I am not married but I am having a baby with my BF. People say is is wrong.

United States
February 10, 2011 2:49am CST
People think that everyone should be married before they have a baby. I don't agree, I have a loving boyfriend who is very supportive. I don't need a piece of paper making it real. I don't want to deal with the stupid court system to show my love for someone.
16 responses
@indahfth (11161)
• Indonesia
10 Feb 11
In my opinion, we should get married first, before having children. in my country, if you have a child without being married, is a disgrace. other than that the child would be difficult to get a birth certificate.
• United States
11 Feb 11
I guess I would be a disgrace, I am glad I live in the US where everything isnt so black and white. Being married before having a child is more of a religious thing.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 11
Yeah but It seems like anything that is fun is a sin lol! But I respect your religious views. Thanks for posting!
@staria (2780)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
Some may say that this is wrong, due to values in society, different cultures, Christianity etc. But no one can ever judge you. Go on w/ your life, build a happy family and show the world that having a baby w/ someone you love is never wrong.
• United States
10 Feb 11
Thank you for your positive response. It is nice to hear others view points. I am going on with my life and I am very happy. I can say I have a BF that would never cheat, some married women can't say that about their husbands.
@staria (2780)
• Philippines
15 Feb 11
That's right, stay positive and move on would your head up. All the best! :)
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
12 Feb 11
I find that now-a-days not too many people get married anymore. I think that this is a good thing because why do we need that piece of paper making it legal. Either way the government gets their tax money on you whether you are legally married or not, common law marriage has all of the same responsibilities to pay taxed as a married couple would. And then there is the cost of a divorce if it doesn't work out. Marriage just doesn't seem to be important to people anymore and get a divorce too easily in my view, so why go through all the costs. I bet that at least 80 percent of the people I know that are with a partner, only live together, not married. I really don't know all that many people that are married anymore unless they've been married for 30 years or more and even some of them are divorcing now.
• United States
12 Feb 11
Yeah a lot of people just get married so they can have a kid and then realize they don't really love their spouse. I don't want to stay together with someone just because I have a paper telling me too. If I am not happy then I dont see the point of staying.
• United States
11 Feb 11
If you want to give birth to a child outside of marriage, which is not just a piece of paper, but a formal commitment between partners that, if taken seriously, means they will go through the good, bad and awful of life together, never turning to another, but to each other for solace or to express their joy, then please, go ahead and do so. If either of you decides you've had the baby, but it wasn't all the fun you thought it would be, promise not to turn to the taxpayer and welfare for help. When you decide that sitting up night after night with a sick child, cleaning up one messy diaper only to have another waiting before you toss the first, when you find out that babies cost a lot of money,but even more, they require more of the time you wanted to use to have fun, don't toss it aside for the public to care for. When you have the baby and discover the delivery hurts like nothing you've ever had happen to you before, don't blame anyone but yourself. If you're willing to do all of this and leave everyone else out of paying its way, my congratulations to you.
• United States
12 Feb 11
Funny, I am not at all on welfare funny thing is I am 25 years old college educated and have saved up money. So I have money to care for my baby. Even without someone to help. There are tons of married couples on welfare. I know I see them all the time.
@shia88 (4571)
• Malaysia
12 Feb 11
Hi, Most people will have the thinking that no baby before getting married,but to some people who has open-minded,they don't think in this way. For them, they can always stay together and have kid,even they have not sign formal marriage certificate,for them as long as they are happy with their current life,that is more than enough. Since you have a very supportive boyfriend at your side,than you must be a very happy mother now.
• United States
12 Feb 11
I am very happy, most of these people who say no one should have a baby before marriage is just lucky their birth control hasnt failed.
• Philippines
13 Feb 11
It really depends on your belief and orientation. Some prefer it being married first, or just live together without papers. On my part, I got married before I had my baby but I am a free thinker person and I don't want to condemn anyone. It's where you are happy that is important.
• United States
13 Feb 11
As long as the baby is in a loving place with loving people around I dont see the problem not being married. If I wait till I am married I might never have a baby and that would have been sad!
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
do what makes you happy. you are pregnant and you should not be stressed with all these stuff! smile! i am not married but my family is happy..we have 3 kids:D
• United States
10 Feb 11
Very cool! You know when you are pregnant everything seems to be more stressful then it should be.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
11 Feb 11
There is nothing at all wrong with having a baby before you are married in my opinion. My daughter was born in December of 2002 and her father (my boyfriend at the time) and myself didn't decide to get married until she was a year and a half old. He was there for Kathryn and myself during the early months of her life and we were living life as a family so it didn't matter to me that we didn't have a silly piece of paper until we were ready to have it.
