to take tough decisions in your life.
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
30 Jan 11
don't lead him on! I mean if your not into him then there really is no point in keeping up a charade!! I mean your not going to fall for him over time unless that is what you have in mind!! Still always keep the relationship honest and truthful!! Once you start deceiving each other is when things start getting complicated and later messy!! If your gonna break then make it a clean one!! he deserves that!! As for age difference, well i am sorry but i don't think one year even qualifies as a difference!!
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (4248)
• India
30 Jan 11
Dear Emilieyang I too feel that age is not a factor which really matters in the love. There is no hard and fast rule that a boy should be always more aged than a girl in a relationship. There have been many famous couples in the past where the wife is more aged than the husband and they did well in their lives. It is understanding, care,commitment, concern and true dedication which counts in love.If you find these things in your partner then I think there shouldn't be any problem with him though he may be smaller to you in age. Now coming to your case,If I am not wrong, it seems you are having soft corner and sympathy for your boy friend than actual love! You feel that he is just a boy and needs maturity and he is of not your type but then still you are with him just because he cried once when you told him that you are interested in break up. Now the question is with such feelings and attitude towards him how long can you pull on in this relationship? He is thinking to marrying you and settling the life with you by giving you the status of wife. But it seems you are not even thinking in that direction as you feel that you can never accept such immature boy who is not of your type as your husband. In such situation before your boyfriend gets involved too much with you and makes whole life revolves around you and only you, it becomes your moral and social responsibility to make him realise that though you both are good friends but the qualities you are looking in a husband is lacking in him or tell him indirectly/ slowly that he is not the type of man who actually looking for! Though it is not thing for you to initiate and implement but at the same time it also will be too difficult for him to digest this fact! But then you need to break the ice some where and I feel it is better to have it done earlier! Of course,this is the advise what I can give sitting in front my laptop, but then things must be very different at your end and there must have been many other factors which you might be considering before taking any decision! Well love is like that in life! All the best to you and your boy friend and pray the Almighty to keep both of you happy through out the life! Bye!
30 Jan 11
Thank you for your advice. You are right, because it calls my maturity, so it becomes hard for me to leave him. my boyfriend's parents divorce and he lives with his father, in some level, he may need a girl to play the part as his mother. He always feel insecure. I know I like him, a lot. But I am not sure he is the guy which can protect me. The marriage is not only about the love
@AKRao24 (4248)
• India
11 Feb 11
Thanks dear Emilie for selecting this response of mine as the best one! Hope very soon you people will come to some common understanding as with the times we also grow and things may start appearing different then! All the best!
@Galena (9124)
31 Jan 11
for a start, this is nothing to do with age. one year doesn't count at all as an age gap, in my book. and it doesn't matter at all who is older or younger. it just sounds like you are not compatible people. there's no point staying with someone if only one of you wants the relationship.
31 Jan 11
Maybe the problem is on me,actually he does everything right, though he always forget to call or reply my email. but that's all right, coz he just too young to understand what a girl need sometimes
@derek_a (10903)
31 Jan 11
I can't see any problem with the slight difference in ages between you and your boyfriend. It is how you feel about each other that matters. However, if you don't have any feelings for him, you will not be doing yourself or him and favors by carrying on with the relationship. It is far kinder to break up now than later on when his feelings have grown even stronger. It would be worse then, believe me because it happened to me when I was in my teens after going out with someone for over a year, she lost her feelings for me. It is nobody's fault as it happens. It is life and something that we will all face at one time I would think. _Derek
31 Jan 11
I don't want to make the decision now. What if I also fall in love with him later? What if I feel regret after broke up with him? No, I don't have the courage to do that
• Mexico
31 Jan 11
I think your problem is doesn't the age, just if he isn't your type leave him, if you doesn't in the future will be a very big problem because he can think that you really played with his feelings. Laura Sanabria.
31 Jan 11
I admit that I was just playing with him, but as time passed, I feel that i like him and may fall in love with him.It jUST need time
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
Tell him frankly that you cannot marry him. Don't let the days pass by and make him wait for nothing. What's the point of being in a relationship when you don't like the person that you are with? Don't waste your time and his time. Tell him as soon as possible, as frankly as you can.
31 Jan 11
I guess it needs time for me to finally open my heart for him. I hope time can solve it
• Guatemala
31 Jan 11
I think a year is nothing, really believe that love is not old if you really want someone you did not mind the age, religion, race. If you age bother you then it is the only thing that matters there are many couples who have more than 10 years of age difference.....
