Bullies at school

@beamer88 (4259)
Philippines
February 13, 2011 10:10am CST
I'm very fortunate that my son hasn't been bullied at his school. But I fear that one day it might happen to him. He's a smart kid who always answers the teacher's questions, and as such, his teachers adore him. He's always happy to help his other classmates but at times he reprimands those who are noisy or who do not pay attention when their teacher is discussing something. And he's small for his age. (or a bit average) Well, sometimes I feel that these characteristics sort of makes him a target for bullying. Are my fears unfounded? Why sort of kids are usually bullied?
2 people like this
18 responses
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
18 Jan 13
we have a big bully problem at school here in mexico. especially with the high school kids. very sad...
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
It is indeed very sad that bullying still persist in schools worldwide. This is something that should really be addressed immediately.
8 Apr 13
hi, I am sorry to hear that bully things. When I was a kid, I also had the characteristics of your son, but I was not bullied. The students who were bullied were that ones whose home was far and not adored by the teacher. Maybe the bad buys in view of the fact that your son was adored by his teacher, would not do something bad to your small son.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
I hope so too. As a parent, it's really hard not to worry about our kids being bullied (or that our kids are the bullies) I know it's part of growing up, but it would be nice if our kids grow up in an atmosphere without violence even if it's at least for a short time.
@redredrose (1105)
• United States
21 Nov 12
Any sort of kid can and is bullied. Its' wrong to bully but kids do it. If your too fat or too thin or the smartest in class or if your the shortest or tallest or anything different they will bully you. it is up to the parents to talk to their kids about bullying and try to keep them from doing it. Mu niece was bullied at her school because she was the tallest in class and the smartest in her class so now she is home schooled and loves it. She still does her activities like girl scouts dance swimming and such and hangs with the friends she did have but she just doesn't go to school. Your fears are not unfounded. you just need to teach your son about bullying and teach him to defend himself and to tell an adult when he is bullied. Don't teach him to start fights just how to protect himself when someone starts a fight with him.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
22 Nov 12
That's actually what I've been telling him. There might come a time wherein he'll meet some bully. I've told him that he just need to walk away, but if he's cornered or something, then he should do what he can to protect himself.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
2 Mar 11
Well, aside from not being on the smaller side, I could have almost thought that you were talking about my daughter. She is very bright for her age and has always been a favorite of the teachers since she started school. That said, she has never been a victim of bullying at school. I think that the fact that children like Kathryn and your son are not bullied at school is because of the fact that they are willing to help their peers and that tends to make them more popular at school.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
That is so true. And I also think that helping out even these bullies in one way or another may possibly stop their bullying ways.
• Canada
31 Dec 12
This is just my opinion as someone who was bullied, and as someone who has worked with children for 16 years. Yes, I think your son is a target. I was very much the same way as a child--getting all the answers right, correcting students who didn't, and getting upset and reprimanding other students who would not be quiet when the teacher asked, etc. Rules were very important to me, and respect for teachers was also--that's how I was raised. There were many people who remember me as a friend because I would patiently help them with their schoolwork, but for some reason, I was targeted by the majority of the kids in my elementary school. If you are worried, I suggest explaining to your bright son how his behavior can make other people feel. For example: "How do you feel when you are right about something? When you are wrong? Well, other kids feel the same way. They feel bad when they are wrong. And when the teacher corrects them, they don't feel so bad, because she is a grown up and that is her job. But when another kid their age corrects them, they feel worse. They feel stupid because some people in the class knew the answer but they didn't. They might even think that you think they are stupid or that you are trying to make them feel stupid. I know that you do not think other kids are stupid, and you are not trying to make them feel bad. But other kids cannot read your mind. Try to remember that it is amazing to help when someone asks for it, but maybe you shouldn't help all the time. After all, there is already someone whose job it is to correct the wrong answers--the teacher. And you can help the teacher by giving other kids a chance to try answering questions, so they can show that they are trying hard/know the answers just like you!" The point is, kids never deserve to be bullied, but nevertheless there are some "bully magnets" out there, and boy was I ever one! Usually it's because there are all those unwritten social rules that some kids pick up on faster than others. In my head, a right answer was always the most important thing, but for most kids, their feelings are just as important. A five year old doesn't usually have the tact to correct without hurting feelings, but the teacher usually does. If someone had told me about other kids' feelings about being corrected, I would have understood sooner. Of course, you want to make the distinction that if someone needs help because they are hurt or could get hurt, you don't wait to be asked to help, you just do it. And if someone's wrong idea could him himself or someone else, (jumping off the roof holding a bedsheet will be like a parachute, for example) stepping in is more important than hurt feelings.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
You have a very nice point especially on the matter of tactfulness. Children usually haven't mastered this, or maybe even weren't taught about this at all. We drill in them honesty, telling the truth always, that we might have forgotten to teach them that there are different ways of saying things. Like you said, children might resent being corrected especially if the manner of how it was said is too straightforward. I appreciate very much this very enlightening insight of yours.
