About adoption

@savypat (20247)
United States
March 9, 2011 1:48pm CST
I heard this phase when discussing relatives and I have heard it many times before. " Oh well she's just adopted." MY question is does this make her second class, does she not matter as much as an unadopted daughter would? Is it the fate of children who are adopted to always be second class? If so what makes them that way? To me the relationship between adopted children and their parents should always be first class, after all the parents got to choose them, with natural children you get what comes and that is the only choice you have. I know my Mother would have traded me for an adopted child of her choice many times.
4 people like this
23 responses
@terryt52 (245)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I have two biological sons and two adopted daughters and a x foster daughter who never leaves. I treat them all the same. I love them all and I never refer to any of them adopted. I have learned many lessons from my daughters whom are special needs. I do not consider them second class and I am not sure why people do that
• Indonesia
10 Mar 11
I know, it's so sad, isn't it... In my country is like that too, so many people think that way. I've always upset to hear that, nearing being offended while I myself not adopted. Those adopted children are human beings too with the sama rights as the rest of us. Some cultures even go further by determining much less percentage to the point of getting nothing in terms of will. I'm sad to see how relatives often treat adopted children cruelly. Sigh... Tsk! If parents should adopt children yet treat them differently, what's the point in the first place? I know some people do that for the purpose of some kind of a bait for her wife to conceive. In fact, I and my wife has been planning to adopt some when my wife's ready.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
10 Mar 11
in the first place, why should you be adopting a child when you are capable of bearing one? i mean, a couple could only be adopting a child if they are not capable to make a child for some reasons.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
10 Mar 11
My wife cannot, she's ill. Even if we had kids, we've always had a plan to adopt some. It's just our desire.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Apr 11
my husband was adopted at birth and he was never treated any differently than any of the other relatives. His adopted parents always made sure that nobody treated her kids differently just because they are adopted. My husband and I are looking into adoption as well and am not really sure where to start.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
3 Apr 11
It all depends on which county you live in. Also what your needs are. I understand that babies are hard to find, but usually children who are a little older are easier to find. Good Luck to you.
@Nadinest1 (2040)
• Canada
15 Mar 11
I think the next time one of your relatives says something like this, you need to mention that this is unfair and just plain nasty. You know in your heart this is wrong, they need to be told this. ...and what if the adopted child heard this? UGH!!!
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
18 Mar 11
I hate to say this but it is quite a common statement in books and family gatherings. In gossip it's often stated as "But you know that child in only adopted." And it would be my guess that there are very few adopted children that haven't heard it one time or another. As a parent I would certtianly prepare my adopted child to cope with this. Thanks
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
12 Mar 11
Well, I don't have an adopted child, but if circumstances ever allow for our family, I would like to adopt one day. I think that adopted children should always be treated the same way that children that are brought into the family naturally are and I know that I do have two third cousins that are adopted and are treated the same way that their five brothers (natural children) are treated. The only difference is that Danielle and Lindsey's parents had a lot of experience before they came into the family. It is really neat too because Danielle is originally a Chinese orphan and Lindsey is originally a Russian orphan.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
12 Mar 11
What a nice story. Thanks
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
10 Mar 11
adopted or step-children? i have two step-children and 3 biological children living with us right now. i am sure i treat them well and at all the same level. there is no first class or second class and i love them all the same.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
10 Mar 11
Hi Neildc, amazing! You are a good example. I mean it. This injustice matter is no small thing, you know, in my country. I'm very much against it.
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
11 Mar 11
I agree, the relationship should be first class.
• Bangladesh
10 Mar 11
i think people should be change their mind, they should think adopted sons are human, they also have the abilty to live in this world, they have the ability to won the world.
