Talk about private life at office

Vietnam
March 6, 2011 10:10pm CST
I must work 8 hours per day at office with my colleagues. We usually talk together many matters and stories. But my girl colleagues usually talk about their husband or their boyfriends with many bad things of them. My boss' wife works with us. She even join with my colleagues and talking many bad habits of my boss. I don't like this. I feel uncomfortable because we shouldn't talk much about private life at office. We only should talk about shopping, clothes or works etc... How about you? What do you think about this matter?
4 people like this
19 responses
• Indonesia
7 Mar 11
Well, I should advice you not to get affected with them or else, you will have a habit to share many private information. I've been already in many work places and what I see is there are always people who chat and share about their private life, yet it often tells about Boss or Payment. Anyway, I think it's always been the same. If anyone share the negative things to you, just act normal, don't say yes or no, just say 'I don't know about that'. It seems you will act foolishly, but it can help you if someday, one of your work friend get caught, you won't be accused of your earlier opinion.
1 person likes this
• Vietnam
7 Mar 11
Oh, thank you. You think far than me I will try to process well in this situation. However, their conversations make me feel stressful.
• Indonesia
7 Mar 11
Yes, it's quite stressful if it keeps bothering you from time to time. Normally, we just want to hear some good news, something that will make us smile. If I was in your situation, I think I can't handle it too. Luckily, there are no people like that in my office. I think you should influence them with some good information, don't get influenced by them. I think everyone too don't want hear mumble or groan from anyone else. It can affect their mood greatly.
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Hi. tkonlinevn. I think that your colleagues should not talk about their private lives at work. It is not suitable to do this at all. And what got me the most is, the fact that your boss's wife is joining on in the conversation talking about her own bad habits of her boss. I will tell you like someone said a long time ago: What goes on in this house, stays in this house. Your boss's wife should not air her dirty laundry out on her work site. Whatever bad or nasty things that take place at home, should stay at home. This should not be, aired out into public. These co workers don't need to hear about what goes on at her house. It is none of their business. Everyone should just talk about suitable and comfortable things. I wonder how your boss would feel if he found out that his own wife is talking mad junk about him at work to his employees???
1 person likes this
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
I think that my boss will be quiet if he know about this. Then, they'll have a fight at their home, ha ha
@cmang83 (286)
• Malaysia
7 Mar 11
Yes tkonlinevn, i totally agree with you. I will also feel uncomfortable to know people private life unless the one that discuss with me is my very best friend then its fine. Sometimes i feel not interested to know about their private life but i still have to pretend i am interested on it and some of them even expect me to share with them my private life but i will just tell them my life is nothing special.
1 person likes this
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
I'm too. I sometimes must do like that. Because I want to keep the good relationship with my colleagues. But I don't tell them too much about my private life of telling about the bad things of other people. I hope they'll understand me.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Talking about your private life in the place of your employment is a decision every individual has to make for themselves. Sometimes it is fun to chat about what is happening in your life. Still, care should be taken in what you discuss and where you discuss it. If you have something to say that you dont want to be repeated, it might not be wise to talk about it where you work. Rumors can spread like wildfire and words cant be taken back!
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
As me, we shouldn't say about our private life in office. If we need some advices for life's problems, we can ask a person who is believed.
@send2noel (140)
• Saudi Arabia
7 Mar 11
same with me... i hate personal matters being discussed in public. but it's not our choice.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
I don't have choice. I try to be suitable with this situation by quietly. But I have begun to feel stress!
• Saudi Arabia
8 Mar 11
put an earphone like u are listening to music. actually, these people are pathetic and i could not understand why people should know what's going on with the family or on my personal life.
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
7 Mar 11
I think that is just normal that they do this. Think it probably goes on most anywhere. Men do the samew thing if they get together. I wouldn't worry about it & u don't have to particitate if u don't want to.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
Yes, I don't participate but I must listen to them. So, I feel stress and uncomfortable.
@yspmyl (3438)
• Malaysia
7 Mar 11
That is what normally people will talk about when they are talking to each other, the topic will always around the people they know and that will be the time for them to complaint what they do not like about someone. It happen in my company too. Most of the colleagues likes to talk bad about someone in the company, and people who are having children will talk about children and family. I think it will be fine if it doesn't hurt someone feeling if they talk about someone. At least this can help to release some dissatisfaction.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
I don't think that the private story can make our works better. So, I don't like these conversations.
