Never Try To Help Out A Friend

@KrauseHome (36449)
United States
February 12, 2011 5:35pm CST
Well in my case, I have learned my lesson and cannot do it anymore. We have this girl I work with. She has been at my job for about 2 yrs. now. Well, she was either moving out of her apt. or had gotten evicted. We do not know which, so my husband made the mistake of letting her know we had an extra room we were considering renting out but so far no one was interested. She asked if she could move in last Saturday before having any $$ as we got paid last Wednesday, and we thought nothing of it, let her know the room as $425 a month since she was a Friend, and let her move her stuff in. Well she promised her money was good, and or so we thought. But ever since she started staying here, she was constantly complaining this place was too small, too far from work, etc. and always complaining about me to my husband and about him to me. It was Crazy. Well Wednesday came she got her Check and ended up spending most of it at the casino so she did not have any $$ to pay us, or so she says. She made an excuse Thursday she was going to a Friends to spend the night but would have the $$ to me at work that night before I left work. Turned out she made up some story her friend needed her, and so she could not come pay us. Yesterday, (Friday) same thing. All she kept on telling my husband is she was unhappy and needed to talk. Come today Saturday here it was about 2 p.m. and she shows up before calling or anything and just says she is moving out. When we told us she should at least owe us $100 for being here for a week she said she helped out with Food, even though she helped eat ours, so that was enough. (She slept her 5 nights... Her stuff was here for 8.) All I can say is she promised my husband she did not use people, and was Good on her word, and then this. Thank goodness she works the graveyard shift, and I work Swing Shift, but I am afraid of what she is going to try and spread around work before I get there on Monday as she works tonight and tomorrow night. But personally if everyone decides to take her side on this, they do not really know her, and I just hope no one feels Sorry for her and acts like I am the Bad guy. But hey, enough is enough. From now on when we try and rent this room, it is money up front, and their will be some set of rules set up before they move in to discuss and agree upon. One lesson learned for sure. Not enough to be a set back even if we are now a couple hundred short on bills right now, but a move forward from here and be a better person because of it. ~~TINA~~
9 people like this
21 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
13 Feb 11
Terrible isn't it when we get taken advantage of like that? I lived with a guy that was like that. He would blame the non-payment of rent on me (behind my back to the landlord) and it was always he who didn't pay up, not me. I never saw him with any money. He'd sponge off everyone he met, even his own dying grandmother. Total scumbag in every sense of the word. I guess others have already mentioned this but I reckon, the next time you get a lodger, get it all down in writing..plus a deposit before the person moves in. That way, you know they are serious about living there. As for her spreading rumours about you at work. I wouldn't worry too much about that. I don't think you were the first to be treated badly and I'm quite sure you won't be the last. What she does next is up to her and what you do next is up to you.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Great comments here my friend, and Yes, from now on we are considering renting to strangers and requiring all the rent up front plus a deposit. We are going to be making up a contract of what we expect, etc. as well, and just be Praying that we can get someone in here soon, and that they will be a Good fit for us as well. As to work, only time will tell, but I do agree if others want to take her side, etc. hopefully it will not end up being something that they have to learn from as well.
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Thanks my friend for saying that. I do not always see myself as an Angel, but I know in time God always shows me thru someone who I really am, and where I need to be moving onto from there.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
13 Feb 11
Contract is the word I was looking for my friend. Thanks for jogging my brain cells! My guess is that she may have "asked" people she has worked with already about lodging with them and has got "knocked back" as we say over here. That might be why she went to you? Who knows? I can't see her having many friends if she treats them all badly. You, on the other hand..you're an Angel, we all know that.
1 person likes this
@FrugalMommy (1438)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think you're right to require money up front from the next person who rents that room from you. If I were in your position I would review the landlord-tenant laws in my state and draft a written agreement for the other person to sign before moving in. That way there will be no doubt about expectations and you will have a basis for enforcement if they don't pay on time.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
13 Feb 11
That is actually what my husband and I are going to be doing before the next person ever moves in here. We are also going to go meet with them somewhere in person other than our house to get a feeling about them and what they might require from us as well. We are also requesting all Rent up from, a contract they will have to sign, and a Deposit as well. Also avoiding Friends and people we might know in hopes for something good to come from this one as well.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Two months in advance (one regular month rent and one security), cash up front, would have been good. She was probably evicted from the last place. Nowe you know. Most people up here require 2 months rent before they let anyone in. Eviction proceedings take 14 days here. They have to be about 3 months behind, then you still have to give them 14 days on top of that. Renters rights here are crazy.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, one of the last comments I made was remember "What Goes Around Comes Around" and it is never a pretty picture if it is for something bad. Problem that bugs me is she continues to act around my husband like she did nothing wrong, even though around me she complained about him, and around him, she constantly was complaining about me or us, and never had anything nice to say. A lesson learned for sure.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
17 Feb 11
A divide and concur type of person, you definitely don't need one of those in your life.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Glad she didn't damage anything. Sorry you need the $ and now you don't have it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Feb 11
well, people surely has a different personalities when you will be living with him or her. as for you, you had discovered it yourself. there are a lot of people out there, each has his and her own strengths and weaknesses. the best thing there is that when you get to know it, you will be careful next time. but as of this time, just be cautious and be sure to know who your dealing with. enjoy to experience!
