Your marriage,who decides?

China
February 25, 2011 7:37pm CST
Hi,my friends! Good morning! People couldn't decide their marriage in ancient times of China,they even were prenatal betrothal.I'm proud that I was born in the new century.lol.I can decide my marriage,which one I choose and who I will get married with. Is that true that everyone can decide their own marriage?My answer is NO! I had a friend,she just broke up with her boyfriend.The mainly reason was that the guy's mother let him get married with another girl.The guy followed what his mother said at last.Did the guy make the right decision? Some people just get married with money.They are too poor to get married with someone they really love and they have no choice but to get married with someone rich.I don't meet someone just like this,but I can learn of it from the modern society. Someone would say:this is life,we have no choice.Really? How do u feel about it? And who can really decide their marriage? Thanks your reading! Have a good time!
18 responses
• India
26 Feb 11
Hi. I am from India. Its really sad that my condition is real bad . My father told me straightly on the day when i joined my college that i cannot bring any girl saying i am in love with her, and i should marry the girl which my father chooses under my community, ofcourse only if i like that girl. Although , I do not fully agree to this, As falling in love is not in our hands . Right? To keep up with my dad then i should not see anyother girl. But thats impossible . Its natural that men are attracted towards women and women are attracted towards men. No one can change the nature. But so far i have not fallen in love with anyone, only a few months to finish my college.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! I just get confused with your describing about your story.Let me describe now,and check them,ok? U said ur father let you bring a girl to home before u graduated from college?If not,he will introduce a nice girl to u?Am I say right?
• India
27 Feb 11
No. I am not suppose to fall in love with any girl of my choice. After graduating from college he will find a nice girl for me from our community. This is what he said before my first day of college...
@staria (2782)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
It is common that the parents dictate their children when it comes to marriage. But you have your own free will and the right the choose who you wanted to marry. You will be the one to live w/ that person not them. IMO, the decision should be yours and no one else.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! I walk with my mind.Sometimes I would listen to a little of advice from my parent.But marriage is a big thing for me,so I would make decision by myself!
@staria (2782)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
Yes, follow your heart and mind dear Marriage is a long term decision to make, so better make the right decision in the 1st place. Cheers!
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 11
Hi, Nice topic to be discussed here in MyLot. I do read a news about a girl who has to follow her parent's instruction on who she will marry to and it is kinda of arrangement by both parties parents ,be it, their children do not love each other,they don't really care about their feeling. For me, I am lucky that my parents are not conservative type and I am given an option to choose my life partner. Of course, some people may make the wrong mistakes in life. They may be choosing the wrong life partner and get divorce at last.That is their fate..it means they do not have fate to be husband and wife forever. There is also an occasion whereby a girl has to give up her love to someone that she does not love at all for the sake of money. It really happens in this society. Feel sad to know about this bad incident happened to your friend,she must be broken heart and sad with that decision,but she has to be strong and accept the fact. It means that man is not the right person for her and lucky,she found out his true color before having marriage with him.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! I'm the same lucky as u,I can make my own choice by myself,lol~~~ I think my friend would be lucky,coz she knew the truth that the guy didn't love her enough in time.Hope she can find her true love soon. Have a good time!
• United States
26 Feb 11
I like the idea of being able to marry anyone you choose. I'm religious and I think marriage should be between a man and a woman, but not everyone feels the same way. People should be able to choose because just because I like women does not mean another male that seems similar to me feels the same way. It might just be my opinion, but a marriage is a partnership. If both people in a marriage have strong feelings toward each other, they should be together--no matter who else agrees/disagrees.
