Why does the law fail me as a parent?

United States
February 22, 2011 11:36am CST
Cps will not take this child out of my house. I have to go to court in a short while to file a pins on her. I have to go to the police and file a missing report on her. I can't believe all this crap and she gets to stay in my home another freaking year. I will be leaving it all in god's hands. I can't stand the sight of her anymore. I wish I could leave here and never come back. They told e I have to stay home with her. I called her probation officer and I will just wait on her to call me back. if I get into a fist fight with this child the police are going to lock me up. I don't know about you but the law sucks for parents. She could leagally drop out of school and I can't say anything to her at 16. That is the law around here and thank goodness no one has told her this yet. She hates school.
5 people like this
14 responses
• United States
22 Feb 11
You know I have a friend who's youngest is in similar shoes. The pd has stopped looking for her since she's 16 & won't look at all once she's 17 here. My friend's daughter was getting beat up by her "man" and miscarried a very sick baby the other year and yet nothing has sunk into her head. Her Mum even moved out of state took her with once she was found and the same day she was registered for school she took off again and no one has heard from her... she's been doing this junk for atleast 2 yrs. All you can do is your best within the law to do what you need to do to save your butt to say you are doing what is required by you as a parent but you cannot control a child with a mind of their own who hangs around those of bad influence who are also over 18.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 11
You can say that again. She is even repeating things this loser is telling her to say. You know your child and she does not use the words she is using now. I am doing just what you said and nothing more. I was told I can feed her rice everynight and it will be fine. So she will feel it for a long while.
• United States
22 Feb 11
The sad thing is she believes this looser loves her I bet and is going to take her places. What places has he shown her? What a nice home looks like? An honest job? A decent place to stay? Doubtful!!!! Her basic education and a job will take her more places than this "man" will. And like another poster mentioned you didn't want to see her go to jail. Maybe just maybe that's the thing that will kick her senses in!?!?! I dunno, seems your daughter and my friends daughter fear nothing and think the street will take care of them. One day the street will not find her useful or she will take the fall and sit in jail anyways by his or her own doing.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
22 Feb 11
I don't know gifts, this really doesn't make sense why they would do this, especially with her history. Last I heard you were trying to put her in a group home, they won't do this now? Well I can tell you this, your comment about leaving it in G♥d's hands is a wise choice. Though it may be hard, it is the right thing to do. I have had to do this with some people as well. I pray you get through this quickly and that He gives you the grace to continue...
• United States
22 Feb 11
She has not come home yet so the longer she is gone the better for me. I will have to report her missing in a day or two. I will get my bible out tonight and just read some pages and pray for her. Thanks for caring about my life.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Feb 11
Of course I care about you.. Happy Reading..:)
@lumenmom (1996)
• United States
22 Feb 11
I am sure I am somewhat late in picking up what is going on here, but there's no denying you really are in a distressful situation with this child. Is there some adult person in her life that she respects and maybe would listen to? Sometimes it helps for other friends or family to intervene when things get so out of hand. I really feel for you and know this problem is serious. I pray that things work out better for you.
• United States
22 Feb 11
No one wants anything to do with her. She will talk to adrian and will not be rude to him. But everyone else even family she feels like she can be disrespectful and down right rude. She does not care about anything people say as long as they are not telling her what to do. After I leave court and she finds out I went she will be boiling mad and then when she finds out she has to come home she will be on fire. She is 16 and hiding out with her 22 year old loser man.
• India
22 Feb 11
ohhh it has gone so much that you are ready to leave ur daughter.please think before you take any action as the decision like this should be take with calm mind and dont take any decision in excitement as it wont result good for you.just think it calm minded and then do what you like.hope you will do which is good for both of you.
1 person likes this
@terryt52 (245)
• United States
22 Feb 11
I am so sorry to read this. Children can sure cause us emotional upsets in our lives. And yes the law does not protect the parent. You are trying to do the right thing and they will not help you. I hope all gets better for you and I will pray for you.
• United States
22 Feb 11
I am going to do everything I have to with the courts tomorrow and leave it all up to the lord.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 11
Funny how this works. In the last thread you were telling all of us how you couldn't do tough love because you were not strong enough. You refused to turn your daughter in for smoking an illegal substance to her probation officer because you were not strong enough to deal with seeing your daughter in jail. Now today you are crying out that the system is failing you? You are failing your daughter by not using tough love and allowing her to face the music. Namaste-Anora
• United States
22 Feb 11
Well she will be super mad after I leave court tomorrow. I called cps and her probation officer. i went to church on sunday and it was a great day for me. You know after she let her boyfriend jump through my window all the rest went to the trash. tuf love is all she will get from me. Thanks very much.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 11
Who cares if she's super mad she's the CHILD not the other way around. Let her fall on her face and fall hard.... though I don't know how much more falling this girl can do before she realizes if this "man" dumps her and you are out of her life who will be there for her? No one, she will of burned all her bridges.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 11
Hun, I'm sorry I sounded so harsh, I've just seen this same thing go on with my sister-in-law and the only thing that worked on her kid was as SnuggleBunnies said, to let her sleep in the bed she made. Again, I'm sorry I came off harsh. I'm glad you were able to get to church!!