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
13 Feb 11
For sure. Next time we are definately going to be more cautious and the next person who moves in we will also meet in person and talk with them letting them know what we expect, etc. and getting the Full months rent, etc. before they ever move in, and then hope for the Best from there. We are going to still do it month to month in case anyone wants to leave, but also requiring a deposit, etc. just to be safe as well.
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
13 Feb 11
It's sad that most of us learn these lessons the hard way and they are very costly in both money and hurt feelings. I've had things like this happen to me, too. The worst part of it is the betrayal of trust and the feeling of being used. Can you lower the price of the rent? That would help you get a tenant. $300 rent would probably get the room rented, $425 seems like a lot when a person has to pay their own food. I don't know how the economy is in your neck of the woods but here a person can rent an apartment of their own for $425.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
29 Apr 11
Well, around here $425-4250 for a room is cheap. Especially when you are adding Utilities, Cable and Internet with it. Apartments around here for the most part start around $600 or more a month, and that is before Utilities, etc. They figure since WA state has one of the highest minimum wages that people can afford to pay more here as well. (I do live in the Seattle-Tacoma area which is a big city area.)
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
23 Feb 11
I thought the asking price was a bit high too dragons, just for a room but being from another country, was not sure. See my post on the next page.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 11
It is unfortunate when you try to help someone and in the end they repay you this way. It is because of people like this that most today do not quickly jump help some in their time of need because of burned in the past. I would say perhaps it is best to be completely done and rid of the entire situation as who knows she probably would have been a bigger headache along the way. Sorry that all this occur just be glad she will be out of your lives and you are right in the future money speaks first, as you have already done your good deeds.
@GardenGerty (157050)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think the first lesson is not to rent to someone you work with. Just do not mix those relationships. In your shoes I would start putting aside money so that I can do a background check, or ask for references. You do not want someone living in your home that you cannot trust or feel safe about. If this girl was being evicted, then she already has some kind of rental issues, it is not likely she would do better for you. Do get your money upfront, get everything in writing, and be business like. I had a rental for awhile, and it was nothing but headaches.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think you hit the nose on this one, because even if it creates a little bit of hardship at first, it probably was something that should have never been thought about as well. I feel even if there is problems at first it will not take long for people to see the err or their ways, and wish they could have just continued to keep quiet about it as well. As for renting again, the room is listed again on Craigslist, and we have made a list of things to consider beforehand as well, and money is definately on there as well.
• Canada
13 Feb 11
I believe in money up front for everything. I have sold stuff to friends before, and they have sold stuff to e, and even if they did not insist on money up front for me buying their stuff, I insisted on waiting until I had it, to give me the item in question, since they knew I'd insist on money up front, in a reverse situation.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Yes, this is something I will be doing from now on for sure. I think overall this will eventually save a lot of problems in the end as well. But at the same time when it comes to renting our room, I think I will stick to strangers at first from now on as well.
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
13 Feb 11
nothing like a jerk to get you "educated" on roommates, huh?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Feb 11
Not only money up front, but get a written agreement. That way you can take her to small claims court if she flakes.
@rflfly (51)
• China
23 Feb 11
yeah,i agree with and believe in money up front.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
13 Feb 11
That's a shame. I have had a few terrible experences trying to help out friends too. It's even worse that you work with her. I do hope that she leaves well enough alone.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Well, so far so good as I am sure she does not want to make a scene and let everyone know her business. Not sure how many people she has told, and personally if they want to believe her over me without knowing the whole story, they have never had to go that far yet to find out, and hope they never do. It is all Good. I feel we are the better off because of it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Feb 11
Unfortunately this is typically a lesson that we all have to learn the hard way and I've been there and done that. In my situation I offered a so-called friend of mine a roof over her head in return for helping me get our house in order (it is a disaster). This went great for a month, but in the week before she ended up leaving, it all went to heck and back. She ended up stealing two checks out of my purse and to add insult to injury, the police said we had to let her come in the house and get her stuff. When she did that, she proceeded to steal my debit card.
