Baby Shower

@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
United States
March 9, 2011 2:42am CST
My daughter-in-law is ecpecting most any time. Her sister sent me a message & ask me if i wanted to help w/a baby shower for her . There was one of her friend's that was going to help to.I of course told her i would & to let me know what they wanted me to do.I didn't hear a thing from her for a couple of months & she sent me another message on facebook stating if i wanted my name on the invitation my part would be $100. I readily declined. I had told my son the only reason they ask me was for the money. Come to find out i think i was right. I told her that i would just give my dil the money to get the new baby something. I don't have that kind of money to spend on something that expensive nor do i believe in going so far out on things like that. they rented a room at the new bank here in town, had the food catered etc. it was sUNDAY & it was real nice but i thought when u help give a shower u got to do something besides just help pay the bill. What do y'all think??
6 people like this
17 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I totally agree. My MIL was a little miffed that I didn't let her help out with my baby shower for the twins. She told me she was going to plan it, then asked me for a list of things I wanted. She was going to send that list to the guests. I thought it was a bad idea. Sure it would help me get all the things I needed.. but what if every guest got the same item? Or what if I didn't think of something that I needed. What I love about getting gifts is people typically get you what they think you'll want or need.. so you're surprised and often get something you never even realized you'd love. Of course you also sometimes get things you hate and don't need.. but when it comes to babies there's really no such thing as not needing something! Then I ended up doing the food too because I didn't like MIL's idea for it. I bought a sandwich platter from a local grocery store, and bought a few side dishes. I can't remember MIL's plan, I just know I didn't like it. So she ended up very upset that she didn't get to organize the whole thing.. but that's how I am, I like things my way, especially if it's my party!
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I don't blame u at all. I helped out w/two other showers for my dil's but didn't even have my name on the invitation. I did most of the food & probaly spent that much or more but was working back then & that makes a difference to, a big one. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
9 Mar 11
It really looks like you would have been included in their plans. That was going a bit overboard, as that money could have been used for buying the baby something really really nice.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I agree w/u. I thought it ridiculous & did not want any part of it. I'm glad she at least gave me a chance to say no. thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I have been in a situation like this...when my niece was getting married. All the aunts give a shower. Well my sister and SIL drink...I do not. When you start adding the cost of hard drinks to a shower where by the way the men were also invited it adds up in a hurry. I don't think every event needs to be a drink fest! Anyway when we totalled up the bill I was shocked. I did all the table decorations...brought food...and the gift plus had to drive over a hundred miles. My SIL and sister both have tons of money. I however don't...I was very upset.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Thanks for responding, Jill. I would have been upset to. I just fortunately got a chance to nip this in the head before i got involved. I had told my son they just wanted my money when she first ask me, seems i was right.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (49102)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I think you did the right thing. That stinks that they did that. I'm glad you decided to just give it to your daughter-in-law. That would really rankle me if someone did that to me. It's in poor taste to try to use you like that.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Thanks for your response, Ambie. BTW, Annabelle is gorgeous. I'm sooo glad u have her. I thought it was a tacky way to do but i didn't follow into their little plan, lol.
1 person likes this
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I'm sorry that you were treated like that. When my sister had her baby shower, it was thrown by a cousin and friend.. who invited people in the family that my sister never talk to (but all have good paying jobs). I wasn't even aware that anyone had thrown her one... Babies ARE a reason to celebrate, but instead of going all elaborate with it, it could have been sponsored at someone's home or a park, and that money spent on the baby's needs or on mom's pregnancy/post partum health.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Thank u but i wasn't upset that they did it that way i just wasn't going to pay a $100 to have my name on the invitation. That realyy didn't mean squat to me, lol. I told my son when they first ask me that they just wanted my money input but i did think i'd get to do something.They went way overboard not that it wasn't nice but just not neccessary. I spent my money on my new grandaughter to be. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
9 Mar 11
I am so glad, you opted out on the $100.00! It seems to me that they were MORE concerned about the venue, than what the venue was all about! Why NOT have the "Baby Shower" in some-one's home...and the money go towards what it is supposed to...gifts for the NEW baby, and items for the home! I am soooooo glad you put your $100.00 to better use! Catered food???? What a waste of money, shocks the dickens out of me, that they would make this such a "grandiose" affair...when the economy is NOT great, and a nice home setting, with home-made goodies a much nicer affair. GOOD ON YOU!!! HUGZ & LUV!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
HELLO LADY, I thought it ridiculous to but u know these young folks like to live big. Most of them are too big for their britches.
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Mar 11
AND....for the size of our wallets...and that stuff we are supposed to keep in them!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
What worries me, shirley is that they don't save for a rainy day & u know just like i do they come around.
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
9 Mar 11
In all the showers I've been involved with over time, I was always asked to make food, get the paper plates, cups, etc., invent the games or some such part of the organization. Never have been asked to donate that much money. What was your $100 supposed to be used for?
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I agree. They spent some big bucks on renting that roon, having the food catered etc. I told my son after she ask me to start with they just wanted me to pay & i believe i was right. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118276)
• Boise, Idaho
10 Mar 11
Ya. It sounds to me like they just wanted the money from you. I bet you wouldn't even have heard from them if it hadn't been for that. Sounds like it was a very nice shower. Who ever thought it up should pay for it. If that person can't afford such a lavish shower then they should come down alittle on the whole thing. Who has that kind of money now days?
