Win or Loose Ex but present lover will be in pain

@syoti20 (5295)
Philippines
February 23, 2011 6:34pm CST
I was listening to the radio station last night. A male caller was crying while confessing to the DJ on what incident happen to him this past few days. He accidentally met again his first love whom he had no formal break up. He was left alone by his gf without a formal breakup. He was so devastated for this girl. He was crying for days due to this. He moved on and met a girl. This girl was his gf for 1.5 years. The problem is that the man got confused when he unexpectedly saw his ex-gf. They talked thru chat and agreed to met once and for all. The ex-gf will explain why she left the guy. The guys also needs a closure between the two of them. PROBLEM: The guy will not informed his present gf that he will meet his ex-gf this monday. The guy is afraid that he might win her ex-gf back. He is also afraid that he might loose his present gf because of this. QUESTION: If you were the guy, Do you still need a closure from your ex-gf? Is it consider cheating when you gonna meet your ex-gf without asking permission.
9 people like this
17 responses
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
24 Feb 11
I am just confused with what the real intention of the man was. Was his meeting for closure or winning back his ex GF which from what I understood is the girl is willing to meet with him to explain why she left him. I think if the intention was for closure then fine he could even tell his present GF about this and if the GF is not that sensitive she should allow this for the betterment of their relationship. But if the man is intending to continue on with the ex GF then I guess he should choose what he really wants in life. If he wants his ex then it is just right to breakoff with the current. With regards to closure I guess it is needed when one is not able to move on with his life. But in as far as I know from your post he was able to move on already and was even able to get a new GF for himself. The accidental meeting just triggered something and he continued to when he started chatting with him which aggravated his situation. I think if he just moved on and forgot what happened in their meeting then things would be easier for him to move on with his life.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Feb 11
This guy is treading in very dangerous water. You say he "moved on and met a girl" after the first girl left him. He clearly has not moved on if he has any interest at all in meeting up with his ex. If the two have already chatted, there is NO need for them to meet in person. The ex-gf could have explained right then and there, in chat, why she left him. He is in another relationship now! He already has his closure from the ex-gf if he agreed to enter into a relationship with another woman "The guy is afraid that he might win his ex-gf back" --- he's afraid? Is it just going to happen "by mistake"? If he goes to meet her with that in his mind, he is certainly not being faithful to his current gf He is not telling her about the meeting so he is not being honest... and then what? He thinks the ex will "accidentally" fall in love with him all over again? This is a really really bad idea. He is being so unfair to his current gf and it's obvious he knows it is wrong because he is hiding it from her If he is truly interested in seeing if there is still anything between him and his ex, he needs to end his current relationship first and then consider pursuing his former gf... not the other way around.
@syoti20 (5295)
• Philippines
24 Feb 11
The DJ was right. The present gf is treat like rebound. I was thinking that the love he shared to his present gf is the love he used to give to his ex.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Feb 11
Yes it could very well be that the current gf was a rebound relationship. It's sad to do that to someone, don't you agree? To date them just to try to "forget" about someone else? You are probably right that he transferred his feelings to the new girl... but it doesn't excuse his behavior or make it right. If he doesn't truly want to be with the new gf, he needs to be honest and let her go so she can find someone that truly cares for her.
@RamRes (1725)
• Argentina
28 Feb 11
I would first not meet my ex-gf again if I'm with a new one, that would not be good for her (my new gf). If my ex-gf like to tell me, she can do it by chat, but I would not meet her, it's a matter of respect towards my current girl. Also, why would the guy "win" his ex again? She has already cheated him by leaving without a word, does the guy need more of that? I would not risk my current relationship. Anyway, and again as a sign of respect, I would tell my girlfriend about the chat-meeting. Without any details, but just to make sure she knows that happened, and also telling that I will be with her and not meeting anyone else.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
28 Feb 11
That guy is so confident?? 'He might win her ex-gf back"?? lol =D If so, then he does not deserve any of the two girls in his life, because he's considered two timing them.. haha =D Since he has already moved on, he should not be meeting his ex gf behind his present gf. If he really wants a closure of the past, he should bring his present gf along.. haha
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
27 Feb 11
I think that secrets kept from your partner can come back to bite you! It depends whether all he needs his closure and to have questions answered in regards to the breakup or whether he has secret hopes that the ex-girlfriend will come back to him. If it is the latter he should look at his present relationship and move on if he wishes to be with someone else because doing things like meeting your ex behind your partner’s back is very damaging. If I was the present girlfriend and I found out about his meeting I would not be happy.