@lacieice (2060)
• United States
15 Feb 11
I guess you should consider yourself lucky that you found out quickly what kind of person she was and that she didn't do any damage. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
14 Feb 11
I am so sorry that it did not work out. Just remember that there are alot of good people out there and not everyone will take advantage of you. I would try to stay away from people you have to work with every day or have to deal with everyday just so you don't have to worry about them making you miserable if things don't work out. It is sad that she took advantage of you.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
13 Feb 11
I do think once in a while we all get caught in something like this....I am very causious about lending money or letting someone use me...I had that happen with a neighbor a few years ago...she used me! never again. I have a hard time looking at her now when I see her...and she acts like nothing is wrong!
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
14 Feb 11
KrauseHome, Friendship aside, I always tell people when it comes to work, business or property matters. I've seen enough partners right down to friends falling out once some gesture of goodwill go out of the door when disagreements arises. A written agreement saves time and keeps people like her in check. I am with you and I am sorry for what you had gone through and I do hope that she's not saying anything bad about you at work. Anyway, both of you do not need to feel awkward or obligated to be upfront with her and put things into perspective. So, just tell her to come upfront with you where it is she either wants to rent (sign the tenant agreement) or move out. Her excuses are just lame especially when the both of you are working at the same place. I really hope things will work out here. Take care and have a nice day.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Actually, you were lucky in that she only stayed a week!!! I've ALWAYS made it a habit to NEVER loan money to friends. I might give them some money if I have it to spare...but DON'T loan as it NEVER comes back!!! It's NOT the fact that it doesn't come back that really insults me...it's the dumb azz EXCUSES they come up with that insults me!!! Maybe this was a good lesson to have before you take in boarders. It may well make you more aware of what might happen. Now, let me tell you my sad story. In January 2010, i took in a friend who was homeless. We had been friends for around 20 years. She had lost her job the year before & her house was in foreclosure. I knew she was having problems, but didn't realize how dire it had become. I stopped by to see her one day & found her sobbing as she had to be out of her home within 2 hours & had no place to go. She had a precious dog that she was even more worried about as she didn't know what she was going to do to take care of herself & knew she couldn't take care of the dog. My heart broke for her. I had been thinking of hiring someone to do some cleaning around my home. So, I sat her down & told her very matter of fact that I'd give her a place to stay & a good home for her dog in exchange for the housework I needed done. She jumped on it & hugged my neck. She promised me that as soon as she got job, she would in return make it up to me. I assured her that she would be working for her keep. It was just that she was working for a place to live rather than a paycheck. She grabbed the things that she needed & her dog & I brought her home with me. I gave her her own room & then I made my first mistake. Dinner time came & I cooked us dinner. My thinking was I knew where everything was & it was easier than answering all her questions. The next morning she didn't get up until 10:30. I don't usually eat breakfast as I don't like to eat when I first get up preferring to wait 3-4 hours before I'm hungry enough to eat. By then it's almost lunch time, so most days I just wait & eat lunch. She crawls out of bed at 10:30, walks out asking what's for breakfast. I explained that I don't eat breakfast & she started whining that she had to eat breakfast as she was a diabetic & had to eat right away. I'm thinking WHAT??? In the 20 years that I've known her, she had never mentioned being a diabetic. I had spent the night at her house & NEVER been offered breakfast. So, I got up & fixed her breakfast thinking once again that it was easier to do than to answer her questions. She gobbled down her breakfast & went back to bed & back to sleep. Of course eating breakfast at 10:30, I wasn't hungry when lunch time arrived. Well...noontime rolls around & she's back out wanting to know what we're having for lunch. I commented that we had just had breakfast & she once again whines that she's diabetic & has to eat every 2 hours. Once again I'm shocked as she didn't eat every 2 hours at her house!!! So, I told her I wasn't hungry & to look in the fridge to see if she couldn't find a snack to take care of her problem. She fixed herself a sandwich & asked why I didn't have any milk. Told her I didn't like milk & didn't keep it in the house unless I was making something specific that called for it. She "awwww, but I love milk & it help my diabetes". I had never heard that one from any of my diabetic friends. When I figured out that the groceries I had on hand weren't going to last very long, I went to the grocery store. Trying to be a good