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
3 Mar 11
hi. i know someone who was bullied in school when he was young and i think it made a huge scar in him. he really doesn't wanna talk about his past like about high school. it changed him because when he was in college he would buy stuffs and give them to his classmates so he could gain some friends which i thought was not THAT good. well some may appreciate it but there would be some who will take advantage of him. i really hate bullies and i hope they don't bully my nephews when they get bigger and go to school already. well i think maybe you should be more open to your son so he doesn't get scared to tell you just about anything in school. tell him to be strong BUT not start any fight hehe, ignore who ever wants to bully him and to come home after school to avoid getting into trouble. i think they usually bully those who are quiet in class and those who are smaller. it may also help if you from time to time drop him and pick him up in school so bullies may be a little threatened. hmmm i am kind of worried for my 2 nephews too but they are still very small and i hope it doesn't happen to them because it makes a very big impact/change in them.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
4 Mar 11
Hi, Cherish. Nice to hear from you :) Those are really good pieces of advice. We really need to have a very open communication with our children (and nephews as well). It is one way for us to find out what is happening to them so we could give them the proper advice. Yes, I tell my son to never start a fight, but I do tell him not to back out of one :)
• India
14 Feb 11
Smart kids are never bullied. The kids which show more innocence are bullied in the class room. No one can bully a smart kid including the classmates and of course others. Your son would know how to handle.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Yes, my son I've taught my son how to handle incidents of bullying. I don't think smart kids aren't bullied. When I was in grade school, some bully classmates of mine would pick on the smartest kid in our class just because he was smart.
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
14 Feb 11
Hi beamer, Though i would like to assure you there is nothing like this but unfortunately your fears are well founded as because i know the bullies are always looking for easy targets. Unfortunately your son fits in to that target quite well. Well Bullies are one of most coward breed of guys you would find. If someone doesnt back down to them, then more often than not they do. They would only bully when they are in group and best thing to do to them is stand up to them. I know it is easy said than done.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
You got that right. It's really easy to advise your son what to do. I've always explained to him that he has to stand his ground against bullies even if it leads to fistfights. But I remembered when I got into fistfights when I was a kid, and it wasn't what I call good experiences, though I won all of them :)
@pogi253 (1586)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Children who experience bullying and other aggressive behaviours by their parents are more likely to model that behaviour in their peer relationships; Children learn from their parents how to act and interact with others. So if they're learning about aggression and angry words at home, they will be inclined to use these behaviours as coping mechanisms when they interact with their peers.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
They do indeed. That's why I sometimes think that school authorities should also do psychological testing or a kind of profiling only on the students but also on the parents as well.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
14 Feb 11
It is happen all around the world, and I guess every school found the same problem. It is a matter of how teachers and school administrative how to handle this matter. In any community, or society, bully is a problem existed between people. So, it is up to us how to manage this issue.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
I think us parents should really coordinate with the school authorities on matters like this. We could really help minimize incidents of bullying.
• United States
14 Feb 11
No he very well might be targeted for bullying. You should talk to him about keeping his comments to himself and to let the teacher do the disciplining, not him because this makes him seem like he is a teacher's pet and he may be targeted for this, especially when he gets older. But that doesn't mean he should have to conform in any way, usually kids that keep to themselves and aren't outwardly weird or annoying do just fine.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
My son and I had discussions about the pros and cons of keeping comments to oneself, and I've told him that kids his age usually get irritated by someone who comments a lot. I told him that people who reserve their comments are those who get respected the most.