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Good morning, i think u are right.It was anice shower & my dil got some darling things for the baby but it could hsve been done much cheaper. I don't have that kind of extra money since i don't work anymore but if i did i think i would have declined just the same. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118276)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Mar 11
I just come off the top of my head with what I am thinking and that is what I felt from what your wrote. People are so self satisfying now days. People now days want to seem like they are well to do too. Not too many people can afford such lavish doos.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
13 Mar 11
It wasvery elaborate i thought. I'd rather spend my money on the baby so that's just what i did. Happy sunday to u.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (19853)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
9 Mar 11
What ever happened to holding a baby shower in someone's living room, with people bringing snacks?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
very good question, Barb. The younger generation likes to spend that money. One of the hostess has a beautiful home w/plenty of room to have a shower in. They ould have had it here for that matter altho my living room is not all that big. I'm sure that it wouldn't have been good enough for them. It wasn't a very friendly shower i didn't think but didn't know alot of the young women & they made no effort to get to know u ethier. I use to think showers were a fun time w/everybody Squashed in someone's living room like u said.
1 person likes this
@yoyo1198 (3644)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I was thinking the same thing as BarBara here. Is the old way (our way..) totally out of style anymore? Showers ARE supposed to be fun and friendly. Now it seems like they're just supposed to be the 'gimmes, gimmee' type.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I agree w/barb to, yoyo. Everything has just got to be on a grand scale for the young ladies now.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
10 Mar 11
we always had baby showers in someones home! not rentd place the sound very snobish. THe money could have been spent on the baby thing rather than a rented room. yup ya help out with food setting up decorations and stuff like that thats all
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I agree, Joan. I have never been one to put on airs or try to impress anyone like that. THANKS for responding.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
11 Mar 11
your welcome!
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
14 Mar 11
we just usually have showers at our church or at someones home. its more low key than that. i am generally the one that makes invitations for our church showers. i am fairly crafty with paper so it usually falls on me. then there is another lady who is a whiz in the kitchen, naturally she gets nominated to do the food. etc
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
14 Mar 11
tHANKS FOR RESPONDING. i THINK THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO. I don't know who they were trying to impress but it didn't work on me, lol.
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
14 Mar 11
It could have been done at home, as that was an expense that was not necessary that Money could have been put away for the Baby things that is going to be needed To me, yes it might have been nice but it could have been held at home
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
14 Mar 11
So true, Gabs. Thanks for responding. I don't know who they were trying to impress. Hope it worked.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I think the $100 was a bit much to ask. I would have thought helping with the shower would have been more than just donating money. A hundred bucks can buy a very very nice gift. I think some of the nicest babyshowers are at home with some nice decorations and some silly games. Makes them more personal in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Good morning Jen, i agree w/u 100%. It was not a very friendly shower at all.She got alot of nice things & i'm glad . My name being on the invitation meant nothing to me especially when it was going to cost me $100, lol. Thanks for responding.
@GardenGerty (99390)
• United States
10 Mar 11
I would have thought they would have asked you to help with some food or something like that. Of course, what do I know. I have helped with showers at church, and yes, the committee splits the cost of a gift, but that is more like $20.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Good morning GG, I feel the same way. I did most of the food when my friends had a baby shower for them the first time around & for my other dil to. I told them both times not to put my name on the invitation because according to etiquette mothers or mil's are not suoose to help.They were just so obvious that all they needed me for was money & i didn't like the way they went at it. Thanks for responding.
@margeryann (1853)
• United States
10 Mar 11
That would be very upsetting.I would feel used. That is awful to get a demandful situation like that. You pay or no invite. I feel like you helping is helping out on doing things no money.If they want an expensive situation they should pay for it there self.All of that expense will go to waste. It doesn't go no where.It will be interesting when the baby is born if her mom will buy everything that the baby needs. If not, it would be more important for her mom to make sure the baby has everything it needs then for there to be an expensive baby shower. I have ran into that situation before with my son. I feel sorry for your son if he has to go through what my son has. His in-laws were always wanting to pay for things for them so there life would be perfect and he thought it was neat them helping out so much then later on they got mad at him for not spending lots of money on his family when he couldn't afford that and he was working all the time and trying his best. They seem to be better about it now but it was a real mess for a while.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
10 Mar 11
Good morning, i didn't feel used because i didn't let them use me like they tried. I have never minded helping anyone but i thought this was a little to the extreme, lol. Sorry your son's inlaws have been that way. My son's inlaws have never helped them at all , In fact when they were getting married my mother & i bought the wedding dress for my dil. My dil's parents have never helped them out w/anything when there was money needed. I'm glad things are better for your son.
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
9 Mar 11
Well since you're asking I think you are one smart Grandma. Honest to God what do people think that getting a year older each year makes us rich and stupid? Good for you that you can and do say No. Proud of you anf the way you handled this issue. Congrats on a new addition. Take care
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
Hi, good to hear from u. Thanks for the kind words. I'm looking forward to that little girl getting here. Hope all is well w/u.
@bunnybon7 (36529)
• Holiday, Florida
9 Mar 11
geesh. sounds like that person really over did it. when i was having babies people would just have a shower in someones home and bring what they could. why do all the young people have to go overboard these days when the economy is in such a state? you'd think they'd have enough sense to cut back a little. your idea was better.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
9 Mar 11
They do go overboard on everything, i think.They better learn to cut back & to save for that rainy day because they will come around. Thanks for responding, hugs.