Should I tell to my boyfriend about my lovers?

Vietnam
March 5, 2011 1:03am CST
Hi my friends, Today morning, my boyfriend asked me about my first lover. He wanted to know who was my first boyfriend and what happened between us. I told him about my first boyfriend at high school. That is a simple story. But I had an other lover anymore. And he wanted to know that person. In fact, I loved the second person much. And there was a true love between us. Moreover, If telling to my boyfriend is not problem. However, I don't want to do this. As you, should I tell to my boyfriend about my lovers?
5 people like this
29 responses
• Malaysia
5 Mar 11
hahaha! your current boyfriend is very smart! He wanted to collects your past private life profile to be his special "future-secret-weapon" seemly timing bomb once he found your point of weaknesses in your relationship with him, he'll "explode" it at time. Telling your past history meaning that you're willing and ready to "kill" yourself! Man is man, and man always constant! Especially, when birds of a feather flock together and they do talking about their girlfriends' weaknesses.
2 people like this
@badwes (408)
• United States
5 Mar 11
No ! No!! We are not like that
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
5 Mar 11
No! No! for now, but; Yes! Yes! for tomorrow.....hahaha! have your nice day!
• Israel
22 Mar 11
YUP They will collect and store the information to use.
• United States
5 Mar 11
If my boyfriend would ask I do not see a problem telling him to a certain extent though. I could tell him what the relationship was like but no graphic and heavy detail. I would close the discussion by basically saying that it was my past and so as long as it does not interrupt our today, tomorrow or future I would not understand why he needed to know. Same with me I would not be asking for him for too much detail about his past. Both of us were married to someone else before, and we have discussed what it was like while we were married to the others but in terms of too much detail, I guess we find it irrelevant to what he and I have.
@badwes (408)
• United States
5 Mar 11
copmlement ur man more and better not to tell him in details i agree with that
• United States
5 Mar 11
Absolutely no point in trying to bring up the past unless it is necessary.
@chiyosan (29394)
• Philippines
5 Mar 11
I guess your boyfriend is just interrsted to know about what has happened to. You and your previous boyfriends but telling him about them is up toyou of course. The question really is are you comfortable talking about your past relationships with your current lover?
1 person likes this
• India
5 Mar 11
Well i think it takes just a spark to add fuel to fire. And this is one such situation. I think you must tell him because he asked you about it. Leave out all the juicy parts and make sure you describe him normally and don't go overboard with this. That's what i would suggest you! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (63935)
• Philippines
5 Mar 11
If there's nothing bad to hide , why not tell your boyfriend about them. Your boyfriend might feel cheated if you don't tell him about the others then he will know about them from others. Maybe he just would like to know why you parted ways with them, so he can work out to be the best among them and keep you for himself forever.
1 person likes this
@luxlyangels (1286)
5 Mar 11
well i think you should so that there should be lil or no secrets between the two of you. Also to avoid future problems because you never can tell who you would bump into and that happens all the time, so just tel him anything he asks about your previous love life and you should do the same too. Happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@zralte (4186)
• India
5 Mar 11
Share as much as you like or as little. You have to decide yourself how much your boyfriend will understand and how much information does he really needed to know. I'm not talking about having a secret child or something big. If you feel comfortable sharing every little details with him, by all means, do so. My husband never ask me anything about my past, and I've never ask about his past either. We tell each other what we are comfortable with, and we are happy with that. I know pretty much everything about his past anyway, from our talks over the years, and vice versa.
1 person likes this
@sexyice (874)
• Latvia
5 Mar 11
Hello tkonlinevn ;) Usually long and wide do not tell your boyfriend about ex. Now he took it quietly and normally. But further, he will remember and consider your every word and intonation. Perhaps he will feel like the best of your ex, but more often it leads to a complex... After a while, you certainly know what complex, then you just have to say that he is the best around. A while ago I experienced a very similar situation... ;)
1 person likes this
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
5 Mar 11
If you don't want to tell him, then absolutely do not. He really should have no interest in what happened with you and others before you started going with him. If he is a gentleman and is worth having you as his girlfriend, then he won't want to know. It's actually none of his business as it will not affect how you feel about him now. If he doesn't accept this decision, then he's not worth the trouble in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@TheCatLady (4697)
• Israel
22 Mar 11
It's best to keep your mouth shut and not tell him anything. Whatever you do don't tell him anything graphic. Just say no one compares to him. He's better than everyone else combined. Stroke his ego a bit.
