Problems with parents in law

@leasmom (102)
Austria
March 4, 2011 12:13pm CST
Could you please share your opinins and advice with me about a problem a friend of mine has? She has a daughter and when she was pregnant, her parents in law neither came to the baby-showeer nor bought her anything nor visited in hospital after birth. The baby is now almost half a year old and has not seen her grandparents once. And they even live near. What would you do. I am upset and angry on her behalf because the situation hurts her. She tries her best but maybe jst breakig up contact would be better? What do you think?
1 person likes this
15 responses
• United States
4 Mar 11
Oh sorry to hear this and what a shame the grandparents are missing out on the baby's life. I wonder why the grandparents feel that do not want to have her in their lives. There is no forcing them, but has she tried asking as to why the distance. I guess it is hard to suggest because your discussion does not say why the grandparents are this way. If it is simply because they do not like the daughter in law then they are the ones with the issue because it is not the baby's fault. The only thing I can suggest if she is not sure what the problem with them is to call and ask why they have not been to visit the baby. If the problem is a deep personal one then unfortunately allow time and hope the grandparents reconsider. She can send the birthday and Christmas invites and whether they respond or not at least she did her best and tried. It would be best to focus on the baby and allow the grandparents time to figure this out on their own. Sad as they are missing out. I can't imagine me someday doing so, but everyone has their ways.
@leasmom (102)
• Austria
4 Mar 11
You are totally right: They are the ones missing out. Still it hurts her and it is unfair for the baby.
@zralte (4186)
• India
5 Mar 11
You are so right about them being the ones missing out. They have no idea how much.
• United States
5 Mar 11
The saddest part will be that life goes by and the children grow up in a blink of an eye.
• Ireland
4 Mar 11
I feel for you and this sticky situation. they say time is a great healer.so maybe in time they will come around to there grandaughter. in my opinion your friend has enough to be doing with a new baby rather than letting these people stress her out..at the end of the day you can not force people to take an interest but live in hope that they will have a change of heart.
@leasmom (102)
• Austria
4 Mar 11
Thanks for your response! I hope that they will come to their senses too. Even if, they are missing out on so much and all the while hurt my friend. Also what will the baby think when it grows older and becomes aware of the situation?
• Ireland
4 Mar 11
the child will never have any relation with these people so it will have no depth of feelings towards them in the first place
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
4 Mar 11
That's terrible. I would have my friend ask her husband to ask her parents why they've never visited their grandchild. Does her husband and his parents have a good relationship? It's up to the spouse not your friend to talk to his parents and get to the bottom of it. Have her talk to her husband and find out what he thinks the problem is.
@leasmom (102)
• Austria
4 Mar 11
Her parents in law act rather normal on the phone, talking to him as well and her and he seems to think that they just are that way and doesn't bring up the topic too much.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
4 Mar 11
What about them bring the baby to the grandparents?
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
I don't know what's with your friend's in-laws. Maybe they don't like your friend to be part of the family but why is it that they have to include in their disapproval their grandchild. I still hope that this won't last long they will learn to love their daughter in law, though I know it will take time. Just hope for the best!
@krajibg (11940)
• Guwahati, India
5 Mar 11
Hi teasmom, There must be something preceded this situation. Usually the grand parents are too fond of the baby and now here you have their absence. The similar kind of condition facing by my sister in law (his parents). Th baby is almost six years but never ever they have gone to see their grand child. This is why I suggest people not to marry the girl next door. Had they been say 12 hours journey away from the daughter they would surely come. Was the marriage formal you went against your parents' choice? Something must be there. Hope your friend get this problem overcome soon.
@med889 (5958)
5 Mar 11
I wonder why people are like this. It happened to my friend too who is working with us in the same office, finally being fed up with all these she preferred to break contact with her in laws. And her husband is very much aware of the problem, he goes to meet the parents and they never come to see the baby or the daughter in law. It hurts I know. Her baby is three years old and she understands as well the word grandfather and grandmother, she goes only to her maternal grandparents but when she will be a bit wiser and asking about the parents of her father then I will see what the others do.
@nj_1022 (251)
5 Mar 11
Maybe your friend should dot the first move by going to their place to visit. If after that, they still do not want them, then maybe she have the proof that they dont want them. She should talk to her husband
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
5 Mar 11
Hi leasmom, that's really horrible, how could someone be so mean , and even they have family disputes they should show in some other way but not like this, but i don't support break up , how ever she has to explain them how odd their behavior is when she get such a situation.
@noorhizat (209)
• Malaysia
5 Mar 11
my opinion on the inlaws is 1. try your level best be a good inlaw (you are coming into a family) 3. try not to be confrontational. 4. if things like this still happen. just ignore it an live your life. if your spouse does not have an issue with the situation, just live your live as nothing has happen
@SIMPLYD (78669)
• Philippines
5 Mar 11
I think your friend's daughter should bring the baby to their house. There, she can have a talk with them as to why they weren't able to attend on those occasions. She should try to win their hearts through the baby. I guess, they just want you to give them special attention, so give it to them whenever you can. But if despite doing that , they don't still budge, then you can just ignore them. It's their loss , because they will not see your baby.
• China
5 Mar 11
First,I'm sorry to see that. Second, I want to say,how could the parents be like this.No matter what happens,the new baby is innocent,he has no sin.I suggest your friend must make it clear with her parents face to face,ask them why?If they refuse to answer,I strongly recommend that your friend should use low to protect herself and her baby!
• China
5 Mar 11
First,I'm sorry to see that.Second,how can grandparents laike this.No matter what happened,the new baby is innocent,he has no sin.I suggest your friend make it clear with hie parents face to face,and ask why?If they refuse to answer,I strongly recommend that she must use the low to protect herself and her baby!
• United States
4 Mar 11
Dear friend my opinion to this is Is her husband living with her ? Is her marriage arranged or love ? If hers is a love marriage then the issue is her in-laws are not able to accept her and they think she has taken away their son. She can take a step by going and meeting them once see there response how they feel after seeing their grand daughter if that connects then its well and good otherwise don't think too much and breakup thats it.
• United States
4 Mar 11
I'm guessing that the relationship between the baby's mom and the inlaws is not so good. Where is the baby's father? Does he have a relationship with his parents? Perhaps they are waiting for your friend to make the first move. There may be something going on between them and their son that is keeping them away. I would pick up the phone and give them a call.
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
4 Mar 11
Hi, I feel sad while reading your post here.How can your friend's in-law never come to visit her and their grandchild. Is there any problem occured between them? Or else, I don't see the point why they never step into her house. Of course, don't mention about buying her things for her baby,some old folks can be quite stingy.but at least visiting her and her baby after delivery is a must. I do guess that their relationship may not be in good term. As a daughter in law, your friend can always bring her baby back to her in-law 's house for a visit,be it they never come to visit her.