31 Jan 11
I think the problem for us is not the age, I just use that for an excuse
@swissheart (6254)
• Romania
30 Jan 11
I a previous post you said that you're happy in love and now you want to end your relationship. I just don't get it. anyway I don't see why age should be a problem. age doesn't sho maturity. you can ifnd a guy who is 25 and thinks as if he were 15 and the reverse way. so as long as you get along just well I don't see why age should be a problem
31 Jan 11
It's not because of the age, it's the person's mind, his attitude, the way he treat the girls. Maybe he is too young to know all that, his mind is not as complex as other guy. That's the reason I like him, but that's just like, not love
@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
30 Jan 11
I really don't think that that is the one year age difference between you. Boys tend to be boys well into their twenties (sometime thirties or lifelong) so even if he had been several years older than you, you might have been the more mature one ;-) That being said, I really don't think age difference either way is a problem. That the man should be older than the woman is quite old-fashioned, traditional and doesn't make sense to me. I don't think I'd be comfortable with someone 15 years younger than me, but then I don't think I'd date someone 15 years older either. So if he's not your type, maybe you should end the relationship. But not because he's one year younger than you :-) Good luck, hope you figure out what to do.
30 Jan 11
I don't know, I just got so confused. I know I like him, but people around us all doubt about this. They think I love him for some other reasons, maybe his family is rich or something, I just get so stressed of that, so I tried to find any reason to doubt this relationship
@zills66 (1421)
• Saudi Arabia
30 Jan 11
if he is not your type my friend, why don't you just ask for a break up. age does not matter and to tell you honestly i had a girl friend not too long ago when i was 16 and she was 29. she's a real experienced one and that is what i like about her. now i have my girl friend same as my age. and do not ask me to compare them.... lol
30 Jan 11
You know, firstly, I don't want to hurt him, I always had problem to say"no". Second, I think he is too young to understand the whole relationship thing. He never know what I am thinking. What a girl like and dislike. Maybe he is just too young to understand because he did not experience enough. By the way, it must be a very interesting story of your love affair
@MsTickle (24966)
• Australia
10 Feb 11
I can readily understand how you would want to be miserable and unhappy for the rest of your life and definitely you will be desperate as well. It would not be fair to hurt this boy because he will have no future without you. Obviously, he will never be able to find happiness with anyone else. He is obviously not yet ready to marry because he is so immature...but I think it best for you to go ahead and marry him anyway and then you can train him to be the person you want him to be. It shouldn't matter that he will eventually become unhappy and miserable too. None of that is important. I know most people usually love each other and are committed to each other and even like each other when they plan a future together but gosh, that sort of thing is SO overrated in this day and age.
@aeiou78 (3457)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 11
There is nothing wrong about the different of the age for a couple. For me, the gap of the age for a couple is preferred not to be too much. The different of 20 and 21 years old are just in few months only. If you think he can not be reliable and trustable for your future, your decision is still your liberty. Whatever decision you do should not be regret later. Consider independently and carefully.
@Austee (132)
6 Feb 11
There is no problem with it. Its only a year and age does not matter when you fall in love. But in your case, since he is not your type, why would you still stay with him. You should tell him as soon as possible that he is not your type. But do not tell him directly like that. Tell him in a smooth way. Tell him that you cant be together since you two are different. Something like that. Explain to him very well.
@RamRes (1725)
• Argentina
6 Feb 11
Being only 1 year the diference is so little to even taken into account. I would say that you both are the same age in fact, despite he's one year younger. But for what you say, you want to leave him not because the age, but because his manners of personality that you don't like. I think that all depends on what you feel. How do you feel with him? Confortable? Or unhappy? If so, then I would speak frankly with him and tell the situation. It's very good tryiing to keep him happy if he really loves you, but I think it's not good to "sacrifice" you because of that.
@goldeneagle (6776)
• United States
4 Feb 11
I am pretty sure the one-year age difference is NOT the issue here. You obviously have other issues at work here, and with nothing else really obvious to blame it on, you are likely just trying to chalk it up to a minor age difference. My wife is almost 7 years older than me, and we will be celebrating our ten-year wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks...
@margeryann (1853)
• United States
1 Feb 11
To me it doesn't matter if an woman is older then the man she is with but if you don't like being with him it is best to figure out how to get out of that relationship now then later. Even, if it upsets him, you need to tell him that you don't want to be with him and if he cries tell him sorry but I can't do this anymore and leave don't let his feelings keep you from leaving you have to look out for your happiness too. He most likely will get over it.
• Philippines
1 Feb 11
Hi, such a very short margin of age won't matter; you know girls mature first than boys. It is a fact that we girls are serious in everything that we do. I'm just wondering why you kept on lying to him. I mean you don't love him and just pretending that you love him. Be real and talk to him honestly.
• Philippines
1 Feb 11
The best thing to do in this situation is to break up with him. You cannot keep up on a realtionship that has no mutual affection. It will sooner or later come to an end. You cannot also give false hopes to the guy, that will hurt him even more. It is better to end it right away than have you both suffer while in the relationship. HE might be hurt, of course, that comes in every break up, but he will soon recover from it. He's still young and there is so much more in store for him. HE will soon realize that once you let him go. Pain is part of growing up, and most people need it in order for them to mature and become stronger individuals.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
31 Jan 11
Well, if your boyfriend is not the type that you like to be your partner in the future. You should be careful on dealing with him. Be cool when you have date with your boyfriend because it will make you uncomfortable after all... My opinion about that: Age or height doesn't matter if you really love someone