Never Try To Help Out A Friend

@KrauseHome (33387)
United States
February 12, 2011 5:35pm CST
Well in my case, I have learned my lesson and cannot do it anymore. We have this girl I work with. She has been at my job for about 2 yrs. now. Well, she was either moving out of her apt. or had gotten evicted. We do not know which, so my husband made the mistake of letting her know we had an extra room we were considering renting out but so far no one was interested. She asked if she could move in last Saturday before having any $$ as we got paid last Wednesday, and we thought nothing of it, let her know the room as $425 a month since she was a Friend, and let her move her stuff in. Well she promised her money was good, and or so we thought. But ever since she started staying here, she was constantly complaining this place was too small, too far from work, etc. and always complaining about me to my husband and about him to me. It was Crazy. Well Wednesday came she got her Check and ended up spending most of it at the casino so she did not have any $$ to pay us, or so she says. She made an excuse Thursday she was going to a Friends to spend the night but would have the $$ to me at work that night before I left work. Turned out she made up some story her friend needed her, and so she could not come pay us. Yesterday, (Friday) same thing. All she kept on telling my husband is she was unhappy and needed to talk. Come today Saturday here it was about 2 p.m. and she shows up before calling or anything and just says she is moving out. When we told us she should at least owe us $100 for being here for a week she said she helped out with Food, even though she helped eat ours, so that was enough. (She slept her 5 nights... Her stuff was here for 8.) All I can say is she promised my husband she did not use people, and was Good on her word, and then this. Thank goodness she works the graveyard shift, and I work Swing Shift, but I am afraid of what she is going to try and spread around work before I get there on Monday as she works tonight and tomorrow night. But personally if everyone decides to take her side on this, they do not really know her, and I just hope no one feels Sorry for her and acts like I am the Bad guy. But hey, enough is enough. From now on when we try and rent this room, it is money up front, and their will be some set of rules set up before they move in to discuss and agree upon. One lesson learned for sure. Not enough to be a set back even if we are now a couple hundred short on bills right now, but a move forward from here and be a better person because of it. ~~TINA~~
9 people like this
22 responses
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
13 Feb 11
Terrible isn't it when we get taken advantage of like that? I lived with a guy that was like that. He would blame the non-payment of rent on me (behind my back to the landlord) and it was always he who didn't pay up, not me. I never saw him with any money. He'd sponge off everyone he met, even his own dying grandmother. Total scumbag in every sense of the word. I guess others have already mentioned this but I reckon, the next time you get a lodger, get it all down in writing..plus a deposit before the person moves in. That way, you know they are serious about living there. As for her spreading rumours about you at work. I wouldn't worry too much about that. I don't think you were the first to be treated badly and I'm quite sure you won't be the last. What she does next is up to her and what you do next is up to you.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Great comments here my friend, and Yes, from now on we are considering renting to strangers and requiring all the rent up front plus a deposit. We are going to be making up a contract of what we expect, etc. as well, and just be Praying that we can get someone in here soon, and that they will be a Good fit for us as well. As to work, only time will tell, but I do agree if others want to take her side, etc. hopefully it will not end up being something that they have to learn from as well.
@Janey1966 (24127)
• Carlisle, England
13 Feb 11
Contract is the word I was looking for my friend. Thanks for jogging my brain cells! My guess is that she may have "asked" people she has worked with already about lodging with them and has got "knocked back" as we say over here. That might be why she went to you? Who knows? I can't see her having many friends if she treats them all badly. You, on the other hand..you're an Angel, we all know that.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Thanks my friend for saying that. I do not always see myself as an Angel, but I know in time God always shows me thru someone who I really am, and where I need to be moving onto from there.
@FrugalMommy (1450)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think you're right to require money up front from the next person who rents that room from you. If I were in your position I would review the landlord-tenant laws in my state and draft a written agreement for the other person to sign before moving in. That way there will be no doubt about expectations and you will have a basis for enforcement if they don't pay on time.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
That is actually what my husband and I are going to be doing before the next person ever moves in here. We are also going to go meet with them somewhere in person other than our house to get a feeling about them and what they might require from us as well. We are also requesting all Rent up from, a contract they will have to sign, and a Deposit as well. Also avoiding Friends and people we might know in hopes for something good to come from this one as well.