• United States
12 Feb 11
I do think we need to be ready to get married. Managing a marriage is harder then being a mom in my opinion. You will always love your baby but who knows if you will always love your spouse.
@pastigger (612)
• United States
10 Feb 11
My husband and I were married for quite a while before we had our daughter and that was our choice. Marriage is not easy at times but no relationship is. As for it being a tax break its not, or I have not found it to be. As for the money in getting married my husband and I spent $50 I think as we eloped. People will tell you eloping is wrong too but we didn't want to start our lives together in debt from a wedding. It is your choice. I never minded taking my husbands name as mine just set me up for too many jokes. I will tell you it is a small pain in the butt to change your name on everything though. I know why some just leave it when getting divorced. I always want to be married before becoming a mom but I also would not have gotten married just because I got pregnant. Lucky for me that was never an issue. My husband would tell me well if you get pregnant I would do what is right and marry you, to which I responded don't do me any favors if we were going to get married anyway I would move up the date but I would not marry you if I accidently got married. You need to do what is right for you and your family although you might want to decided who's last name the baby is going to get. A baby will change your life and most of it is wonderful. The lack of sleep is a little hard sometimes but there is just nothing better. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and a not to painful on the quick side labor, and a happy family afterward. Congats on becoming a mommy.
• United States
11 Feb 11
My Bf asked me if I wanted to get married but I am not just going to get married because I got pregnant. He was wanting to do the "right thing". I never planned on having kids and he wasnt able to have kids anymore, so when I found out I was a bit shocked. But know I am thinking it a blessing because If it didnt happen like it did I might have never had a child.
10 Feb 11
Don't worry about stupid narrow minded people, I am married only because my husband is catholic but I do not believe in God at all so for me going into the church and spending all that money seemed stupid but I love my husband and if it was me who was religous and not him he would do it for me. Also here in Scotland I did not realise that because I am married I am not entitled to many child benefits because his wages are better than mine. You are completely right, being married does not suddenly make you a great parent, it's love and dedication that does, not a bit of paper
• United States
10 Feb 11
Yeah I have a problem with spending money to pay a preacher to tell me I am going to hell. I would rather use that money for my babies education or heck anything really. It is nice of you to do it for your husband. You are good wife!
@meilipyn (20)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
I agree with you. I also have a baby and me and my BF is also not married. I also believe that getting married in church or somewhere is just a piece of paper that can be broken by divorce. For me, getting married is just a formality to become a family. Many people say having a baby before marriage is wrong, a sin. Come to think of it, is adam and eve got married before they have their first born child? :)
• United States
10 Feb 11
Lol that is a very good point. I never heard of them getting married. But who knows! Here in Oklahoma we are a pretty religious state but we have one of the highest divorce rates.
@didi13 (2926)
• Romania
10 Feb 11
Everyone lives their life's, not the other.I knew enough married couples leading life (children, house, shared responsibilities) without being married. And I also sufficient pairs, being married,not married life going. And it seems to me that an act does not bind you, and if it be well, and without that act.Good luck!
• United States
10 Feb 11
Thank you very much for responding. I am trying to be happy but I just get sick of being judged.
@hlgmdt (300)
• Philippines
10 Feb 11
Personally, I understand your situation. I think I don't have the right to judge what you have done as immoral. Yes, I'm a Christian, but I am open to situations such as yours. I'm a bit on the liberal side, so I agree that no document or legal paper would be the perfect evidence or proof of love or union. What's more important is the love that you have for each other, and the reason for having the baby. I believe that God is a very understanding and non-judgmental God.
• United States
11 Feb 11
Thank you, I am not at all religious, and I definitely wouldn't be called liberal if we were talking politics but I guess in a way I am liberal when it comes to people living their lives. However, when it comes to economy I am very conservative.
@thatgirl13 (7294)
• South Korea
10 Feb 11
It's your life so the decision should be yours. Don't listen to what other people have to say, it doesn't matter anyway. And yes I think it's perfectly OK to have babies without getting married. Congratulations to you and Good Luck with your future.
• United States
11 Feb 11
Thank you! I am so excited and look at this baby as a blessing and not something to be embarrassed about.
@adhyz82 (36249)
• Indonesia
10 Feb 11
in my country, you will be punished by society punishment..
• United States
10 Feb 11
What country do you live in? I am very lucky to live in the US no doubt. It still can be hard here in the US not being married because some people look at you wrong. Oh well I am happy.
@Xansus (946)
• Bulgaria
10 Feb 11
Married is just for the other people to see , i dont care what other people think so if im happy and we both dont really want it its just stupid even thinking of it .
• United States
10 Feb 11
Yeah I agree, its not that I am opposed to getting married but really I dont see any benefit to it besides tax benefit I guess. If its not broken then why try to fix it right? If I am happy now why go changing things.