@larrychen (165)
26 Feb 11
It's lucky to be able to decide our marriage by ourselves in the modern society. But, still it's not so easy a thing to do this. We can love the one we really fall into, but it's another thing to marry him or her. About marriage, different people may have various opinions. Some people want to live an easy life, so they will try to find a rich one to marry. We can say that they marry for money, or maybe not. The parents have their own thoughts about their children's marriage, too. After all, marriage is considered a big thing for the rest of one's life. The parents of course will pay much attention to the kids' marriage, even some of them will do the choice for the kids. Some parents may think that the sons or daughters are too young to make such an important decision about who to marry. As children, we should try to respect our parents in some way. But, it's yourself who should know the one you are going to marry the best. Trying to make the decision following your own heart or mind is important. I wish to marry the one I love. But there are some difficulties. A marriage is not only about two persons but also about two families. Hard to say. But still, I wish we could be lucky enough.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! I think the most important step is that get married with someone u like.And have a good life with your husband and his family. I think marriage is my own things,I can make the right decisions by myself when I get older enough. I wish we could choose the right person in the future. Good luck!!! Have a good time!
@beamer88 (4267)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
Arranged marriages were also practiced in our country a long time ago. I think there are still some who practice it even today, and usually it's really about money. Others argue that it preserves the gene pool. I mean, some people want to maintain say their Spanish blood and so they have to marry someone of the same race or something. In any case, I feel that these fixed marriages erodes the real essence of why people get married. And that is they love each other. Without this, the marriage is likely to fail.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend. Why do we get married?I love your question!We need a life full of love and we need a happpier life,we want to be together with someone we like.If a person gets married with his parent's decision or money.U think he can get all of them? As u said,it's fair...
• United States
26 Feb 11
you know in my opinion it doesnt matter what your religion is, what your culture is, it doesnt matter if your rich or poor... non of that matters at all!!... dont listen to anyone but yourself and your heart.. the only person in this whole that can decide anything like that is you and no body else.. dont let anyone tell you different
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! I think others' advice are just a minute.But someone u will live together is your whole life.So we must make our decisions by ourselves. Have a good time!
@Jlyn10 (10916)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 11
I think you should marry the person that you love, not your parents' choice. I mean, how can you consider living with someone that you don't even know? You should fall in love first and then get to know that person very well to see if both of you are compatible before you decide marry that person. Cheers! Have a nice day!
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! Of couse,I would get married with someone I really love.I will just listen to my parent's idea or advice,not decision.I have my own decision. I choose I love! Have a good time!
• China
26 Feb 11
we should have confidence for our life and our future.this is a fact that so many people choose to get married with money,there is their life,only their choices.different people will have diference choices.life,essentially,is lot's of choices.if he/she choose to get married with money not his/her lover,this can show he/she is so lazy.they don't fight for life.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! Many people choose their life for money,it's not just they are lazy enough.I think they would be poor enough and work hard enough before,they won't want to live poorer in their rest life.This is life I think! But I would want to fight coz I want to get married with someone I love! And u? Good luck
@tkonlinevn (5784)
• Vietnam
26 Feb 11
I'm lucky that I can decide my marriage by myself. This is my life. Who can decide for me?
• China
26 Feb 11
I think your lover can decide for u,lol~~~
@se7enthbird (8327)
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
i am not from china and in our country some parent think that they can say and choose who is good for their child. my parents are like that. they want me to marry someone they choose. but i dont like that way. i want to marry a person that i know and that i love. i am married already for 8 years but i know some of my relative still likes the one my parents like me to marry. i dont care i am happy and i made the right choice.
• China
26 Feb 11
Hi,my friend! Some parents would think that their decisions are right,and their kids can get happy life under their arranging.But I hope they can understand that kids have their own decisions.They could choose they really like and then get a happier life! I listen to my own decision.I walk with my thought.I choose I like!^_^
@inertia4 (27784)
• United States
1 Mar 11
Just remember, the heart wants what the heart wants. Arranged marriages are cruel and they do not make any sense. I am a firm believer that when two people fall in love and they want to get married, no one should have the right to decide for you. Lets face it, not everything is forever. It is virtually impossible to say that the one choose to be with will last forever. Life is a gamble. I have been married for 17 years and had 2 beautiful children but the marriage broke up. So basically, listen to your heart.