• Philippines
12 Feb 11
well, people surely has a different personalities when you will be living with him or her. as for you, you had discovered it yourself. there are a lot of people out there, each has his and her own strengths and weaknesses. the best thing there is that when you get to know it, you will be careful next time. but as of this time, just be cautious and be sure to know who your dealing with. enjoy to experience!
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
For sure. Next time we are definately going to be more cautious and the next person who moves in we will also meet in person and talk with them letting them know what we expect, etc. and getting the Full months rent, etc. before they ever move in, and then hope for the Best from there. We are going to still do it month to month in case anyone wants to leave, but also requiring a deposit, etc. just to be safe as well.
• United States
12 Feb 11
It is unfortunate when you try to help someone and in the end they repay you this way. It is because of people like this that most today do not quickly jump help some in their time of need because of burned in the past. I would say perhaps it is best to be completely done and rid of the entire situation as who knows she probably would have been a bigger headache along the way. Sorry that all this occur just be glad she will be out of your lives and you are right in the future money speaks first, as you have already done your good deeds.
• United States
12 Feb 11
I would not care what she went and told people on the job. She did the right thing by moving. She was preparing herself for the move while telling you she would have the mooney. She was there a short time and did not damage anything and left in piece. I think that is awesome of her even if she owed money. I rented my room to a few great people and one azz hole so I know the struggles of roomies. Count yourself lucky on this one..
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Well, if she only can keep from making a spectacle of me at work, it will actually be to our benefit she moved when she did. Strangest thing is she would not really talk with any of us since Thursday evening, and waited until today to just come and move her stuff even after promising my husband yesterday she had the Rent money. I am Glad we found out now, and if she is no longer a friend I guess we are better off as well. From now on we are definately not going to offer the room to people we work with unless they have $$ upfront first.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Two months in advance (one regular month rent and one security), cash up front, would have been good. She was probably evicted from the last place. Nowe you know. Most people up here require 2 months rent before they let anyone in. Eviction proceedings take 14 days here. They have to be about 3 months behind, then you still have to give them 14 days on top of that. Renters rights here are crazy.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Glad she didn't damage anything. Sorry you need the $ and now you don't have it.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, one of the last comments I made was remember "What Goes Around Comes Around" and it is never a pretty picture if it is for something bad. Problem that bugs me is she continues to act around my husband like she did nothing wrong, even though around me she complained about him, and around him, she constantly was complaining about me or us, and never had anything nice to say. A lesson learned for sure.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
17 Feb 11
A divide and concur type of person, you definitely don't need one of those in your life.
@dragon54u (31339)
• United States
13 Feb 11
It's sad that most of us learn these lessons the hard way and they are very costly in both money and hurt feelings. I've had things like this happen to me, too. The worst part of it is the betrayal of trust and the feeling of being used. Can you lower the price of the rent? That would help you get a tenant. $300 rent would probably get the room rented, $425 seems like a lot when a person has to pay their own food. I don't know how the economy is in your neck of the woods but here a person can rent an apartment of their own for $425.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25014)
• Australia
23 Feb 11
I thought the asking price was a bit high too dragons, just for a room but being from another country, was not sure. See my post on the next page.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
29 Apr 11
Well, around here $425-4250 for a room is cheap. Especially when you are adding Utilities, Cable and Internet with it. Apartments around here for the most part start around $600 or more a month, and that is before Utilities, etc. They figure since WA state has one of the highest minimum wages that people can afford to pay more here as well. (I do live in the Seattle-Tacoma area which is a big city area.)
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
13 Feb 11
That's a shame. I have had a few terrible experences trying to help out friends too. It's even worse that you work with her. I do hope that she leaves well enough alone.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, so far so good as I am sure she does not want to make a scene and let everyone know her business. Not sure how many people she has told, and personally if they want to believe her over me without knowing the whole story, they have never had to go that far yet to find out, and hope they never do. It is all Good. I feel we are the better off because of it.
