What wud you do if ur disciplining your child and one of your in laws interfere?

@biach17 (196)
Philippines
March 6, 2011 6:40pm CST
My husband scolded my son because of being so naughty and always crying. We were in our room. my son was crying and we were talking to him. i was explaining to him why his daddy was mad. Suddenly his uncle, my brother in law, entered in our room and picked up my son onto his bed. Saying that he would do the explaining. I was in shocked and felt my blood was rising. What the hell was that? he is my son, he entered in our room. though he is the uncle. He has no right to do that. whatever we do to our child is none of his business. i looked at my husband and i made it sure that he saw my anger. First of all. my brother in law is not a parent, so he doesnt know what it feels like to be one, second he is not good sample so why need to discipline my child if he, himself, does not know what is good and bad. im still mad. Am i being over reacting??
1 person likes this
9 responses
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
Well, if i am in your shoes, maybe i would be in the same anger as you have felt. As i was reading your post i also feel angry right that moment as if i were you. We also live in my husbands parents and i wont let that happen, they have no right to your child, specially in disciplining him. And how did your husband react to it? i'm sure he knows that his brother has no right to interfere in dealing with your family life, your husband should tell his brother his limitations and also the brothers action shows that he is not respecting you nor his brother, and that is not a very good example for the child, if that persist your son will grow up not respecting you as well, he will turn to his uncle as his parent. I guess the best thing to do with that is you should separate from your in laws on both side, you should live as a family so that no one would interfere with what you wanted to do with your family.
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
i know my husband already discussed this matter to his brother. Actually we are living in the same roof. (my brother in law and my family) The house is owned by their parents but their parents built a new house. we expected that my brother in law will be living with his parents but unfortunately he is still with us. my husband and i cant just push him to go away because it is not our own. it is hard that we do not have any rights.
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
ah, ok then maybe your brother in law will know where his limits are after that. and also though you do not have the right of the house you still have the right of your son.
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
Based on experience, I think your reaction is normal. Situations like this is very common specially here in the Philippines. I really do experienced this kind of situation and most of the time, it will become an argument between me and my husband... We as parents are trying do our best to raise our children in our own ways based on the mistakes we made and the lessons we learned from them,we tend to instill to our children's minds the right way to do and the consequences of doing an action without weighing everything. The BIG PROBLEM is, although not generally but mostly, in-laws will really interfere and most of the time make comments as if they were also able to raise their children well, to some sis and bro-in laws they make remarks or comments as if THEY ARE ALREADY WITHIN THE SAME SITUATIONS AS PARENTS..and you're right,most sis and bro inlaws who often make hurtful or insulting comments are those who never have any experience as parents yet and are also trying to figure out the realities of life..This is so sad but so true.. My way of coping is a "CUP of COFFEE" in our room and look for Quotes that would make my day lighter or a short conversation with GOD.. :)
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
8 Mar 11
yah, so sad but true... i dont want to have any gap to happen between me and my brother in law. all i want is to raise my child to be a good man. to know what is right and wrong. if someone will always interrupt us then we will be always "the devils" . i also pray to GOd to guide us to be a good parents.
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
First, don't let your anger made wrong decision. Don't be prejudgemental. Yes, maybe he doesn't have the experience of having a child of his own, but it won't do good if you look at that aspect of his personality or character. You're right, no one else is in the authority to discipline a child except their own parents. I think, the only and best thing you could do, is to discuss it with your husband. Set a time to talk with your brother in law about that issue. Tell him that you don't take it as wrong gesture to love and be concerned with your child, but never do that infront of you, the kids parents, and specially not in the situation of imposing a disciplinary action to your kid. He will understand you for sure, but make it in a more calm way so no one will be hurt in whatever will be brought in the discussion. Hope you could settle the issue soon. Happy mylotting.
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
8 Mar 11
hope i can settle this soon ....thank you. all i want is for him to understand that what im trying to do is to discipline my son not hurt him without any reason. being a mother is truly not an easy task...
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
7 Mar 11
How bizzare. There are times perhaps someone should interfere in someone displining a child but only if it is abusive or dangerous. This does not at all sound like the case and sounds like Uncle needs to mind his own business. Plus he had no right to enter your bedroom without your permission. I would get the uncle off away after the child is happy and busy playing and confront him on why he did what he did. Let him explain then with your husband supporting him let him know firmly he is not to do that again and if he does you will have to ask him not to come around for awhile.
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
My husband told his brother that if you have your own child and you are trying to discipline him i will not do what you do. i will talk to him after you both settle your problems.but it seemed like he never heard anything. ouch! he always enter in our room. ughhh. i know my husband already told him that but i guess nothing happened. FYI we are living in the same roof. the house owned by their parents so we have no right to make him out. but still our room is not his room.
• United States
7 Mar 11
No I don't think you are over-reacting. Your brother-in-law was way out of line. If your husband did not speak up then you should. Politely let him know that his interference is not welcomed and ask that he respect your right to privacy in your room.
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
I did not talk to him when he did that because i though that my husband should do that step. but my brother in law knew that i was angry when he did that. Actions and facial expressions should be enough to know that what he did was way way out of his obligations. and i was angry then, when i am angry i tend to cry because of being mad especially now that im pregnant with my 2nd child and also i can be impolite. dont want to say any words that could hurt us both. it is so hard.
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
7 Mar 11
Hi, It is a normal reaction of you getting angry when third party interrupt you while you are disciplining your own kid. if I am in your position, I may not happy as well and probably I will talk directly to brother-in-law not to interrupt me in future. Every parents will have their own way to discipline their kid and it is best not to get third parties to interrupt in between. As a parents, we always want the best for our kids and we know how is the best way to discipline them. We may listen to others advices.but it is up to us whether we want to use that method or not.
• India
7 Mar 11
It is sure that giving light to your child it your duty. You have to direct him in the right path. But don't be irritated in this matter.His uncle may thought that he can easily calm crying child. After your he become calm you have to tell him [child] why he was scolded.
@momof3kids (1903)
• Singapore
7 Mar 11
No, I think I know how you feel and here are my two cents. I have in your brother in laws shoes and my sisters have been in your brother in laws shoes. What I am trying to say is that my sisters and I love each others children and we are all guilty of trying to intercept when the parents are displining their children. The thing is when my sister does it I feel okay but when my in laws do it, it makes me very angry. It is just that I dun 'love' my in laws like I love my sisters so you can say I am setting double standards here. Anyway if you are living with your in laws I think you have to sacrifice a lot to make it a happy life.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
I believe you should go talk to your brother in law about it. At home, where we used to live with my parents, when we are at home, my huby and me and my child did something that needs a bit of spanking and disciplining, it is us, me and huby who do that talking and the spanking but if we are not at home...my parents are the ones responsible in doing so but they do not interfere when we are at home because they know we are the ones responsible for them so that the child will also know how to respect us.