@rameshchow (5284)
• India
27 Feb 11
My parents will decide my marriage. They only decide to whom i will marry. Because they have all rights on me. Not only that "in my locality the parents only can do the marriage of their children, and they only caring fully up to the ending of all marriage works". Thanks for sharing. Have a nice day.
@amirev777 (2855)
• India
26 Feb 11
Hi Earlier even in India it was like that - parents deciding to whom the boy or girl will get married without taking the consent of the boy or the girl. Now it is not so and boys and girls can take their own decision. But in villages still the old system is prevalent.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
26 Feb 11
Here, most people decide for themselves but I did have a few friends in school whose parents were going to arrange a marriage for them. I think it worked out okay for them. if it is an idea that you are used to, then it might be easier. I wouldn't be able to handle it because I was raised to make independent choices, but that's not always the best way, it's just the way my family works.
• India
26 Feb 11
well, i think that its your life and you have the rights to choose someone for yourself. parents think that they are doing the right thing by selecting a partner for their child but they never no if the person is right or not. in my case, my parents will be happy if i choose someone whom i love. they won't impose anything on me. i think that one should at least consider their parent's choice but the last decision should be purely yours.
• Philippines
26 Feb 11
For me, anyone can decide with regards to marriage but it depends on the person who is about to marry if she will agree to somebody's decision or not. It is his own personal choice of who will marry. On my case, it was first my family who decided the guy for me to marry but i disagree. They respect it since i told them in a nicer way why i don't want the guy they wanted for. They just then advised me to at least try to get to know more of the guy before deciding to marry someone i'm not yet sure if he's deserving or not. Then it was my choice to obey them because i know its for my future too. And luckily, its not a failure because the guy i married decided by my parents is very loving one and a role model. I now realized that if i follow my heart maybe i'm broke,penniless and suffering and thank's to my family who decide for my marriage because i live a life of comforts and since the guy i married is a good one he is not hard to love too. My feelings had been developed and now we're happily married and will be celebrating our 8th anniversary..
@aeiou78 (3457)
• Malaysia
26 Feb 11
The trend is totally different nowadays especially the equal educational chances are granted to the man and the woman. No one can force someone to marry to certain people. As parents to our children, the most we can do is just by advising our children about their marriage. We shall accept whatever final decision they made. We love our children, we should respect to them too.
@thanks1961 (7046)
• India
26 Feb 11
Hi dear, I think we can decided our marriage. It is not just a childish comment. The young generation is so good in thinking and matured enough take decisions as well. I believe that if a matured (age after 23-25 or above), has the will power to identify what is good and wrong. Especially in the modern world, each man and women has their own imagination, view, expectations in their life and on the way of life, and in search, they will find a suitable person and they will fix it. It is my conviction that many people whom I know have decided their partner by their own and have a good family as well. It doesn't mean that they are against their family or parents. Once they love or like each other, the subject will bring to the notice of their family and they will go forward for the same and will get married. Also, the new generation are so wise enough to find the best combination. Especially in the case of girls, they observe the persons family background, his personality, education, job, income, social status, position, etc. If we take decisions in a matured stage, all these aspects would be considered and will go for it. If people in their teens like 16-18 ages, they will get into love affairs and which may lead to unsatisfactory results in the end. Because, after a particular stage, they may not able to leave each other and once they are in an affair, they could not concentrate on studies, and half the way drop education, parental objections, self decisions etc. may take the issue more complex. But if we take decisions in the later stage when we got matured and if our selection is based on such good features, I think even our parents also will support with them. So, as per my opinion, we can take decisions. But it should be based on several factors. We should understand what we are, and looking for a girl or a boy, it can be of from same community, same level of life, and such many other things. If we consider these values, even our parents also will cooperate and our life can be based on our wish and we can make it easily successful with our hard work and effort. Regards, Thank-s