@GardenGerty (91240)
• Marion, Kansas
13 Feb 11
I think the first lesson is not to rent to someone you work with. Just do not mix those relationships. In your shoes I would start putting aside money so that I can do a background check, or ask for references. You do not want someone living in your home that you cannot trust or feel safe about. If this girl was being evicted, then she already has some kind of rental issues, it is not likely she would do better for you. Do get your money upfront, get everything in writing, and be business like. I had a rental for awhile, and it was nothing but headaches.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think you hit the nose on this one, because even if it creates a little bit of hardship at first, it probably was something that should have never been thought about as well. I feel even if there is problems at first it will not take long for people to see the err or their ways, and wish they could have just continued to keep quiet about it as well. As for renting again, the room is listed again on Craigslist, and we have made a list of things to consider beforehand as well, and money is definately on there as well.
• Canada
13 Feb 11
I believe in money up front for everything. I have sold stuff to friends before, and they have sold stuff to e, and even if they did not insist on money up front for me buying their stuff, I insisted on waiting until I had it, to give me the item in question, since they knew I'd insist on money up front, in a reverse situation.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Yes, this is something I will be doing from now on for sure. I think overall this will eventually save a lot of problems in the end as well. But at the same time when it comes to renting our room, I think I will stick to strangers at first from now on as well.
@ElicBxn (60083)
• United States
13 Feb 11
nothing like a jerk to get you "educated" on roommates, huh?
1 person likes this
@rflfly (51)
• China
23 Feb 11
yeah,i agree with and believe in money up front.
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
15 Feb 11
I guess you should consider yourself lucky that you found out quickly what kind of person she was and that she didn't do any damage. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
@dawnald (84157)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Feb 11
Not only money up front, but get a written agreement. That way you can take her to small claims court if she flakes.
@dorannmwin (36696)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Unfortunately this is typically a lesson that we all have to learn the hard way and I've been there and done that. In my situation I offered a so-called friend of mine a roof over her head in return for helping me get our house in order (it is a disaster). This went great for a month, but in the week before she ended up leaving, it all went to heck and back. She ended up stealing two checks out of my purse and to add insult to injury, the police said we had to let her come in the house and get her stuff. When she did that, she proceeded to steal my debit card.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
14 Feb 11
KrauseHome, Friendship aside, I always tell people when it comes to work, business or property matters. I've seen enough partners right down to friends falling out once some gesture of goodwill go out of the door when disagreements arises. A written agreement saves time and keeps people like her in check. I am with you and I am sorry for what you had gone through and I do hope that she's not saying anything bad about you at work. Anyway, both of you do not need to feel awkward or obligated to be upfront with her and put things into perspective. So, just tell her to come upfront with you where it is she either wants to rent (sign the tenant agreement) or move out. Her excuses are just lame especially when the both of you are working at the same place. I really hope things will work out here. Take care and have a nice day.
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
14 Feb 11
I am so sorry that it did not work out. Just remember that there are alot of good people out there and not everyone will take advantage of you. I would try to stay away from people you have to work with every day or have to deal with everyday just so you don't have to worry about them making you miserable if things don't work out. It is sad that she took advantage of you.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I do think once in a while we all get caught in something like this....I am very causious about lending money or letting someone use me...I had that happen with a neighbor a few years ago...she used me! never again. I have a hard time looking at her now when I see her...and she acts like nothing is wrong!
@mythociate (13948)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
13 Feb 11
It's sad that money has you so entranced that you do as your trained and hound people for money they owe you for no good reason. Not good, not evil; just sad.
@mawhite (245)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Oh, we had a similar situation with a family member, and it was HORRIBLE! I would never wish on anyone what we went through. We're a bit removed from the family and don't keep up with family gossip, and we got a call that one of our nieces needed a place to stay with her little boy because she was homeless. We said of course she could stay with us, and were really upset that no one in the family would help her. After a few weeks, we found out why. She was horrible, never paid us a penny, left a terrible mess, neglected her little boy, went out partying all the time, and then when we told her she had to leave - she refused to go! We lived in a state where it was required we go to court to evict her, even though she wasn't paying any rent. It took 6 months to get her out of the house and cost us $700 in legal fees. I would never do it again. It's a shame to feel that way, but with all the stress she put our family through, it's just not worth it.