@sais06 (1284)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
What I have observed is that those children who look weak are usually targeted by bullies in school especially if they are often found to be alone. So one way to prevent this is to have friends around them who would help if someone tries to bully them. A smart child can't be easily bullied but a weak one does.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Yes, those who look weak are the prime targets of bullies. And when you don't stand your ground, they'll keep on bullying you. It's a good thing my son has lots of friends. But at Grade 1, I don't think say a sixth-grader bully would be intimidated by little kids even if they're many.
@Artiey (14)
• Brazil
13 Feb 11
I think you should talk to your son and prepare him to what can possibly happen to him. Some people, everywhere in every culture, tends to fell jealous about almost everything because their ego is enormous. When this kind of people sees someone who's very inteligent and appreciated by the others, he/she wants to "revenge" himself because in his/her mind, they deserved to be in that position. I think you should make your child aware that he may face people who will pick on him simply for being a good student. Dealing with verbal ofense is bad but everyone can cope with it. Alert him, thought, that if he gets physically threatened then he must contact you or the closest adult.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Yes, I had talked to my son. And I always remind him of this possibility. And I had even told him to always stand his ground even if it results to a fistfight.
• United States
28 Feb 11
I dont think your child is a target for bullies. Its usually the child that sits with his/her head down, no friends, and is always aloner. You know the ones that doesnt wear the right cloth, have the right shoes, meaning the ones without the money to look like the rest. It's pretty much based on how much money and if your in the in crowd decides if your a target for bulling or not.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
28 Feb 11
Hi. Yeah, I guess what you described usually is the stereotypical bullied person. I just hope that the bullies in my son's school are the typical ones.
• United States
13 Feb 11
I think that personality has a lot more to do with being a bully and getting bullied than size does. I know some larger people that have been bullies, and other larger people that have been bullied. Similarly, I know smaller people that have been bullies, and other smaller people that have gotten bullied. In fact, one of the "biggest" bullies that I ever met was a guy that was only 5'2" as an adult, which is quite short here, but his rotten attitude and meanness made up for his short stature ... or perhaps he was trying to "over compensate" for it. In any case, he was not a nice person regardless of his size.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Yes, I've known some bullies during my high school days who weren't big. In fact, they were even smaller than me. I guess the so called Napoleonic Syndrome plays a part in this.
• United States
13 Feb 11
I was smart (and did not reprimand others) and small. I used to get knocked down on the way home from school and my notebook ripped out of my hands. If I had gotten a good grade on a test or homework the other girls ripped it up and then pummeled me. This was long before bullying was a concern and so almost every day I went home in tears with scrapes, bruises and torn clothing, not to mention their taunts and jeers echoing in my ears. Now I think the climate of acceptance towards bullying is much changed, and such behaviour would not be tolerated that long (mine went on for six years). The memory of all that still haunts me at times and influenced my behaviour for many years (and probably still does).
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
13 Feb 11
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I think being smart and small is those of like a beacon for those bullies, and that's what I'm worried about.
@LTL143 (57)
• Philippines
13 Feb 11
We don't know what will happened next, but yes, theres also a possibility that your son may get bullied because of his standing in class. Some where get jealous. Some get bullying their classmates to get attention from their teachers. Each children's character reflects on how they nurtured by their parents at home. Others are really like that based on their personal characteristics, like those who has {ADHD} Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. But don't be worry. everything will be fine, your son can handle that situation, just trust and believe him.What he needs is your support and advice as a mother.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
I trust my son and have always been supportive of him. He's in Grade 1 and I've seen a couple of his classmates having symptoms of ADHD. Fortunately, these kids haven't picked on their classmates. Apparently, it's their teachers that get picked on.
13 Feb 11
This has happened to me several times, but the thing that helped me the most was contacting the school and telling them this. Once the school knows about this, they will keep an eye on him and make sure that nothing happens to him.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
14 Feb 11
Well, I think that's the only thing I can do if my son gets bullied. I mean, I can't beat up a kid because he bullied my son. I'm a little secure though about the school authorities where my son studies. They have a strict policy about bullying. I guess that's normal for an all-boys school.