She needs closure?

@bingskee (5237)
Philippines
February 24, 2011 5:01pm CST
I heard somebody on the radio seeking advice on what to do with her current situation. She said that she has a boyfriend but lately he does not talk to her. She found out from the bf's friends that he had already brought home another girl in his house. The radio jockeys sounded irked because they see that there is no use for her to be talking to the boyfriend anymore. The girl insisted that she just wanted to have a closure. The jockeys replied with all sarcasm what proof does she need to tell her that the boy does not love her anymore. If it is true that the boyfriend had brought home a girl, he has to make some explanations to the girl. I believe that there has to be closure (though it might hurt the girl more) because there was not anything told to her. The boy has the responsibility to explained what happened. He should have at least the decency to tell the girl because they had a relationship that was still there. What is your take on this?
6 people like this
16 responses
@Jlyn10 (10900)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 11
When it comes to a situation where a guy can do such a thing to his girlfriend, I don't see any reason to want to have anything to do with that guy anymore. Obviously, there is no love there. So just move on. Besides, there are still many guys out there. No need for explanations because actions do speak louder than words.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
hello, Jlyn. that is if the rumor's true.
• United States
25 Feb 11
I think closure is very important. He has obviously "moved on" without her, but for her to heal properly and not take toxic emotions into another relationship she really needs to talk to him. I don't think it's a question of working it out, but of finishing properly!
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
i think so, too, macdingolinger. your thoughts are my thoughts - it is not a question of working it out but of finishing properly.
• United States
25 Feb 11
Personally I would respect a man more if he breaks up with me directly then cheat and or betray. So for a guy not to say something would lead to huh? Why and although the why is not so important any longer it certainly will allow the closure. I think it is coward for the guy not to say something and if the shoe were reversed the woman, as humans do we not at least deserve to be respected? I mean we get upset with enemies and give them a piece of our minds, so why can't a relationship no matter how harsh say it's done.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
i have to agree that knowing the why is not so important. but to leave her gf hanging is not right. there has to be a period at the end. truly he is a coward if he will just leave the girl like that.
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
24 Feb 11
That's true. I feel like she was left hanging and she didn't hear the words from his mouth. Unless, his prior attitude was already obvious that his feelings for her has been gone and she can feel that already, maybe she needs to really see it to believe it. But that is up to her too.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
in between the conversation, i felt there's a hint that the bf is getting cold about the relationship. why would he not call her as often? that is one. hello, Lore, how are you?
• United States
24 Feb 11
He needs to give her closure. The radio jockey is just a jerk. I mean you don't give someone that is hurting sarcasm. She needs closure and anyone thats ever been in a meaningful relationship knows that.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
sometimes, MHerman, people can just be so mean. i am not sure if that was one of their styles but it did not help. a closure is important, i believe. no matter how hurting it would be. thank you, dear, for sharing your thoughts.
• United States
24 Feb 11
I agree with you here. The other side would be I would just go on with my life. I would not want or need to hear him say he does not love me. Actions speak loder than words.
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
very true, giftsandbagscom. action speaks louder than words. but.. yes, with a but, if the rumor is true. we should not blame the girl to just walk away or decide to still talk to the bf. there are many things in a situation, especially in a relationship, that only the two affected individuals know.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
24 Feb 11
I really do believe in a relationship honesty and loyalty is very important, trust is a must and I know from experience once that trust has been broken you can never get it back no matter how hard you try there is alwaus thoughts in your head, it stays for forever....so I think better to move on and find someone you will not have doubts with.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
i have to respect that, lilaclady. some of us will just really choose to move on. it is not actually an easy experience. for me, it is still hearsay until i hear it from him. thank you.
26 Feb 11
To seek a closure is to readily confront an issue without cringing and hoping that at the back of your mind, expectations would be what you wish for; for it will not.You must,as the person wounded,rise above the occasion and with dignity ask your boyfriend in the gentlest of manner, "is it over for the both of us?" His answer (if he will answer), mannerisms,evasions, lies and prevarications will give you the definite answer. And, at the end of the day, you can honestly say to yourself, I've tried. And in trying, you will wake up for the days ahead pained and crying but freed of misgivings and falsity and a resoluteness to go ahead.When the resoluteness comes, the healing starts, you are straight to a closure. And never will you realize that one day, a person who will really love you for what you are will come along without you even knowing it.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
i am impressed. those are lovely words to describe what a true closure is. it is actually a process. whatever the outcome is of meeting face to face with the bf will serve as the start of it all. thank you for sharing your thoughts. appreciate it very much.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
25 Feb 11
Hi. bingskee. Her boyfriend should have been more honest with her. But since he has not, she needs to be smart and just move on. What more closure does she need? He cheated on her, end of the story. He was never a man to begin with in the first place. If all that he did was lie to her, he never was her man to begin with. He was always someone elses man.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
hello to you, cream97. i respect your point of view. if the rumor is true, then probably, he was always someone else's man. unfortunately, some of us girls can't live without knowing why and what happened. i guess some other would want to do it just so the man will know how grave the hurt was to her, and learn from it all.
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
there is no perfect relationships. both have to work on it. it takes two to tango. if he can't be honest then what else he can do to you?? if he cant be trusted with small things he cannot be trusted with larger ones.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
for me there is no such perfect relationship.
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
25 Feb 11
Ya she does owe an explanation from the boyfriend.They had been in a relationship and they are responsible and accountable to each other. Even if the boyfriend is no more interested in her,he needs to explain the reasons.He just cannot leave her like a piece of furniture which is no longer in use.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
that would be more hurting if the girl will think of herself as just a piece of furniture..
@thereza (316)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
Everybody needs closure for every break ups. Nobody can move on if they didn't had a closure in any relationship.Closure is very important it shows your personality and how you handle a relationships.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
not everybody thinks that way, thereza. it's hard to define personality with it.
@sais06 (1288)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
If she asks for a closure to move on then why not give it to her. It will just prolong her hurts for the broken relationship if they do not have a closure. Closure for me is needed so that issues or things that kept on bothering her will be answered and that will enable her to move on. Yes it hurts but it is needed or else she will just take that hurt all throughout her life.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
i strongly believe that we have always an obligation to put things in the right way, sais06. thank you for dropping by.
• United States
25 Feb 11
First of all we only have her side of the story, and that leaves us all unable to completely say one way or another what should be done. That said, I have to wonder if the man did give her closure and her attempt on the radio was simply a way to get back at him for having moved on when she obviously has not moved on. We all just assume that he cheated (not that I believe in the term), or was wrong, yet we have no idea of this is the type of gal who is unable to say goodbye to any of her relationships and move on in her life. If he has indeed moved on he does not owe anyone an explanation for why he is moving on with his life, and most certainly not to his ex girlfriend. That is very unfair to expect that we have to continue relationships with people we do not have a relationship. I most certainly do not tell my ex boyfriends what I am up to. It's none of their concern. Namaste-Anora
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
in this case, anora, it was not clear if she's already an ex. according to her story on the radio, she's still in a relationship with the boy. as to whether she's telling the truth, it was hard to tell. that was what the jockeys could have elicited from her instead of sarcasm.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
For me it is important to it so be not scared to it.
@thereza (316)
• Philippines
25 Feb 11
Everybody needs closure for every break ups. Nobody can move on if they didn't had a closure in any relationship.Closure is very important it shows your personality and how you handle a relationships.