confessions part 2

@skyhss (1142)
United States
February 9, 2011 6:28pm CST
I'm starting these discussions in parts because it's emotionally difficult for me to sit down and write it all out at once. Sometimes I feel like there's an icy fist where my heart is supposed to be. I don't think I'm capable of truly loving someone anymore. I've tried dating and I've gone out with some really great guys but I get too freaked out when a relationship gets to certain point and I back off real fast. I start feeling very cold and distant and just can't get any closer. I think there's something wrong with me that's never going to be right...that I'm not ever going to be able love again. That I'm so screwed up and scarred that I'll end up alone and lonely because I can't get close to anyone. And I end up hurting people because I'm not capable of returning their feelings. Even with friends I don't let myself get real close. I try but I always shut down when I feel like I'm getting too close to anyone. Do you think this is a normal reaction? And should I maybe try to get some kind of counselling
2 people like this
5 responses
@missybear (11396)
• United States
10 Feb 11
I think you just as normal as me, when you find the right person you will be just fine. I think you had some bumpy rides and just need to wait for the right guy instead of just taken second hand goods.
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
I think you're a lot more normal than I am...
@missybear (11396)
• United States
10 Feb 11
Think again
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
I do not know who you are and I'm not sure what you have been through in the past or what kind of life you are living right now. What I can see is that your situation can be normal (because you are not the only one experiencing this) but you need help. There must be certain experiences that you have that triggered such feeling of aloofness. Something happened that made you scared to trust and let someone comes closer to you. There's no remedy for that but to heal the 'you' inside. Yes, you need counselling. You have to figure out why. And when you do, you'll know that it is not scary to trust and let someone bring down your defenses.\ God bless and all the best.
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
It was a lot of experiences...many years of being married to a selfish jerk is the why. I know I have a lot of issues to deal with and posting here really helps me a lot because no one here has ever judged me.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 Feb 11
I'm betting that it's normal for somebody who's been abused. Actually I'm like that somewhat myself. And yes, definitely, counseling (with the right counselor) will help.
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
thank you Dawn
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
10 Feb 11
I don't believe your mentally have this problem. For me, I have problem with other people too. Maybe my way of behave, or my speech just turn people off. I may not be the perfect guy or good boyfriend type to any girl. My ex just broke up with me, maybe I am too annoying to her. Well, screw her then. I am who I am. So, you don't have problem yourself. It was your past experience that freak you out. If you feel like it, you can go see a counselor.
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
you have a pretty good attitude about it all...screw it.
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
The fact that you're opening up yourself and your world here in myLot is already one way of giving yourself a chance in trying to reciprocate whatever feelings other might have for you. This is already a good step that you should continue to tread on. When you want to acquaint with others, try to think less of yourself and what others might think about you so that you'll be able to respond to them normally. You worry much and you're probably filled with fear of rejection and of hurt. On the other hand, love for yourself still reigns in your heart since you're not closing the doors to others totally. Just bear in mind that when you deal with the world, you can't please all so try to be with people who can accept you as who you really are. Don't force people to like you. In this way, you can move on a step forward till you totally open your world to them and be in their world as well. Exploring friendship means taking risk of being hurt as well. In this way, you'll be able to find out who your true friends are and who are not.
@skyhss (1142)
• United States
10 Feb 11
This is kinda like a safe place for me because I have made some real good, supportive friends who have helped me so much.