friend, along with the groceries I bought, I bought a gallon of milk. What was I thinking??? Well, I get home & put up the groceries & she's sleeping. When she gets up I tell her that I had bought a gallon of milk & she was welcome to have some. By some, I was thinking a glass. I walk in the kitchen & she has the jug turned up & is guzzling. I commented that it would be nice if she used a glass as I might want to put some in some soup & it's NOT polite to drink out of the jug. I started showing her where everything used to cook with was in the cabinets & used that as an opportunity to show her where I kept the cleaning products also. I could tell I didn't have her attention. She said she was tired & she went back to bed & I assume back to sleep. Of course, she came out several more times to get something to eat & then straight back to bed. The next morning I noticed she had drank half of the gallon of milk that I bought the day before. At the end of the first week, all she had done was eat & sleep. I just quit cooking for her & when she'd say she was hungry I'd ask her what she was fixing "us" to eat. I love Spaghetti & eat it frequently. I decided my Spaghetti would be better than hers. So, I got up early one morning & cooked a big pot of sauce thinking it would be something that would last for several days. You guessed it, she doesn't like Spaghetti!!! Yes, I should have asked her first, but I've never known anybody who didn't like Spaghetti!!! Plus, I was raised that if somebody cooks for you then you eat it & act like you enjoyed it...especially when you're NOT paying for it!!! Comes the end of the first month & I realize I'm still doing ALL my own cleaning. PLUS the food in my cabinets & freezer are disappearing at lightening speed. So, after she scarfed down her breakfast, I followed her down to her room & told her that the agreement we had was I'd give her a place to live in EXCHANGE for her doing most of the housework & that I had held up my end of the bargain while ALL she did was eat & sleep. She apologized & said she was planning on doing such a good job at cleaning that I wouldn't recognize my own home. She went as far as to make a list of supplies that she would need that I didn't have in stock so she could get busy. Thinking that I had gotten through to her, I went to the store that afternoon & picked up the cleaning supplies she requested...some weren't cheap. Another month goes by & still she is only eating & sleeping. I began to notice that on the days I wasn't home during the day that food was mysteriously disappearing from the freezer & my stock of canned goods was just about gone. So, now I've had her here for 2 months & ALL she does is sleep with a break for eating then back to sleep. I'm wondering how she sleeps 24 hours a day!!! This goes on for another month & I began to be more honest with her as to how she isn't holding up her end of the deal even though I had given her a warm & comfy place to live during one of our coldest winters. Once again, she promises to do better & apologizing profusely. I think you get the picture. I finally got ticked off & told her that my patience was wearing thin & if she wasn't going to hold up her end of our deal, then I wasn't going to honor mine. I come home from work on day & she is NO where to be found, but her dog was still here. This is the same dog from the discussion that she was pregnant & had problems losing ALL her puppies but one. Guess who had paid the vet bill since she was out of work??? Well, I thought that since the dog was here that she'd just got tired of sleeping & gone out with somebody. That was the last time I saw her!!! She hasn't been back to visit, hasn't called to say thanks for taking care of me & I still have her dog. I already had 2 dogs of my own & didn't want a third dog; but I can't help but love her as she is a sweety!!! I can promise you that will be the LAST time I take in a "friend"!!! Since then, I have taken in a homeless man in exchange for work done in my yard & around the house. He eats what I cook, says thank you EVERY meal & he does any repairs or yardwork that needs to be done!!! I don't know WHY it is always our friends who use us!!!!
@mawhite (242)
• United States
13 Feb 11
Oh, we had a similar situation with a family member, and it was HORRIBLE! I would never wish on anyone what we went through. We're a bit removed from the family and don't keep up with family gossip, and we got a call that one of our nieces needed a place to stay with her little boy because she was homeless. We said of course she could stay with us, and were really upset that no one in the family would help her. After a few weeks, we found out why. She was horrible, never paid us a penny, left a terrible mess, neglected her little boy, went out partying all the time, and then when we told her she had to leave - she refused to go! We lived in a state where it was required we go to court to evict her, even though she wasn't paying any rent. It took 6 months to get her out of the house and cost us $700 in legal fees. I would never do it again. It's a shame to feel that way, but with all the stress she put our family through, it's just not worth it.
@mythociate (21438)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
13 Feb 11
It's sad that money has you so entranced that you do as your trained and hound people for money they owe you for no good reason. Not good, not evil; just sad.