Too Much to Bear

@p1kef1sh (45642)
March 6, 2011 3:09pm CST
I have been supporting a man where I work whose wife has become an alcoholic. She freely admits that she has a drink problem but says that she's a failure and drinking is what failures do. However, she only admits it to him, everybody else sees a friendly, vibrant and positive woman who is a great support to others. She doesn't see this in herself however. My friend is at his wits end about it. She has said that she will leave him if that's what he wants - which it isn't. He comes into my office frequently and pours this stuff out to me. I don't mind that, but I just wish that she could be persuaded to see that she is not useless and to get help for her "problem". How can I help more than I am. Perhaps just offering a shoulder is enough. But I'd like to give him some coping strategies. He's been to his Dr who has said that they should seek counselling. But she won't go to that apparently. I think that she is wallowing in her own self-pity, but I do understand that she needs to be persuaded to start to see herself in a more positive light. Any thoughts about how I might be a better friend to them both - she doesn't know that I know. Just to make it a little more complicated!
6 people like this
7 responses
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Even if the wife doesn't want to go to counseling, your friend should. Here in the US, there's a group called Al-Anon, which is for the family of some one with a substance abuse problem. Maybe there's something similar there? These groups will help your friend cope, as well as give him ideas for helping/reaching his wife. Good luck!
@p1kef1sh (45642)
7 Mar 11
They are here too. I will mention them to him.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
7 Mar 11
If nothing else, it might give him an additional support network. That group has helped lots of my friends and family who have been in similar situations.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
7 Mar 11
Hi pIke, addiction of any thing is dangerous. It is difficult to return back an addicted person in normal life. She may be a frustrated lady for any reason.I think she is a psychotic patient. She may be treated on that line. Her husband can consult with a psychiatrist.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
7 Mar 11
Her husband needs to see the dr again I thik. But if she won't budge what can he do?
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
8 Mar 11
Then nothing to do. She is digging her own grave. The consequence we can imagine.
• India
7 Mar 11
You are doing a great job dear... I would give you advice to convince her to visit any doctor for councelling thing as we should not think ourself in some mental trauma always as some time we need some body to tell abourself and advice also work as medicin and this is their job to do.. So you should try your best to convince her for any doctor and rest things that doctor will do ... Thanks & Regards...
@p1kef1sh (45642)
7 Mar 11
Thank you. I am trying.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
Heavy stuff.. well maybe right now a shoulder to lean on is the best help you could give..but maybe why not poke that woman in the head? kidding. She should go to some AA to see her real problem..but unless she wont admit her own problem, no one else could do about it but only herself could help...
@p1kef1sh (45642)
7 Mar 11
It's getting her to think positively enough to help herself that is the problem. Once she has recognised that she is not a failure then she might seek assistance.
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
7 Mar 11
Hi p1kef1sh, by the way i think that she needs to be shown to a doc, as she admits that she's a drunker so on that corner her husband can tell her that and consult to a doc, and more you don't get involved in this as you said she doesn't know anything about that her husband is telling, that's it i can only say these.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
7 Mar 11
Thank you. I hope that she does see a dr.
@BarBaraPrz (19420)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
6 Mar 11
I have no advice for you. Just wanted to wish you well in this endeavor.
@p1kef1sh (45642)
6 Mar 11
Thank you. It's a bummer but I'll do my best for him.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12072)
• India
25 Apr 11
My response is a little late. I hope your friend has found a way to persuade his wife to get help. If not...it's maybe time that he exercised his authority as husband...and 'demands' that she gets help. Sometimes people can't push themselves to do things that they know is the right choice and needs someone to 'push' them to do it....and they will be grateful for the 'push' later even if they don't like it at the time.