What was I spaosed to do to my daughter for smoking yesterday?

United States
February 17, 2011 2:05pm CST
I am lost here and would love your help. I got in my daughter's azz last night. I was so loud my neighbor ran over to my apartment and bust right in. Which was fine because had I needed help she would be right there. She saw me getting on my daughter and went back home. But,today she told me I was too light on my daughter. Today I found out if I tell her problation officer she will go to jail for 6 months. So,that will not be happening. I can't put my daughter in jail. But,I am wondering if she was referring to me beating my daughter last night. I am going to ask her later when my daughter leaves to go home. I am not beating my daughter so that is not an option. But,what could i have done last night?
4 people like this
10 responses
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
17 Feb 11
I feel that you have to lay down the grounds of your daughter of being obedient. Your daughter should not smoke at all. You are not abusing your daughter at all. That is what I can't stand about other women. Just as soon as they hear a child crying or a voice raised, they always assume that someone is beating a child. That is not always the case here. You are trying to keep her out of trouble, why doesn't she realize that??? It is so much of trouble going on in this world. I hate to see your daughter a part of it. I know that you do too, gifts. I wished that she would make the right decision so that she won't wind up back into trouble again. Your neighbor should mind her own darn business. You are doing just what you need to do. If no one else gives a damn about your daughter but you, then so be it!! If your neighbor think that you was too light on your daughter, then why would she have a problem with you beating on her? Which you have not even done at all. My prayers go out to you gifts. I hope that your daughter will do the right thing. Smoking is never good for a young lady. You did what you had to do, and don't let anyone make you feel or think that you have done anything wrong either.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 11
You have no idea how bad I needed to read this. I feel terrible about this. Like I should have whooped her or something. I can't bring myself to hit my daughter for any reason at all. I think talking should work if it does not than something else will. Thanks for this so much.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
18 Feb 11
I was glad to help! You have not done anything wrong that you need to be ashamed of. Yes, talking will help. At least you are doing so, compared to many parents that just could not careless. I applaud you for being concerned about your daughter. She needs to see and know that you love her.
@sexyice (874)
• Latvia
17 Feb 11
How old are you daughter? I tell you, how my mother did. When I have 16 I started smoke (in Latvia I can start, when I grow up 18). My mom talked to me a lot. She said, I don't hit you, but I don't like that you smoke.. She tell how bad me and my nekst children do smoking, unfortunately I smoked last 6 year, but now I stop and don't smoke 4 month... Better you will be good mother and talk with your doughter, better you will be witch in her eyes, My mother still have my best friend!!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Feb 11
My daughter and I have talked about this a lot. I even went to her school today to talk to her being I was put in the hardest position ever. Having to decide if I should have my own child locked up.
1 person likes this
@sexyice (874)
• Latvia
17 Feb 11
Poor poor you :( And what say your daughter?
1 person likes this
• India
17 Feb 11
you have to take this in very serious but at the same time you have keep your self cam.if you shout on her that doesnt mean she gonna quit smoking.so you just need to tell her very quitely to stop smoking as it is not a good habit.and tell her to stop it slowly as she may be addicted to it and cant stop suddenly.and keep eye on her and also see her group.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 11
I talked to her again today and I hope it did some good. She is terrified to go to jail and thinks i am telling her probation officer. If she is caught hi again I have to tell someone and they will call for me.
• United States
17 Feb 11
Ok, I'm assuming she was smoking an illegal substance. I would agree with Gerty that you should let her probation officer know and let your daughter deal with the consequences. She needs to learn that her decisions all have consequences be they good or bad. It may be what she needs to snap out of it. Namaste-Anora
• United States
17 Feb 11
Gifts- You need to be that strong lady your mamma raised! This is not doing your daughter any good to enable her. I know I sound harsh but that is the honest truth of it. Find some ladies that live near you to keep you strong! Join a church group, chat group, anything to help you form the network you need to be strong and teach your daughter to do the right thing. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
17 Feb 11
I agree with Anora, some people do need to learn stuff the hard way, it won't make you a bad person at all, honest. Experience is the best teacher, I'm a firm believer in that because that's basically the method how I learn things in life.
• United States
18 Feb 11
I agree she needs tuff love. But,I just got out of the hospital and there is no way I could live knowing I put my daughter behind jail walls. I am not that strong at all. I can do all sorts of things but not that.. I don't think your harsh at all. Your just strong willed and I wish I could share that.
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
18 Feb 11
Since she has obviously violated probation, it will eventually come out whether you're the one to report her or not. She will continue now that she knows you're not going to turn her in. If I remember right, you stated that you WERE going to tell the cps person. And now you haven't. If it were my situation, I think I'd rather see my daughter in jail for a while than have her continue with this behavior and end up ODing or physically harmed.
@scuba1 (24)
• India
18 Feb 11
with love & affection u can speak to ur daughter . it will definitely hepl her to quit smoking & not to do it again . ur motive is to stop her not to punish her. so cool ur mind & tell her bad effects of smoking .puting jail & beating will break her emotions for you life long . give her a chance to think for herself
• United States
18 Feb 11
Tis is what I would love to do and hope it would work. All else that I have tried has failed me.
• United States
17 Feb 11
I can see that you are just way over stressed gifts and it is going to lead you back down again. I want to advise that you get some help for you. I can understand your feelings about not getting her behind bars, but then you do not know what to do with her. So my suggestion and only as a friend who cares deeply for you. You need to get some help for you. Someone you can talk to and communicate your feelings so that you can begin to heal Sharon, this way you can start imploring tough love. There will still be love but you will gain more love for you. I do not want you to tear while reading my response, I want you to say, hardworkinggurl is right I need to strengthen Sharon, and worry about Sharon. KK, will see how much more stronger you are and maybe start thinking about repairing herself. gifts if you do not strengthen you I am afraid you will accomplish becoming weaker and what will your daughter do after you are gone. She will not repair herself she will further destroy herself. Once she sees you stronger she may have second thought and begin the right path, or she will further damage herself, but then you will be stronger to deal with it. So please search on line for a group/psychologist you can sit and talk to where as you can begin the strengthening process. I so love you hon, don't forget that.
@dorannmwin (36696)
• United States
21 Feb 11
The thing is, smoking is a gateway to things that are a lot harder than that. With that said, she can decide for herself to stop or she may not. When I was a teenager and in a similar situation, my mother issued me an ultimatum. It was either I stop smoking or she wasn't going to pay for my way in life any more. Well, I made the decision to clean myself out at that point because I knew that I wasn't ready to keep myself going.
@celticeagle (114511)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Feb 11
Does your daughter know you wouldn't let her go to jail? You could put the fear of you know who into her by telling her that if it happens again that is just where she will be going. You need to have some control over the situation. Taking priviledges away, etc. Something she won't like.
• United States
18 Feb 11
Id just let her know that you are very dissapointed in her but you have no control over what happens to her next, if someone else finds out she does this.