@dismalgrin (2470)
• United States
22 Mar 11
My boyfriend and I have an agreement. We are allowed to talk about the former lovers we had children with and not the others. Even then it is preferable not to mention intimate details. I am very sensitive myself and so I instigated the rule and he must abide by this rule and as a result I abide by the same rule. In general we mention things that we hated that a past lover might have done. But, nothing reminiscent is allowed. I would suggest that if your boyfriend wants to know about this other boyfriend you once had. Tell him that there was a guy and that you cared about him, but it didn't work out. You don't need to go into details about it, and if he presses about it I would worry a bit. It just doesn't seem healthy to want to know more than that. He probably just wants to know how he measures up, so think of something you did not like about that guy and tell him how nice it is that he is so much different than that.
@gaiza12 (4890)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
I would tell my bf if ever I had lovers before him. That means i don't have to hide anything from him no matter how I was in love with that guy. I only want to show him that I have already moved on and that the past doesn't matter to me any more. What matters now is my preset which is him and our future, hopefully. but if you don't want your bf to know about your past lovers, it's your choice. You only have to tell him why you don't want to share it with him and be very convincing so he won't think of any negative or bad thing.
@jazel_juan (15768)
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
if he trusts you and wants to know you more then i i do not see any reasons that will make it wrong..telling him about your history also means that he is willing to accept you whatever happened in the past plus it shows that you have moved on.
@cmang83 (286)
• Malaysia
6 Mar 11
As girlfriend, i think you need to ask yourself, do you love your boyfriend? If you love your boy friend, why don't you tell him about your ex boyfriend. If i were you, i don't mind to tell him my past because ex boyfriend is past story and i have to appreciate what i have now.
@steffi30 (93)
• United States
6 Mar 11
If you don't want to tell him about your past lovers then I wouldn't. Nothing good will come out of it. He will probably just get mad about what he thinks has happen before you two met and it will put a strain on your relationship so no I wouldn't tell him.
@cerebellum (3872)
• United States
6 Mar 11
That is a hard question to answer. I think one of the most important parts of a relationship is trust and honesty. However, if you tell him about your past loves, he may get jealous or obsess about it. If he is insecure it could be a mistake. I guess the best thing to do if he asks, is tell him, Downplay your past relationships and don't give him any details. All the while letting him know that the present and your relationship with him is more important to you.
• Philippines
6 Mar 11
I don't see any reason why not.. Though people tend to say that you should never talk about your exes but, I say it will make you know the other person more right? If you have some problems talking about it though, maybe you should tell your boyfriend that maybe you would tell the long story some other time... but not right now.. though I'm kinda sure that your boyfriend would think why you don't want to talk about it. ..
@dodo19 (19826)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
6 Mar 11
I think that there isn't a problem telling him about somethings, which have to do with your ex. However, if you really don't feel comfortable telling him, when he asks, then you should simply tell him that you don't feel comfortable talking about this subject matter. It's as simple as that.
@sswallace21 (1824)
• United States
5 Mar 11
I suppose if you want all lines of communication to be open you should tell him. I think this is you best option. I find it interest that he even asked. How long have you been together? Is this leading to a final relationship? I guess these are some questions you could ask yourself before you completely spilled the beans.
@med889 (5958)
5 Mar 11
If you do not want to tell him then better not as you know him much better than us and you also know his reaction to matter as such, and after all it is not always suggested to tell everything to your partner as this might aggrieve matters to such an extend which might to difficult to sort out. Sometimes men do not understand the whole thing and they become very jealous so better think wisely before saying something which is not as important to you now as it was in the past.