@tigeraunt (6331)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
hi syoti, it was better if he did not agree to a meeting anymore. what is the use? he already has a new girl. or if he feels it is the right thing to do because he is still in love with the ex, then he should be fair to her new girl and be honest of his fears. if he needs closure of relationships to this new girl, then she should be as honest as possible as to why ann
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Feb 11
I don't know how he was left by this girl so it would depend on how he was dumped. But for me personally, I don't need to see my ex to get closure, I think that is something i would do myself, for myself. It would be considered cheating if the present gf told him not to see or hang out with any other girl. If there is a reason why he needs to hide it, it may be considered cheating.. but this depends on his current girlfriend also.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
24 Feb 11
Well, its not like he and present gf are married or engaged. Its not cheating unless he and ex gf actually engaged in some form of love making. Could be he really just needed closure with ex gf. If it was me i would want to know why she broke with me. Present gf surely would get upset so why tell her.
• Mexico
24 Feb 11
Hi syoti: It's all about honesty. He now has a present relationship so he must respet his girlfriend. If he mets his ex girlfriend, he will probably remember all of the things that he passed with her so it's a high possibility that he ends up cheating on his girlfriend. Don't play with fire, that would be my advice to this boy. He is looking for something he already know. ALVARO
@QeeGood (1214)
• Sweden
24 Feb 11
When you are going out meeting someone, when you are married or in a relationship I personally think it is fair to tell your spouse/significant other who you are going to meet. I call it open honest trust to have a clean conscious with each other. You always have a free will to make your decision, with whom you want to be with, whom you are going out meeting. If it is your ex bf/gf does not matter. Still you should have an open honest communication with people who are in your life to know. If you have made a commitment and you are in a happy marriage, then you probably trust each other and can talk about everything. Are you in an unhappy marriage still having feelings of past love your so called ex bf/gf you should carefully consider, what do you really want? Can you live together with someone loving someone else? You have to make your choice to do your final decision.
@drannhh (15226)
• United States
24 Feb 11
He doesn't need permission to meet his ex, but if I were the guy I wouldn't meet with her. I would not cry for her. He doesn't need an explanation. The fact that she left him should be closure. Why open it up again.
• United States
24 Feb 11
Situations like this never end well. First of all, when you break up with someone, make sure it's mutual, and make sure that you are both in a clear understanding of why the relationship is ending. If you two need to give each other your stuff back, or rip up pictures, then do what you have to do. Once it is over, it is pretty much over. Breaking up is never easy, and there is going to be a morning period, but you will move on in time. I wouldn't get back with an ex after breaking up with them, unless I am having major second thoughts. Now, if you are dating someone and you get back with an ex while dating the other person, yes, it is cheating because you aren't telling the other person what you are doing, you are lying to them, and you aren't being honest. Then again, if this is the case, you need to step back. Break it off with both the parties involved, and re-evaluate who you are before you get into anymore relationships and do any more damage. Yes, you can hurt people by not being honest with them.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
24 Feb 11
hello syoti, Meeting his ex- without his present gf consent/knowledge is fine. He needs to meet his ex for confirmation disregard the reason why his ex left without saying a word. what matters this time is..he needs to confirm his feelings :does he still loves his ex? Now,after seeing his ex- he needs to weighed things out. If his ex still loves him,and is still free...then, Make a final decision... stay with his present gf or relive the past. Follow what his heart's desire. In the field of LOVE- we will be scared sometimes,we will be hurt. But it takes pain to know the real meaning of true love. I know it will caused pain to
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
24 Feb 11
Lovers always complain that their relationship is complicated because they make it so. Why meet the ex when you have moved on? If the question here is all about closure, then have that closure even without meeting the ex. Do not do things that may make the matter worst.If the present relationship is happy and doing well, there's no need to meet the ex!
• United States
24 Feb 11
If I were the guy I would need some form of closure but not take the ex-girlfriend back because whose to say that she will not break up with him again. Karma is karma if he dumps his present girlfriend for his ex then whose to say that the ex won't do the same to him. But I understand the whole closure thing because everybody needs some type of closure. I don't consider it cheating if it's a formal casual social meeting but if it's a fancy restaurant at night then I would consider it some form of cheating. But, I was the girlfriend I would quite peculiar that he's meeting his ex and not tell me. If it's just a meet to get some closure then I'll understand.
• South Korea
24 Feb 11
hhmmm past is past and maybe let it stay there... for me but not everybody is the same... but when we love we should expect everything... I dont really care how it will turn out I just hope he'll be happy whatever way he will choose..
• China
24 Feb 11
If I were the guy,i will not meet the ex-gf.She is a memory to me.I will be with my present girl.