@edb225112 (125)
• United States
7 Mar 11
Women share personal information easily in almost any setting. The social perception is that this sharing binds the group together. In the early tribal setting, that made some sense. Most of the group had some relationship to each other and had an overview of the whole tribe. Today, we live in a very disjunct world. Family and friends are spread all over the country with little connection to our daily lives. We attempt to create the same type of relationships with workplace groups. The problem is the social differences within the group. The desperate need to find that social connection and closeness women need for afformation creates unnatural and sometimes unhealthy sharing. You are uncomfortable with this. At the same time, you don't want to be left out of the group. To keep the office together, you need to take a longer range view. First, remember there is a need to make the story or issue larger than it is for effect. We all do this to make ourselves feel in the 'right' and the other person wrong. Believe about 1/4 of what you hear and remember only 1/4 of that. Second, remember this phrase, 'that must be hard' or 'I'm sorry you are going through (whatever)' then change the subject to something else. What this does is it validates that you heard the other persons concerns but are not going to pursue to topic. If they continue to talk about the subject, there is always, 'That must be hard, I really must get back to my desk' and walk away. There will be times you want to be included. The times you feel uncomfortable, you have heard the issue or problem or bad habit, acknowledge it and either change the subject or go back to work. Just don't believe most of what you hear.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
This is one of the good ways to keep the best relationship among colleagues. But I don't want to loose myself. I'm afraid that I'll become a person like them when I have joined with them.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
7 Mar 11
I think it is okay for most of your colleagues to talk about their relationships. However I don't think the boss's wife should talk about hers. That would be very uncomfortable, being that the husband she is complaining about is your boss. I was married to the boss once and my colleages talked about their relationships, but I didn't really talk about mine. I would talk about other events in my personal life, but I was careful not to say anything about him.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
Your actions are right. I don't like telling the bad things of a person behind his back.
@TrvlArrngr (4058)
• United States
7 Mar 11
I try to keep the topics on things I am willing to talk about. Once you tell one person at work, chances are it will be repeated throughout the offie.
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
You mean that I should choose some topics and I'll make them following these topics?
@asiregar (866)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
7 Mar 11
should be concerned about the ugliness of a person does not talked about in the office, because it can cause things that are not good or misunderstandings among coworkers
• Vietnam
8 Mar 11
Yes, that's right. In this situation, my manager ( my boss' wife ) also join with them. So, It's difficult to give any advices for them.
• Canada
7 Mar 11
I don't think your boss would like this if he knew about it, and his wife should know better. He occupies a position of respect, and if he leaves his dirty socks about the house or does stupid things at home now and then, it is his business and none of yours or your colleagues. You are right to feel embarassed for him. Maybe try telling her that she is telling too much information?
• Vietnam
7 Mar 11
You're right about my boss. However, I won't never say to his wife what she should do. She manage my office. We meet every day. I don't want to have any stresses between us.
• United States
7 Mar 11
I wouldn't get involved. Stay to yourself if you can. Take care.
• Vietnam
7 Mar 11
Yes, you're right. I'll try to do that. Thanks for your response.
@cgoo1980 (45)
4 Apr 11
I'm also work more than 8 hours a day at office. Talks on girl friend and boy friend is common but usually will be at lunch time as that's the only way for the concerning personal matter and releasing the hard feeling.Critic boss during lunch time is to to release the unhappiness but sometime also have to be careful. If during working hour, i agree with you on the talks on non sensitive topics.
@allen0187 (26398)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
i personally don't disclose too much personal information here at work. i put a very strict and definite line between my personal and professional life so i don't tell stories about my life. no matter how much 'fishing' my office mates do. i tell some mundane stuff, something unimportant but certainly nothing to go agog about. anyway, we really can't stop people at work from talking about their private lives. it is their business not ours. what makes matters worst in your case is that you are in the office with boss and his wife and the wife is throwing your boss under the bus so to speak with the ill things that she is saying about him. there's really nothing much you can do about it except to slyly walk away when your boss' wife is starting with her tirade against your boss. other than that, let all the negativity go in one ear and out the other. i doubt if it crossed your mind to 'rat' on your wife's boss. it like choosing between a rock and a hard place. just my two cents.
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
I don't like getting into conversation about personal and private lives of husband and wife just like I don't want my personal lives be talked upon by my officemates. I don't know why your boss' wife disclose those personal issues with you boss to their subordinates. It's not good and she will only aggravate the situation. If someone talks to me about their personal family issue, if she or he want someone to talk to, okay I'll listen but that will only between me and her and it will not be disclosed to others.
• United States
8 Mar 11
I sometimes share things with my coworkers,I guess it depends where you work and who you are working with. I work with people who are all around the same age as me, we share lots of details about life but it is mainly to give ourselves a laugh or share our experiences! Talking about your boss is not a good thing though! I would definitely avoid that!
• Philippines
7 Mar 11
I think it depends on how you look at your relationship with your officemates. I guess if you see it as purely business then definitely you wouldn't talk about your private life. In my point of view, I work with them 5 days a week, for couple of years now, and I don't see them as just officemates anymore. They have crossed that line from purely platonic to great friends, so we do talk about our private lives, I do share my problems with them, and they do the same.
• Bulgaria
7 Mar 11
An office team is supposed to be a team only when it comes to work.But it turns out that we are human beings and it becomes inpossible to keep only working relations with your colegues.Some of them become your really close friends because it appears you have common interests and lives.But as you are in the office at work hours I dont think conversations should become so personal.There is time and place for everything as people say.But we girls act a little unappropriately in those situations as we speak mostly about men.I think it really depends on the person's character if she would feel comfortable or not in this kind of conversations.Anyway I agree a little privacy should be kept and those too personal conversations should be made in private, with really close friends.