1 person likes this
@anil02 (2886)
• India
10 Mar 11
I am of opinion that if some make any relation with some including adpoted child should accept with heart. One of my reltive do inter-cast marriage with married. They prefer to adopt two child instead of their natural child for which they are able. Now they married their adopted daughter and son. I meet one time with they I feel there is noting such type feeling that they are adpoted.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
10 Mar 11
It has never crossed my mind to treat my two adopted daughters as second class. They are treated the same as my two biological sons. In the first place they did not asked to be adopted and I should consider myself blessed to have them as both my sons are working out of town and I couldn't imagine what life would have been if I didn't have my adopted daughters.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
10 Mar 11
I’ve never heard the term ‘she’s just adopted’ before and if I did I would think it is rather derogatory. As you say just because a child has been adopted they should not come second to one who hasn’t, quite the opposite in fact. A child is a child and parent I a parent; biology is irrelevant.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
10 Mar 11
Hi pat, I think adopted children should be treated as biological children. There should not be any discrimination. Moreover they should get special care. If anyone treat his/her adopted child as second class that person must not adopt any child.
• Bulgaria
9 Mar 11
I totally agree with you.Actually not totally because in my opinion there should not be a difference made between addopten and natural kids,as the only thing that matters is the fact this is a child and you are his parent,you help him/her go through life,you learn him/her how to behave,you give him/her love and support.A parent should be a parent and the way he had become one shouldnt really matter.The way a parent act and take care of an addopted kid should be the same as to an unaddopted one.It is not supposed to be more special also.For me the day youdecide to call one kid your child it doesnt matter if you gave birth to it or had chosen it among others orphans.This is the day that kid becomes your child and every day since it is part of your home,your family and part of you.For me the genes are a really tiny part of what formes someone's personality-all that matters is the way that person is grown and the wayhe had been treated while growing up.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
9 Mar 11
I think it messes with your head though. At least I've read about some adopted children who really just couldn't quite convince themselves that they were the same as the "real children". I'd bet that in most cases it had something to do with how they were treated though.
1 person likes this
@louievill (18118)
• Philippines
9 Mar 11
hi pat, I think people should be evaluated in their present situation and achievements, same holds true for parents, biological or adopted children. Being adopted is a tag that came from a person's past when he or she never really had a choice, attaching tags like "adopted" to a person should only be used as reference to his or her past, but in no way should it be used to judge a person's ability, achievements, character, behavior,etc..on a present given situation
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Mar 11
Oh that would be a sad phrase for me to use and or hear. Not being with my own biological parents to hear this would have crushed me dearly. Maybe it is a bad choice of words and words grown adults should really divulge around the adopted children. Some words and phrases can be more hurtful then actually physical abuse. Once a child in my opinion is adopted the word adopted should never be in vocabulary. For me I would say this is my child and would not attache extra to that.
1 person likes this
@Angelwriter (1956)
• United States
9 Mar 11
I don't think it's the fate of all children who are adopted to be second class. That depends entirely on the family. Truly perceptive parents would never make an adopted child feel second class. At the same time, I find it unbelievably sad to assume the opposite should happen and adopted children should have preference over biological children. A good parent should see all their children as their children. Maybe they came in different ways, but the important thing is they're all their children. An adopted child is not less important or less valued than a biological child. But, neither is a biological child less important or valued than an adopted child. And to see either in that light is sad and horrible and not the way parents should be at all. I never want kids, but if I ever did have them and had both adopted and biological kids, I'd do my utmost to NEVER make anyone feel that they're lesser because of how they became part of my family. And if I found out they felt that way, I'd do my best to reassure them that they're all first class for one simple reason. Because I love them.
1 person likes this
@kwylima (452)
• United States
9 Mar 11
My bother is adopted and my mother never treated him or me differently. The love is the same! i mean most of the families who adopt a kid is because the really want them. even the family treat they differently they most have to love theyselfs first!!! love and peace!
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@GardenGerty (96668)
• Marion, Kansas
9 Mar 11
My second cousin adopted three children. I thought it was neat, they were my age, more or less and among other things they got both parties to celebrate their birthdays and parties to celebrate the day they came to their mom and dad. That is just how my family was.
• United States
9 Mar 11
Pat- I am not sure why people do this either. I mean, even if in jest isn't that a pretty sick joke? I think parents should really take into consideration how what they say affects their children. In the case of an adopted child they should be doing their best to make that child feel as their own biological child! It's tough enough as it is as a child not to have to endure family "jokes". Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this