• United States
23 Feb 11
It happens here too! The problem with CPS is that there is an overload of teens with the same issues as yours and far worse. They use to immediately take them and get them the help they needed. Then an abundance of kids were in the system and many of the parents sort of washed their hands from the kids, and it became a CPS issue only. So in order to delineate and better the system they will not simply take the kids anymore as they can't afford to do so as they once did. See although there are many parents like yourself screaming that the child is a threat to them and other siblings they won't take them any more. I know someone right now with this same issue and she scoured all the help possible. In fact she turned her 15 year old over to the father as she could not handle her any more. After one week he brought her back to the mom, as he could not handle her and or as per him risk his current family. Back in the day there were a great many parents who allowed CPS to take the kids and never visited, or volunteered on anything so they now have sort of a protocol that it is not their issue unless the child themselves are in danger. But danger that someone else is going to inflict. Quite unfair to parents as your self but this is why they are doing what they do.
• United States
24 Feb 11
Ok now I see I was wondering what was going on. I am tired now with this mess. I put my foot down today and it will stay down. She will stay in the house and listen or I will knock her lights out and then she can call and they can take her away and me to jail. I called last night if you see a 914 number. take care.
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
25 Feb 11
Hi. giftsandbagscom. This is very sad! It is like your daughter can just get away with anything just because she is 16. I thought that it was 18? How can they law consider her to be an adult into having it her way at the age of 16? This does not make sense at all. Something just does not add up right. If you feel that she is a threat to you, why can't the law just make her move out of your house? It would be best, especially being that you can't stand the sight of her anymore. I don't get this. It is just not fair to you at all. I hope that your daughter starts to act more better. Her behavior towards you is very rude.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
25 Feb 11
That really stinks that you've had to go through this and have had to continue to go through this with your daughter. You would think between the fact that she is on probation and the fact that she has caused you to have a nervous breakdown would be enough for them to get her and you the help that you both clearly need. The only suggestion that I can offer to you is that you continue to call them on a regular basis when she is dishing out more than you can handle.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Hi Gifts, So sorry to hear this. I really agree with what Celtic had to say here. Laying down the law and adhering to it really does work. As for dropping out of school, I think they need the parent's approval to do that. Actually I thought they raised the age to 18, didn't they? As Celtic said, as a parent all you really owe this girl is nutricious food, a roof over her head and clothing...and it doesn't have to be name-brand cool stuff. As I said in the other discussion, you should file a restraint against the boyfriend that prohibits him from coming near your place. You don't have to go to court or anything. Just call the police and they will file it for you. It's free and it is easy. They will deliver a copy of the notice to him personally.
@ElicBxn (60771)
• United States
23 Feb 11
I thought she liked the new school - its that jerk boyfriend - and that she's not with her age group anymore. Actually, you could go to court and get her "emancipated" so she's legally an adult.
@Cutie18f (9564)
• Philippines
23 Feb 11
I could feel how upset you are about the whole thing. Who wouldn't? Your daughter is totally out of control and only the police I think can make her check her behavior. Yes, make the report ASAP because it is one way of helping her and the community as well which I am sure does not need rude and bad teens like your daughter. I urge you to be tough with her this time.
@celticeagle (117268)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Feb 11
It is sad that you have to go through all of this BUT, I have to say that I am glad that the US does try to keep kids in the home. And especially while she is under age. The foster care system is overwhelmed by troubled and abused kids. Single parenting is no fun job! You are responsible for her until she is legally of age to take care of herself. In their eyes she can't until then. And what is to become of her? I have heard of people who kicked their kids out of the house early because of problems like you are having. I honestly think it is best to stay home with her. Why? Because you are responsible for her and keep a better eye on her. I would make it known to her what the rules are and if she goes against any of them then the authorities would be called. AND I WOULD SURE DO IT!! She can legally drop out of school at 16. Sure she can. But you as her mother can also cut her off in alot of areas. No new clothes, no video games, no cell phone, no jewelry, no make up, no allowance, no.........need I go on? Under the law all you have to provide for her is a roof over her head, food and reasonable treatment. All the rest is icing on the cake. The law you speak of is the same everywhere. Even here in bum f--k Egypt. Let her quit school! Let her set around and be bored. But she goes by the rules that you set down or the authorities are called. And you have to be consistant! And Mylot is here for you!
@Adoniah (7515)
• United States
22 Feb 11
In Fla., a child can continue to live in a parents home until they are 21. The parent has no recourse even if the child is abusive or steals or trashes the house. The parent continues to be responsible for the care and upkeep of that child until they reach the age of 21. Even then, they may have to go through eviction proceedures to kick them out. I watched a neighbor go through this. It was very difficult to watch. Only the people who knew the girl well knew how nasty she was to her mother. Everyone else thought she was the sweetest girl around. It all came out in the end.